Captivity - Day 77 Law & Order SUV

AstraZeneca is going to start making an anti Flying AIDS vaccine. Not sure how they know what will work, but who needs facts - there's money involved. Because the giant pharmaceutical company is so poor, this vaccine is backed by Bill Gates.  Bill Gates is a war criminal. This is the man who gave us Windows. Would you trust a vaccine from him?


The Bring Your Child to Work Day thing isn't working out as well at the originators thought. In these days of The Flying AIDS, everyone's working from home anyway. So every day is Bring Your Child to Work Day. First, you cannot social distance from a cocker spaniel, nor can you put a mask on her (someone is going to get rich selling a pet mask).  My lap is a favorite place. If she can't get there, she likes to block the doorway. Some mornings I wake up to find emails have been sent to Purina, Pupperoni, and doggie escort services. I hope this is not Mrs lefty (again). The barking on conference calls is out of hand: as soon as one dog barks, all the other dogs on the call start barking. This is not necessarily a bad thing - sometimes they come up with better ideas than their humans. You also have to watch out for your snacks and, most importantly, your coffee. Over time, our 4 cocker spaniels have loved coffee. The rule is if you put it closer to the floor than your seat, it's theirs.


The Minnesota police apologized for the Floyd killing. They said there was an error in their police manual that caused a misunderstanding. The police  manual said "Handcuff the perpetrator, have him medically checked, put him in a car or van, and get him to the station." They thought it said "put your boot on his neck until he's dead." It was a simple mistake anybody could make, and they are very sorry.



One of the downsides to having absolutely no filters is that you occasionally stick your foot in it. I was practicing with my band and afterwards we saw a legal commercial for mesothelioma. Never having heard the word, I turned around to the band and said "Mesothelima? I had that for dessert last night." The bass player turned green. He whispered "Shhh.... my dad has it." For some reason, I do this a lot.


It's so good to be home after the Great Storm of 2020. I can now trip over my own stuff. The dog can bark at anything that walks by the house, and Mrs lefty can continue her intimate relationship with Quality Shopping Network at Home. When they don't hear from her for a few days, they call to see if she's ok.


The National Guard was just told not to carry guns at the DC protests.
In related news, the Air Force was just told not to fly planes.




THEY SAID WHAT?


Texas Lt Governor said the way to address racism is to "accept Jesus Christ."

• Don't listen to him. He hasn't been the same since the pig kicked him in the nuts.
• First Amendment violation - Church and State
• it's clear to anyone with a pair of kidneys that we have to accept Jimi Hendrix. He died so we could play the guitar.

A cofounder of Reddit is resigning and wants to be replaced by a black candidate.

Uber Eats is not charging for food ordered from black-owned restaurants

Joe Biden said 10 to 15% of Americans are "not very good people." Then he showed everyone his liver spots.

Neo Liberal Conservatives

The entire neighborhood received a personal letter from an existing neighbor. The letter would allow us to get in on a great deal; the sale of their house before the realtor got it. Some people want a second home at the shore, but everyone wants a second home on the same block. Avoid the rush - get yours now!

We couldn't figure out what was up with this monumentous event.
A brief conversation with an occupant of the house in question turned up the reason for the deluge of personal letters: the neighborhood demographics were changing. Translated, the hood is getting dark. The afros are invading. The darkies are in the hood. Property values will go to hell! Women will find their husbands insufficient! KFC will sponsor the block! Watermelon is mostly water!

It's great to see that attitudes have evolved.
Oops.

I'm staying put. Maybe they can help me get some rhythm.

The national speeling bee was the other day. The kids did so well that the award went to the entire group of eight. The kids appeared on the news: when asked what they wanted to do, one piped right up and said, "Gastroenterologist." These kids are just past the "I want to be a fireman!" stage. Each won $50,000, which most said will go for college. The mantra was "We worked very hard and these are the benefits."  

There were seven Indian kids and one caucasian female.

Before the Bee was over, SJWs flooded the hall, demanding Children of Color and trans kids win, retroactively.

Dear lefty:

• What do I do, now that my state outlaws abortion?
• Retroactively abort the politicians.

Sylvester Stallone (72) is making Rambo 5. He just got done making Rocky 47 and vowed all of his movies will have a number in them. His stunt double does all the walking and speaking. Nobody does any acting.

• Toronto is in an NBA final. Even I know this is odd. They will only play if the court is laid on top of the hockey ice.

In case you were wondering, and I know you were, English cockers are every bit as wacky and neurotic as American cockers.

• The Air Force says the sky trail shaped like a penis was unintentional. The plane's tendency to skywrite "The Pope Fucks Little Boys" is also unintentional.

A Pennsylvania (not Florida) auto auction sold a car, later found out to contain a man in the trunk. Auction officials said it's just like a spare tire; in case your man deflates or gets a nail in him, you replace him with the spare man.

• Can we do away with Roman numerals - it's MMXIX already

Snapchat employees have abused internal tools to access user date, including phone numbers, snaps, location info and more.

Male Pattern Baldness - the Band

I always wanted to call my band Male Pattern Baldness. For some reason, everyone else in the band refused. It wasn't so much a refusal as the physical reaction guys get when you mention getting kicked in the nuts. I had other names too... those merely got ignored.

• Today was a sign. An omen. The sun was out. As surprising as that was, it was forecast to be out. Something's up. Watch the skies.

Technology Time

Think about the march of technology. The things written in science fiction that are ordinary today. A wireless cell phone that replaces tons of physical utilities. This has created a mountain of useless things that kids born within the last 20 years have never seen, like:


a telephone booth, 45rpm adapter, library, a heavy mechanical phone doubling as a weapon, records, 8 track and cassette tapes, CDs, movies in grubby theaters or from a tape at home for $99, movie rentals, over the air tv with channel numbers, dialup internet, modems, leaded gas, land yacht cars, tuneups with spark plugs and wires, radios operated by a knob attached to a string, round clocks with hands, bigass computers with DOS, Windows 95/98/XP, printer ribbons, parallel cables, floppy discs, 286/386/486 computer chips, round  DIN computer plugs for accessories, adding port and other cards to computers, clean air, the US military in only a few countries, wireless phones, phone lines, busy signals, phones without Caller ID, large speakerphones that clipped off parts of words, answering machines, avocado green/harvest gold, huge wooden console stereos and tvs, black and white tvs with 6" screens, clothesline, washboard, wringer clothes washer, percolator coffeemaker, Lincoln Logs, board games, typewriters, paper notebook, newspapers, heating leftovers on the stove, wired or clicky remote controls, bra stores not carrying lingerie, computers plugged in to routers, written letters with postage stamps, pencils, sex without taking video, 16 year old virgins, verbal only gossip, walking anywhere, sitting quietly, having friends over and talking, smoking on airplanes, only charging things at home, C and D batteries, Radio Shack, only one type of condoms (that you shamefully asked for), cold medicine on open shelves, expensive heroin, soda in gallons, large tires with small wheels, floor-switched high beams, revving the engine to keep the car from stalling, stalling after running over a puddle, bench car seats, station wagons, metal in cars, starting your car with keys, protests against war, square computer monitors, $15 commercial-free cable, ice cube trays, porn magazines, door to door salesmen (non-religious), telling someone off without using the f- word, turn signals, generous employer paid pensions, no copays for anything, bicycles (without helmets), humongous analog reel to reel recording machines, community bulletin boards with 3x5 cards and push pins, Pong, hooking up vcrs and game boxes to the tv, tv antennas, amateur radio/CB, paying cash only for a doctor visit, milk trucks, malls with all kinds of stores and no food court, head shops, malts, drive in movies, handwriting, record stores, guitar solos, music without dancers, full albums played on the radio, radio stations doing whatever they wanted, giggling at gays and transsexuals, humor, walking up steps to get in a plane, liquids/pocketknives/scissors/guns and showing up right before the plane takes off, made in America, jobs for life, college degrees worth more than toilet paper, farms, tollbooth you throw change at, telethons, tv free of feminine products/pharmaceuticals/bladder leakage underwear that's actually pretty, dick jokes that didn't say dick, courtesy, really really stupid phones and tvs, bag and Beam Me Up Scotty phones, pay by minute long distance and cell, fixing electrical things yourself, Tab diet soda, whole milk, paying with cash, police showing up after you call, 2 prong outlets and plastic adapters with a little wire hanging out, Elmer's glue and paste, crayons, never hearing the word 'cunnilingus', waiting for the tv to warm up, unfinished basements, standalone stereos, mono records, head cleaning kits, record brush and fluid, record crates, posters, concert tickets, crystal scanners that could hear phones, soldering irons, neighborhood stores, guitar stores, weather that makes sense, baking cake from scratch, stereos over 1 watt, excitement of hearing the first time anyone said 'ass' on tv, beholding Sipowicz's ass, those little angular car windows in front of the main window, manual windows and door locks, real spare tires, AM/FM radios only, sneaking into Dad's special drawer, 8 or 16mm projectors, waking early on Saturday to watch cartoons, phones without hash or asterisk keys, the joy of sex (the book), record sleeves and foldouts with information, the brown acid, cleaning your pot on record jackets, products designed to last for more than a few months,



It's National Scrapple Day.
Scrapple is a Philly 'delicacy' which is essentially a meatlike substance made from (drum roll, please) scraps. Ponder that for a minute.

I try not to hate stuff before I try it, but the smell of whatever it is cooking is enough to keep mosquitos off your arm in the summer. Wife loves it. This is convenient because she'll never have to worry about me eating hers. In fact, it can sit in the fridge for six years, untouched, with all sorts of new and interesting growths, some speaking languages we've never heard before. I'm kidding - it can sit there for years, undisturbed: you can't distinguish ''fresh' scrapple from six year old scrapple. Philly is better known for soft pretzels and cheesesteaks... you're much safer with either.

• The FBI issued an alert in September due to the increase of attacks via Remote Desktop Protocol.
• This should never happen in a professional environment because you don't leave the Remote Desktop Protocol port open. It's like leaving your back door unlocked: burglars have to look for it, but they can walk right in. It's ok inside your network but not toward the internet.
• Home users are dependent entirely on their cable modems and routers. If they're not set to block by default (they should be), it's up to the user to get in there and close (everything). Anybody recommending this port be used to get to your computer from the internet should be shot, then sent to rudimentary computer school. If you need to remotely operate another computer in your house, it's relatively safe, assuming it's blocked at the router.

Between A.D.D., blurry vision, drugs, and a hyperactive dog, we can never find anything. The running joke is 'staple it to your forehead' so you know where it is and will be reminded. This fails because even the best of us run out of forehead space. This causes a clutter problem, and we're right back where we started.

• In my house, there's a place for everything. Unfortunately it changes daily.

Hack the Air Force 3.0 is happening soon, wherein 191 countries are invited to hack. Among those countries aren't China, Russia, Iran, or North Korea.  Sure, keep out the guys who have proven they can do it.  When this contest is over, the AF will pay bug bounties. They will also spend 8 months cleaning up the damage from unforeseen hacks:

• latrine doors won't open
• planes will confuse Up with Down
• refrigerators will report directly to China
• flushing a toilet issues the command to bomb North Korea
• Mr and Mrs Bob Winglehocker, of Bumfukt, Arkansas, will be awakened by surprise, after the AF computer orders a 1,001 person AF banjo cookoff and crossdressing cabaret held at their house.

Speaking of crossdressers, we're post midterm elections and nothing has burned. Yet.

• Dear lefty: Phil Poos asks if there are Portuguese Jews.
• Yes.

Somebody, who shall remain nameless, spilled sugar on the carpet. Someone else, who shall also remain nameless, was asked to vacuum it up. This particular someone forgot. No problem, as Vacuum 2 was activated: the dog found it and cleaned it up beautifully. The only issue was that when she was done, her snout looked like she was a coke addict. No one got a picture and the dog got no more hyper or otherwise dangerous. We just have to be very careful around her with cookies.

• There are a ton of operating system and app updates available. Please install them immediately: Windows is full of holes and so is anything from Adobe.
• RELATED: a MS update breaks Calendar and Mail on Windows 10 phones. THERE ARE WINDOWS 10 PHONES? It's the end times.

Since the new way of eating, I've cut way down on my chocolate intake. I've gone from 24/7 to once a day. Not at all coincidentally, I've felt like Advanced Death since around the time I started. Always supportive, my wife bought one of those absolutely humongous bags of mixed candy. This will truly test my will. I will lose spectacularly.

• I am just like everyone else: I put my pants on three legs at a time.

Much to no one's surprise, Penny is the second dog who would rather nap with his mom than hang out with his dad. Last night his mom heated pizza and put it on the arm of the sofa. Penny promptly pulled a piece onto the floor and started to eat it. This displeased dad loudly.  I am certain that she will not do that again. At least until the next time there's pizza on the couch.

• Dear lefty: reader Phyllis Moostache asks if dogs have buttocks.
• Yes.

My coworkers would be disappointed if they didn't hear me say 'I hate Microsoft' at least once a day. They are rarely disappointed. If you're burdened with Office 2016, you know that every meeting invitation automatically gets added to your calendar. Since my company runs on meetings, I have a calendar full of useless meetings (yes, all meetings are useless). I asked Microsoft Help, which isn't. An internet search indicated that it was designed this way on purpose.  One can 'filter' it, which still adds the meeting, but makes it a lighter shade.  I hate Microsoft. MAKE IT OPTIONAL, children of HERR GATES. 

Or, as Ben Stern used to say to little Howard, "I told you not to be stupid, you moron."

• If you missed it, there was a 'small glitch' in the internet, causing Google traffic to be routed through Russia, China, and Nigeria. I'm not the only one amused by this, but it was attributed to a 'misconfiguration' by a Nigerian internet provider.  Sure... blame the black guys.
• Does it bother anybody else that a single internet provider in China Nigeria can hijack traffic through a misconfiguration? Let's do Faceyspaces traffic next! But seriously, folks... this is the way it was designed, back when the most hostile people on the net were college students.

While having a blast at Faceyspaces' expense, their employees are surveyed twice a year about their sentiment and happiness. Last month showed 52% were optimistic about Faceyspaces' future, down a hair (32%) from 84% the prior year.  Unrelated: according to the Wall Street Journal, the leading Barbie Doll enthusiast magazine, the stock price was headed in this direction too.

Is this supposed to be a funny story? I'm laughing hysterically.

• a US panel warned against government purchase of Chinese technology. Gee, really?  How long has ThermionicEmissions been saying this? It's just common sense (which explains why it hasn't been followed).
• Wild guess: in WWII, the Allies didn't buy German technology.

The happy news is that "The fear and uncertainty generated by surveillance inhibit activity more than any action by the police." No, wait, did I say happy? It's a good read.

One of the hallmarks of good customer service (who cares) is not simply saying no - it's providing a workable alternative. I already have - you're just not reading. How's that for customer service? 

No, wait.. it means you really need to consider doing things as safely as possible. Use duckduckgo for searches, because it doesn't track you. Get rid of anything Google, Yahoo, Faceyspaces, Instagram, etc, including email. Set up at least 2 email accounts: one for important stuff and one for junk. Use a decent, encrypted email service like Protonmail (free for basic). Use https for every web connection (or use an extension like HTTP Everywhere, which will do it automatically for you). This will sound weird, but use cash for all transactions. Not only will it protect privacy, your card won't get skimmed or stolen. In the name of all that's holy, don't use free wifi without a VPN. Or don't use it at all. 

Turn your cell phone's wifi off when you leave your house. If you can't remember, a program called Macrodroid can be set to do it for you.

• Several Australian universities have BANNED sarcasm because it's a "form of violence." I'd be thrown in jail for several lifetimes.
• Professor - he hit me with sarcasm and I need a safe room, with puppies.
• The stupid continues, and it's overwhelming.

Speaking of good customer service, a Cryptopay user was denied a password change, so he did the only thing a responsible adult could: mailed them a bomb. Fortunately no one was hurt. The package sat around for five months before someone got around to almost opening it. The sender had a bit of a criminal history, including sending a bit of the old white powder to lawmakers. It turned out to be coke and the lawmakers dropped all charges. Just because I made that up doesn't mean it didn't happen.

• You're going to be shocked.... One Million Kids Tracker Watches were deemed unsafe because any old hacker can access them, allowing them access to your child's location and pictures. Not that you don't post that on Faceyspaces anyway....
• Imagine something called a Tracker Watch becoming a tracker....

So how about the personalized concert lineup the ticket people sent this week?
Jon Bellion's coming! Who the hell is Jon Bellion? Iron Maiden, which is at least close to my wheelhouse. Pink. Pink? I'm starting to think this personalized lineup thing is a lie.  Jeff Lynne's ELO - dammit - they finally got one!  While I know who Lindsey Buckingham is, there's also DAWES. Is this what people from Boston use to get into a house? Seinfeld!!!! God, I hate Seinfeld, although I know who he is. Who are these comedians...  who aren't funny? Kris Kristofferson. The man's multitalented. Trailer Park Boys? I don't know who they are, but I read they're now on the FBI terror list. They must have said something nasty to someone at some time. As a Ron Paul voter, I was on the list too. Let's not leave Sebastian Maniscalco off the list. Remember: you can get free innoculations against Sebastian Maniscalco at your local pharmacy for no copay. It's pretty damn serious, which is why the FBI is encouraging you take the shot. St. Paul and the Broken Bones are also coming. It sounds almost like my previous musical comedy act: we were so bereft of rhythm and grace, that there were inevitably broken bones. Galactic ft. Erica Falls will also grace our area. It would be more efficient to call themselves Galactic Falls, but either way, I'd have no idea who they are and no desire to spend my hard-earned money.  Mumford and Sons. Hmmm.. we know all about them. Banjos. Interbreeding. I can't even type the name without breaking out in laughter. 98 Degrees... sounds like a really HOT act (I apologize profusely for that). Last but perhaps least, The Noise Presents Nothing More. I have no idea, but the idea of Nothing More in the way of Noise sounds wonderful. When I get famous, people will be taking shots at me too.

9/11 - The Elephant in the Country

Obligatory Where Were You

I was working, the same place in which I still toil.  A coworker came into our office and said a plane had crashed into one of the towers.  Odd, I thought...

Shortly thereafter, the same fellow came in and said it happened again, this time to the other tower.

I wanted this to be explicable.  I wanted this to make sense.

Back at that time, online video wasn't what it is today.  I looked for some streaming network coverage.

After the towers fell, I was physically ill.  There was simply no precedent for this.

When the planes were ordered grounded, I thought to call my brother, the pilot.  I was overjoyed when he answered immediately.  He was one of the thousands of pilots on the ground with very few options for parking, but perfectly fine.

As I tried to fill up on news, a little voice kept telling me something wasn't right.  It was a tiny voice, which I mostly ignored.  Work dismissed early and I took full advantage, listening to the news on the car ride home.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

----------

• FACT:  There were numerous reports of another plane in the air.
• FACT: The newspapers following the Kennedy assassination had a full biography of Lee Harvey Oswald, as if it were prepared in advance.  Osama bin Laden was named the instigator of 9/11 within minutes of the buildings falling.
• FACT:  Bush claimed Weapons of Mass Destruction, yet there were none.  When questioned, he said, "So what?"
• FACT:  Enlistment in the armed forces went through the roof.
• FACT:  Not one single enlistee was `fighting for our freedoms'.  This doesn't mean they weren't brave or shouldn't be honored.  It is simply disingenuous.
• FACT:  The Pentagon is one of the most highly surveilled buildings and areas in the nation.  The FBI went around impounding all surveillance footage.  Where is it?
• FACT:  Regardless of what you believe hit the Pentagon, the five or so frames of video released certainly don't help anyone to reach a conclusion.
• FACT:  In spite of a national grounding, a Saudi aircraft was allowed to fly.
• FACT:  The `dancing Israelis' with the moving company van were allowed to leave the country after it was discovered they were Mossad.
• FACT:  A twin towers janitor heard and felt large explosions before the plane hit
• FACT:  Larry Silverstein, owner of the towers, gave the order to `pull' Building Seven
• FACT:  Building Seven fell just like the twin towers, yet was never hit by a plane and had no serious fires inside.
• FACT:  The BBC reported Building Seven's collapse twenty minutes before it fell. 
• FACT:  jet fuel does not burn at a temperature sufficient to melt or slice through steel.
• FACT:  There was molten steel for weeks in the place where the towers used to be. 
• FACT:  Traces of the explosive thermite were found all over the place. 
• FACT:  Building Seven was completely ignored by the 9/11 Commission.
• FACT:  Bush would only testify for the 9/11 Commission off-the-record.
• FACT:  Over 1500 architects and engineers dispute the government's account of how the buildings came down.
• FACT:  the 9/11 Commission admits they never got all the facts.
• FACT:  Bush grew the federal government more than any of his predecessors.
• FACT:  Obama outdid Bush in the first few months in office.
• FACT:  Cheney was repeatedly advised on the approach of the Pentagon plane.  When the plane was fifty miles out, the lieutenant asked if the orders still stood.  Cheney barked `Of course the orders still stand, have you heard anything to the contrary!?'
• FACT:  Before and after 9/11, Air Force response to stray planes was rapid.  Why was it nonexistent on that day? 
• FACT:  Bush and Obama used the event to great advantage, starting numerous wars.  Congress sat mute, then did what they were told. 
• FACT:  the Patriot Act was ready suspiciously quickly, signed immediately, and not read by many.
• FACT:  There is a special room in AT&T's San Francisco headquarters where all of the voice and data is mirrored to the NSA.  While this is the only one we know of, rest assured all large carriers have these rooms.
• FACT:  The government has used 9/11 as an excuse to spy on its own people and ramp up a surveillance state.  Those who would trade liberty for security deserve neither.
• FACT:  Flying has been made ridiculously difficult by the TSA (of the DHS), which forces us to not lock luggage, not carry liquid, not carry scissors, take our shoes off, and submit to a form of legalized rape.  
• TSA goes by a No Fly List, which we cannot access or correct when it is wrong, including congresscritters.
• FACT:  The TSA introduced full body scanners, which they claimed were safe (and not privacy-invasive).  They lied on both counts.
• FACT:  The TSA is expanding to trains.
• FACT:  the TSA is denying entry to Canadians with mental health issues.
• FACT:  the CIA is in newsrooms, the NYPD is working with the CIA, the SFPD is working for Apple, and the NYPD now has its own army and navy.
• FACT:  the official story of 9/11 is a conspiracy theory!
• WIDELY HELD OPINION:  We are no more safe today than before 9/11.

Whenever you need to find the genesis of a project, follow the money.

Ask yourself who benefits:

• The government has expanded exponentially, mostly in the Department of Homeland Security and related areas.
• The military/indistrial complex certainly seems to be the recipient of frightening sums of our dollars.

Ask yourself who loses:

• our brave, dead soldiers and families
• our wallets
• our Constitution