Confuse an Elephant

Google 'really sorry' for humans listening to your conversations. Stopped program. Started it again. Feel safer now?

Among the top 10 most surveilled cities in the world, are 8 in China, plus London and Atlanta, GA. This is based on the number of CCTV cameras per 1,000 people.

Group sex app leaks locations, pics and personal details. Identifies users in White House and Supreme Court   Data leaks are nothing to laugh at. Ok, maybe just this one time....

Windows 10 is now running on over 900 million devices.
... They know this because your pc phones home to Microsoft.




Dear lefty

• You sound... less miserable today
• Not anymore

I love my wife, for so many reasons. Today it's because she talks to all of my relatives. If it weren't for her, I'd have to talk to all of my relatives. Hats off to Mrs lefty! She's like a human firewall.



Today I identify as a writer of children's books. F-cking ankle biters.

• "The meek shall inherit the earth - a 6 foot plot above them." - Robert A. Heinlein

Robert F Kennedy, Jr, has been diligently researching his father's murder.
His claim is security guard Cesar Eugene Thane killed his father, then the CIA led the coverup. The theory was made public on the day Thane died in the Philippines.

We know Sirhan was a Manchurian Candidate, programmed to kill, but have no recollection of it. There were more shots than his his small gun could produce, evidence removed, and shots from the rear. Even a Manchurian Candidate cannot shoot from the front and the rear at the same time.

Best of luck, RFK Jr. You're among the bravest people on the planet (or not wired right); being a Kennedy and researching a Kennedy's death.

My $0.02?  Cesar may have pulled the trigger, but it certainly wasn't his idea. Who is powerful enough to produce a mind-controlled assassin? Definitely the CIA, possibly others. If the CIA wasn't the originating organization, who ordered them to do it? Like his brother, RFK pissed off a lot of powerful people and organizations.

Now imagine you live in a country where very powerful interests can get a very powerful government agency to kill the president of the United States and his brother, a potential democratic candidate for president. Oh wait, you don't have to imagine it.  Stop and think about this for a minute, whether or not you liked the Kennedys...

• British Muslims have run the first ever pride festival.
• It starts on a rooftop and ends on the pavement.

By now, just about everybody on the planet has a reality show. We need to take the next step and I'm here to spark things. We'll call it Tase! The idea is to tune in and watch your favorite celebrities tazed on national tv. The initial promotion is that it's almost a reality show. The back side is that people call in and bid for their favorite celebs to be tazed, with all the profits going to charity. We can have all the rabble who love reality shows, with base human animalism plus charity. It has all the elements. We'll add some attractive models, a decorator mattress for the celebrities to fall on after they get tazed. We'll need a Tazemaster... Someone suggested Judge Judy, but she's the first one to get tazed. That's my only ask.

Speaking of Useless TV, there is an upcoming re-do of Walker, Texas Ranger.
...again, not an original idea in all of Hollywood.

• It's so weird having a dog who just behaves like a dog. We're pretty happy that, although she loves people food, she doesn't try to steal it.
• Until last night, when she cleaned up a plate of cheesecake and ran.

No thank you, I'd rather  watch every Adam Sandler movie in chronological order.

• Multiple suicides on aircraft carrier George H.W. Bush leads to investigation...
• several in the Navy said something bad about Hillary
• the Navy is terrified that Bush will come back from the grave to get them
• disagreement over the word 'seamen'

Sometimes it's almost impossible to get a word with my wife, and it's not because we're married. She's busy (although I'm never sure with what, but she assures me she's busy, and that's good enough for me). Being the clever sort, I discovered a way to make contact every time, without fail:  announce I'm going to be incommunicado, go into my office, and close the door.

This will immediately cause some sort of emergency that can only be solved by knocking on the door or standing there, waving (non-preferred) body parts, as if I can interpret what that means. When I point to the phone I'm using for a call, the gesticulation gets wilder... unfortunately I still can't interpret whatever the waving is about. When it finally sets in that I can't understand the perfectly understandable arm and leg spasms, I will be left alone. Unfortunately this will only last 60 seconds, at which time I'm presented with a note. "I'm going out front to pull weeds."

THIS is why you had to do the Interruption Dance while I was trying to hear the phone conversation?

Well, I had to let you know.

She goes to weed, I get back to my phone conversation. At this point, it's less a conversation than a monologue, as only the other person is speaking.

VOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!
That's the sound of weeding. With some sort of nuclear-powered weeder that requires a small brigade of Marines to deliver and install. 

Thank heavens.. the weeder stopped. I can't even hear the Marines packing the beast up. 30 seconds later, she's back and gesticulating. Again.

What is it THIS time?

I just wanted to know.

YES?

Did I disturb you?

Only when you stand near me or are within 20' of the house.

Ok, I'll be quiet.

Bless you, Dear.

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG
OOPS, sorry. I forgot you were doing something important and was playing with my Barbie Home Jackhammer Kit.

Do you see this phone?

Yes, you're using it for something important.

Do you think you can not use construction equipment for just a few minutes longer?

I'm sorry.

Just remember, this is important.

Ok.

BANGCRASHBANGCRASH SHATTER.

JESUS FC, WHAT IS IT THIS TIME? Bowling with hammers? Tuba tuning?

Well, I was trying to be quiet since you're busy on an important call. I was being very careful and I fell into the pile of old glass decanters your dead relatives gave you in the will.

Good thing you were being quiet. I can't imagine what it would sound like if you weren't.

I promise I won't bother you again. I'll sit on the couch.

Thank you.

WELL WE'RE MOVIN ON UP... TO THE EAST SIDE... TO A DEE-LUX APARTMENT.. IN THE SKYYYYYY

What is that horrible rumble? Did you forget I was on the phone?

Well, I couldn't hear the tv, so I had to turn it up. I can't watch it if I can't hear it.

The city has men outside with sound meters, deciding whether it's noisier at the airport or here. My money's on here. Speaking of my money, may I finish this call?

Sure. I'm sorry. I just wanted to watch tv. I wasn't bothering you. I didn't knock on the door or make hand signals.

I'll get out the Cone of Silence so I can only hear the phone.

CLICK TAP BOOM BOOM CRASH CLICK TAP BOOM BOOM SNAKE NOISE.

I need to go somewhere quiet, like Syria.

Oh, sorry, was I disturbing you? I was just testing out my collection of high volume percussion instruments.

You don't by chance still have your Barbie Home Demolition Kit, do you?

No, I left that in the bulldozer.

Barbie Home Chemistry Explosive Kit?

Haven't seen that in a while.

Barbie Home Dent Hammering Kit?

Thanks for reminding me - I need to work on the car.

No you don't. Will you be quiet?

I promise.

Not a peep?

Nothing.

Thank you.
[finish call]
Dear, where are you? Honey? Darling? Coordinator of Destruction?
[silence]
What's that.. a note...

Dear lefty. You said not to disturb you, so I went to visit my cousins, 3 hours away. I know you wanted to hang out, but I figured you wouldn't mind and I didn't want to disturb you. See you in a few days.

And that's how I get 5 minutes with my wife.




Heroes of the Stupid

A Florida woman was cited after biting a truck stop camel's genitals.
so many questions, so little time....

We're deploying troops to Saudi Arabia. That's stupid from top to bottom.



SJW Follies

James Flynn wrote a book called "In Defense of Free Speech: The University as Censor."  The book has been banned.

Federal judges at the US Court of Appeals went against the FCC:

"did not adequately consider the effect its sweeping rule changes will have on ownership of broadcast media by women and racial minorities."

The decision has no bearing on the fact the the FCC ceased doing anything useful many years ago.

we paid HOW MUCH for this course?

Race to the Bottom. We Lost.

There was some nightmare show on tv about the poor fella who has four wives. Depending on how you feel about this, he has three or four wives too many. Regardless, it's his funeral.

Not to be outdone, I just saw an ad for My Five Wives.
What form of serial insanity is this?

A cynic would note that one of these women is not even better looking than the next. Perhaps he waits til one drives him nuts, then goes to the next one.  These shows will stop when they head to the middle east, where some have lots and lots of wives. The logical conclusion is another series of tv shows, where men get counseling after they come to their senses. I Had Fifteen Wives.

Dr. Phil: What were you thinking?
Guest: I wasn't.

• Well, that's nice. Apple has a new feature in its latest iOS release: it locks the USB port after an hour to foil thieves, including the government and a few third party manufacturers. You can still charge.
• Oops... researchers reveal bypass for aforementioned USB restricted mode.
• GrandCrab ransomware has been updated to affect Windows XP machines via the EternalBlue exploit, developed by the NSA. Here are the takeaways: GrandCrab is updated and maintained better than Windows. Your tax dollars enabled NSA malware. If you're still running Win XP, you're an idiot and should just hook the computer directly to the internet, without firewall or router, and get it over with now. Lastly, you can tell everyone your computer has crabs.

• There’s a growing sense that companies need to take a closer look at security when considering a merger or acquisition.  Gee - my dog really is smarter than most people.

•  Hackers got to Macys.com and Bloomingdales.com, 

The breach took place from April 26 through June 12, compromising data such as full names, addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, birthdays, and payment card numbers with expiration dates

•  The incident was detected by Macy's cyber threat alert tools on June 11. Wow, that's some advanced software. Sixty days to detection. They must've paid a lot of money for that kind of timeliness and accuracy.
• I've poo-pooed fitness tracking apps for phones ever since I knew of their existence. You can't remember or just figured I was insane and nothing could ever happen. I said that the data goes to a phone app, which feeds it somewhere past your phone. Sure enough, 

• Permissive search capabilities in Polar Flow, an online tracking app by Finnish fitness wearables company Polar, has enabled researchers to pinpoint highly sensitive military and intelligence operatives and quickly find out where they live. Furthermore, until Polar shut the app down it was possible to download gigabytes of this information automatically.

• Being right all the time is exhausting, but I carry on for your benefit. 

Apparently there was a couple on an airplane that sat behind another pair of strangers who started flirting. They observed and detailed each move on social media, making the new couple stars. Fortunately I missed this story, but it illustrates your extreme lack of privacy the moment you wander out of your house, into contact with the Great Unwashed. There's an awful lot of information missed by the yokel voyeurs who are fascinated with the story. 

• you have no privacy in public or anywhere there's an idiot with a cell phone and social media account.

You are not taking into consideration that if a cell phone, manned by a random annoying person, starts recording, this is the least of your problems. The NSA and others have been doing this for years.

• if you're a citizen of the UK, there are tens of thousands of cameras, watching everything anyone does. There are also Automatic Number Plate Recognition units in police cars, that scan your license plate and run it past several databases. If there's a match, it makes a noise so the police can stop you. Philadelphia uses this technology, moreso to check for unpaid parking fines, as you saw on the hit show Parking Wars.
• You're screwed. Remember this when you're outside, especially if you're doing something interesting, like having a fit. Rest assured, someone's recording it; an idiot or an official.

• Britain will fine Faceyspaces for the recent data breach. Legally, the fine can be anywhere from $37.50 (423 grams UK) to a few million.  Reached for comment, Mark Zuckerberg snorted, "I make one thousand times that while I pee in the morning."
• Meanwhile, Congress questioned Apple and Google over user tracking. The heads of all online companies stood together and swore, under oath, that cigarettes do not cause cancer.

An online gambling site advises you to gamble responsibly. For years, liquor companies advise you to drink responsibly. This is caused by lawyers. Most things are caused by lawyers.

How does one gamble responsibly? Only lose half the rent?
How does one drink responsibly? Drive home really quickly?

Certain credit cards have 1269% interest. Borrow responsibly.
People put everything on Faceyspaces.  Be stupid responsibly.
Everybody loves porn. Masturbate responsibly.
Taking opiate pain relievers? Overdose responsibly.
Robbing banks? Shoot responsibly.





Gee, lefty... no one is talking about JFK anymore.....

• This does not get discussed routinely but I read that JFK was talking about joining forces with Russia in the space program. Some say that releasing files on UFOs led to his demise. He wanted to end the war in Vietnam.
• The assassination was ordered and planned from a very high level. How do I know? The Secret Service was ordered to use fewer agents that morning and the route was changed at the last minute. Who can make a call like that? There were other indications that the security preparations were not complete, for instance: the windows of buildings above the first floor were not sealed shut. Think about this.
• Lyndon Baines Johnson was jubilant when he exclaimed that he was finally going to get the Kennedys, the night before the assassination.
• Now ask yourself which of JFK's actions would piss off which group: UFO secret keepers or the Military Industrial Complex. The answer may well reveal who ordered the hit.
• There is an absolutely exhaustive amount of research on the killing at Black Op Radio (link to the right). Also RFK information.
• The most compelling bits of information, in my opinion, come from Colonel Fletcher Prouty (RIP), who was sent to the other side of the planet, probably to keep him far away from the assassination. He knew what went into operations like this. He knew who one of the tramps on the bridge was. He described how the information was furnished to the press and designed to frame Oswald very quickly. This can be looked up or heard at Black Op Radio. Prouty was part of Mister X in the JFK movie.

But what about RFK?

• 'Who' is a little more difficult. 'How' is easier.
• Sirhan 'Sirhan' Sirhan says he remembers nothing about the shooting. There were more shots fired than held by Sirhan's pistol, and from different angles, like the rear. Say what you want about Sirhan; being in two places at once is a serious violation of the laws of physics as we know them.
• A still unidentified woman in a polka dotted dress was the last thing Sirhan remembers. She was seen after the assassination coming out the back stairs of the hotel, excited, and said that they got him to a young lady.
• MKULTRA was a CIA brainwashing program that began after WWII, when we imported nazis (Project Paperclip) like Werner von Braun and the crazy 'doctors' who operated on people. They wanted to create the ultimate soldier, who could pull off a killing but truly not remember it, via hypnotism or creation of alternate personalities, to be triggered when the need arose. This took place in Montreal and the US. The trigger or handler had on a polka dotted dress.
• A psychiatrist was examining Sirhan under hypnosis. He triggered something and Sirhan began to write, "RFK must die. RFK must die," over and over again. RFK Must Die is the title of the psychiatrist's book.
• Everything I typed above is verified truth. Make up your own mind about conclusions.

I'm not of an age that I know what happened after the assassination. There was a tv movie about it that truly spoke to me... to quote Don Henley, it was The End of the Innocence. People finally figured out that there was something up behind the scenes and that America wasn't quite as shiny or ideal as they thought. But at least we have the Kardashians.

How's Marshall, you ask?

He spent yesterday between vets, both of whom said he was doing well. The wound is healing quickly. The acupuncture doc said he's much better than last time - clearer eyes and more energy. Someone stopped my wife and said they weren't cocker people but he's absolutely gorgeous. Well, he is. I certainly can't take credit for it.. all I did was see his picture for adoption from the rescue.

Speaking of which, I walked into the kitchen the other day, to find two containers of Chinese food on the floor. Chinese food completely fails to excite me, so I think it's probably better on the floor, except for the Summer Ant Invasion. So this isn't really too much more weird than anything else, but I figured I'd ask the wife, as Marshall can't open the fridge (yet). Yes, the food was for the benefit of Marshall, who's not eating as well as normal. Marshall, taking after his father, is not fond of Chinese food either. I suggested that maybe he wants dessert instead. Or maybe she forgot the soy sauce, which can help the food taste like something.

I like the dessert idea. Yesterday there appeared two large plastic glasses of Dunkin Donuts' frozen hot chocolate. If you've never tried this, run down and get one. It's like.. well... frozen hot chocolate. Marshall is extremely fond of this, especially the mountain of whipped cream on top. He goes face down into it, trying to fit his entire snout into the small hole in the top and licking up the whipped cream. He also likes the frozen hot chocolate. DO NOT GIVE DOGS CHOCOLATE. This isn't really chocolate. So he's back to his perennial favorite: cat food. Vet says feed him whatever he'll eat. Smart people (or most people) realize that he's simply not eating things because he knows something better is coming next.

The vets recommended this probiotic stuff to help his digestion. Personally I'm antibiotic.

Space Command rolls on.

A few issues back, I came out as getting a new job at President Trump's Space Command. One of our slogans, internal only, is You won't even know you're missing a few trillion. All of the ships have Trumps visage emblazoned on them. No one dares guess whether this will earn us a welcome or frighten off potential alien life forms.

Space Command is the front line of Planet Protection, located under ICE and the Department of Homeplanet Security. It turns out that we've had an Earth Defense Force for many years, but nobody knew about it (except government accountants, who live in little burrows underground and cannot come into the daylight, much like their work). So Space Command is somewhat of a public relations stunt (like NASA), putting a face on a department that 'doesn't exist'. As soon as I found this out, I questioned the sanity of whoever hired me... most of you have never met me, but let's just say I should not be the face of anything public. Hell, there are no pictures of me after third grade for a reason.

Our first major task was launching the Trump Space Banner. It's about fifty thousand feet long, in dayglow colors, and says "Welcome to my Planet - it's the best planet", with the president's face, smiling for all lifeforms to see. Some say it bids welcome. Others say it will stop any sort of invasion or visit. People with very high security clearances (that technically don't exist), say it has frightened the existing aliens off the planet.

Another factlet is there are a number of planetary defense satellites in orbit, strictly for the purpose of defending Earth from evil super villain Darth Cheney.

More in the next episode of Space Command.