Vizio Must Go

Our good friends over at Vizio, who make approximately 1 of 5 tvs, just got fined a few million by the FTC over information collection. Enabled by default, the tv would send information on everything you watched, including IP address, to identify you, then sell the data to aggregators for a profit. In normal information theft (make no mistake, that's what this is), only non-identifiable information is sold - nothing that can tell anybody who you are. In this case, everything possible was sent up the line. The 'feature' was hidden in the tv's menu, behind some innocuous setting.  Under the terms of the settlement, Vizio admits no wrongdoing and states that permission should be obtained first, before collection, as if they thought of it first.

I have a box with a Vizio tv in it, alleged to be a Dumb TV, so this shouldn't apply. It will be interesting if I ever decide to open it. This kind of screwing should be dealt with most harshly.

• A German Shepherd/Akita mix recently escaped the shelter to locate a woman who fed him treats. If this isn't a match made in heaven, I don't know what is.

If it's Tuesday, it's gray and rainy. Actually if it's most days ending in -day, it's gray and rainy. What does this mean? It means Business as Usual for most. For us, it means the Loud Family is now using a power saw to cut through what sounds like metal. Outside. In the rain. And they won't even have the good grace to electrocute themselves.

• IRONY: Social media phishing attacks are up 500%. How do I know? Social media told me.

A fellow was using his drone for work purposes (no, really) when it, instead of performing a loop, performed an unauthorized software update. After the update, it did not fly so much as plummet. Plug that into your self-driving car.

• The University of Sydney (read this with an Australian accent) has announced a $30k scholarship for men from rural areas who intend to work in rural veterinary science.  Even though 90% of the field is female, reaction was predictable: "It seems they care more about money than they do about my being a woman and getting equal opportunities."
• I'm against these kinds of tests for any position. I want the best candidate regardless of gender, color, or planet of origin. Would you want less than the best vet working on your pet or livestock? Would you want less than the best police person protecting you?
• What hath feminism wrought? We demand preferential treatment: it's ok to make concessions, so long as it's to women.

Did you ever have one of those days?
I know I have. Plenty of those days.
You know, those days when stuff falls?

I walked into the house and placed the mail on the table. The top envelope slid right to the floor, behind the table, in a place that was ridiculously difficult to access. While trying to access it, a ceramic key holder also left the table. This was not the way I had intended to spend my time at home and I loudly proclaimed this, at which point three more things fell behind the table.

On my way to the kitchen, I swear I heard something leap to the floor behind me.
In the kitchen, a cup launched itself into the sink, free from my assistance. At this point I snickered, realizing what was happening. I had created what scientists refer to as an Extra-Heavy Gravitic Field (EHGF). Scientists have absolutely no idea how I manage to create this but at least they have a name for it. Names make people feel so much better, even about car crashes and earthquakes.

Having realized what was going on, I was less upset and even jovial as I watched  various kitchen implements leap from the counter and items on the drying rack plummet to the ground. It looked like a comedy in the vein of The Exorcist.  After placing something in the rack, something else rocketed to the floor, I completely lost it and started assisting the Extra-Heavy Gravitic Field by means of throwing stuff at the walls and the ground. Whoever makes those silver juice packets should have used this as a commercial - no matter whether it jumps from the counter or gets launched at the wall with extreme prejudice, the package does not break.

• Need to make a few bucks? Want to expand your notoriety and maybe get a personal nasty tweet from the president? Porn site XHamster is holding auditions for a Trump look-a-like. Do not underestimate the industry that brought you "Who's Nailin Palin?"

It's Sick Time at the lefty house.
A week ago, Wife had what looked like the sniffles, which abated in a day. Over the last few days, I had some truly odd symptoms, which led to a fever. Yes, my wife got me sick on purpose.

Fast forward a day and Wife is now sick again/still.
I think I figured this one out: there existed only one day that I was sick and she wasn't. Her Evil Plan was to get me sick, then minimize the time she'd have to play nurse by getting sick herself. Truly evil. And this is not the first time, sympathy be damned. It's not that I'm looking for anything, but a cup of soup would be nice.

Wife gets sick pretty well. It usually goes right to her throat, cutting off speech. Do you have any idea how bad it must be for someone who talks at least 20 hours per day to lose their voice? The result is a lot of people trying to 'speak' via some sort of poorly modified hand gestures combined with a pad and pen. All I can do is nod my head and hope no one required an answer. Come to think of it, this idea isn't different from when she can speak.

This becomes even more complex for the poor dog, who does not understand poorly modified hand gestures combined with a pad and pen. Not that he couldn't pick it up in a week or two, but holding your hands out wide and shaking them does not register as MOVE to him.

Meanwhile, he has taken advantage of his mom's bed rest by whining pitifully for a second breakfast, as I have no idea whether he was fed already. Again, smart dog.

You Got Yer Snow Salt in My Peanut Butter

So my friend had an interesting New Year's Day... he is awakened by some commotion or other going on outside. Struggling to get out of bed, he somehow manages to pry himself loose and gaze out the window. Not being hung over (too much), he sees what all children want to see on Christmas, a fire truck! Right outside the house!

He manages to get to the front door to see what's the matter, when in walks the roommate. When asked why the shiny new fire truck is parked at the curb, Roommate says, "Oh, there's a gas leak. They're shutting off the gas."

Oh.

Roommate, who is still visibly plowed from New Year's Celebrating, even after sleeping, is about to go off to Other Endeavors, when my friend points at his forehead. He stands there, waiting for more input. Again, the forehead is pointed at. Again, he stands there, confused.  Eventually he meanders over to a convenient mirror, where he discovers the word PENIS, written in his forehead in large, crisp black letters, visible from low-flying aircraft.

Not impressed or amused, Roommate immediately sets out, at high speed, after Friend, who is laughing and running. So you have two idiots chasing each other on the lawn, in front of a fire truck which is waiting for the gas company to shut off the gas to the house because there is a leak. And the entire crew of Ladder Unfortunate imparted this information to a still-drunk guy with PENIS written on his forehead. Fun times back at the firehouse.

Not content to let this be, in the spirit of drunken New Year's Revelry, Roommate has located a 2x4 and has renewed the chase. In front of the fire truck, on New Years Day, by the House of Horrors.

My friend, somewhat of an organizational sort, decides that this might not look entirely kosher to the fire department and 'gently suggests' that the two lunatics chasing each other on the front lawn, perhaps come in the house, perhaps leaving behind the 2x4. The neighbors are already aware of the House of Horrors so this would be nothing new. Once inside, my friend starts trying to pry more information from Friend of Drunk about the gas situation, as Roommate's blood level is still interfering with his alcohol level. Seconds later, the interrogation stops, as Roommate took the opportunity to kick his friend square in the nuts.

How was your New Years?

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There is now a declassified government combined report on alleged Russian involvement in the US election. How does one even begin to try to figure this out? The politicians lie. Other countries lie. Intelligence agencies lie and obfuscate. You can't trust republicans or democrats, so in point of fact, this document could be used as toilet paper, only you'd have to print it out first. 

• Nearly 400,000 users of adult site Xhamster have had their private details leaked. Usernames, email addresses and passwords have been on the dark web for several months. Interestingly enough, 400,000 is approximately 3.2% of the site's membership (yay porn!). I'm not entirely certain why one needs a login to a porn site but regardless, even a ridiculously complex password would not have helped because they used encryption that was easy to crack. View your porn wisely and keep it sacred.
• Speaking of porn, the hack on Hello Kitty's 3.3 million fan database last year has leaked online. Goodbye Kitty.

I went out for a bit and came back to find that Marshall had formed a non-profit called Cockers for Cold Cuts. This is on top of last week's religious group, Cockers for Cheeses. These things have come on the heels of all this medicine he needs lately. He will not take the pills so we have to get creative - lately with cold cuts.

• I swear it was just that one time: I was young, needed the money, and no harm came to the octopus

Online stuff: apparently you can become a millionaire on YouTube. You do this by getting a HUGE amount of views and get paid for it. Can you just imagine the ThermionicEmissions YouTube channel? And all ten subscribers? Furthermore, you can't post porn, which would kill my ratings further.

In addition to this humongous bit of knowledge, allow me to hit you with another: there are things called Social Media Influencers. They have so many followers that they whore themselves out to manufacturers to hawk their goods. Accordingly, I am now a Social Media Non-Influencer. Manufacturers can hire me to drive sales away. Or rather, manufacturers can hire me to drive sales away from other manufacturers. To get by these days, you gotta be crafty. Or greedy, whatever.

Happy New Year!