The Art of Lack of Communication

Your love is like  a blown transmission on a long distance trip

I like to buy annoying presents for my buddy. For years it was anything to do with farts. Because farts are funny, birth to death. Even to (some) women. Now that he's getting older, I decided on a nose hair trimmer. While I've not looked up his nose, it's an odd gift. It got me thinking that with all the rude behavior in public. you never see nose hair trimming (or braiding). Where do you suppose he should try it out?

• weddings
• public transportation
• work
• whenever his wife tries to talk to him
• never, NEVER home alone in the bathroom. That would be weird.

Today I identify as   myself - don't hate.

Come and listen to a story bout a man named lefty...

He got home from the guitar show, whereupon Mrs. lefty left to visit people 3 hours away. All of the sudden, his phone was telling him he didn't complete the registration process. If that's true, why did it work for the last 4 weeks? When he called Support, he could naturally not get a human, even one in India. It would not take his payment information. He had no phone except for text. Wife texted, saying her calls to phone were rejected. He texted back the info, but because cellular phones are only 30+ years old, they haven't shaken out the bugs yet, and his texts take up to a day to reach her  phone, if at all.

 It was the bank card. I knew it.

Sure enough, the card was messed up and any service I had on it was no longer working. This includes the landline. So I tried to call the card Support but the phone kept shunting me to Purrrizon because they wanted their money NOW. I tried again, after which time they blocked me for too many times trying to fix it. I tried another phone for the landline, but everything was dead. I must have looked adorable trying the Eeyore phone.

So there I was, sitting in my chair, laptop going, and dog between me and laptop. Have you ever typed over a dog? Cat? Toyota? I had 2 phone lines that weren't working. No one could call in and I couldn't call out. Purrrizon said I had to go to a retail store to get things fixed. I don't think I'm as fond of this plan as I thought I'd be. I had no car either. After slipping on the escaping magazines, causing a monitor to plummet to the ground and my laptop to attempt it, I started to vocalize.  And by vocalize, I mean SCREAM the most interesting words, possibly teaching both new neighbors some new phrases.  The dog was terrified and decided to go to bed for the night (where I found her, when *I* went to bed... in the bed). After SWAT left, assured this was just another rant, not requiring their presence, I decided to continue my new hobby; drinking.  I am told it takes a while to get good at, but I am up for the challenge. I didn't get where I am today by neglecting challenges. Unfortunately I have no idea where I am today, so that might be a bad comparison.

So here we are, the next day, and I still can't get anywhere. Just to make things more interesting, the laptop, which did nothing but sit and not be used, now has no display. It just shows me a squiggle here and there. The doctors say I'm paranoid. You're not paranoid if they really ARE out to get you. All of the sudden, as if by magic, the landline rings. The landline that was not working last night. Normally this would make my head spin around and spit pea soup, like The Exorcist. Instead I decided not to strangle anybody, cause SWAT to return, or continue with Drinking School before 9am. I thought SWAT and I had an agreement by now... I don't even have any guns. I'm not really violent. Ok, maybe a little...

Because the landline came up, I could get everything else fixed, with the notable exception of the laptop. It took about an hour plus an external monitor, but I did it. Even after all this, plus the time I put into my new hobby, I felt neither bad nor good. Perhaps I should advise everyone to stay away for a few weeks. Aw, who am I kidding.... at the wedding we went to, they asked that all phones be turned off. Mine makes no noises and no one calls. Now I have to turn my head to the right, where the monitor is. I expect quite a lot of neck pain by the end of the day, as opposed to my normal pain in the neck.  But naturally, after getting the monitor going, the computer has a wildly long delay after I type. I can type out whole sentences then watch them type on the screen. Obviously the computer is straining to run a single monitor because it used to run two. It's logic, kids, get with it!

When everything calmed down and I was through with the whiskey, I went to work. I fired up some music to make work fun and discovered I had no audio. Pick your battles.

As it turns out, it's harder than it seems to catch a huge piece of falling rocket booster with a helicopter. Now if you ask me, which you didn't, catching a huge, plummeting metal rocket booster, even with parachutes, with a helo looks very hard. I would not want to be on the helo, even if they know something I don't. Oddly, they haven't succeeded yet.

Next week, the same company will be catching a falling satellite, the size of a school bus, with a paper airplane.  

So we traveled to the wedding, in Maryland. And in the car. Did you know it's becoming borderline impossible to get air for your tires? Both at the convenience store were broken.  They disappeared from the gas stations. The line was 5 deep at CostCo. It's kind of important, as I understand it, right next to gas and oil. And candy.

It's always nice to get out on the interstate and piss everybody off by only doing 20 over the speed limit. Something must have happened because the Maryland drivers, normally kamikazes, were driving like old ladies, in the snow, at night. 

The wedding was absolutely the most recent wedding I've ever been to. There were people, ceremony, alcohol, and food, most of which I don't like. They sat some unknown people at our table, so I welcomed them to the rude table. They thought that was a lot of fun, possibly until I told them I was rewriting the vows in my head as they were reciting them. They didn't say much, so I don't know if they had a good time or were abjectly horrified. They did run to their cars, if that means anything.

One guest was gender-fluid. This is not a problem for me. The problem was his dress, or rather, below his dress.  If you're dark skinned and dark haired, you should probably shave your legs. I don't want to say he could braid it, but... And here I am, giving fashion advice to someone who's approximately 50% different from me, genderwise. Wife was in total agreement. Those pronouns must be a real bitch.  Wife went to school with a gender fluid person. He looked good both ways. She loved his shoes.

We knew things were going to be 'interesting' when we realized Wife's pocketbook and the gift were a few states north. We outsmarted ourselves by leaving them on the DO NOT FORGET table, which we forgot to check. Things got even more interesting when Wife was holding her keys, which had separated from her car fob. Sometimes I'm afraid to leave the house, even to the supermarket. Ever have a day like that? A month? A life? In the actual dark, the former kamikaze Maryland drivers had slowed down even more. To prove I'm not making this up, I had to keep passing them while doing the speed limit. The Maryland drivers pick on the Pennsylvania drivers, saying we're out of control. Maybe they see us trying to avoid them as being reckless.

We stopped at the Middle of I-95 Huge Gas and Food stop because Wife's bladder is the size of a pea. I was looking forward to a coffee drink or something to eat.  HA! The place had about 10 restaurants. Counting the ones that were open, it had none, except the little convenience store, where Coke is $4.  I was astounded, as I've never seen this before. There has always been food. I could get a strawberry smoothie, provided I liked mine with banana. After another long day I'd rather have spent not being social, this didn't go down well. Mrs. lefty ran to the car, so people didn't think she was with me. And I still had to wait 5 minutes for a cigarette. Hers - not mine. I'm not positive, but I think she's now smoking the full cigarette, as opposed to part of it, before she gets in the car. She knows it pisses me off. Yes, coming back from a wedding.

Chet Atkins to Les Paul: If you got a thumbpick, you could play with yourself.

RIP 2 greats of guitar

43 Injured In Manhattan High-Rise Fire Caused by Electric Scooter

What on a scooter could possibly start an entire high-rise fire?

It's the battery, just like a Tesla!

In actual unrelated news...

Tesla recalls 40k cars over patch that broke power steering

Do not purchase a software-controlled car. 

Yes, there are mistakes, but the entire car could be shut down remotely. The recall was first issued on Twitter. heh heh.

 

THE VOTE  

Pennsylvania seems to be crippled by 2 things: the candidates and the voters. Politicians are scum everywhere, so one usually has to blame the voters, who have done an absolutely miserable job in their duty as citizens. PA was divided by party long before the country was goaded into it by Divide and Conquer.

The most visible race was Fetterman vs Oz.  Fetterman won by a small margin. Now we have a senator with gigantism, tattoos, and a stroke that hasn't fully been processed. Remember, PA residents - this is the guy who stood behind Wolf and declared the government knew better than you, as it arbitrarily closed businesses and livelihoods. It decided which businesses were essential. You voted for the Nanny State. Again. You're not a bright bunch, are you? You have something against learning from your mistakes, or you want the government to take care of you from cradle to grave. This is very expensive financially and libertywise. Fetterman's competition wasn't much better. An anti-abortion tv medical fraud pitchman named Oz. The libertarian candidate got at least 1.4% of the vote. While it is paltry in the short run, it means people are starting to wake up and will help the state in the long run.

Our new governor is soft on crime and doesn't believe in the 2nd Amendment, much like his idiot predecessor (of 2 terms - it's your fault again, voters). The libertarian got about 1%. The republican is a religious fellow, who used bible quotes on his signs and wanted to take a 40 day prayer fast to improve his campaign's standing. He was also anti-abortion - surprise! 

The democratic state senator won. This person hasn't answered a single email or phone call for assistance. The democratic rep also won. At least he returns emails. Both may be responsible for a tax on outside purchases, like Ebay.

The PA voting results site has a revoked certificate, therefore isn't safe (HTTP). Vote democrat! Vote republican. Two sides of the same warped coin. 

Engraved into a 4000 year old Canaanite comb: “May this tusk root out the lice of the hair and the beard,”

Alternate translations: "I bet they'll never decipher THIS." and "Trump Sucks."

UC Berkeley immediately went on strike, saying "HEY, weren't the Canaanites Jewish? They are not allowed on our campus."

California voted on legislation to add a tax to the wealthy to subsidize the purchase of electric cars and build recharging stations. I don't live in California, thankfully, but the idea of adding more taxes is repulsive. Everybody deserves the fruits of their labors, rich or poor. People seem to think taking money from the rich is ok. Well, people who aren't rich think it's ok. I say no more. No more taxes on any of us. Too much of our hard-earned money is stolen, mostly by the federal government.  It is not the job of the rich, or anybody else, to subsidize the purchase of electric cars for people who can't afford them. Nor is it their job to build up electric vehicle infrastructure. Let's see some deep cuts in the local and state and federal governments. Let's get the inefficiency and theft out first. The idea of this just proves the statement "once they get their hands in your pockets, it will never stop."

I am searching my memory for who subsidized my house, car, and everything else.  I just can't come up with anybody. We must be going socialist.

UPDATE: The inmates of California voted this down. Another state didn't, but I forget which.

US airport finds gun stuffed in chicken by traveller

You underestimate the brilliance of this tactical maneuver 

• on the field of battle, the enemy will see a wave of soldiers with chickens and grossly underestimate the situation. Then BOOM!
• the stash doesn't have to be limited to guns - grenades, small bombs, and rifles are possible with the right chicken
• in the Middle East, the chicken could be replaced with a pig
• this could be the tactic that helps us achieve World Dominance (at $5500 per chicken, from Halliburton)

On Buying Cheap [Guitar Content Only]

Another segment (ok, the first segment) from the 'experience speaks' guy.

When we start out, we're generally kids, without a ton of disposable income. This requires finding used equipment or good deals or trades. There's little choice and we learn from it. I certainly went through it.


I built most of my own computers until fairly recently. The last time I did it, my wife kept telling me to buy really good/fast hardware. I asked why and she said because I spent an awful lot of time at them, so I needed good hardware, and I tended to keep them for a while, so I needed fast hardware. I was going to cheap out, but she made incredible sense. And she's not even a musician!


As I collected more and my ear got better, I realized I needed better sound and quality. This is essential if you're playing out in any form, even for no money. You need to show up professionally, with all your reliable gear and some backups in case of failure. You'll show your professionalism with your playing and your equipment. You'll also get a reputation for both. I stopped buying cheap, and saved for better equipment. I'm now a wonderfully-equipped player who never leaves his couch. To put a finer point on it, I stopped buying guitars just because I could afford them, and saved for nicer guitars and equipment. Now there's very little junk in my stable, and I could go into the studio well-equipped to sound like whatever's needed. This also meant, as I was growing up, that I watched others with nice cars, but my money went to equipment.


Having said that, to use my Corporate-speak, buying equipment is a whole new paradigm since the Web became popular. If you want a pedal, you can check out the reviews, talk to a few experts, visit some social media groups, then listen to it on YouTube.

Historic Note: when I started playing, there was no net. We heard about things through Guitar Player magazine or our local mom+pop guitar store, then we tried them out.

So if you've been playing for a while and you intend to play out, it's time to go pro - don't cheap out. With Ebay, Reverb and all the commercial music sites, guitar shopping is 24/7. This can be a real problem for some, but it's ok, I can quit whenever I want. I started to see pedals with weird names... really weird names. I started checking them out on YouTube. So I have Reverb in one browser tab and YouTube in the other. Granted, you're not always getting an exact idea of how a pedal will sound, but you'll at least get in the ballpark.

I started to see the tiny effects, like Mooer, Donner, and others. They're all made in the same factory, so there's no difference. I was naturally suspicious because of their overseas manufacturing, but after listening, had to admit they sometimes do a hell of a job (ripping off other successful designs and selling them for peanuts). Rest assured the parts are substandard, at very least the hardware, so at some point the jacks will become intermittent, the controls will get dirty, or the switch will fail. If you're at a gig or audition, this won't go well. This is one reason to buy the more expensive pedals (or guitar).

As your disposable income increases (or shows up), you can also go on a Mission, becoming crazy about testing a bunch of pedals to find the right one for you. You do some research, then buy 5 or 10 of the top overdrives or distortions. Or do it 1 at a time. Pass on your observations socially, and make a YouTube video with a sample of the units and your conclusion. Swap a pedal for another, and so on.

After a ton of research, I bought a Hughes&Kettner Tube Rotosphere (Leslie pedal). It sounded the best in the reviews and shootouts. Plus Jeff Beck used one, and he never let me down before. Then a 'The Dude', Dumble-style pedal, which you should listen to if you don't have one. I'm building a few, and the next purchase will probably be an MI Audio Crunchbox. It's a great-sounding, balls to the wall, high gain Marshall pedal.

So keep the quality and tone in your mind when shopping (once you pass beginner phase).



YouTube Demo Rant

I've found the demos from big retailers, like Sweetwater, very accurate but not too deep. The real tone monsters put up YouTube videos, going into depth (sometimes sickeningly in-depth, to where you want to suggest they take medicine). Or better yet, the shootouts, where they compare 2 or more pedals in the same group. The overdrives are a great example, because there are so many of them, making so many claims. The worst of the overdrives are the 'transparent' ones, that don't mess with your tone too much.

The problem is with reviewers not using something vaguely normal to demo the pedals. One guy demos everything with a late 50s Strat. Because all of us have a late 50s Strat. Or a custom builder's Strat - Suhr is popular, but at least these are Strats. Some expensive guitar with a P90 pickup in front and a Tele pickup in the rear isn't likely to be common in anyone's house except the guy making the video. Another popular trick is drop-D tuning. Your ear might pick it up, but it's not indicative of what your average guitar player uses.

Then there's amps.
This guy's demo features a Dr Z amp. I think Dr Z amps start around $2,000. This will make it less likely people watching it will get a good idea of the sound.

If I were going to make a video, i'd probably use a Strat and a Les Paul, through a Deluxe Reverb. The Deluxe Reverb is a standard, clean, well-known amp, so you're getting a good representation of the pedal. It's also not a dirty amp until you get it painfully loud, so it's a good indication of what the pedal will sound like into a clean amp. Some pedals sound better into a slightly dirty amp, in which case I'd try something with a bit more hair on it.  The Strat and Les Paul are for obvious reasons. Maybe a Tele.


The YouTube demo field is seriously in need of some self-parody and sense of humor. It would go something like this:

Hi, I'm lefty, and today I'm doing a pedal shootout between the Klon Cantuar ripoff from Mooer and a secret pedal. The signal chain starts at my stock 1978 Strat, with all pickups replaced with all hand-wound units from the Seymour Duncan Custom Shop. Then I custom wired it for different combinations. I use a Live Wire ROCK cable into the Klon, then a JAZZ cable into my 1959 tweed Fender Champ, with the tweed redone, a ceramic instead of alnico speaker, and the output 6V6 substituted with a custom-made adaptor to use an EL84. From there I mic with a Telefunken U67 (with leather) and a regular old SM57 into my Focusnot 8 channel USB converter, into my computer, running my 47 track linux digital audio workstation software (cuz this guitar player don't do Windows or Mac). Video was edited with a lot of screaming and help from the dog.

Here's muh clean tone. Here's the effect.
I have adjusted the settings for flat gain in the local humidity, taking the dew point into consideration, on a Tuesday, which is always the best day to do demos. Let me set it so the gain knob is at zero, because we all use our overdrives for zero gain, then I'll play with the tone control, because you always wanted to know what it sounds like at zero. As we turn the gain up, the signal becomes more gainy. As we turn the volume up, it gets louder.  Note that after every phrase I wank on the whammy bar. This won't help you hear the pedal any better unless you wank on the bar too, but I like doing it. It ups my Douche Credibility. Then I spaz out a bit, moving the neck to and fro. It doesn't have any effect on the tone, but it makes me feel it does, plus I look super into it.

Now let me introduce the special secret pedal we'll compare the Klon with.
It's a 1972 Maestro phaser, one of the earliest phasers ever. If you saw Led Zeppelin's Song Remains the Same, you saw one on top of John Paul Jones' Fender Rhodes on 'No Quarter.' Why would I compare a transparent overdrive to a ancient 3 button phaser? Because I can.

Since we might want to hear this with a little more grit, I'll plug in the 1969 plexi-Marshall that Jim Marshall gave me from his personal collection, when I visited, the week before he died. It has the Eddie Van Halen mod, on board computer tube biasing, and I'm using it with Eddie's personal variac, at 88.7 volts.

So that's my video.
Subscribe and like this, and I'll be back next week with a comparison of the original Klon ($3,600 used) and a small twig I found outside.

Noise Eliminators [Guitar Content Only]

These noise killers are misnamed at best.
They should be called 'Signal Killers Between Songs'.

They do absolutely nothing while you're playing.
You set the threshold when you're not playing, to shut the noisy signal down when you're not playing. This is almost essential when you're using really high gain tones and/or single coil pickups. You don't need one if you're really fast with the volume knob or just don't care.

When you stop the song, the noise eliminator stops the signal. The only problem is setting it so it doesn't mute softer passages you play, or riffs that have repeated, fast bits of silence in them.

I don't have one, but I don't have a ton of noise. Paul Barrere (RIP - Little Feat) said he got rid of his single coil Strat noise with noiseless pickups, and he was happy with their tone. It's pretty damn cool discussing guitars with a hero of yours.  Cool dude, friendly person, good player, will be missed.  


Just wanted to clear up the misnomer. They're great for what they do.






In other news, the barrage of emails from Guitar Center continues.
The sale on 'Platinum' guitars features 642 guitars, 10 of which are left handed. They're all between $3,000 and $4,000.  That's platinum alright...  

Meanwhile, in the price drops section, you can find myriad $10,000 Les Pauls, Les Pauls with hideous finishes, and many pointy guitars with EMG pickups. Also a pair of Teyes, for $4,000 and $9,800. Damn.

There's a Peavey Rage.
Rage is what you'll do when you hear it.
I pick on Peavey only because of what they sounded like when I started playing.



The Dallas International Guitar Festival has been rescheduled to September 25-27.  God, I miss guitar shows. I just can't play a guitar with a mask on. It gets in the way of playing with my teeth.



Trainwreck amps don't come up for sale often, but one just did on Reverb.
For the bargain price of $45,000, you get sonic nirvana. As a bonus, it was also Joe Bonamassa's recording and touring amp around 2012. I mention this because it appears I won't be purchasing the amp.

For those of you who haven't, Trainwreck amps were made by Ken Fischer in New Jersey, by hand, each tuned separately for the buyer. There are a minimum of controls on it because it needs no more. It is exquisitely sensitive to touch; you can play lightly and cleanly, then dig in and distort it to hell, without touching the amp. This is the amp I'd have if I could have any amp.. many others say Dumble.
Check YouTube for videos. Notice how the player has his rear pickup set very low, then switches to his front pickup, balls to the wall. There is an Express, a Rocket, and a Liverpool. At very least, the output tubes are different.

Ken Fischer died, so there are a limited number of Trainwrecks available (about 100 made). Trainwreck's successors are Komet and Dr Z. I like the Komets better. They're all pretty expensive. Oddly enough, you can buy kits or assembled versions from Ceriatone for considerably less. I might be going with a kit soon.

2018 Fall Philly Guitar Show

As decreed by our forefathers: Page, Hendrix, Beck, and Zappa, we must find any excuse to attend any event of any type, featuring guitars, or at least pictures of guitars. Women are really good too - at the shows and in general.

As we remember, it is fall, but the Philly Guitar Show is not held in Philly. It's in Oaks, just past King of Prussia. For some reason, King of Prussia is absolutely hilarious to anyone not from the area. Taking that into consideration, I shall not mention the Philly lane called Street Road.

As happens more often than not, it wasn't exactly a great event for lefties. However, there was still a lot to see to keep things interesting: tons of pedals, vintage and some new amps, and the perennial Greyhound rescue group. The dogs are pretty chilled out and sweet. Drop a few bucks in their jar and help the no longer needed racing dogs.

There were some exceedingly vintage guitars to be seen: some clearly for sale, some without any tags. I felt like a real idiot, taking pictures of them, not that this stopped me. I do this all for you. Do I sound sufficiently genuine?

First thing I almost bought was a leather handle to replace the one that failed catastrophically on a tweed amp. Something about a $50 leather handle forced me to leave it there.


The Taylor booth is always a lot of fun, even for lefties. Martin brought a cutaway lefty too - there is no upcharge for lefties.

new Taylor T5 and acoustic

Next is a real gem: an actual lefty Jimi Hendrix Monterey Strat. The originals were lefty, but the cheaper production models were backwards.

lefty Jimi Hendrix Monterey Strat

lefty 1965 Strat. Only $6995. A bargain at half the price!

lefty 1965 Strat




lefty Ric bass - think McCartney post Beatles

lefty Ric bass

lefty German Hofner bass - think McCartney Beatles

lefty Hofner German bass

a 2004 lefty Gretsch - check out the flame

lefty 2004 Gretsch

Here's a normal recent lefty Gibson SG

lefty recent Gibson SG

This is a one-off lefty PRS conversion, done by Paul Reed Smith himself and documented by a letter from Paul. This was before PRS did lefty guitars.

lefty PRS conversion

PRS just put out a lefty SE series guitar (made offshore, very reasonably priced). Here are two very expensive PRSes, American made, in less than attractive finishes.

expensive lefty PRS 1

expensive lefty PRS 2

That does it for the properly-oriented guitars. Next up, the backwards righty guitars.

This is a 1958 Stratocaster in really great shape. It's around the period I really like. I played one and it was pure magic.

1958 Strat

Here's what's described as a 1958-61 Strat. Perhaps it has multiple personalities. Perhaps some days it identifies as a banjo.

1958-61 Strat

This is a 1968 Telecaster. It's a rare 2 tone sunburst.

1968 Tele

vintage Gibson Firebird. No identification.

vintage Firebird

Gibson Les Paul TV Special. It was referred to as TV because it was always played in front of the TV. I make it up as I go along.

Les Paul TV Special

Gibson Les Paul SG -  this is a very old, special guitar, with the SG body shape before it morphed to the Les Paul shape we know and love. Referred to as Les Paul because Les Paul, a famous guitar player, got an endorsement. Les was the father of the electric guitar, an inventor and recording genius.

Les Paul SG

Gibson ES-345 (I think). The Custom Made plate was standard. It's in really good shape.

Gibson ES-345

If you're set on cousins, you can buy this 1961 dot ES-335. Dot denotes the fretboard markers. I believe this is a very desirable year.

The apple of my eye - a 1979 antigua Strat, the mirror image of my #1 guitar. I call it pukeburst. The best of avocado green and harvest gold.

1979 antigua Strat - pukeburst

You can never get enough pukeburst, so here's a matching acoustic. As you can see, there was a lot of variation in pukeburst. There are actually reissues, but they look even worse, if you can imagine that.

acoustic pukeburst

If the above two are pukeburst, the Japanese produced this shitburst. This is the kind of education one cannot get in school. Even private school.

Japanese shitburst

The expensive stuff starts here. These are two old Les Pauls and an SG

Les Pauls and an SG

You don't see a lot of 1969 Les Pauls

1969 Les Paul

This guitar is very special: a 1958 sunburst Les Paul so special, it has a name. Charlie. There's a great story behind this but I don't know it. There were about 3 lefties made during this period. I played one and it was decent. A fellow named McCartney has one. The other is in the US. Guitar Loons keep track of this kind of thing, even assigning names to them. These guitars are the Holy Grail: Jimmy Page has a few, Joe Walsh, and anybody who is anybody. One of the most famous Les Pauls of all time was Peter Green's (Fleetwood Mac, when they were a blues band), which he gave to Gary Moore. Gary's estate? (RIP) sold it to Kirk Hammett for about $2 mil.

1958 burst Les Paul - Charlie

It's a Les Paul. It's old. I can't see the writing on the tag and none of us can afford it. Note the single coil pickups. 

old Les Paul with single coil pickups

a 1952 Les Paul. This is a very old guitar. At only $10k, you can afford to buy a few. Why is it only $10k? How should I know.

1952 Les Paul

a 1960 Les Paul Special, refinished from sunburst. This lowers the value.

1960 Les Paul Special refin

1959 Les Paul Special - to go with your 1960 Les Paul Special above. Your wife's shoes match - why shouldn't your guitars? Notice the grain.

1959 Les Paul Special

There's a lot to be said about new Gibsons too, mainly that this rack contains many pointy ones. Flying V, Moderne, and Explorer are some names Gibson used. Notice the split headstock on the first guitar. This came about due to Barry Gibson using the scroll saw while drunk.  The founder, Orville Gibson, was a lefty, which explains why they're so hard to find.

a rack of pointy new Gibsons

enough Gibsons - let's see more Fenders

1955 Strats aren't too common. It's one of the first years for them. However, something about this one isn't sitting right - the finish, for one. The bakelite plastic parts tend to disintegrate over time. The pickguard is suspiciously new looking.

1955 Strat

How about a 1963 Strat. 1963 was a great year. How do I know? I don't. You can tell from the sticky this one has MOJO. Judging by the price ($16k), they charged extra for it. It really does speak to some of us.

1963 Strat with MOJO

1956 Esquire. Esquires became Telecasters after whoever owned the Esquire name sued Fender. Note that the Esquire only has one pickup, in the rear. Teles have one in the front too. Jeff Beck was a famous Esquire player. Jeff Beck could make a trashcan sound good.

1956 Fender Esquire

Another Holy Grail: a 1952 Telecaster. At only $55k, it's a steal. It's also a block of 1952 houses. This is so early in production, it still has diapers. Some of the guitars were labeled early or late in the year. Because everybody knows that in 1953, Jose Rosenstein started falling over from the paint fumes, so you want an early 1952 Fender.

1952 Tele

Danny Gatton (RIP) was the best unsung guitar hero in the world. The man was a master of many genres and entertained people all over the world. He worked with Fender on a Danny Gatton Telecaster and here is his #1. At $50k it's true history. The production guitars had 2 pickups instead of 3, but they were still Joe Barden pickups. These sounded authentic but were no-hum pickups. Next to this was a very early prototype. You'll have to take my word for it because, for some reason, I didn't take a picture. It might've been the guy who kept getting in front of me. If you read anything about anybody getting seriously injured at the show, I had nothing to do with it.

Danny Gatton's #1 Tele

1966 Telecaster is another fairly rare guitar, especially when it could be a 1967 too. The 1966 Tele came directly after the 1965 Telecaster, and was going for $6600. I like the color and condition. It remains backwards on purpose.

1966-67 Tele

a 1954 Stratocaster is pure unobtainium. Even I am ok with holding off til 1958. This will set you back $32k. Notice the front pickup cover disintegrating. Leo Fender obviously didn't do any age testing on his plastic. Leo was quite a frugal guy and wanted to produce a good product at a reasonable price. Leo also couldn't play an instrument, much like Cobain. This may be the first year for Strats.

1954 Strat

here's a 1961 Esquire to go with the 1956 Esquire a few guitars up. The finish has more character, which is a polite way of saying it's f-ing trashed. This is not a bad thing with guitars, although the nicer examples will be more expensive. This example is $11k. For your amusement is the 1968 neck for $1850. By way of comparison, you can get licensed Fender necks starting at under $200 (obviously they're NOT THE SAME).

1961 Esquire

One of the early effects boxes for guitar was the Electro Harmonix Big Muff (and Little Muff - submit tasteless comments to the comments section). This box made your guitar sound like it was roaring out of a cranked Marshall amp. It was incredibly popular. It is said that Jimi used one, which is no doubt due to some kind of time warp: Jimi died in 1970, before the Muff came out. 

For some reason, Big Muffs were also made in Russia. What no one will tell you is that this is the beginning of the Russian meddling in elections plan. They started with guitar effects. It turned out to be a piss poor plan because guitar players are frequently stupid and can't always find their way to the polling place. Or even remember what day of the week it is.

Notice the lovely and consistent Russian design ethic. The exquisitely round black knobs. The bigass footswitch. They also run on batteries that you can't even get in Russia anymore (I made that up).

Russian Big Muffs

On the way out of the show, something caught my eye. It was my finger and it hurt like hell.

Also on the way out, I saw this interesting booth. They were displaying some products from 360 Systems, an early synthesizer company. The piece of equipment that blew me away was Frank Zappa's prototype guitar synthesizer. I was in the presence of greatness! The gents at the booth didn't have exact specs or functions but noted that there were definitely 360 Systems products involved inside. It was obviously never completed. They have much more Zappa equipment. I hope we'll all get a chance to see it and hear about it. It has a lot of labeled functions and a keypad whose function no one can guess. Had it gone to completion, it would be called something like the Oral Cement Grungalizer.

Frank Zappa prototype guitar synth

Not to be outdone, this is Steve Howe's (Yes) prototype guitar synthesizer. All of them were described as tracking really poorly, due to the method of conversion.

Steve Howe prototype guitar synth

There were 300 ARP Avatars made. They were specifically for guitar. The giveaways are the lack of keyboard and the guitar input.

ARP Avatar guitar synth

Last but not least is the 360 Systems Guitar Synthesizer, built from lessons learned through the Zappa and Howe experiments.

360 Systems Guitar Synth

The gents at the booth also mentioned having a bit of Keith Emerson's rig. 

More as I find it.

There was every kind of effects box you'd ever want. There were wood guitar shape pick holders, unfinished bodies, ridiculously cheap guitars, effects from one transistor to $450 current technology, parts, a Bludotone head (Carlos Santana uses one now), designed as a copy of the rare and horribly expensive Dumble amp, which can be had on the used market now and then for five figures. The price goes up every time Robben Ford, Larry Carlton, or Stevie Ray Vaughan sneezes. There was the famous SRV Leslie, plus a few smaller varieties.  Strings and colored strings could be had, as well as great t-shirts and replacement windows. I suspect someone thought this would be a good idea, and it would be if the gathering included anything but guitar players. It expanded a bit since the last few times and it was a blast.

In the same bleak industrial park-like place were a few food joints. We discovered Cheeseburger Cheeseburger. The burgers were quite good, and we had some real knockout shakes (mine was brownie batter). No Coke - Pepsi. Recommended.

And that ends the Guitar Jones for 2018. The next Philly show is June or July, so if I remember to take pictures and can drag myself to putting them in a page, you'll all see them.

when I hit the spell checker button, it will promptly cough and die

2016 Fall Philly Guitar Show

As it is written, we battened down the hatches, battened up the car, and got off to the Philly Guitar Show, Fall version. As is traditional, is it held nowhere exactly near Philthydephia. Also traditional is making that stupid location reference. Ah, where would we be without tradition?

For health (and sanity) reasons, Mrs leftystrat could not make the trip (she had to wash her hands and couldn't leave for a few hours). The weather was just at the point where a jacket wasn't necessary for us over-padded medium-size manly men. That strange light was in the sky again.

The state has always done interesting things with the roadways in Pennsylvania, the PA Turnpike and Rt 422 being real Standouts of Stupidity. Although PA residents aren't actually sure of WHAT the state does with roadways, we are assured and reminded via almost monthly increases in tolls. Just to make things a little more interesting, the use of EZ-Pass combination tracking device and toll payer is being Highly Encouraged, in the form of many EZ-Pass lanes and a diminishing number of cash lanes. The turnpike exit in question (I am not kidding - this is the butt of jokes nationwide) is King of Prussia. The area has undergone such a ridiculous amount of growth that there have been many road-surgeries to widen ramps and install more toll lanes. This creates yet another excuse for Bad Driver Behavior. There are about fifteen lanes, fed by several distinct ramps, which causes people to veer, cut off, and race at high speed to any of the jumble of strangely-plotted EZ-Pass or a few cash lanes. The only exceptions to this are at rush hour (5:30am - 6pm), when it's the largest parking lot in the state.

Naturally, the exit from fifteen toll lanes boils down to two actual lanes, thus weeding out the men from the women, the children with BMWs purchased by their parents, and any 18 wheelers that can't accelerate fast enough. And people going to guitar shows. Hopefully you took the correct ramp, because if you didn't, you will simply never get to your destination or home. You'll be doomed to wander King of Prussia for several years, or until the next State Improvement that will take five years to build a small ramp that is already overcrowded when it is opened (like all roads in the area).  While you're lost, all roads may or may not lead to the King of Prussia Mall, one of the biggest in the country. Also one of the strangest, due to an asymmetric layout, where the first floor isn't set up like the second floor, plus there are actually three malls joined together by a caterpillar the size of Rhode Island.

Eventually you may or may not stumble onto Rt 422 West, so-named because it doesn't go east. Well, at least until you come home. The state was much more subtle about improvements on 422. Here, to keep attention away from the unbelievably poor condition of 2 two lane highways, they simply installed bumps every few car lengths. Who is going to comment on a few Cadillac-sized holes when your ride goes BUMP..BUMP..BUMP. It's sheer brilliance in a way that should qualify for an award at the National Alliance of State Stupidity Awards. I was passed by a very loud Harley with two very loud riders, straight out of Central Casting. They were mad that I was only going 20 over the speed limit. Seconds later they completely disappeared, probably into a hole under a bump, where they have to keep paying rising tolls every day.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Opening the main doors is fun - you never know what you're going to see. Whatever you see, it's great because this is the damn guitar show; two times a year that I'm likely to have left the house and seen guitars and amps and Stuff. Drop a few bucks in the Greyhound Rescue hat. They always bring a dog or two and they're beyond mellow for dogs that have been thrown out after they're no longer useful for racing. Support your local dog rescue group - all of ours have been rescues.

There were lots of things to see and try out, which was a great improvement over the summer's deathly feeling. All vendor spaces were occupied, including some surprises. You could see all kinds of vintage guitars, incredibly vintage guitars, celebrity-owned guitars (Danny Gatton, Johnny Winter, etc), amps, effects pedals and even a few new things and cheap stuff for beginners. There was a really popular guy who had unfinished guitar bodies but also small (6") bodies, hollowed on top to put picks or business cards in, as well as guitar-shaped cutting boards. Accessories galore.. handmade leather straps, garish straps (my favorite), colored strings, and very interesting people.
 Word to the wise: go for fun. If you go to purchase something, know what you're looking for and what it's worth.

Let's get down to some good old-fashioned visual stimulation, or , as I call it, Guitar Porn...

this is a 1956 Telecaster in mint condition - 3rd year for Teles

yes, it's backwards, but if I had one, it would be in this finish exactly

DHR is a large lefty dealer, which chose to only bring a few non-standard guitars

Danny Gatton (RIP) Fender prototype

1979 Les Paul - weighs more than my car but a hell of a player

1979 Rick 4001 bass

very old Gretsch, maybe a Chet Atkins model

newer Martin - a little stiff

very used Martin

ever been frightened to be near an amp? even before you saw the price? This is more of a megalith than an amp. Orange/Matamp stack.

Reverend had a ton of guitars, plus a pair of lefties. Good value, good guitars, just not for me.

saw a number of Taylor 314s. As a rule, they play better and have better top end than Martins.

a Fender '52 repro Tele, unlike the American Vintage series '52 Tele, also half the price. I'd still go with the the American Vintage for the baseball bat neck.

Last but never least is my dog, Marshall (aka Muppet Paws), and the amplifier named after him (Marshall Code 25).
They both shred but my Marshall shreds tissues.
They both scream but my Marshall screams for people food and dog cookies.
Marshall the Amp is covered in black tolex. Marshall the cocker in black fur.
The amp has a 10" speaker. The dog has two large flaps covering his ears.
We are unsure about getting him an endorsement from Marshall Amplifiers but hope for at least a cover shot and story.
Missing from the shot is a 1974 Marshall half-stack, formerly on tour with UFO and possibly Robin Trower.

And there you have it - the show, minus most of the backwards (right-handed) guitars, which comprised 99.5% of the show.