Laptop Hinges That Heal

Black Lives Matter.

Click here to see what ThermionicEmissions is doing for black people.

We would like to acknowledge the first responders, at the convenience stores, at Dunkin Donuts, and Dairy Queen.

Ok, now that we have that out of the way......

Today's Irony News:
Mexico closes border to US due to Flying AIDS fears

I pretended all was well and ran some errands today.
The construction guys tearing up the street... no, what I mean is the guys who leave the Caterpillars and construction signs want us to know they're aware of the Flying AIDS and have put precautions in place: there's a sign that says Covid 19 precautions in effect. It doesn't appear they're doing anything anyway and we can't imagine what kind of precautions are necessary for heavy equipment, but we play along at home.


Nothing has changed at Dairy Queen: you still have to wear a mask and only 2 people are allowed in the store at one time. This results in a small city developing at their door, hungrily waiting for an ice cream product. It also results in me not stopping there, as I have the patience of a pregnant gnat. Years from now, these people will still be there.. the Soft Serve Zombies.


The most horrid thing caused by the Flying AIDS is that nude beaches feature no clothes, but you have to wear a mask. On your face.


Human sitcom Governor Gavin Newsom (R-Uranus) ordered all California wineries closed. Except his.



Never mind the Flying AIDS, Australia has a flesh eating bacteria problem. If you catch both, you could wind up on a respirator without any skin. Now shut up and go have lunch.

Waaaaay back before the bean counters started running things, you could get a good job and count on being there for life. You had a pension, steady work, and maybe even a Coke machine. 

Not anymore.

Especially the Coke machine.

What did a steady job get you?

Funny you should ask...  in the 1895's (1950's for the non-dyslexic), Leo Fender started making guitars. To give you an idea of how successful he was, you won't see a group onstage these days without a Fender guitar or amplifier. Jimi Hendrix played a Fender Stratocaster (yeah, me too). But this isn't about Leo, Jimi, or even me... this is about a little-known member of the Fender assembly line, Abigail Ybarra.

Abigail Ybarra was with Fender early on, winding pickups (those things under the strings, that use a coil of wire). Guitar players are weird on a good day; it goes downhill from there. A famous artist, or better, a famous deceased artist, obviously has something to show all guitar players, the world over.... it's just a matter of what it is. Jimi had Marshall amps. Eric Johnson has a pedal called the Fuzz Face (as did Jimi). Stevie Ray Vaughan had a pedal called the Tube Screamer, which caused a cheap box to go to $300 to start. Like I said - weird.

When dating a Fender guitar, you do not take her to a Mexican restaurant. You open her up and look for signs of the date she was made. There are also identifying initials.  People noticed the AY initials coming up a lot around pickups, so they got excited because they had Abigail Ybarra-wound pickups. Because of this, there is now an official Abigail Ybarra set of pickups you can order from Fender. She's well-known in the lunatic Fender fringe. She's famous simply for doing her job. And now one can buy Abigail Ybarra-wound pickups.

What have we learned?

1. It paid to have a job for life.
2. guitar players are waaaay out there on the stupid suspicious scale

All of my dogs have had... weird... somewhat human... talents.
Penny is a dog. And that's apparently where it stops.
I tell you this as she sits next to me, with her latest toy: a dish sponge, that she got out of its wrapper.

Today I'm reviewing Microsoft Teams.

After a considerable amount of time with it, my review is thus:

Don't.

Well, sure it works. It's solid and doesn't crash much. But the design team was off that week, so anybody who could hold a crayon was in charge. It's done in early You Can't Get There from Here style. The most notable feature is the audio/video settings. Naturally I keep the mic and camera OFF.  Microsoft supports people like me by not remembering audio/video settings. I have to turn them both off every time I use the program. Ah, Microsoft, your quirks are why I love you.  (and why I use linux)

Of Course I've Taken My Meds, Mr Dragon

There's a special place in hell reserved for people who Reply All.


Practical advice: your laptop or pc needs to breathe, like those people you keep in the basement. Over time, dust (and body parts) pile up in computers because they have fans. Fans suck. Sometimes the people in the basement do also. They tend to get all icky and can clog up, making it difficult to cool your computer. If you can't cool your computer, it will get hot. No, really. When it gets to a certain temperature, it will (hopefully) shut down. Even if it does, this is not a good thing.

Buy some canned air. Spray it on the intake side of the fan (there might be a filter). You can do this both running and off. You'll see dust (and hopefully nothing else) come out. I recommend against snorting it, but I can't tell you what to do, especially in the privacy of your own home. If things still get hot, download a manual for the pc/laptop or check YouTube, and learn how to turn a few screws to open it. While you're disassembling, put the screws in a pill bottle or convenient container. Spray again. Get the whole computer.

And please remember to feed the people in the basement. It's inconvenient to dispose of the remains. Or so I hear.

• Great news, Comcast users: Your favorite cableco is selling your viewing habits to advertising biz Comscore   Evil to their core.

TikTok 'tried to filter out videos from ugly, poor or disabled users'

also abnormal body shape, chubby, obese or too thin, ugly facial looks or facial deformities.  How many categories do you fit in?   I suspect the Inclusive Patrol will be all over this, even though the story will be forgotten by noon.

Experts Say the Internet Will Mostly Stay Online During Coronavirus Pandemic

Donate your excess bandwidth to www.bobsadultvids.com before something bad happens!


Surge in home working highlights Microsoft licensing issue: if you are not on subscription, working remotely is a premium feature

Hmmmm.... I wonder if there's an operating system that isn't licensed.... hmmm..

Dear lefty

• What should I avoid during this virus?
• Breathing

As everyone knows, I don't like much of anything.
However, I found this online radio station - BellyUp4Blues - this is one serious ass-kickin' station. It plays blues and blues-rock. You can listen at the website, through different services (Shoutcast, TuneIn, etc), or direct to your player. You'll hear some great blues and serious guitar. Stop by and give it a listen. If you like what you hear, it's listener-supported, so please make a contribution (I am). This is my go-to online station.

• American hero Buzz Aldrin turned 90 this year.
• don't tell anybody, but he's an alien.

An interview with a YouTuber whose entire channel is videos of him opening  doors (334).I'm going to change the name of this blog to "We're a World of Morons"
Who among us will be the next Internet Sensation? How about 500 videos of you pulling a lamp cord? Or your zipper? Unlocking a car door? Cleaning belly button lint? Pushing a vacuum from east coast to west coast (for charity, of course). Pulling boogies out of your nose?  It's so difficult to keep ahead of people.

• Before this next item, I want you to sit down... this is a big one.
• Microsoft has done well. (are you ok?) MS Teams has held up very well under incredible load.

Back to normal, a leaked document has the government preparing for an 18 month pandemic.



What did we learn today?

Astronauts ordered to shelter in-place in the Space Station over fears of COVID-19. NASA concerned that all earthlings breathing will send COVID into space, infecting the astronauts. The astronauts have to shelter -in-place while practicing social distancing. A rocket has been sent to the Space Station, loaded entirely with antibacterial soap.

For some reason I can't figure out, people have been asking me what I think about the virus (the Flying AIDS). I think the response is way overblown. WAY overblown. We don't need curfews and shelter in place and VA virus stations. This is a test of some kind. PA is days from a lockdown.

Target stores are reserving the first hour (Wednesdays?) for older folks and people with disabilities. Advice to Target: stock up on canes.
The airline industry wants, and will get, a bailout.
Trump wants to give everyone $1,000 shortly, then again (next month?)
I wouldn't be me if I didn't grouse about where this is coming from. $850 billion.
MEXICO is giving the US $250 billion for the emergency. I am seriously impressed. Imagine having to ask the drug gangs for that kind of cash...

I haven't heard any democratic response to the stimulus package, but let's take a guess:

• it wasn't big enough
• IMPEACH! AGAIN!
• His wife is ugly. Mrs Obama was a trendsetter and so beautiful
• The whole financial giveaway was Obama's idea.
• Trump set the virus loose, so he could come in and rescue everyone
• Pelosi is $25k beyond on her plastic surgery bill so we wrote it into the law
• Bernie said socialism works.
• Biden said "Look - I'm James Bond!"

Hold on, kids... information coming in.... several senators face calls to resign over insider trading. They found out about the virus and sold stock before bothering to tell their constituents. The article mentions two republican senators. Further information says more, including Nancy Pelosi. There's one rule for us and another rule for them. IMPEACH!

I have to admit I was wrong about something (don't tell my wife). When Trump was elected, I said the busiest people in DC would be the Secret Service. In fact, the busiest people in DC are Biden's handlers.

Half of the republicans are against the stimulus unless it goes well. at which point they'll take credit for it and stand proudly behind Trump. The other half are registering democrat. And the only guy who makes any sense is the guy with the boot on his head (Vermin Supreme).

Many fees and government restrictions are being lifted.

We're getting more libertarian by the day!

Amazon is doing so well, it's hiring 100,000 warehouse employees in the US. As if it isn't already happening, Bezos is wiping his butt with $10,000 bills. He used to used two, but his wife got half in the divorce.

Uber is shutting down its Uber pool, where Uber users ride-share.
The company is doing its best to "flatten the curve" of the virus.
Instead, you can ride with a patient on the way to the hospital.

We are going to find out about all sorts of technology in the weeks to come.
For instance, a Texas company has a remote camera that senses a high temperature in people walking by. I wonder if they're going to alert SWAT. This would be a bad thing, especially if you're walking your dog. SWAT and the police kill more dogs than COVID kills people.

The US government and tech industry are discussing ways to use smartphone location data (from Faceyspaces, Google, and others) to 'combat' coronavirus. NO. Ok? NO. It's bad enough there is any location data. This serves no purpose and won't go away after coronavirus does.

Bernie said he is going to re-evaluate his campaign. So he's out, leaving Biden.
Biden said he'll have a female vice-president. I suggest Nancy Pelosi - they can run on the Senility ticket. But seriously folks... this is the best they could come up with? Do you seriously want this man as president? Online wags suggest Biden just gave the presidency to Trump.


Today I identify as   toilet paper - I want to feel loved just once.



Dear lefty

• What are you listening to these days?
• The good news: listening to my neighbors have sex
• The bad news: they're in their 90s.

I am torn.
We are advised to stay in, but Guitar Center sent me a 20% off coupon. I'll brave the virus. Ladies - would you do this for 20% off shoes? We know the answer - you would risk the Black Plague for a shoe sale.



SJW STILL!

Coronavirus declared transphobic as surgeries delayed. Life saving surgeries.
It's great to see one organization blazing on with its mission in spite of health considerations.

Using the (V)agina Card

Big Pharma is working tirelessly on a female Viagra.
Before you go off wondering how far I'm going to go with this, I must assure you this is purely medical (almost).

It would seem that there's a campaign to get the FDA to approve flibanserin, a female Viagra. The campaign is comprised of women's groups and, strangely enough, the developer of flibanserin. The claim is that the FDA has a gender bias, in approving twenty six Erectile Dysfunction drugs for men and none for women.

On its surface, this looks like a legitimate claim. Spend a few more seconds with me and we'll see if we have the same opinion.

As it turns out, flibanserin has been studied and rejected twice by the FDA, due to the side-effects outweighing the benefits.

But it's gender-related, right?

This week, the FDA will consider flibanserin for the third time (due to pressure from these groups?).

Other women's groups say the above groups are making a mockery of the FDA approval process. Sounds about right to me.

Let's face it... reality would dictate that we need Big Pharma to come up with drugs that work and are marginally safe. If this were to happen, odds are the FDA would approve them (bribes and powerful friends help - think aspartame). The potential sales of this kind of pill would be in the billions of dollars. Do you think for a moment Big Pharma isn't working on it (aside from the above-mentioned political ploy)?

I'm all for a solution for women - I'd just prefer it to be a safe one.

=====================================

A woman who married her female partner last year without first divorcing her husband has pleaded guilty to bigamy and other charges in Virginia.

• bigamy: one wife too many
• monogamy: same

====================================

Speaking of cards, I need one. I need one simple card or phrase I can pull out to deflect all criticims.  Black people can use the R-card (racism), Jews have the A-card (antisemitism) and, as you see above, women have the V-card. Now that I have completely alienated the NAACP, the ADL and most (if not all) women, let's get down to business.

I don't fit into any of the accepted minority groups. In fact, as a white male, I'm considered responsible for most of the world's ills. So you see, I need my own card.  I'm thinking the L-card. Yes, left-handed rights! Lately the press is full of people bemoaning the lack of women in tech (funny, I've always worked with women), demanding and setting up programs to recruit women in tech.

This raises yet another bugaboo: equal opportunity regulations. Forgetting for a moment the libertarian belief that the government has no business messing with business, do we need these kinds of laws? My personal belief is that the most qualified candidate should get the job, period.  Let's think about this a second.... Man #1 qualifies for the local police, with a score of 92 on his entrance exam. Woman #1 is hired due to EEOC regulations, with a score of 79.  Do you want your police to have the 'correct' amount of minorities on the force or the highest-scoring test-takers? They may be at odds with each other.

From now on, whenever something doesn't go my way, I shall whip out (uh-oh) and use the L-card. Not hired? That's dexterism. Passed over for a promotion? It's obviously because they gave my less-qualified right-handed colleague the job. I demand the EEOC enact regulations requiring a certain amount of dexterously-correct hires. A quota of southpaws. A lorry of lefties. A sack of sinisters. A sizable stack of satan's spawn. Lefty Rights!

And now even more people can hate me!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A senior official in the Malaysian state of Sabah blamed naked tourists for the deadly quake of 6/5/15. Yes, Joseph Pairin Kitingan says this tragedy is connected to a group of Western tourists who recently posed nude on the peak and allegedly cursed at a local guide for trying to prevent them from stripping. Mr Pairin says the tourists made the spirits of the mountain angry.

This brings to mind the fellow who said that abortion was responsible for earthquakes in Mexico.

And now we know.

P.S. The world has yet to come up with a slur exclusively for Malaysians. I suspect they may be feeling left out.

 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I just read an article stating undercover DHS testing revealed that 95% of items could be smuggled through airport security. Read that again: ninety five percent of screeners failed.

The article took a somewhat surprised tone. I just shook my head.. from the beginning I have stated that Homeland Security is Security Theater.  Security Theater is a program staged for the benefit of its viewers but without any serious thought toward its stated purpose.  Another example is the Patriot Act. The FBI and various letter agencies have admitted that the illegal interception of ALL of our data has not stopped one single case of 'terrorism' (Admitted Security Theater). Despite this, our president, McConnell and the always entertaining Feinstein are demanding the Patriot Act be reinstated. Constitutional rogues and political failures.

Do we really need the government protecting us like this? At the cost of our liberties?

The TUNE SPOT

When you're an instrumentalist and people who aren't musicians respond to your playing and songs, you're doing it correctly. Few do it more correctly than Eric Johnson.  Hailing from Austin, TX (like Stevie Ray Vaughan), Eric plays like no other and has sent many a guitar player back to his solitary room to practice and practice and practice again. He has speed, tone, and phrasing down.

Few guitarists win a Grammy award, but Eric did in 1991 for Best Rock Instrumental Performance. The song is Cliffs of Dover. I have even heard it on Rock radio stations. This is the live version, because it's faithful to the studio version and it gives you an idea of what he's like live and the things he can do. Here's Zap, from the same concert in Austin. Here's a concert in 1997, at LA's House of Blues.

Mrs. lefty and I stood almost at Eric's feat for a show in Philly. Most recently we saw him on the Experience Hendrix tour of 2014. Mrs. lefty was spellbound and loves listening to his songs. You will too (my advice is worth exactly what you're paying for it).

Alyson Stupidland

It's been days since we've heard from the TSA, therefore it's time.  The TSA has finally come out on top.  Yes, the TSA always gets their man... errr... woman.... errrr... toddler.  Ever watchful, the TSA detected the 18 month old's name on the no-fly list and promptly removed the baby and her family from the plane.

Yup, you really gotta watch out for those foreign toddlers, especially the quiet ones.

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You know, with all the idiots, perverts and child molesters running for president, it's good to know that Mexico still has a few tricks up its sleeve to show the gringos.  Let's make elections fun, if not downright interesting and thought-provoking.

It is sad, however, that politics still raises its ugly head, as topless does not actually mean topless.

Mitt Romney has been shown to have led the bullying of another student in college.  While bullying is bad, he will no doubt hold this up as an indicator of his ability to lead.

Speaking of leading, a jailed inmate in West Virginia won forty percent of the vote in the primary, over President Obama.

Yes, the ObamaChrist proclaimed his support for gay marriage, but no, the White House will not fight the Defense of Marriage Act.   Would you call me cynical for saying this was a press op?

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Stimpy, the wealth of your ignorance amazes me.

--> They don't call me Stupid for nothing!

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Fort Lee, New Jersey (of course, New Jersey) is starting to crack down on dangerous walking.  In civilized states (and Pennsylvania) we call that handing out tickets for texting and walking.

Fortunately I have a teflon alibi: I don't go to New Jersey and I can't walk and breathe at the same time.