I don't understand it and I never will.
If I have a late work conference at home, Marshall will invariably have to go outside. I don't know if it's my boss' voice or a stock market fluctuation, but the moment the meeting starts, he appears and starts literally whining to go outside. This is naturally followed by the shrieking and howling to come back in. If I didn't mute my phone, they'd think I was torturing an animal.
- Two of the largest Denial Of Service attacks ever occurred recently. DOS is when you point so much traffic at a server, it can't get data in or out. These attacks were made possible by a helpful service run on the server. How can an external bastard use this service? The people who set up the server left this service available to the internet. It's bad enough that normal people have to set things up correctly with no knowledge or help... these are the professionals, who are supposed to know.
- The professionals don't read this blog and therefore don't know about lefty's law: Don't. Don't open that email, don't click on that link, don't leave anything in the default configuration, don't use stupid passwords. This law applies to absolutely anything and everything from home users to top tier experts. The key here is called default deny. Deny absolutely everything on the server internet access. Only allow absolutely needed ports (services and channels). If you don't know this, as a professional, you aren't a professional and have no business near a server or security functions.
According to an IBM study, millennials put less effort into traditional password hygiene than older generations.
"Dude... passwords are so.... hard, man."
It's 2018 - buck up, you lazy shits. There is no excuse for laziness or refusal to consider security. Don't tell me you're Cyber-Stupid to make me do it for you. Don't tell me you don't understand or it's above your level or you can't learn nothin on Tuesdays. Older folks have had enough time to learn how to do things. Younger folks grew up with computers. There is no longer any excuse.
- The Department of Homeland Security, the agency tasked with securing the nation, “could protect its information and systems more fully and effectively,” according to a damning new report from the Office of the Inspector General.
- The agency "protecting us" isn't protecting itself. Such is the quality of the Homeland Security concept. A perfect example of Security Theater.
- You have to admit that the tragic events of 9-11 spawned a new era in government expansion, personal restrictions, spying, and alleged protection of the masses/homeland.
- Are you mad yet?
Today's social commentary doesn't need much in the way of commentary...
College librarians argue Christians who say 'God bless you' are Islamophobic.
- "Don't follow the crowd, let the crowd follow you." - Margaret Thatcher
- she stole that from us! - Apple
Tarrant County, Texas, has a unique aid to keep things going in the courtroom: a stun belt. This marvel of technology delivers 50,000 volts to the defendant, should he become unruly. A judge used it to 'convince' a defendant to answer questions after he refused.
WHAT?
A higher court found that stun belts cannot be used as punishment in court.
Guilty until proven innocent.
Unreasonable punishment.
Assault.
Sheer stupidity and violation of laws by someone who is supposed to be judging innocence or guilt.
The other side of this is that the defendant is using these technicalities to get out of a charge of "soliciting sexual performance from a child."
The man has rights, just like you and me. Aside from the belief that convicted child molesters should be put to death, psychologists state that they cannot be rehabilitated (like cigarette smokers).
- Amazon confirms some Alexa devices are randomly laughing and says it's working on a fix, after multiple users posted about it on social media.
- If there's any random evil laughter in my house, I better be the one producing it.
On National Womens Day, we celebrate the fairer sex.
I don't think everyone appreciates what women have to go through on normal days... the female host of a program was talking to another woman about the show's topic. She was bent forward, exposing her cleavage. All men in the viewing area instantly leaned forward and became completely focused. To make matters worse, they were thinking that the interview should cease and the program focus on her breasts. This is disrespectful and downright rude.
And I promise not to do it again.
In all seriousness, I try to celebrate women every day. They are truly the greatest gift to humanity.
- This blind lady is walking along, dog beside her, and says good morning to someone else on the sidewalk. How does she know? That dog must be pretty well-trained if he tells her it's Bob.
The Demons of Hell are back
It's been a very quiet, level week.
That should've been my first clue.
Because of my wife's conditions, she does not function every day of the week. This week has been particularly non-functional, which probably has some relationship to it being a very quiet, level week.
The second thing I heard this morning was, "the mortgage company took out double payments." Why yes, they did, completely hosing the checking account. The first 'customer service' person said there's nothing she could do.
Gee, thanks. That was helpful. Is this still being recorded for customer service purposes? The second customer service person was actually serviceable, giving us a clue.
Follow along with me a minute... the bank, which processes electronic payments in microseconds, can't arrange to have the mortgage company void a payment. We have to go there, get a letter, Return Receipt it to the mortgage company, which will then light a fire, put on their ceremonial steer heads and loincloths, and dance merrily. This has absolutely nothing to do with our payments; they just like to do this on Fridays. The letter will then go to their Yeah Right Department, where they will Get Right On It. They will then have to call the bank, but not during
their ceremonial celebration. This whole thing should take less than a month, and we won't have to pay $900 in bounced check fees when the dancing stops.
And it's a wonderful thing that I happen to have a check to deposit, so we can do boring shit, like buy dog food and, heaven forbid, people food.
Have I mentioned the medicines yet? The nobel laureates at my wife's doctor's office have to call her medicine in. Of course they didn't, in spite of three calls confirming it and sending them reminders via smoke signals and the bat phone. If you can get a human on the phone at all, it will be one with an accent so thick you can cut the clouds over my house with it. They agreed, again, to call in the prescription. Due to Congress and the lobbying power of insurers and Big Pharma, we never know how much this one prescription is going to cost. In January, it's $400. In February it's $300. It tends to migrate and wander a lot, like my single atom of patience. At least the copays can be proven to exist, unlike my patience.
OOPS - I don't have $400 on me - it's in the bank. Correction - it WAS in the bank. Hey, how about that money I got back from lending it out? Yeah - here it is! This is another example of what happens when I get money. It goes away. ZOOM. If I make the mistake of physically
touching it, it goes away faster. It's that old Money Tease... it lets me touch it, feel it, smell it, caress it, then it's GONE. Poof! I am not making this up or exaggerating.. this is what happens. If, for some strange reason, I am allowed to keep any more than $50, something will pop up that requires it. If I don't manage to spend it immediately, the next day will bring another Urgent Need.
I'm told all the money will be returned to me.
Sure it will.
If there's anything left.
And if I get any money back - BLAMMO - something else will quickly come along that desperately needs it.
Since it's a snow day, I'm home, working on some intensive tasks.
Wife tells me she's going to clear the car because she has yet another doctor appointment. If she doesn't have at least three appointments per week, she feels lost. Since she's been in bed most of the week with a bad back, I suggest that cleaning snow from a car might not be the best choice of activities. No, off she goes. We do not learn from our mistakes around here - we insist on repeating them every time.
Five minutes later she reappears with a broom, breathing heavily, to tell me it's too much. Can I do it? OF COURSE I can do it. Nothing I ever do is so important that I can't stop what I'm doing immediately and deal with the emergencies of other people. Even if I'm in the midst of something important - no problem. I used to have a sign on my desk that said "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." The boss' wife wrote on it "Yes it does".
She's a smart lady.
Being furious has its advantages.. I hammered my entire arm on the snow and it broke into city-sized pieces and rolled off the car. Then she gave me the broom and I wedged it under the mounds to get more snow off. OOPS - the aluminum-ish broom BENT in half.
At this point you're probably wondering, as I am, what I did to offend some old lady with two teeth in a cave somewhere. Or perhaps I harpooned an Inuit in the process of clubbing a baby seal. Ran over a nun?
This also begs the question of how to reverse the curse. Do I have to give the old lady $20,000 in hundred dollar bills so she can burn it? Send a shipment of fresh baby seals to Alaska? Make a generous contribution to the nunnery?
But it ain't over yet, no sir.
At the pharmacy, my medicine wasn't ready. Why? I went to pick it up a few days ago and there were no refills - they were calling the doctor. This morning they looked quizzically at my wife and said no one had called. They gave me a few to hold me over.
I got a work email.
Up top it said "what are we going to do about lefty?" This is no surprise to me, as people have been asking that question for most of my life. Apparently my boss had ordered software for the entire department by name. Everybody got installed except me. The request very clearly had "leftystrat" listed along with everyone else; even the sight-impaired could figure this out. Yet nothing. Perhaps we've inadvertently discovered the invisible ink of computers! We can all type my name, but the minute it leaves the computer, it turns invisible and you need a special decoder ring to see it. Unfortunately, all the decoder rings vanished when they threw out all the records incriminating the company in a lawsuit I cannot talk about. By mistake, of course. So no one actually knows I exist, outside of my department and hopefully payroll.
This all occurred before 10am.
In the midst of a much-needed nap, I got a call (because I only get calls when I'm sleeping). My beloved had cleaned out the car. And my medicine was in a trash can at Lowes, with the rest of the trash from the car. My eyes hurt because they were both trying to look at each other. She hurried back to discover that Lowes is a very clean organization, having dumped the can 30 minutes ago.
I have two modes: Level, and OMFG, THE CHECKING ACCOUNT CRASHED AND EVERYTHING'S BOUNCING.
Although too much Level would be boring, what would be the harm in the
middle of the two extremes?
Every now and then I get a tiny pleasant surprise. This comes in the form of the sweet nectar of validation. Completely out of the blue, someone will say, "Wow. You guys really have way more than your share of crap." We freeze. We process. We take a deep breath. And sometimes we feel
so good.
I ask for so little, and that's exactly what I get.
- A type of ice not known to be present on earth was recently discovered inside a diamond. It is referred to as ice-VII and is about 1.5 times as dense as the stuff we put in our glasses, ice-I. Next year they plan on discovering ice-VIII, and the following year it's Return of Ice-II, starring water-I.
PELOSI WATCH
On Ru Paul's Drag Race,
Nancy Pelosi said politicians could learn from drag queens. If I were a DNC bigwig, I'd quietly insist this woman "retire". The House Minority Leader goes on a tv show where men compete to see who looks best in women's clothes. Her retirement should be announced today because next week she's competing in a swimsuit contest. She thinks it's the Miss America contest and is working on her weightlifting skills.
The People's Republic of California Speaks:
A coffee shop in Oakland is refusing to serve law enforcement officers for the "physical and emotional safety of our customers and ourselves. We need support of the actual community to keep this place safe, not police."
Coffee shop workers did not respond to requests for comment on the policy, but a post on their Instagram account showed a photo with writing in Spanish that says, "Talk to your neighbors, not the police."
Of course they're well within their rights to refuse service to anyone and I support that. I just wonder who they're going to call when the place gets robbed or has an issue with a very irate customer. I have an inkling that the police will be slightly more welcome should this occur. But they will still have to pay for their coffee - it's the principle.
With A Bullet
California's bullet train, that would connect San Francisco and Los Angeles, is now estimated to cost $77.3 billion, an increase of $13 billion, and could go as high as $98.1 billion. What's a few billion between friends?
- In Pennsylvania, a family was saved when their cat alerted them to a fire. They became concerned when the cat acted strangely. How could they tell?
Just remember: Julia Roberts' hair costs more than your yearly salary.
- United Airlines has absolutely gone out of their way to top any news story about anything they ever did to any of their passengers, including the one they physically dragged off the plane. United, who hired Hitler's public relations company, forced a passenger to put her dog in the overhead bin. The dog died.
- There are no words for this abject, criminal stupidity.
- And I will get in trouble when I suggest putting screaming children up there.
RIP Steven Hawking.
The man was a thinker. He was also somewhat of a medical paradox, in that he lived so long with his disorder.
News of his passing came from Reddit, in spades.
Reddit did not disappoint. Within minutes, there were bad jokes and memes. You have to give credit to the forward-thinking people whose immediate response is to get out the horrid jokes and fire up the meme-makers. I have to keep reminding myself to do this, but the thought process isn't burned into my skull as yet. In addition to the already delightful black humor, there was at least one conspiracy theory; that Professor Hawking died a long time ago and was replaced by at least one stand-in. This is claimed because of the pictures looking a little different over the years, with the newer ones looking younger than the older ones. I'm not touching this with a
ten foot pole.
In Passing/Passed/Whatever
My grandparents were great people.
As the first grandchild, I could do wrong. I'm told my grandfather would screw up and call other grandchildren lefty.
Looking back, nowhere did this matter more than when I was five and my father died.
As I got older, I isolated myself from family. An uncle told me that one should treasure family. Since I'm always right, I ignored him. But who did I call when I got my first IT job? My grandmother. She was very proud of me, especially because I was an unschooled, self-made IT geek. She told me in her own unique way.... "I'm so proud of you. You've come so far with nothing." To this day we laugh.
I could've been a much better grandson; I live with this always.
My grandfather passed early from Alzheimers.
The entire family went north for my grandmother's 94th birthday. That was all she wanted: she passed shortly after.
This is the first time I've written the whole thing out.
My uncle was right: family is important. Cherish what you have.
Hopefully they read blogs wherever they went.
I miss them terribly.
