Your love is like fighting with small town cops
Does anyone else have to ask occasionally why their glasses are covered in what looks like hot chocolate residue, or is it just me?
Today I identify as paste. Yummy white paste.
Kenny Wayne Shepherd is touring and I'd really like to get tickets (assuming the evil Ticketmaster is not involved). We last saw him on an Experience Hendrix tour. Come to think of it, we saw a lot of him that night. It took a while to figure it out, but we were in the first row and he was looking down Mrs. lefty's shirt. I figure we should get free tickets for that. First row, obviously.
I had a very tiny coworker once. Probably more than once, but I'm thinking of a specific tiny coworker. She was small, as were her mammalian protuberances. Yet somehow, through the magic of Victoria's Secret, she had cleavage. I wanted to do the science on this and find out how exactly she managed this, but remembered Wife's strict No Dating policy also covered being naked at the same time in the same place. She's very thorough. Besides that, I hadn't yet gotten permission to proceed with the science, from the actual object of my scientific curiosity. Sometimes people don't understand scientific curiosity and mistake it for something else. Like sexual assault. I swear that will never happen to me. Again.
This would be the same Biden who was the best of the democratic field in the presidential race?
I can't see the downside. Maybe the driver is less likely to assault you if he's watching ads.
Also: Uber is delivering pot in Canada. Driver will have to come to your door to assault (or kill) you. Share a smoke and everybody's happy.
Ancient DNA unveils Siberian Neandertals’ small-scale social lives
They didn't even have Faceyspaces. Small wonder they died out.
Amazon's Jeff Bezos warned about upcoming bad times with the economy.
What Jeff Bezos missed is the yearly cost of Amazon's attrition. It's $8 billion, out of $33.36 billion income. I am no economist and don't know much about business, but if Amazon stopped having warehouse fires as a hobby and treated their employees better than cockroaches, that $8 billion figure could be reduced significantly.
You'd think with insight like this, I would be making Big Bucks in corporate America. Such vision!
But corporate America wouldn't have me - no way, no sir. I'll show them - hahahahaha!
It's fun when you order something and they give you route tracking information. It's great for the people with OCD, who can check it religiously throughout the day. I ordered something the other day, which shipped from one state away. This obviously meant it would take weeks to arrive. Today, for fun, I checked the tracking info. Remember... one state away. The box had gone on a tour of its home state, stopping every 25 miles or so. The map clearly pointed out where it stopped and if it was logged in, where it had lunch, and was the warehouse on fire when it arrived. Way up top, in a very large area you'd expect was for testing of the Emergency Webcasting System, was a date. I figured out this was the expected arrival date, 5 days in the future. I had to figure this out, because there was no indication of what it was, except a date. Maybe they just like to throw a random date up there... I never understood the world of business. Remember... one state away.
Since the box wasn't going to arrive today, I put it out of my mind. This is because my mind would otherwise have two things to handle at once, and it's not really very good with one thing. One state away.
Wife walks to the door and the box had already been delivered. I've been lied to.
- Maybe the date is random after all.
- maybe it only updates once a week, meaning you'll never actually be able to track your package
- maybe they just like to give you a very long delivery time, when they know it will arrive within a day or two. It makes everything a surprise and then everything smells like flowers. Until your dog gets into the cat box. Again.
- the sudden peace you get is the realization that package tracking is almost as accurate as weather forecasting.
Multispectral imaging is a method that takes visible images in blue, green, and red and combines them with an infrared image and an X-ray image of an object. This can reveal minute hints of pigment, as well as hidden drawings or writings underneath various layers of paint or ink. For instance, researchers have previously used the technique to reveal hidden text on four Dead Sea Scroll fragments previously believed to be blank.
Ain't science grand?
History, however, has taken a bit of a beating, when the Dead Sea Scrolls were found to be written on top of some sort of stick-figure pr0n. All of DaVinci's technical drawings were originally boobies. While wandering the desert, Moses liked to take food orders, like a waitress. So the Ten Commandments..... let's just say there was a lot of corned beef involved.
A 19-year-old university student in Philadelphia had a surprising firsthand encounter with a rare tropical black fungus, which was found sprouting into a large, dark circle in the palm of her hand. Her case was reported today in the New England Journal of Medicine
What researchers don't know is that Philadelphia *is* a rare tropical black fungus.
The Waukesha Christmas Parade Massacre trial continues, with Derrell Brooks representing himself. He finally started presenting his defense, with many tears. It looks like he's going with "I did it, and I am very sorry, but I was really upset after fighting with my girlfriend." It's a defense everybody knows. Meanwhile, the parade will go on this year, although the ad for Driver to Mow Down has gone unanswered as yet. The poor judge deserves a medal for patience exhibited with Mr. Brooks, who is not a lawyer and has only seen one on tv. Brooks' first witness was disallowed by the judge, ruling that he could not call The State of Wisconsin. If nothing else, the courtroom doesn't have the space for it. Texas wants to appear too, but mostly to see itself on tv. President Biden wants the United States to be called, but requires a 25% raise in taxes to fund it.
After the shock of losing a Prime Minister, 44 days into her term, England needs to find a replacement. Suggestions so far:
- the Spice Girls
- Vlad "The Impaler" Putin
- Margaret Thatcher
- 12,437 overweight household pets, all named Max
- Jimmy Page's end table
- Elizabeth Hurley's naughty bits
- a rare tropical black fungus, also called Max
- She made me look good - Emanuel Macron (France)
- She was a bit dowdy so I let her borrow some of my dresses to work on her fashion sense -Justin Trudeau (Canada)
- I know she's a woman, but can't she be more diverse? -Kamila Harris (Somalia)
- No I don't need a truss -Joe Biden
- HA - now I don't look so bad, do I? -Boris Johnson
- She's not Jewish, is she? -UC Berkeley
Ok, guys, who's going to be the one to tell her?
I'm no expert on police procedure, but they might want to look into not waiting 77 minutes before doing anything.
OMFG - Someone just bombed Europe!Russians?No, Apple.
The Pennsylvania Turnpike is a fun little enterprise. It started like every other turnpike, just going along, minding its own business, with occasional fare hikes, and strange people in the booths, collecting tolls. After finding out they could get away with it, tolls were raised every quarter, or weekly, whichever came first. Then, in a great cost-saving measure, they fired all the toll collectors and implemented a picture-taking and EZ-Pass system. "With No notice, no complaints", is their motto. Now people are starting to realize what they're paying the state for, with no improvement in the toll roads. We barely leave the house, yet routinely get $85 charges. They look real but nobody seems to know, especially actual turnpike employees, if you can locate one. You must pay online, via EZ-Pass or Picture of Your Plate so we can Keep Track of You (both have the same result and toll takers are still out of work). The charges are Net 15, so by the time you get your bill, it's already in collections. Then there's a Collection Fee. Plus you might be invoiced for tolls that haven't been billed yet. No one knows what this means, but no one dares question it, lest the toll booth quarantine your car for non-payment and you have to walk the 20 miles home, unless you can call the dog to pick you up.
Although they haven't been implemented yet, the greedy bastards at the government level are ready to bring in a Supply Chain Issue charge, as well as an Inflation Charge, plus the Recession Charge. They are now collecting enough money to build several alternative turnpikes, to alleviate the ridiculous amount of traffic on roads built for the 1940s. Are they going to build or improve the Turnpike? Hell no - they have many more important 'pet projects' to see to, like the Flower Fund, which sends flowers to their spouses weekly. The Vacation Fund, which pays for monthly vacations. The Special Vacation Fund, which covers monthly vacations with somebody else's spouse. Everybody gets a new car yearly, except the toll takers, who remain fired.
But wait - There Are Notices:
- Maryland just figured out that Pennsylvanians used their roads starting 13 months ago and passed the charges along to PA in bulk. So if you see $1200 or higher charges, don't worry - it's just Maryland - unaware that they connect to other turnpikes and need to bill accordingly.
- If you have any questions about Maryland toll charges, call Maryland. Good luck.
- The New York State Thruway just realized it had a toll increase in 2021 and want their money NOW. If you have a problem, good luck widdat. They do more road construction and you could find yourself part of the thruway system, in a rather uncomfortable (and final) way.
- If you have EZ-Pass and are stupid enough not to follow the directions for where to mount it (shove it up your..), there is an expanded set of fees.
- This is all before I start to make stuff up.
Because it worked out so well for Susan B. Anthony
Nothing is immune to the SJW virus.
------> Still no Left Handed History and Appreciation Month.
