I'm Gagging I'm Gagging I'm Gagging for You

Let's start with Internet of Things right out of the gate!
A guy buys a remote control garage opener. Unfortunately he has a brain aneurysm and gets an IoT garage opener. He isn't satisfied with it and gives it a bad review on the net. The head of the opener company bricks his account, so now the garage door does not open.

PRO TIP: avoid IoT toilets.

• Our good friends at Microsoft have finally released what information Windows 10 collects from you and will allow more specific choices. Not mentioned are the back doors and NSA access.

A Kanye West album has gone platinum.

Why?

• Some enterprising soul has put up a GoFundMe page to help purchase a $15,000 engagement ring for his girlfriend. I suppose I need to recategorize my charitable giving from cancer patients to this poor soul, who can't afford a house-size rock.

Here's an informed view on ISP data privacy from the head of the FCC. Notable is that the Mainstream Media Washington Post did not use this as an excuse to skewer Trump.

• I made it just a few items before returning to the Internet of Things, plus this is a whopper!  The particular device in question is the Siime Eye Sex Toy. For the sake of science, it's a vibrator with a camera, so you can share whatever you like with whomever you like (tactful, no?). You transmit the video over wifi, of course. Here's where the fun starts: if someone happens to be near your home, they can intercept the wifi signal. The credentials are hard-coded (admin, password=blank); this is horrible.  Hijacked feeds are already showing up online (no, I don't have the urls). Once someone hacks in, they have full access and the ability to own the device. The organization that did the penetration testing reached out to the manufacturer three times, starting in December 2016, with no response. Buy one and share your parts with the whole world!

Break out the party hats and squeaky devices - we bombed Syria!  It's been so sad lately for arms manufacturers and now it's Christmastime! We wouldn't want Grumman to go away hungry, would we? Fire up the bombs, ship the bombers, open up the long-range video so everyone can watch the 'targeted' bombs drop - Let's Roll! 

The president who campaigned on America First has bombed another country, in the fine tradition of other recent presidents.  President Trump, we're very disappointed in you, after we specifically stated we didn't vote for you but we were going to wait and see, giving you a chance to walk the walk. Instead you used National Security to bomb a country that allegedly poison gassed its own citizens. Aren't there other countries, perhaps closer and more affected, who could lead this nightmare? Exactly what part of our national security does Syria affect?

• Now that we've gotten the IoT sex toy dealt with, some person is locating insecure IoT devices from the internet and disabling them. The problem here, if there is one, is do we qualify this person as a vigilante, do-gooder, terrorist, or used car salesman? This software is called BrickerBot, because it bricks the device (renders is as functional as a brick). As amusing and ironic as this is, it's not really going to be helpful: while your device will no longer spy on you, it also won't work.

They say everything's bigger in Texas, including the hacks. Someone got access to the emergency alarm sirens in Dallas. Do you have any idea what 156 emergency alarms sound like for 90 minutes? Apparently Dallas does. 

This is just emergency sirens. Let me throw a few words at you and you can think on them: electrical grid, train signals/controls, utility plants...

• PANIC: by the time you read this, extended support for Windows Vista will have ended.

The United Airlines Public Relations Machine is in high gear. Again.

They overbooked a flight. This is legal and industry practice (our first question). They needed volunteers to give up their seats before the plane could take off. Oops, no volunteer. Oops, someone got volunteered. Apparently he didn't want to go, resulting in Security dragging him off the plane, with a nice bruise from his head hitting the arm rest. The man was identified as a doctor, headed home to work. As one would expect, many videos were taken by passengers. "United apologizes for overbooking."

• Marshall's progress: today we took him for surgery. The price was outrageous and they wanted it up front or there would be no surgery. The pet credit cards were virtually worthless. At least we'll eat until I get paid again and at least Marshall will be ok. That's an order.
• The financial considerations were conducted right out in the open.
• This is for one ear. A second surgery may be required.
• Two previous ultrasounds were unviewable by the surgeon, requiring a third.
• The #*@&ing original vet cost us an unbelievable amount and prolonged this issue. The second vet, same practice, sent us directly for surgery. We were played because we're not veterinarians. A few pounds of flesh are in order.
• Marshall will need to stay overnight, due to the seriousness of the surgery. Poor guy.
• Please think good thoughts for him.

COPS is filmed before a live studio audience

• When it really needs to be out of this world, the pros use linux. On the International Space Station there are seven laptops running linux-based software. On the Russian Segment, there are about seven laptops, which are also linux-based. The Curiosity rover, doing its thing on Mars, is remote-controlled with the help of a linux machine from Earth.

I learned about haggis from the source that taught me most important things in life: Monty Python. In spite of the fact that I urge you not to click on the link, curiosity will get the best of you (and you will live to regret it). Haggis is a Scottish dish and the Scots have been trying forever to get haggis into the US market; the problem being that sheep lungs are banned from being imported.  Sheep lungs. Say it slowly.. s-h-e-e-p  l-u-n-g-s. Savor it. This delectibly delightful main ingredient has been on the no-no list since 1971. The Scots are suggesting that the recipe be 'tweaked' to allow import to the US - we owe this to our Scottish brothers.  What do you suppose is a similar experience to sheep lungs? Goat intestine? Elephant brains? Eye of newt?


Students demand and receive resignation of University of Missouri president. Students further demand that Niger change its name because it's racist.

•  Movies: I don't do movies often, possibly because I have the attention span of a gnat. Somehow I managed to take in the latest Mission Impossible, the one co-starring Simon Pegg. Lots of great action, as one would expect (and I'm not a Tom Cruise fan). Also an unexpected bit of fun called Rikki and the Flash. Try to imagine Meryl Streep as an aging rocker, fronting a band in a dingy bar, with all sorts of family issues. She's a hell of an actress.

Smartphone injuries: 43% of people have walked into something while glued to their screen, while 60% have dropped their phone onto their face while reading. And this is before selfie-related injuries (SRI). 16% have fallen off gym equipment, 44% burned themselves ironing, 35% tripped over their pet, 28% hammered fingers, 27% fell off curb and 27% walked into a glass door.

• Russia is denying reports about state sponsored athletic doping. This is the difference between Russia and the US: Russia uses dope - America puts them on tv.

The Missouri University Police Department has urged students to report any hateful speech they encounter on campus.

• A change in sense of humor can signal a sign of impending dementia. Symptoms include laughing inappropriately at tragic events, loss of inhibition, and more impulsivity. Many developed a dark sense of humor.  Well, folks... see you the next time around - it's been grand. I gotta go soil myself.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is visiting President Obama to mend US-Israel ties. They both agreed that a few billion more in financial aid should do it for the time being. University of Missouri students march, demanding Obama take sensitivity training.

• SeaWorld is going to replace the 'Shamu' killer whale show in San Diego. Kim Kardashian's ass not available for comment. BaZINGa.

The president is coming dangerously close to fulfilling a campaign promise, requiring immediate attention. The promise to close Guantanamo Bay is controversial, but the president has come through again: he has promised to close the prison and send all the inmates to Dick Cheney's basement. A brief poll of inmates reveals that they have no problem with Guantanamo Bay at all, thank you, and look forward to spending the rest of their lives there. University of Missouri students march, demanding free waterboarding.

• Do you own a Vizio smart tv? It is the worst spying offender yet. The tv that watches you back.

OK Faceyspaces users:  Facebook has decided it doesn't pester its users enough, so it's going to use its facial recognition technology as the basis of a new nag-screen.  The ad network is testing a feature in its Android app that will scan a user's recent images for photos that look like their friends. If it spots a match, it'll ask if the photos should be shared with other people in them. It is being tested on the Australians first.  Just thought you'd want to know.

• President Obama says he didn't break his promise by sending ground troops to Syria. Because when he said, "No boots on the ground," what he meant was, "JFK was the first Jewish president". It was a simple misunderstanding.

Hassan Rouhani, Iran's president, said that US-Iran ties could be restored but the US must apologize. And when choosing for sports, the US must wait til after the Fat Kid gets picked. University of Missouri students march, demanding the US create a 'safe space' for Iran.

• Sony is ceasing production of Betamax tape. Stock up!

• High Thermionics: You should NOT take micro-doses of LSD while you're at work. Who could have seen that coming?
• Dolphins get high on puffer fish and pass them around. Don't bogart that puffie.
• Catnip only works on 70-80% of cats. University of Missouri students march, demanding catnip work on ALL cats. But only the black ones.
• When you give drugs to spiders, unusual web patterns ensue. So don't give drugs to spiders.

From an alien viewpoint, we are a primitive society whose major activity is tribal warfare - Stanton Friedman, father of ufo research

• In case you haven't had your sugar for the month, Ihop has Caramel Bon Bon pancakes. I'm a chocolate guy but these things were really good. Think caramel topped pancakes with creamy, sweet globs between them. One bite and you'll spit out your pancreas. University of Missouri students march, demand Free Ihop Franchise per Student.

MUSIC AND POLITICS?


Here's a timely tune called Vote for Me, by Joe Walsh. It was released a long time ago but some wag added pictures, featuring special guests Vermin Supreme, Ron Paul, and Pat Paulsen (for you old folks). The lyrics are written out. Enjoy some reality hilarity.