Swimming up the Mountain

Millions of Americans' medical images and data available on the internet.
Know why? Some aren't passworded, some aren't passworded well. What did I say about Electronic Health Records (EHR)? I said they would wind up in the wrong hands. It has wound up in the wrong hands: doctors and EHR companies.

Those 'smart' tvs... are sending private data to Netflix and Faceyspaces.

Two widely used ad-blocker extensions for Chrome caught in ad fraud. This also includes other browsers based on Chrome, like Opera and Vivaldi. The extensions are lookalikes to AdBlock and uBlock. Check to see if you're using them.

Twitter inadvertently shared users data with advertisers without consent. Fine them appropriately.

Google 'really sorry' for humans listening to your conversations. Stopped program. Started it again. Feel safer now?

Among the top 10 most surveilled cities in the world, are 8 in China, plus London and Atlanta, GA. This is based on the number of CCTV cameras per 1,000 people.

Group sex app leaks locations, pics and personal details. Identifies users in White House and Supreme Court 

RIP Jon (81)

• Ya know what I'm gonna do? Nothing. As little as possible.

Sometimes when I'm bored, I use the tools provided me... I converse with my phone. It says stuff and I say stuff back to it. When I leave the house, it tells me I'm leaving and says hi to the wife. This is no fun, except when I'm leaving.  More fun is when I come home. It says, "Welcome Home. Microsoft sucks." Hey, I didn't do it - it just popped up one day.  After a year, it's still funny, especially if you're a guest who's never heard it before.

When it's very quiet and I'm working or relaxing, it says I'M FULLY CHARGED, which tends to scare the shit out of me. I told it I was only half charged today. A couple of hours later, it said CHARGE ME NOW. I agreed - I could use one.

When I got home, it said YOU'RE UGLY. I told the phone it was uglier. It was the best I could come up with, as I really didn't program that phrase into it.  It waited another hour, then said YOU CAN'T SING. Wow.. it comes up with new phrases and some of them are damn correct. You don't think it's been watching... nah. I told the phone it couldn't keep time.

YOU COULD LOSE A FEW POUNDS, CHUBBS.
You could use a faster clock speed, Molasses.
Ok, this stopped being funny right after Microsoft sucks.

WHAT YOU DO IN THE SHOWER ISN'T NATURAL.
Said the thing that sits on the sink and watches.
Ok, maybe I'm getting a rhythm here.

KNOW THAT VIDEO YOU WERE WATCHING? THAT WASN'T A GIRL.
Your screen is tiny. Other phones laugh at it.

YOU'LL NEVER COMPLETE A CALL AGAIN.
And that's different how?

Needless to say, I'm going phone shopping tonight.

• The Navy claims 3 UFO videos are real.
• ..meaning the craft are unidentified and the videos aren't faked
• ..meaning there's a craft there, but not necessarily aliens

If I was president, my first executive order would be to remove the child support system.

If you get knocked up by a deadbeat that's poor vagina management and you should be forced to live with that.  [@hotepjesus]



Dear lefty

• What is the secret to life?
• If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore, would it?
• Ok, it's diving into unfilled swimming pools.

So that Storm Area 51 thing didn't (or did) go as planned: few showed, fewer stormed. It's a shame we don't storm the IRS by all refusing to pay taxes.

Everyone knows they're at Wright Patterson (except for the 1-2 million who signed on at Faceyspaces). Fortunately no one died.

• America's mayor, Bill de Blasio, has dropped out of the race for Democratic presidential nominee. He wants to devote all his time to making New York residents as miserable as possible.

The world's first Vagina Museum will open in London, in Camden Market.
This is a gross violation of law!
Because Camden, NJ is much closer to me.

• Inmates at an Ohio prison built computers, hid them in the ceiling, and connected them to the prison network. Read the story - it's hysterical.   Medium-security = no security, apparently.

Today I identify as a distributor cap from a 1974 Datsun. A red one.



Yeah, I trip over absolutely anything. But this morning, when picking up a fork, I caught a large, heavy mug as it jumped at the floor, so I'm one up today. I no longer ask why picking up a fork has anything to do with mugs trying to commit suicide.



No thank you, I'd rather play a memory game with Joe Biden on my team





Heroes of the Stupud

Our public utilities are on the internet, some unprotected from the public. The other day someone found the controller for a lake's plumbing, not passworded.  We know this isn't the only one. There's electricity generators, grids, water, etc.  It is absolutely no surprise there are hackers and these utilities need to protect themselves from damage (including foreign damage). Considering cyber warfare...

Elizabeth Warren says the rich must pay her 'wealth tax' because they've benefitted from public schools and infrastructure.


SJW Entertainment

New York mayor De Blasio's plan is: art and cultural institutions with predominately white workers that refuse to change their ways risk losing up to 10 percent of city funding. These nonprofits now receive a total $117.2 million in taxpayer cash.     Yes, folks, hire minorities or lose.

Vice magazine: Banning flavored vapes might be good for teens. It also might be racist.

Speaking of Candidate Biden:  Male convicts that identify as female will be housed with women. "In prison the determination should be that your sexual identity is defined by what you say it is not what in fact the prison says it is."  Yep, I definitely identify as female. Now house me with the women!

Headline: 'My girl became the youngest trans toddler.. at just three years of age'
Oh yeah? I knew at birth my baby was trans.

Put Down the Ice Cream and Come Out with your Hands Up

"Hi, lefty!" went the automated assistant.
"WTF," went lefty. That's just creepy.
"Would you like to make a payment? Press 1 for yes, 2 for no."
presses 1
"If you would like your balance first, press 1. If you want to pay now, press 2."
presses 2
"Your balance, that you just told me not to read, is $100. Would you like to pay $100 now with your card on file?"
"Yes."
"......... Sorry, I don't understand. Would you like to make your payment now?"
"YES, PAY, YES, PLEASE"
"......... You selected 'talk to customer service.' There will be a $17 charge."
"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU A FRIGGIN DEAF MACHINE? I SAID YES, YOU IDIOT. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YES? I REALIZE THIS IS NEW TECHNOLOGY AND HAS ONLY BEEN AROUND FOR 25 YEARS, SO YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT RIGHT YET...."
hangs up
calls again
"Hi, lefty!" went the automated assistant.
same routine.
"Pay. PAY. YES I WANT TO PAY, YOU DONKEY PLOOKER. PAY. P, A, Y - GOT IT?
"There is a longer than normal wait for Customer Service. Please follow the link we sent you or you'll have to call back 20 more times and you won't get any further."
follows link, pays in 14 seconds
"We detect you have paid online. Thank you for your payment and go fuck yourself."
click





The US Navy will be replacing their touch screen monitors on their ships because they're stupid (the monitors and the designers). The new tech is being blamed for a ship crash: there are separate controls for left and right power, located on different sides of the bridge. Plus the monitors are apparently too complex for the users. Feel safer now?


Hey, do you have one of those new wifi routers with the WPA3 incredibly secure standard? It's already been hacked to allow password discovery.  


Wanna see some stats on the NSA's telephony metadata program?


You know those voting machines that are Very Secure because they're not hooked to the net? Oops.







Dear lefty

• I'm a closet Trump supporter and I'm getting tired of all the divisiveness. What should I do?
• Have the president announce that he is categorically against jumping off buildings. By the next morning, there won't be a single divisive person alive. 

Hey, Kids - it's Sunday morning and I'm in bed.
Well, I was in bed.
Now I'm typing this to you, my good readers.
On a Sunday morning, what's the best thing you can do at 8am?
That's right - the neighbor is having their roof redone!

There are a bunch of dudes with hammers hitting things, conveniently located outside my window. There are also two guys on the roof with those auto-hammer/stapler thingies, playing call and response.

Left: bang bang bang
Right: bang bang bang BANG
It took me a while to figure out they were doing Led Zeppelin's Moby Dick.

Mrs lefty went out to ask them if we should move our car.
They stared at her, silently.
Apparently there's a regulation that companies hire non English speaking workers. This is a problem if you need to communicate with them, but the amount of complaints has plummeted to zero.

I just wanted to let you know that if you hear on the news about some unfortunate roofers in my area falling 2 stories to the dirt, next to the sidewalk, and being impaled on 4.7" wood 2x4's, spitting out their spleens and a pancreas or two, just before lunch, near a red truck.. I had nothing at all to do with it. I was asleep.


Speaking of the news, there's a lot going on in Kashmir lately.
I just can't listen to this human tragedy.
(without hearing Led Zeppelin's Kashmir)
It's been a great time for Led Zeppelin.

• a fake Hillary Clinton Twitter account sent this: Jeffrey Epstein was once a close friend. His impending suicide will take a heavy toll on us all.

A Tesla caught fire after hitting a tow truck in Moscow.
Regular cars also have this annoying habit.
One should always avoid tow trucks.

South Wales police want to remind you that if you make fun of this convicted drug dealer's hair, you will be investigated. Even if they take lack of freedom of speech into account, the right to pick on this person's hair should be universal.

• My dad, retired and in need of hobbies, is still agitated I use 4 spoons of sugar in my coffee. I took offense, as I whittled down to two spoons. The secret here, in case you need to cut down on sugar too, is to use really sweet, high sugar creamer. When I retire, I hope I find better Stuff to bitch about.

Something is wrong in the UK government.

Boris Johnson's hair barely points north, east, and west since the election. The news says this signals his about-face on Brexit and Life in General. The people remain more divided than ever. The Americans ask "What's Brexit?"

If you watch Sky News, I'm dating Kay Burley.

The bad news is that she's not aware of it.

The good news is that neither is my wife.

Hong Kong has gotten a bit riotous lately, with protesters getting more bold, since they found out they can Get Stuff when they protest. The current protest is being held at the Hong Kong Airport. The police are out in force and the government has shut down all flights out of spite. Forgotten during this massive argument as to whose penis is bigger, is the reason for the protest: renaming the airport Donald Trump Honorary Airport.

This would be even funnier if it appeared when the protest started happening, not weeks later. This is the quantity quality of work I put into this blog.

Positive government action
Yes, I know... you don't hear about that a lot.
The FDA warned that drinking bleach will not cure cancer or autism.
On the other hand, the fact they had to put this out is terribly sad.

SJW Stuff

[twitter]
Dear white people: If you haven't apologized for being white today to a person of color, maybe you should.


[also twitter]
Do you have white teenage sons?
Listen up.

I've been watching my boys' online behavior & noticed that social media and vloggers are actively laying groundwork in white teens to turn them into alt-right/white supremacists.   Fake news... everybody to the right of Michael Moore has been purged from the larger social media platforms.



Two commercials have been banned in the UK because they perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes. Yes, this is an actual law.  There is a funny point: news people refer to one of the commercials as Philly Cheese, when the product is Philadelphia (brand) Cream Cheese.

We Need Commonsense Truck Laws

It was a fine morning.
The wife had taken off at some unearthly time to take the parents to the airport. They were flying to somewhere (allegedly) warm.* It was so early, she had to scrape ice off the windows.
Back home, I had to get the trash out before the trucks did their parade down the block. Fortunately they didn't have their marching music blasting from the trucks this morning. The Crazy Lady was peering out her spyhole front window, shaking her head disapprovingly, as her trash goes out three seconds after the Minimum Allowable Time strikes the previous day.

Running late, I looked down at Marshall, who looked up, expectantly.
Ah yes, The Dance of the Medicines.
As you know, he isn't very good with taking his pills, depending on your definition of good. He has figured out all manner of not taking his pills, worse than a psych patient in a locked ward. We have tried all sorts of hiding places, like peanut butter, cheesecake, lunchmeat, tuna loaf, Tastykakes, and whatever else is around. This week we're back to turkey. I carefully roll the pill in turkey and present it to His Highness. He quickly sniffs it and gobbles it (sorry). I notice the chewing isn't at his usual rate, which signals Shenanigans. Not hearing the pill drop on the floor (he spits them out while eating the lunchmeat), I turned to give him another pill and there he sat, pill attached to the side of his mouth. Now if you're a black dog, you should probably not hide your white pills on the side of your face. Yes, he's smarter than we are, but according to science, he sees black and white.. perhaps some color.

Running later, it was time for breakfast. No, not mine - his.
Marshall gave up dog food a while ago. As he is doing his best to train his parents, he hasn't had to touch the stuff since. I guess it's not so bad - the stuff costs more than our food, plus we know what he's getting. Unfortunately there was none of it about, so I went with the No Fail Option: tuna. Or as he prefers, "Smells Like Cat Food." Never a problem with tuna. It comes in its own juices too, which drives him nuts (further).

Then it was time for my pills. There's the one to prevent diving under the desk and sitting there for the rest of the day. The other one to counteract the side effects of the one that prevents diving under the desk. The most disgusting pill known to man: vitamin B. I've seen people willingly choose the stuff they give to prisoners with a death sentence over vitamin B.  Then there's the pill that keeps me off the mail lady. The postmaster was very clear about this, so I try not to miss any.

It's not that my wife takes a lot of pills, but the pharmacy truck pulls up after the mail lady leaves.

• All we hear about these days is the opioid crisis. I mention this because the dog takes a non-opioid, very mild pain reliever. Recently we discovered that the Mother In Law also takes this pill. Mother In Law was very unhappy to discover that the dog's dosage is higher than hers and is on the phone to the doctor now.
• As for the Great Opioid Crisis of 2017, a presidential order will result in further chasing of our tails and, importantly, genuinely sick people not being able to get their pain medication. Remember the signs on the pharmacies that said "We do not carry Oxycontin"?

We cannot go a few days without Internet of Things news, and today's is a real winner. LG has a Smart Vacuum. Yes, you read that right. For the bargain price of $549, you get a vacuum that streams video to a smart app on your phone.  The problem is that an attacker can intercept the video, hack the account, and 'gain control of the device'. While it might sound like someone else doing the vacuuming, it could allow access to the home network. So someone can look around your house. 

There are patches to secure the device, but these depend on the vacuum owner having the latest version of the app. What are the odds.....? By the way, over 400,000 of these vacuums have been sold. We're just asking for it. 

Back in my days of customer service, I was taught that when I say NO, I should offer an alternate solution. Well, I left customer service because I hate people, but I want to help. What I'm going to do is keep my house just like its owner: dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. I managed to use vacuums all my life that didn't have a video system that streamed to my phone. You did too. My vacuum is not required to see, as that's a function I can handily perform. My tv does not need to listen to me or send details of what I watch to the manufacturer. My toaster does not need to communicate with anything, other than to tell me when my toast is done (DING). I can survive without my fridge showing me what's in it and telling me what I need to buy at the store.

It's not that I can't see the value of certain smart appliances. A friend has his tv set up through his network and can control it with his voice. Another talks to his Google box, which gives him handy answers to questions and reminds him of things. That's pretty cool... this is the future we read about. What we didn't read about was the technology spying on us and hackers taking over our home network. It's your choice.

• Because of all the ship incidents recently, the Navy has made sweeping changes, including improved training for sailors. 
• Do. Not. Hit. Other. Ship.

China and the US signed an agreement not to hack each others private sector companies for commercial gain in 2015. After the signing, hacking dropped ninety percent. This is really an accomplishment, except that the intrusions haven't entirely stopped; the Crap Cleaner malware left signs that China was involved. 

Taken on its own, an agreement not to hack private sector companies kinda willingly pushes aside the small matter of hacking government systems. 

Mom... Russia is looking at all our files.
Yes, Dear, but they've agreed to ignore files on regular people's computers.

• Tenth graders in California (where else?) are being taught that their sex partner must say 'yes' every ten minutes or it's rape.
• Omitted from this all-encompassing piece of knowledge is what to do when you have multiple partners at the same time.
• Also missing is whether 'oh my God' is an affirmation.
• Who reports the 'rape' if the partner waited til eleven minutes to say 'yes'?
• Do both partners have to do the Rape Dance afterwards, if any laws were broken?
• Can't the president just build The Wall around California?

Parents: you're doing a great job by monitoring your kids' internet use, on their phone, computer, and tv. Unfortunately, the Circle with Disney program you're using has been found to have twenty two vulnerabilities. You're still practicing good parenting, though... instead of monitoring, you're teaching your children to hack. This is a very valuable skill in the 2010s.

• Because you're an aspiring linux guru, here's 3 tools to help you remember linux commands.

Apple will share face-mapping data from the iPhoneX with third-party app developers. Although not as alarming as the headline sounds, this is bad news.

• There's a lawsuit. Yes, there's always a lawsuit, but this one's a winner: a woman is suing Sephora (it's a makeup store, guys) because one of their lipstick samplers gave her herpes. No word on whether the sampler was called Ron and if it was applied in the back room.

Hold onto your hats, kids.... an independent Special Committee has cleared four Equifax executives, including the CFO, of insider trading, after they sold shares just before a major data breach was revealed. Yes, there may be more facts in evidence of which we are not aware, but please... the selloff occurred over a few days, right after they discovered the breach (a month before it was made public). Let me phrase it differently: if you or I had done this, we wouldn't have internet access in jail.

• Offshore law firm Appleby got hacked recently and the hacker dumped an awful lot of information for everyone to see. Yeah, yeah, another breach, it's Monday. Wanna hear a few bits of information?
• secret financial dealings between commerce secretary Ross and a Russian firm part-run by Putin's son-in-law
• millions of dollars of investment in Facebook and Twitter from Russian state companies
• Yes, I like to watch things burn sometimes.. especially when information like this comes to light. They're dirty all the way up to the top.

You're No Fun Anymore

The US Navy and Marines are cracking down on nude photo sharing. Yes, this can no longer go on without permission of the person photographed nude. Apparently this regulation makes it more illegal to post nudes, as it was already illegal under "conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman." Kinda like hate speech.

Which brings me to my next thought: do the armed forces only hire gentlemen? What about ladies? Do we want an armed forces that only hires gentlemen - or would it be like Britain, where they apologize for bombing countries? "Oh, terribly sorry... our planes seemed to have dropped bombs on your factories."

No, I don't want gentlemen - I want rude, crude, lewd, and bright fighters.

• When the lovely folks from AntiFa peacefully attacked Trump supporters with violence and bike locks, the Reddit Detective Squad went into action to identify the culprits.  What did they turn up?  Diablo Valley College and SFSU professor Eric Clanton.  From the site: His work in political philosophy also centers on mass incarceration and the prison system. Yes, a college professor assaulted 'the enemy' with heavy metal. I don't remember these classes in college....
• Rioting 101: how to dress. Will this face mask make me look fat? What is the correct shade of black for my skin? Dreads: are they right for me?
• Rioting 201: weapons. Bicycle locks, Hyundais, and small anvils. Demonstration by the Acme Weapons Company.
• Rioting 302: when caught, how to blame Trump for your actions, the weather, and how your free speech has been eroded by being prosecuted for assault. Releasing a statement to the press about how the whole thing has been caused by the White Male Patriarchy.
• Remember, California: all of this would not be possible without your tax dollars!

A 19 year old pair of McDonalds dipping sauces sold for more than 11,500 pounds on Ebay. My calculations put that figure at $47.533 grams but the article specifies $14,700. Believe whichever you choose. Say what you want about the economy, but someone has too much money.

• Berkeley campus on lockdown after loose pages from Wall Street Journal found on park bench.  Ok, this is from The Onion, but it's not far from reality.

In today's Internet of Things news, there is an internet-connected juicer. No, really. It has a brand new feature, in that it doesn't work when the internet is down.

• The local Fox morning show, a favorite target of ThermionicEmissions, features a local kid playing hackeysack. The show is never short of useful information.

In Marshall news, he's headed to the surgeon for his (hopefully) last post-op visit. He gets his Cone of Shame removed, which should make things easier on him and his parents. It didn't take him long to get used to it, by which I mean walking around, smashing into things and knocking other things over, then circling back to do it again.

Now we have this thing I call The Doggie Dance, largely because I can't think of any other names at this moment.  Whenever he wants something, he whines. Unfortunately the same whine can mean "I want to go outside," "I'm hungry", or "I'm thirsty" and you have to try each of them to figure out what he wants.

Dog whines. I walk to door and ask if he wants to go outside. He stares at me and doesn't move. I sit down.

Dog whines. I walk to door and ask if he wants to go outside. Again, he stares at me. Again I sit down.

Dog whines impatiently.  Oh, it must be food. Fill bowl. Dog eats food. I sit down.

Dog whines and walks to door. Apparently he has to do things in a certain order. Doggie OCD? Don't ask me. And I'm not asking the vet, as we've already bought her a Mercedes and sent her entire family on a cruise to the Bahamas.

As I sit back down, Dog Barks and whines like he's being tortured. This means "I'm ready to come back inside."

By the time I'm temporarily sitting again, he's satisfied that he's caused the maximum amount of carnage and grief possible at the hour, he goes upstairs, bashes through the bedroom door, and has a nap on the bed. Who runs this house anyway?

• If you use LinkedIn and updated your iDevice app, you got a little surprise popup that asked you if you wanted to make your data available to nearby Bluetooth users, even when you're not using the app. This was a problem for anyone who watches what pops up, especially as this update was just a fix. LinkedIn, owned by a small firm called Microsoft, apologized immediately and is working on a fix. Because I want my phone to ping random strangers near me so I can talk to their owners of the joys of LinkedIn.

you are welcome to save this but do NOT tell anyone where it came from