Your Badger Ate My Transmission

If you've been awake at all, you'll know of Atomwaffen Division, a white supremacist group that celebrates both Hitler and Charles Manson.

Ok, I get the Hitler thing. It's standard. But good old Charlie Manson?
Can you tell the members of the group by the swastikas scrawled into their foreheads? Do they think Kanye is talking to them?


Why do I have to read BBC news to discover there's an American rapper called Megan Thee Stallion? Grade school must've been rough for her.

Further investigation reveals that a stallion is a male horse. Apparently this is ok, whereas if I identified as lefty the princess, people would laugh. The sexes will not be equal until this is addressed.

While we're beating a dead ... stallion... there's also a Tory Lanez, which is suspiciously close to adult star Tory Lane.


Minnesota, lately known for police killing a black man, is now using drones to spot nude beachgoers at an unofficial nude beach. True to form, police were accused of approaching black beachgoers first.  Black Breasts Matter.



Best thing on Twitter in the past month:
As a trans woman, it is literally an act of violence to refuse to suck my dick.



SJWs Attack Psych


Let's avoid talk of 'chemical imbalance': it's people in distress.


Atheism is an overwhelmingly (almost exclusively) white, western, wealthy male phenomenon. Should it be cancelled?  [Thaddeus Williams]


The National Museum of African American History & Culture defines White Culture as including: rugged individualism, nuclear family, emphasis on scientific method, work ethic, etc.  Is this a bad thing?


Rolling Stone writer (Jamil Smith) calls for the word "pro-life" to be retired because it's 'racist.'


Teen Vogue: Sleep is Systematically Racist


Ashville, North Carolina, has unanimously voted to give financial reparations to black people..... just days after the county's health board declared racism a public health crisis.


College biology textbooks still portray a world of white [male] scientists

proof of the conspiracy to end covid testing

Trump Takes Up Meditation

Apparently the Boy Scouts have a very serious pedophile problem. People are coming forward and telling their stories.  Who the hell do they think they are - the church?

• Leslie Van Houten, one of the Manson Family, has been denied parole for the third time. For some reason, Charlie's Angels aren't very interesting - perhaps it's the lack of carving things into their foreheads. Charlie, on the other hand, was always amusing (after jail only). You could count on good old Charlie to say or do something stupid, like Joe Biden.
• But seriously, if you're bored, check Charlie out. His childhood pretty much guaranteed his adulthood would be 'interesting'. Not quite this interesting, though. The eyes say it all. One wonders if he had any 'help' becoming so persuasive.

Philly government, jealous of how long Baltimore has been non-operational due to ransomware, stepped right up and got virused. This is the first time Philly government has stepped up to do anything. Currently the court system is the only one affected, but the other departments are making appointments to plug into their network.

Rumor has it that the IT systems are being run by illegal aliens the mayor gave Sanctuary status.

Dear lefty:

• How many angels fit on the head of a pin?
• Do you do anything besides masturbate?

A Washington man called the police after a prostitute would not leave, preventing him from going to church. It was her 'come to Jesus' moment....

• Another mission into the jungle with my nemesis, the mower. It's bleedin' 2019 - has every child in the area found a better job? Back in Frozen Tundra Season, one enterprising youth went around with a shovel, charging a lot of money. This smart fella probably bought a lot of goodies on Amazon (or drugs) that night. This is one child in twenty years. The rest are probably shoveling in enhanced reality online games.
• Time Warp is in effect, with the young couple across the way sending their kids out to shovel the walks of their older neighbors (or else). I offer to pay, but noooooooo. I want to offer to do my elderly neighbor's lawn, but it's an inhuman struggle to do mine. Plus the lady enjoys mowing. Perhaps I should have her do my lawn too. She's only 89, fer chrissake. A young 89. Apparently she doesn't see mowing as The Job From Hell. 
• Perhaps I was bitten by a lawnmower when I was little.

Wife bemoaned having to drink powdered milk as a child. 

I had to drink instant water.

• After watching a child get very excited over a new toy, I realized it doesn't happen to me anymore.

Faceyspaces' employees held a mass protest over nipple censorship.

Never has a protest struck so closely to my heart....

• A Florida (well it's about time) man covered his sleeping girlfriend in ketchup, believing that she had been cheating on him. He should really try oil or chocolate syrup. Oh. Never mind.
• A Florida woman stabbed herself repeatedly because she's "tired of living in Trump's country".  Under law, she can be involuntarily committed to the Happy Place as a danger to herself. I've seen this referred to as Trump Derangement Syndrome.
• A Florida man was arrested after trying to flee police, only to wind up in the middle of a law enforcement convention.

Trump Goes to Blighty

As you can't help but see and hear, the president went to England.

The president's people (including Fox News) say it was to pay a visit to our best global partner and discuss economics.  

The queen, who just turned 147, kept asking her assistants who the tall guy with the funny hat is. They kept explaining that it was not a hat on his head, but gave up after a while. After meeting, she referred to Trump as Elizabeth. No one knows why, but Trump tweeted he'd be the best Elizabeth England has ever seen.

The Ministry of Silly Hats took a small vacation, as the ladies' hats made it in just under ceiling level, which is frightfully small for England. Like him or not, the First Lady is stunning. The others laughed at her because her hat was so small, it fit under the door frame.

The amount of Englanders taking exception to the president was so loud, you'd think he was their president. 

The press was very British, treating the visit with respect.

The US press was 94% negative. CNN took a moment out from "Everything he did wrong" to bring on an English journalist, who said Trump actually behaved himself.  It was CNN/NBC/everyone vs Fox. None were watchable. 

If the president made an announcement that anthrax is fatal, 50% of the country would be dead overnight. The headlines would say "Trump Kills Half the Country."  When he won the election, the headline was "Hillary Loses." 

Not that there weren't gaffes..... Trump kept referring to Prince Charles as Jug-Ears and had to dodge Lady Camilla's advances, which got more brazen over the night, with the application of alcohol. He spoke to many decorated war veterans and asked his people if this was the war on the beach. In a speech, he referred to WWII as the Great War, the Best War, and said England was Winning. 

Piers Morgan interviewed the president, with respect, then presented him with a bowler. The joke was on Trump, as the rules state no one over 5'7" (50 British pounds) can wear a bowler.

Trump left the country, but only after the queen told her best filthy jokes. He said Lady 27th From The Throne Megan Markle has nice ones, but his wife had the best implants ever, of any first lady.

The American press went crazy on French President Macrone, decrying the fact that he spoke French. They demanded to taste some of his fries and his dressing.  The presidential staff had a blast, mis-translating French in Trump's earpiece. When Macrone welcomed him to the conference, the staff translated it as, "He says you're a pussy." At the end of the conference, France officially surrendered to Trump.

The following day, the president went to Ireland. You won't see much in the news, because no one could understand them. He was heard to say, "these people are almost as bad as the Welsh - they have no vowels."

All in all, it went much better than expected; England making no plans to bomb the US (because they'd have to ask permission first).

• I like elephants. You know - not the in-person elephants... the ones on tv. Everybody loves elephants. Now take a minute and look at an elephant. What kind of drugs was evolution on when this came about? They're obviously not descended from apes. Maybe aliens. Maybe the aliens were on something when they were here. A trunk? Where else in nature???
• Don't get me started on aardvarks.

the new iDevice STAND is $999

The Great Trash Conundrum

I don't know what it is about trash, but I hate it.
Not the idea of trash... taking it out and putting it at the curb.
Come to think of it, I have always hated trash, just not as much as mowing. Now that we have hired a child (damn near) entrepreneur to do the mowing, I can concentrate my hatred more efficiently and totally on trash. This simplifies the entire operation.

It starts a few days before actual trash day. I see the trash in the house and can start to hear it mocking me. It is not pleasant. It starts to grow over the top of the can. A day later it is actively mocking me. I do my best to ignore it because it's still not trash day and to actively see the trash would mean I had to carry it outside and I'm having no part of that. This Active Ignore process is usually ruined by The Commandant, who gently 'reminds' me to take the inside trash outside. This just creates another problem, in that I have to put the wife on Active Ignore. Some people spend most of their marriage with the wife on Active Ignore, justifiably or not.

Due to the expanded load of items on Active Ignore, it becomes too much to bear and I can again hear the trash mocking me, this time even louder, with derisive laughter (Bruce). If I'm very lucky, this process has eaten up enough time that it's the night before trash and I can put everything out anyway.

My city has weird trash laws. No, really... apparently they've got nothing better to do that legislate what time you can put out your trash (the afternoon before) and when the cans have to be off the curb (next morning, latest). Worse than the regulations are the people who follow them to the letter. This would consist of exactly one person, and I use the term 'person' lightly. It's the Crazy Lady, who uses her age (438 this year) to get people to do stuff for her. Some dude pops by at precisely the first moment you can put the bins at the curb and does so. He's obviously a nice guy to do this every week, but it also could be that if he doesn't, she'd talk to him. She has snakes coming out of her head, and most of her body parts have been replaced three or four times, so I wouldn't be in the vicinity either if she spoke. The entire neighborhood is composed of really nice people who do stuff for her. One guy was replacing the roof of her patio. I pleasantly suggested he place an anvil in the roof, ala Wile E. Coyote, and rig it to the door, so when she opens it, BOOM. He looked at me like I was nuts. This is a look that no longer bothers me, as I see it all the time. In fact, I have come to expect and cherish it. They don't know this monster, who has a red phone that goes directly to the city inspectors for when she thinks something is out of spec with my house. This is the lady who reported standing water in my back yard. Standing water was Marshall's pool. It is a rather large, purple-ish thing that leaves no doubt as to its function. I'm sure they had kiddie pools wherever she came from - even the depths of hell, where she might have ruled for a period of time.

Where was I? Oh yeah, trash.
So it's nine or ten pm, the night before trash day. All of the sudden, I remember that trash has to go out. While I still have the same complete lack of enthusiasm for the task, I have no choice. But wait!!! The cans are so incredibly LOUD that I don't want to disturb the entire block. But then again, it would disturb the Crazy Lady. No it won't, she's bloody deaf. Or at least she says she is. Having no choice, I get the trash out. This actually happens without too much grief and aggravation, except for noise. I keep telling myself that wasn't so bad, but by the following week, I'm back to Active Ignore and the process starts anew. 

You think I'm done, don't you?
Nope.
There's the small matter of paper/cardboard recycling. We haven't quite gotten the hang of this yet. Obviously we know paper and cardboard when we see it.. it's just the process. Wife puts the collection basket in a different spot than the trash. And we always generate a lot of paper, overwhelming the poor basket. So every time I go to take this stuff to its can, it all leaps out of the basket, all over me, then into the can, except for the seventeen small bits of paper that lands on the ground. This is only a small issue, as it's completely dark and I can't see the ground. At this point, I receive help from an unlikely source: another neighbor. This fellow is a paranoid schizophrenic and has motion detecting lights, to detect when someone is vandalizing his car. He's a very nice guy and there were people vandalizing his car - the embodiment of "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you." His light guides the way to the bits of paper on the ground.  Every week, when this nonsense is done, I swear to the wife that we need a better system for this. And every week she agrees. And every week (for over ten years), I take the same basket out, with the same result.

And this is why we had to hire someone to mow; because if trash seems like an endless house of horrors, it's nothing compared to mowing.

Just don't get me started on cleaning the house.

• Another of the World's Smallest Books: Hot Policewomen on COPS

This week's Marshall news:  This was a between week, so it was blood work. He's been turning his head quickly, beating himself to death with his own flaps. This is indicative of ear problems. At the oncologist, we asked if they could look at his ears. The nurse said.. "uhhh..... no. That's a doctor visit - you'll have to call your vet."

WTF?

So Marshall stopped to visit the vet, with steaming parents. The vet takes a look, plays with her Vet Chemistry Set, and delivers the happy news: Marshall has not one, but three separate ear infections. He has single-pawedly generated three separate bills in one day. Not only is he incredibly smart, he's incredibly talented too.  Now, if he could only use these talents to make some money...

• I  have seen some weird stuff on tv, but the winner of the name contest has to be Peaky Blinders. I don't even want to watch it with that stupid a title. I did make the mistake of watching it with the wife, which was, as I said, a mistake. Good old fashioned (very old) fistfights with Irish accents. No thanks; I can see that at work every day.
• Speaking of television, this weeks award for Best Spoken Phrase goes to one of those pregnant teen shows for the line, "Nobody told me it was so easy to get pregnant." This was closely followed by one of the mothers of the teens, who said, "Quite honestly, I wasn't surprised."

Have you ever met a person named Ignatius?
Neither have I.

• Please look carefully at your email. Phishing is out of control this holiday season. A great rule of thumb, used by me personally, is NO. Just don't. Don't open it, don't read it, and don't click on it. Since I'm one of four people on the planet who do this, I'll make a few recommendations for the rest of you:
• if some huge retail outlet sends you an email offering free this or sale that, hover your mouse over the link to see if it really goes to where it says. Better yet, go directly to their website - do not click on the link. Anything they're trying to sell you will be on their page.
• if an email asks you for money or personal/credit card details, DON'T. Period. Whether it's a Nigerian prince or Sears, don't.
• be suspicious of bad spelling or wording. No legitimate concern is going to send you anything with bad grammar or spelling.
• if there is a file attachment, don't open it.
• if the email is from a friend and looks weird or has an unknown attachment, get in touch with them to make sure they sent it, instead of being spoofed or hacked.
• if the email is from anyone under 25, delete it. People under 25 don't recognize the validity of email, instead preferring Faceyspaces. They'll send you their dopey pictures and pithy ramblings online.

Don't forget: there are only 400 days til next Christmas. Shop early.

• Researchers have discovered an unprotected database containing 1.8 billion posts collected by a Department of Defense contractor, who didn't secure the Amazon Cloud Storage correctly. This is why we do not ask the government to protect us. In fact, we need protection from the government.

There's a new method to lock your phone that uses your face. No, it's not the new one... it works like this: the phone takes one look at my face and locks itself out of fear and sheer terror. Unfortunately it also locks if you have ugly friends or relatives, or a particularly unsightly child.

• Here's a chilling headline: "Senators introduce USA Liberty Act." No good can come from this. The trick to deciphering any legislation is to read it. If you can't or won't, look at the title. The bill's effect will be the opposite of the title, hence Liberty Act is designed to take away your liberty, just like the Patriot Act. 

This week we said goodbye to that nice Charlie Manson. Unfortunately I haven't had time to put together a musical tribute, but he did present songs to the Beach Boys and others, plus he believed the Beatles were speaking to him (Helter Skelter).

The man was raised by wolves. Actually that's not fair to wolves. His (single) mom was a prostitute and not really present or a good parent. He was in California and happened to be close to a known CIA mind control facility. Considering his hypnotic influence on followers and famous people, along with the unbelievable horror of his crimes, you might consider that there could be more than a coincidence in his location. I do not know if any mental health worker ever spoke to him during his incarceration, as they did Sirhan "please call me Sirhan" Sirhan.

Who'd have thought that permanently scrawling a swastika in your forehead would get you denied parole every time?

• Speaking of goodbye, we bid a fine farewell to Malcolm Young, founder of AC/DC. Malcolm left the band recently because he was diagnosed with dementia and could no longer play. He was 67. For my money, he was the best rhythm guitar player in the business. The band is still touring. I believe his brother, Angus, of the schoolboy uniform, is the only original member.

would you eat a burger from this mascot?

Standing When Hendrix Plays

John Lennon's killer, Mark Chapman, was again denied parole. Why do Chapman and Manson have such a difficult time with the parole board?

• Can we admit that we never got, nor will we ever get, Yoko Ono? Let's just be done with it. Fast Fact: her real name is Margaret Onowitz. Another Fast Fact: no it isn't (as far as I know).

While John Kerry has almost fulfilled the broken laugh potential of Joe Biden, today he has finally been involved in a useful headline: John Kerry gets stuck in a traffic jam in New Delhi. It's about time we got some value for our money.. when he's stuck in traffic, he doesn't do as much Stupid Stuff.

• In a brand new and exciting concept for improving the quality of government, North Korea has executed its vice premier for education. We need to examine this new quality initiative.

Are you having trouble getting your life down on paper? You can now hire a personal historian. Because your history is so bleeding important.

• Mexicans are very angry that their president invited Trump to his place. I think the whole Wall thing is a bad idea. Mexico needs to build a wall and pay for it on Mexican soil. Problem solved.

Florida State football star Travis Rudolph ate lunch with a lonely autistic boy.while visiting a Tallahassee, Florida school. I'm no sports fan but we need this kind of grace and humility in the world today.

• In France, Muslims attacked a couple for ordering ham on their pizza. I firmly believe this should not be limited to Muslims. Ham is not an acceptable pizza topping. Try pepperoni. Or bacon.

If you have an account at Brazzers.com, a large adult site, your account was probably hacked (not that any of us view that sort of thing, of course). The intruders got in and discovered the passwords were kept in plain text - in any situation where anyone gives a crap about security, passwords are encrypted or at least messed up enough to be unrecognizable. I'd delete my account, especially if I had any details other than name and password.

• Sophos, a security firm, started hearing that their malware protection system protected against a normal Windows file, referring to it as malware. Sophos issued an emergency patch. Some of us maintain that Windows is malware.

Oral sex is fun, but more importantly, it's healthy!

• a man accused of egging a neighbor's home over 100 times is awaiting his sentence. 100 times. This is a man who could use a hobby (that didn't involve eggs). Perhaps a Brazzers account.

Poor Charlie Can't Get a Break...

Charlie.  You know - CHARLIE.  Charlie Manson, of course.
A panel just denied poor Charlie parole.  Again.  For the 12th time.  Since Charlie's 77, this might be his last parole hearing.

It's not like any of this was poor Charlie's fault... he just can't get a break.  Charlie was born, on parole, to a mother who was also in prison.  As an adult, he wandered around California, influencing the Beach Boys and the FBI, among others.  Well, perhaps the FBI influenced him - who can say?

So anyway, poor Charlie holds sway over his own little mind-controlled commune and they go out murdering people, including the very pregnant Sharon Tate.  The police catch the lot of them and throw them in prison.

At his first parole review, he showed his contrition by carving a swastika on his forehead.

DENIED.
Poor Charlie can't get a break.

Fifteen years later, at his next parole hearing, Charlie threatened to disembowel the entire parole board.

DENIED.


The next time, Charlie said that if released, he'd work for Richard Nixon.

DENIED.
Poor Charlie can't get a break.

After yet another fifteen years had passed, Charlie said he was genuinely sorry, and that if released, would let the rest of the world know of his divinity; asking the board to please refer to him as Jesus.

DENIED.


Just when you thought poor Charlie had finally gotten it together, his recent statement to a prison psychologist was  “I have spent my life in prison. I have put five people in the grave. I am a very dangerous man.”

DENIED.
Poor Charlie can't get a break.

---------------------------------

Do you hate kids like I do?
Probably not.
Regardless, check out Cracked.com's 6 Biggest Fears of People Who Are Bad with Kids