More on Vagina-Scented Candles

After giving vagina-scented candles some more thought, I am (almost) ashamed to admit that I'd buy one. Not Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina - but her company could be bigger than Amazon if she offered them in 'flavors'.

Emilia Clarke

Vanessa Hudgens

Adriana Lima

Mila Kunis

The only problem is how to explain this to your wife...
Just tell her it's her scent...




Dear lefty:

• Why are you so negative?
• Why are you so positive?

• Win 10 privacy guide: settings everyone should use
• IRS tax-saving tips everyone should use..

Extreme Geeking:
Would Star Trek's transporters kill and replace you?

Stop being so offended by everything. You’re embarrassing us in front of aliens.    @avianwordland

Google Chrome privacy concerns
I'll save you the trouble: do NOT use anything with Google in front of it. If you must use it, use Iridium Browser. It's a much safer, de-Googled Chrome, available for Windows, Mac, and linux

• In a long-awaited Up Yours, Indiana Chief Justice Loretta Rush ruled that removing a small unmarked (tracking) device from your car isn't theft.
• This occurred after a man 'stole' the unmarked tracker from his car, via removing it. Warrant thrown out.

Did you know you can cook the perfect fried rice with your phone?
It's true - pick up your phone and call for some fried rice.

• Intuit is buying Credit Karma
• What could possibly go wrong (with your data)?

TOLD YOU SO

Oversight subcommittee seeks information about Ring's agreements with police and local governments. Your doorbell video, police acquisition, and sales.


Airbnb just launched new surveillance bugs to make sure guests behave.
We call them spy cameras. How long til the footage finds its way to Pornhub?

Google faces state lawsuit alleging misuse of schoolkids' private data.
I spoke to a mother whose kids attend school, using 'free' Chromebooks. I explained the risk. Her eyes glazed over and she said "So what?". Start the kids off young.

Smart speakers mistakenly eavesdrop up to 19 times a day.
This is an outrage. The correct number is always.
Good readers - you pay to put these devices in your home.




Today I identify as   chocolate pudding


Coronavirus outbreak has 'pendemic poteltial' but it's not there yet, according to the WHO.    Coronavirus is sad and feels inadequate.

Speaking of sad, ScienceNews tells us how scientists wrestle with grief over climate change.     Climate Change should start a support group with Coronavirus.


The Defense Information Systems Agency exposed personal information of government employees, including social security numbers. The DISA is in charge of managing communications for the White House.   Feel secured now?

• Just Announced-in concert: the Sad Summer Festival
• Sounds uplifting 

Greetings to new visitors from Myanmar and Turkimenistan.
I welcome everybody, but have you noticed that we don't get visitors from Chad and UAE?


Since (I assume) no one has done any studies on this sort of thing, I was wondering...

• What is porn like in different countries with different politics or social structures? Some is.... different.
• Why is (simulated) incest so popular in porn?
• Most importantly, who owns all the expensive guitars and amps in the background of some movies?

The Emotet virus returns. Hooks up with the coronavirus. Killer duo.
PANIC!

I've Got a Budgie in my Rhinocerous

A California man was served with a restraining order for 'stalking' Apple CEO Tim Cook.  All was forgiven after it was discovered the man was just an Apple Fanboi, who was begging for Cook to introduce a phone costing less than the Gross National Product of Saudi Arabia. The man was tackled and beaten senseless by other Fanbois, who insisted on paying that kind of money for a phone, allowing them to feel even more superior to android users.



How big companies buy credit card data on millions of Americans
meh - it's only your data - nothing to see here

• Why does this spellchecker know Wimbledon but not internet?

Dear lefty:

• Did you see the Democratic debate?
• No - let me guess: it will cost us lots of money
• Did you see the Republican debate?
• No, was Trump tweeting at himself again?

No, really, I just couldn't make myself watch it.
But let me give you the probable highlights:

• Bernie promised more Free Stuff, including funerals, food, and fornicating
• Bloomberg thought he was the smartest in the room, and never failed to tell  everyone
• Warren identified as smart
• There was a 20 minute argument over how to pronounce Buttigieg
• No one can name the others

The upcoming olympics have changed in the wake of the coronavirus PANDEMIC SCARE RUN RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Rather than risk the athletes' health, the Olympic Committee has ruled that the olympics will go on, with each team performing in their home stadium. The committee apologizes in advance for the lack of amusing possibilities, like javelins impaling other throwers, runners tripping other runners, and the Arizona Bobsled team, which is still looking for a practice facility.



Lambda’s claim, reproduced on its website, that “86% of Lambda School graduates are hired within 6 months and make over $50k a year”

In a section warning that student-debt collections may prove too low, it matter-of-factly states that, “We’re at roughly 50% placement for cohorts that are 6 months graduated.”

Founder defends by saying he liked the higher numbers better.

• ".... she even showed fans how to thread her eyebrows"
• Do not try this at home, guys.

Today I identify as  the dead animal on top of Liberace's head



IRS sues Faceyspaces for $9B, says company offshored profits to Ireland

Lord Zuck appears before Congress again, gets total down to $10.

• Did you know the whale is not a fish?  It is an insect
• Speaking of insects, have dinner at the Frog and Peach
• Peter Cook was a genius and one of my favorites. Watch how he cracks Dudley Moore up. It was a hobby of his.

Barclays installed "Big Brother" software to monitor employees.
"Avoid breaks", "Not enough time in the zone yesterday."
My employer uses this software too. To make sure we're not sleeping.

• McDonald's to sell Quarter Pounder scented candles
• not expected to outsell vagina-scented candles

Speaking of vagina-scented candles, I aim to bring you all the vagina-scented candle news that you can use:

• here's a headline you can't make up: Elton John loves Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina-scented candle. No. He. Does. Not.
• Erykah Badu's (real name Jamie Goldstein) vagina-scented incense sold out. She explains this to her children as marketing genius - not pussy perfume.
• Gwyneth Paltrow shares the story behind the vagina candle. When asked if the scent is hers, she winks slyly.
• Martha Stewart mocked Gwyneth Paltrow's candle, saying she wouldn't buy it. The 78 year old is holding out for 78 year old Sylvester Stallone's "Hey - this is my dick" candle. Elton John also expressed interest, as did most of the cast of cooking and dress shows.
• Little is known about Gwyneth Paltrow's next product because she's waiting til the Vagina-Furor dies down. The new product is Do It Yourself Vagina-Scented Candle Kit. It is aimed squarely at teens, who have that Do It Yourself ethos. Designed to be a lower cost alternative, the Kit costs $437, as opposed to the original's $99.99. When asked why the lower-priced alternative is over 4 times the original's price, Ms Paltrow stated that it comes with a video camera to tape the scenting of the candle, because teens have to take video of everything going into their vaginas and post it online.
• Also not released was the list of other candles that never made it to market: Smells Like My Ass candle, Athlete's Crotch candle, Clint Eastwood - Do You Feel Lucky candle - guess what the scent is, and an Elizabeth Warren candle, that identifies as a baseball bat.

Heroes of the Stupid

This exactly why some dudes be turning gay..it’s cool to show your son how to be a man but in some ways u gota hate yo pops a lil bit. When somebody shows u affection u start to love them. Your son might see something in u to make him like men. All it take is [heartbreak] or the wrong fem.

Google is cutting down on android apps that track your location in the background.  Because our tracking is the only tracking.

A group of black Israelites, managed to convince a desperate white couple to kiss their boots to apologise for slavery. They think this is helping black people.
Hang on... black Israelites? Asian basketballers? Jewish nazis? Black yachtsmen? Scotsmen at Wimbledon?

Doctors should be able to write prescriptions for housing the same way they do for insulin or antibiotics.  - Gavin Newsom, Gov CA

ThermionicEmissions celebrates Week 4 of the Missing Spellchekr. Google?

SJW Slather  

How straight 'bromances' harm the LGBTQ12345+ community.

How toxic masculinity limits men's options for expressing friendship....

Today, in a room full of cybersecurity professionals, there are still more people called Steve that there are women.

Google AI no longer uses gender binary tags on images of people
Working on 'asshole' tag

A new National Geographic commercial talks about getting scientists together to talk about their work and collaborate, in a climate of inclusion. There were Asian women, Asian men, and even a caucasian female. Fortunately the stage was not contaminated by the presence of the Patriarchy (in the form of white cis hetero males). We drink!  To the spirit of inclusion.