Pigeon Prostate Dialectics

 Your love is like  old urine stains

Riley June Williams stole Nancy Pelosi's laptop during the Capitol riots. She was going to sell it to the Russians, but the deal fell through, according to her partner, who alerted the FBI. Williams' charges are very light because Pelosi cannot operate a laptop and does no substantial work. The Russians found several solitaire games and email locked because she can't remember her password. The Russians returned the laptop to Williams, who is currently on the run.

Mainstream or Pr0n?: Ancient China from Above, Monster Hunters

• Still haven't spent that Christmas bonus? David Hasselhoff's personal KITT replica is up for auction, currently at $475,000. 
• The Hoff may deliver it, depending on how you look in a Baywatch bathing suit

Right wing site Parler, booted from both app stores and its Amazon hosting, is back. And when I say back, I mean a hello page promising more soon. Mobile access is out, making site access out because mobile users apparently can't open a browser. 

Oops, some of the GPS data shows Parler users were posting from military bases.

Today I identify as fuzzy dice on a car that jumps up and down

Joe Biden is gearing up to take office. And when I say gearing up, I mean paralyzed with fear. He took one look at what was going on and said "I'm not going out there! Orange Man ruined everything!" His handlers had to promise him and his family a trip to Disney. When the offer was made, he asked "What's Disney?" Mickey and Pluto await his family.

One thing Biden will have to deal with is Trump's order for disclosure of UFO unclassified information within about 180 days. Although this is a non-partisan issue, republicans have suggested Joe take a long ride in a UFO. Even though they have no buttocks, the aliens are wary of Joe and know not to let him too close. There is no word for 'handsy' in alien.

Meanwhile in government, there has been a slight shuffle, thought to be due to the reporting requirement. The Navy's Top Man has been made its Bottom Man and responsibility for reporting has been put under Custodial. The Air Force, where many reports are thought to go, will probably elect to go Stupid:

Do you have the report?

Huh?

The report ordered by President Trump 180 days ago.

What report?

The report on UFOs.

Huh?

UFOs.

What report on UFOs?

The CIA will say it does not handle UFOs because J. Edgar Hoover got jealous, so they sent everything to the FBI. The FBI will say there were some instances, but they were buried with J. Edgar, in a simple gown. The DIA knows exactly what Trump was looking for but, dammit, all records on that topic got burned up in a fire, then misplaced. Wright Patterson Air Field, which has the craft, as well as a few of its occupants, will say "Dammit, you just missed them. We sent everything back to Area 51."  Area 51 will say "Is Wright-Patt playing the 'we sent it to Area 51' game again? It must be lost in transit." Meanwhile, no one thought to ask the Department of Illegal Aliens, in Camden, New Jersey, next to the Aquarium. For $27, anyone can see the white alligator, the penguins, and all the UFO documents they can read. You can buy souvenir UFO paper reprints in the Aquarium Store, but you'll never be able to read the writing on the little papers. And by the way - white alligator tastes like chicken.

• Bloomberg leaked some details about Apple's new phone for 2021
• It will be great
• It will be the best
• You will trade your first-born for one
• You will line up around the corner from the Apple store in the traditional position: on your knees, wallet extended, drooling

Always there but invisible is the Secret Service; the men and women charged with protecting the president. Well, not exactly there, but they will be.  Most of them are home or on vacation, in an alcohol or drug-induced haze. Reached for comment, the Service said "Once you've protected Trump, there's nowhere else to go. The lunatics sent death threats at the rate of 1 every 5 seconds. We're not positive, but some of the threats might've come from family (don't quote me on that). Biden will be a veritable vacation. No one wants to do much harm because he's old and fragile. We can keep track of those who do when Parler comes back up. Nobody will bother Kamala because she has more races than we have agents and nobody wants to go down in history as the person who shot not only a woman, but a woman of Race."

Trump's detail is code-named Nuclear, Biden's is Huh." There is likely to be less violence than steering Joe in the right direction. Dick Cheney, I mean Kamala, will actually run things, from the Oval Office's highly secure broom closet, where all vice presidents sleep. Accounts are being set up on Twitter and Faceyspaces. Both will have an Instagram account, so they can show their paper-folding skills. Joe can fold half an airplane, Kamala can do letters, which, when sat next to each other, spell the democratic slogan: This is all we got. The Secret Service has installed a mobile bar in the White House.

• Scientists are surprised to find electric eels hunt in packs. Formerly thought to be solitary hunters, they discovered that if a 120 volt eel hunts with another eel, they have 240 volts with which to zap their prey.

Flying AIDS willing, the Le Mans will go on and Toyota wants to win, with its hybrid GR010 prototype. "The only problem is locating 450 D-batteries," said Mr. Toyota.

Spotify expected Big Bucks<tm> by purchasing exclusive podcasts by the likes of Joe Rogan, who they had to promise they wouldn't censor. Unfortunately for Spotify, they have seen no gains from their strategy.

I'm flummoxed to discover there are podcasts from such world pundits as Michele Obama, Kim Kardashian, and The Duke and Duchess of Sussex. 

Good morning and welcome to Spotify's new podcaster overview. I have with me former first lady, Michele Obama. Mrs. Obama, tell us about your podcast.

Thank you, Bob. The main thrust of my podcast will be trans rights. I'll be spending time on the many proofs that I'm not a man, and many others on why my husband was the bestest president ever and should be re-elected again and again. I will be vice president, then president, when Barack gets tired of it. You have no idea how many people voted for us him because we're black. Even Hollywood loves us, and each week I'll have another superstar on with me. Also how I'm a fashion icon and soooo much more beautiful than Melania, whose idiot husband prevented her from getting positive press. The celebrities appearing on the podcast will affirm how beautiful I am.

I see.

Your podcast seems a bit self-centered.

Well, Bob, all of our fans are clamoring to enjoy the same themes that occurred during the crowning Obama administration. But I'll tell you a funny story about your next president: he was an idiot - a real bumbler, bound to say the wrong thing or squeeze the wrong woman whenever he got the opportunity. So he was kept in the White House basement, tied to a chair, for 8 years. If we weren't fond of a certain country, we'd sit Joe next to them at dinners. They referred to it as getting Bidened.

That was Michele Obama. Thank you, Mrs. Obama.

Next up is Kim Kardashian. [bang CRASH]

Uh... Kim.... the chairs are the metal things.

Silly me. Hi, Bob.

Hi, Kim. Can you tell us about your podcast?

Well, ummm.... like... a lot of selfies. A lot of selfies. We live on selfies. If we don't take at least 147 a day, we may wind up back in therapy. There are so many selfies to take.. .ones getting in the car. Ones getting out of the car. Heehee - ones sitting in the car.

Who is driving the car?

Oh, my daddy.

Isn't your father dead?

He was. But our antics brought him back from the grave, to save what little was left of humanity. Check my site for the latest selfies of me and him. Like, duh.

What else will listeners be treated to?

Well, ya know, stuff. And things. I have lots of thoughts and I'll be sharing them. The ones that I remember, silly. Some of my thoughts are pretty deep. I shared them at the White House once. Drab place - I should totally redecorate. Of course there will be style. Every podcast will feature selfies of my wardrobes for the show.

Wardrobes?

Oh, totally. I'll be changing 4-5 times per podcast. A girl should never be caught wearing the same clothes over 15 minutes at a time. Plus the big secret: I'm really a blond. I color my hair so people think I'm smart and shit.

I see. What else?

Well, like... isn't that enough? I could put out a 60 minute podcast of me breathing and my legions of fans will devour it. They'd all study it to breathe just like me, Heehee. I'm.. you know... a social influencer. I get paid millions to wear stuff so it'll sell. I get paid whether it does or not. And people call me stupid. Stupid like a fly, I am.

Will Kanye appear?

Oh, HIM.

No, I'm, like, tired of him.

You know you can't shed a husband like an outfit, right?

You can't?

Thank you, Kim.

Finally, on this podcast preview, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex

Good day, Robert.

What can we expect from your podcast?

Well, Ringo...

Robert.

Well, Robert, we're the young generation and we've got something to say, to quote The Monkees. They were fantastically big. At one point, bigger than our Beatles. We have a dog named after us.

The Sussex Spaniel?

Exactly, Rado.

Robert.

Exactly, Robert. Frightful little thing. We have 2 and they pee all over the kids. Or rather, the kids pee all over the dogs - I always get those 2 mixed up.... kids and urine.

What else can we expect?

Well, Radiccio...

Robert.

Well, Robert, we are going to clear the air on many topics, the main one being my wife.

The Duchess of Sussex?

Her too. You see, I married a woman of mixed race. While that would get me in the White House in the States, it doesn't sit well with Royalty. Seems they're a bit hypocritical, I'd say. I think they're also jealous that she is so hot. You see, Royalty has a multi-thousand year tradition of being unattractive. Unappealing. Turning subjects to stone. Stone ugly. Ugly enough to scare the white off rice. Now that we've gone and broken the tradition, we seem to have angered everyone. I mean, look at her, Rembrandt...

Robert.

Look at her, Robert. Wouldn't you take your royal sword in hand and wield it with precision in her general direction?

Yes, Your Majesty.

I suspect one of the reasons she's so reviled is that, even in the Royal Palace, she doesn't turn into a great green lizard, like the Queen. This was bound to cause division but we never thought of it, back when parts of me were saluting one of her entrances. Like all Americans, she's a 3 input girl.

Mixed marriages are hard.

You are telling me, Rufus.

Robert.

So we plan to do as much good as we can for humanity. My mother is Diana, you know. Killed, she was. Her driver was on PCP and the video cameras under the bridge pulled an Epstein and went out for the first time since they were mounted.

One of the most severe problems we face is the hat issue. The Duchess, being American, is not used to hats, especially ridiculous ones. In Britain, women like their hats. They will put almost anything on their heads. Some sport circus animals, but if they don't match the outfit, the elephants need to be dyed. To show there's no division between Royalty and commoners, there's a weight limit for hats: up to 1/2 of the lady's body weight. This way, everybody has an equal chance to wear the most unseemly thing on their heads they can. This is provided it gets through doors. At the last horse race, one woman wore an entire horse (dyed green, of course) on her head and the ambulance people had to take her out on a plus size stretcher so she didn't have to remove it. It's more competitive than horse racing. The Duchess is getting her spine realigned so she can put these monstrosities upon her head. Rather, so her Hat Installation Team can place them upon her head. There are certain advantages to being a Royal. The first time the Duchess saw a woman wearing a row of spectator seats on her head, she almost fainted, not to mention the lady wearing the old Chevrolet. What's worse, it was left hand drive!  We wish to dispel many myths about Royalty and getting kicked out of Royalty, Renee.

Robert.

So that's what we have coming up in podcasts. Still, no one knows why revenues are plummeting. Download our podcasts, even if you just like to watch things burn.

In a move that absolutely no one can understand, scientists have improved the efficiency of certain solar cells with capsaicin. Capsaicin is the substance that makes peppers hot. Who in the entire bleedin universe thought of this?

• Hey Bob - let's improve its efficiency by sprinkling some capsaicin on it.
• Hey - you've got your solar cells in my capsaicin! Hey - you've got your capsaicin in my solar cells!
• Everything tastes better with hot pepper!
• Scientists will spend the next month trying different peppers. I highly recommend chipotles, which make food come alive with smoky goodness.

Buoyed by the news, scientists are also trying fried chicken in car engines, garlic powder in tennis rackets, and turmeric in cell phones.

Triple Reverse SJW 

GitHub wants you to know it is very sorry for firing a Jewish employee for writing in an internal Slack chat room, "Stay safe, Homies. Nazis are about" during the Trump riots. He was fired after another employee tagged him for using divisive rhetoric.

The employee used what could be the best line ever: "I did not know that, as a Jew, it would be so polarizing to say this word."  The employee had relatives who died in the Holocaust. Gee, since he didn't know it was polarizing, and because he's a Jew, they shouldn't have fired him. GitHub said, "After all, black people don't know it's polarizing to say nigger and can say it with impunity."

Meanwhile. GitHub is trying to hire the ex-employee back but they can't find him. Even from all his documentation, with his phone number on it, they are experiencing significant difficulties. GitHub referred to itself as Stupid Polacks.

Jimmy Page Reads This

*no he doesn't.



More Faceyspaces Fallout:

In April 2015, Six4Three sued Facebook, claiming that Facebook’s sudden yanking of access rendered both the app and the company itself “worthless.”

They could have saved a lot of time and money by asking me. I knew FB was worthless years ago.  Read 'em and weep.

• The Secret Service is testing facial recognition at the White House. So make sure you put on your happy face when you visit. Also make sure it's the same face as on your drivers license; that's probably got facial recognition built in too.

Canada's 1-800-FLOWERS got eaten by Magecart malware. If you need flowers, dial 1-800-MAGECART or 1-800-WERE-SCREWED.

• Apparently I missed when the Universe started screaming for a(nother) Grinch movie. Since nature abhors a vacuum, Hollywood obliged them. What's this - number 3? I remember laughing when I was a miniscule irritant. Now that I'm a much taller and rounder irritant, I am not amused.

Just when we thought the US couldn't get any sillier in government cybersecurity, we learn Japan's deputy chief of government cybersecurity strategy has never used a computer.  Next week I am starting a new job as US Minister of Dance.

• Just two days after the Starwood/Marriott breach, there are already two class action suits. Never let it be said that our legal system is slow and not helpful.
• One of the suits states that the 'unauthorized sharing' is still going on.

Every now and then interviewers ask interviewees (because it would be stupid to ask their parents) about their guilty pleasures. I don't have any. I do have some interests that people might find.... odd. We know of my Monkees thing. I've also recently discovered The Scorpions. This is proof of my astute observational abilities (the band was formed in 1965). It took me almost as long to realize the gentlemen are from Germany and have a bit of an accent (told you I was fast). "Here we go again, all the weeeee from the stot." It's kinda funny listening to their between song banter. But seriously, listen to a few of their songs. The recording is excellent, the songs well written, and Klaus the Singer has a pretty wide range. Not bad for heavy metal. Check out Still Lovin You, for one.  They don't need me - they've sold over 110 million records, but I won't let either of those facts deter me.

Next month: The Bangles.  Just kidding.

• United Airlines has a new phone app. It doesn't do anything for you, but it uses your phone's processing power to help keep their computer system up. In exchange, they promise not to drag you, kicking and screaming, off their planes.

HEADLINE:  "Golden Globes shatters diversity record: 4 of 10 best picture nominees have non-white directors"

Dad?

Yes, son.

What is a diversity record?

It's a round black thing that makes no noise because no one could agree on which grooves to cut in it.

Is this the stuff Mom told you not to talk to me about?

No, son.

So what is it?

What is what?

What is a diversity record?

Oh, that. It's an imaginary list.

Why?

That's a good question, boy.

Are you going to tell me or do I have to tell Mom about your secretary blowing you up by your nozzle?

I was just getting to it, my little darling. There have been movies forever. Recently a bunch of people got upset because not enough black and other people won any awards.

But doesn't a movie have to be good to win?

That was the theory, yes.

So now it has to be made by the right color or country?

Something like that, yes.

Why?

Hey, how about some ice cream?

Mom says you're disracktin me.

Moms... are a special breed.

If I complain that there aren't enough movies made by kids, will there be more movies made by kids?

No, it doesn't work that way.

Oh, you mean they're exploiting collective guilt.

How do you know about exploiting collective guilt?

I watch MTV.

Oh.

Dad, what was it like before the awards shows got racist?

How do you figure they're racist?

Well, because people are more concerned with putting their race up top than making cool movies.
Son...
Yes, Dad?

Go ask your mom if we had a really smart mailman about ten years ago...

Dear lefty

• reader Steve Steve, who's threatening to go elsewhere, asks why this blog has so much content.
• Dear 'Steve': because your penis is so small.

Tumbler has banned nudity.
Kneejerk response: you can't ban nudity!
lefty kneejerk response: private company, they have that right
lefty from miles above conspiracy kneejerk response: 

Obviously this is yet another Horseman of the Apocalypse.
Ok, a bit dramatic.
Obviously this is another move toward censorship of ideas and consolidation of information, influence, and power. Let's forget about nudity for a moment, as if that were possible. Tumbler states that the topic of bad weather will no longer be permitted. This will stop the common Tumbler user from discussing how bad the weather has become. Meanwhile, Tumbler continues to push out good weather news and their climate change agenda. Now Tumbler users wind up getting their (happy only climate change) weather news from Tumbler. Tumbler has decided what you will read.

You are absolutely free to get your news anywhere else, but numbers show most people won't - they'll stay on Tumbler. Tumbler helps create the narrative, along with other sites that coincidentally just put the same policy in place. You'll have to look harder to find the truth, and it likely won't appear on highly regarded sites.

If I were a Tumblerer, I'd have my words seen by Manglement long ago. Having been overruled, I'd go elsewhere. My Tumbler would contain no nudity, like my blog, but what will they get away with banning after nudity? And let's face it - you don't want to see me naked. This might be why they terminated nudity.

I don't visit Tumbler. I have no direct stake in this, except for the big one: free speech. You have a stake in this too.



Having absolutely no relation to the above, Australia just enacted a draconian spying law, requiring law enforcement back doors in everything. There is simply no excuse for this, even a completely asleep populace. It passed so quickly and with so little debate, it might have been called the Patriot Act. PEOPLE - you need to wake up. This is one of the 5 Eyes nations, that spies on all data worldwide.

Here's an article on Powerful Morons making powerfully moronic statements on encryption and privacy. One of them is probably yours....



It's 1967 and you've been waiting for Cream to release their next album. The first thing you hear is Sunshine of Your Love. Within days, Jimi Hendrix was on the Lulu Show (don't ask). He got through most of Hey Joe, then stopped and dedicated the next song to Eric Clapton, Ginger Baker, and Jack Bruce - Cream. He played Sunshine of Your Love. He also ran way over his time, causing the producers grief. Rock and Roll, Baby!

From my reading, the top musicians were pretty friendly, and frequently went out to see each other. They were flummoxed and really worried by Jimi, including Jeff Beck and Eric Clapton. I wonder what they were thinking when they heard their song coming from a backwards Stratocaster through a Marshall half stack, with this wild man playing. Pride and horror?



Dear lefty

• occasional reader-by-mistake Steve Goldgold (deceased), says he's very funny and would like to write some stuff for ThermionicEmissions
• Dear Vonnegut: send us some samples of your writing. We're out of toilet paper.

The Phone Chain:

Captain Obvious says Phone Stuff has changed a lot over the years.
What changed between voicemail and voicemail with cell phones?

Why do parents go batshit when they call and get voicemail?

Mom calls Wife.
Mom gets her voicemail.
Mom calls landline.
Mom gets other voicemail.
Mom doesn't know I have landline ring once before voicemail.
Neither does Wife.
When Wife reads this, I may not be able to type for a while....
Not satisfied with two voicemails, Mom calls me. At work.

"Hi, I didn't mean to bother you," (then why are you bothering me?) "where is Wife?"
I'm going to take a wild guess and say at home.
"She's not answering her phone."
I'm going to take another wild guess and say she's sleeping.
"Cuz I needed to talk to her."
Would you like me to drive an hour home to check?
"Oh no, that's not necessary. I don't want to bother you at work."
Then why are you bothering me at work? Did you leave a message?
"No"
Ah, you should try leaving a message, so if she finds her phone, she'll know you called.
"How's your day?"
Great, thanks for calling. Love you, Mom.


It's like Panic.

Don't feel bad, Mom.. I can't get her either.
Wife: You're going to the store, ok. I'll keep my phone with me.
Me: Yeah, that'll happen.
Wife: See, I have it.
Me: Yes, but it won't make a difference when I call it.

an hour later, I dial because I need something...

Landline: goes to voicemail
Cell: the owner of this number cannot answer and the voicemail box is full. Up yours. click.
Me: *(#%&@!___@#$#

home

Wife: [snore]
Me: I hate to wake you but WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER THE (*#&@#ING PHONES?
Wife: Ngfffnntp
I could implant a beeper up her butt and there would still be a reason she didn't know I called.

No, she is not deliberately ignoring me; especially when I'm out getting jewelry.

keep your mind on... ummmm.... yes

Suck it Up

You'll notice all the commercials for vacuums. There's all sorts of new technology to suck stuff up. One of them is battery power, because plugging your vacuum into an outlet is so inconvenient.  You have to admit these ads are quite compelling, showing young, attractive people using the device, in an apparent attempt to clean.  Let's face it - their 'dirty' furniture is cleaner than our clean furniture. There's even a dog. Yeah, right. They don't show the dog defecating on the floor (or the couch).  This is supposed to make you feel all kinds of positive about vacuuming. They have smiles on their faces, while explaining all the new Sucking Features and Methods of the device.

So you buy one of these, at approximately three times what you paid for your current vacuum, that you don't use. Because nobody likes to vacuum, except those OCD people, who will do it at 3am if necessary, and it's always necessary. The manufacturer has sold another unit and you've done your part to help capitalism. You're still not going to vacuum.


Which brings me to Dyson. Dyson is a name that was made up after months of focus groups; the kind that bother you in malls. It sounds all scientific and miraculous. Dyson makes devices that bend the laws of physics as we know them (and we generally don't know them). Everything they make is in the form of a stand or handle, with a loop at the end. The loop is where it all happens. Their handheld Loop Device will cool an entire house (and dog-sit). As if the miracle of air conditioning weren't enough, it purifies the air. It's an ingenious little device, which came from back-engineering a thingie on the ship that crashed at Roswell. Yes, this is alien technology. When turned on, the device causes the house to time travel to a colder season, thereby making it feel cooler. Consult your doctor to see if Dyson is right for you. May cause kidney failure, death, or embarrassment. Whatever you do, do NOT send out your bills or make vacation plans while the device is working. Do not, under any circumstances, operate the device when you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. Or just want to have sex.


in a variety of sizes

• I need to hurry up before all the Engelbert Humperdinck tickets sell out

• Because you're DYING to know, his real name is Arnold George Dorsey. He changed his name to Englebert for the German composer of 19th century operas (because the reference is so much more hip to American audiences)

The absolute best question in 5 years of being on Reddit is "Why is it easier to insert a cucumber into my vagina than a carrot?"  This is not a typical question, but an award-winning one.

• Gaming Disorder is officially recognized by the World Health Organization. Repetitive Stress? In that case, I already have it, but not from games.
• And in a manic spurt of activity, the World Health Organization no longer classifies being transgender as a mental disorder. Twitter's right wing will be very upset.

One looks back every now and then.... and realizes one never really ran afoul of upskirting laws. It's too late now.

• No matter who you are, there will be someone who sees angels and fairy dust when they say The Cloud. When they speak of this with great reverence, make sure to mention that a scan by research firm Lacework turned up 22,000 systems unprotected or publicly available.

Recently there was an anti-knife protest in England.

Anti. Knife.

Because knives are a gateway to spoons.

• Thank goodness this is a light week, because researchers only found seven vulnerabilities in 400 models of IP Cameras (security cameras). 

In feminism news, the self-victimization continues: Mindy Kaling claims that white male critics are being 'unfair' to 'Oceans 8'.  Or maybe it just sucks, I don't know. The single commercial I saw reeks of 'we needed to make this movie with women in all the important roles.'

A feminist bookstore closes from lack of sales, white men blamed.

If there was a meeting of white men, strictly for the purposes of closing feminist bookstores and being unfair to female-led movies, I never got the invitation and I'm feeling some kind of way about this. In fact, I never got the invitation for any meeting of white males, for any reason (including nerding, the presidency, or heavy metal bands).

• A California judge has ruled that Twitter’s policy of banning users “at any time, for any reason or for no reason” may constitute an “unconscionable contract”, and that a lawsuit against the company brought by self-described “white advocate” Jared Taylor may proceed on that basis.
• Wow. 
• We know I'm not a legal scholar, but unconscionable contract seems to be a way to get out of one way contracts. If true, there are so many contracts as to be unconscionable. They might include any social media, credit cards, mortgages, etc etc etc. This is an observation, not a complaint.
• Many people are upset at Twitter for throwing people off randomly, generally the right-leaning. The victim this time is a white supremacist, claiming Twitter's policy of free speech is a lie. He's correct, no matter how disgusting the speech. This mirrors the First Amendment, however, the Social Justice Warriors believe they can censor anyone that doesn't agree with them (because words hurt). 
• IF Twitter can be held to their Free Speech claim, this would be good news for many. Something about this smells odd, though. Should a private corporate entity have to be burdened with government regulation (no matter how much I'd like to see Twitter suffer)?

Speaking of women, I just saw a commercial where the big question was "How do I want to be seen as a woman?"  Strong, assured, etc. Works for me. While these qualities are being listed, a flawless model is lithely walking around in a small bathing suit, then standing in a pool. Is this what they call mixed messages?

• Speaking of commercials, I saw one for Period Poverty. It's from a pad company that is donating one pad to schools per box sold. 
• Did you know about Period Poverty? I didn't.
• If anyone reading experiences this, please contact me.

Get ready: the very smart, enterprising people at Google have announced a spying device for hotels. It's called Sleep Spy (no it isn't, but it should be). Google promises not keep any data (and Google wouldn't lie, would they?).

Alexa, have the front desk bring me 97 lubed condoms, black
Alexa, where do I get a leather mask at this hour?
Alexa, I need a companion: flat rate, not hourly. any mix of genitalia, likes pudding.
Alexa, send a death threat to Google headquarters. Sign it from you.

• A journalist decided to spend ten days off Faceyspaces. He was harassed to death by the very same Faceyspaces. Good reading.

State police are looking for a Pennsylvania man, Shawn Christy, of McAdoo, after he posted a message on social media, threatening to put a bullet in Trump's head. The message has since been erased. Christy is to be presumed armed and dangerous, so if you see him, yell, "Hey pussy - Trump made your mother his love slave."

The Secret Service's response was, "You want to shoot the president? Stand in line, idiot."

Many people accuse the president of many negative things. If you think critically, you'll notice he's been great for the economy: the Secret Service is nine times as busy handling threats, gun sales are good (but not as good as under Obama), lawyers are having a boom year, and social media has gone through the roof with people bitching about every thing he does/wears/says. Even porn stars are in the news. Mental health counselors and heart doctors can't keep up with the demand, as well as forensic cleaning crews, for when his detractors' heads explode.

Driving in Two Lanes at One Time

Can you imagine being a resident at Trump Tower, riding the elevator with the president?

Good morning, Mr President.
Good morning - did you vote for me?
What's it like being president?
Easier than running a company, with much less financial reward.
How do you feel abut the negative attention?
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Is Hillary that evil?
She tried to eat Barron's head. The Secret Service had to pull her off him. It was a bad time.. a very bad time.
Mr. President, I have one request.
How can I help you, Bob?
My name's Sid.
How can I help you, Sid?
Would you tell the man with the machine gun to remove it from my lumbar region, please?

• A man in Germany is suing his neighbor because he hired him to get his wife pregnant, but failed after 72 times. His neighbor knew he was sterile when he accepted the job.

• Faceyspaces, notorious liars and suckers up and sellers of your information, defends sharing data with phone makers. Reminder: this is regardless of whether you told FB not to share your information.
• Some enterprising lawyer might have a class action suit, but that's just a guess.

It was the end of a busy week and time for a treat: we decided to eat out.

Somehow, in the midst of a treat, I got roped into grocery shopping (the vagaries of marriage). It was decided we'd try the place we call UsedToBe's. You all have one - the place that used to be Adam's, then Susan's, then Fat Bob's.

We pulled up, got out of the car, and POOF - UsedToBe's had turned into IsNoLongers. The restaurant was a case of extreme non-presence. There was only a doctor's office. To make sure they weren't deliberately hiding from us, we verified. As it turns out, doctor's offices are not used to people coming in and verifying they aren't BBQ restaurants. This was the restaurant that started us on  BBQ many years ago.

This is yet another case of some person following us around, seeing what we like, and making sure it's not there next time. This extends outside stores too. Just a few weeks back, our current favorite BBQ place went missing. This is number two. 

Aggravated beyond reasonable, I went to CostCo. Close to CostCo is a BBQ chain. Hoping against hope that the entire chain hadn't shut down or moved out of state, we were going to eat there. Well, in theory anyway. Some subhuman in a white car cut me off from the entrance. The explosion was felt across the continental United States.

Stuck in CostCo, I began to feel sorry for my poor wife, who had to remain within a twenty foot radius of me at most times. I hate shopping, I'm not fond of people, and there's a special hatred reserved for the Stupid. You know what's coming, right? The Stupid were out in force. The guy in front of me with the Bluetooth earpiece, who sounded like he was having a conversation with someone on the other end of CostCo. Am I the only person left on the planet who can talk on the phone without the rest of the county being forced to listen to it? Then the family with Fat Mom walked by. Unfortunately I heard them long before I saw them. She was talking so loudly, I thought she must be on the phone. But no, the entire cursed family talked like that. Then the people who shouldn't be driving carts, no less cars. The ones who leave their carts smack in the middle of the aisle so you can't get through.

The only reason I allowed myself to be dragged to that store is that they carry sofas and we're desperate for one. I don't mind the current one having my ass print on it; I just mind that my side is several inches lower than the rest of it. So I'm looking around at the sofas, which have strangely morphed into lawn furniture, gazebos (gesundheit), and pink flamingos. I remark to Wife that the sofas looked really nice and comfortable, attempting to contain the nuclear explosion that was gathering steam (and plutonium) internally, when she utters the phrase that will probably become one that repeats often:

         Oh, they only carry sofas the winter.

WHAT?

You can only buy sofas in the winter?

I had no idea sofas were seasonal items.

It was like finding out that you can't purchase an air conditioner when it's hot. Apparently this is 'normal' and people just live with it.

Since it's coming up on summer, bathing suits and shorts are starting to disappear. I was not born for this world.

So I asked her why she told me CostCo had nice sofas. She said you can order them online. Ah. I asked if you could sit on them online too. She said no, but remembered which ones she liked. Well, that should be easy to purchase then. Perhaps we can buy our next car that way.

Can't you just feel my temperature rising?

As we're walking around, my wife wants to start 'communicating' with me. I'm having trouble grunting without taking anybody's head off and she wants my opinion on which sneakers look better or how about those scallops. It was then I came up with yet another Brilliant Idea<tm> - pretend I'm not here and the cart is trained to follow you around. That was agreeable to her and she kept that in mind for damn near fifteen seconds before she started asking more questions.

Do you know you can purchase organic fudge pops?

Organic fudge pops. Are they free range too? Nothing but the best for my family.

In the produce walk-in, where the employees are wearing winter coats, Wife picks up some romaine. I like romaine because apparently they rip the hearts out of them. It's almost like the thrill of meat while you're eating vegetables. Twenty feet away, she decides to purchase the other romaine - the shorter ones. Unable to contain my wonder, I ask if the shorter ones taste better than the longer ones. She says they're different. Of course they're different - one is longer.

At this point, she starts to get edgy. Oddly enough, it's not because of me... it's because she can't find the Coke. The store has a little game they play call Hide the Soda, where they like to move it so you can't find it the next time you come back. They had done a magnificent job - I have to hand it to them. All other sodas appeared here and there on endcaps but nowhere else. I suggested we look near the bicycles and cell phones, with no success. She mentioned that it was a holiday weekend, so they really should have lots of Coke about. Of course it was a holiday weekend: that explains why there was no Coke to be found.

Then my wife did something I never see...  she picked up a package of pulled pork. What a cruel thing to do to someone who just got deprived of two BBQ restaurants in a row. Pulled pork from a frozen container. She might as well pull out a Chinese-made copy of my favorite guitar and ask if this is the one I want. Or worse, Pepsi.

None of this is doing my temper a bit of good.

I explained to a number of her that I did NOT want to be there, so they promised to make it as quick and painless as possible. In order to make it go faster, they stopped at the book table, that stretched most of an aisle and looked at every book, talking out loud about it. All I can say is that it was a good thing they were making it quick and painless for me - otherwise I would have gotten really upset.

Off to checkout, which usually goes well. Not this time, of course.

There were about three lanes open, with customers ten deep. I decided that it was my turn to be an asshole in public and told her that if she expected me to wait in this line, I would just leave the cart there and walk out of the store. Before she could hit me with a frozen roast, another lane opened up and beckoned to us. I think they knew.

What a pretty cashier. Approaching model status. Except for the eyebrows. I realize eyebrows are the current thing, but as with all current things, they were comically overdone. Like someone dyed some perfectly-matched caterpillars the darkest black possible and somehow attached them to the same spot over each eye. They were so black that if you looked at them for over two seconds, you would fall into a black hole, where gravity is strongest. What a pretty cashier.

As I'm standing there, praying for the sweet release of death, Wife announces she needs to use the ladies'. Of course she does. Being anywhere with her is like carting around a small yellow bus full of children: 

I wanna get ice cream.

I need to go to the bathroom.

I spilled the drink down my shirt.

But you promised we were going to eat.

I don't want to eat - I want you to go back across the city to the zoo.

ZOO ZOO ZOO (chant).

I should be used to this but I'm not smart enough. Unfortunately I'm not tolerant enough either. When she finally returns, I'm grateful. She asks if I paid. No I didn't..  I just put everything in the cart and am now waiting with it on the other side of the register. Of course I'm kidding. You can't enter or exit the store without showing your CostCo card and four forms of ID, including something from the FBI. There's actually some dude by the exit, where you are forced to stop, while he looks over what you just paid for, makes a few notations on the receipt in ancient Sumerian, and tells you to have a nice day. I obviously have no idea what I'm talking about, but the fact that I handed him a receipt seems to indicate I paid for everything. There's an actual line to get out of the store now, as if we were at Burger King.

But I wasn't going to be that lucky, no sir.

I told her I couldn't take this anymore, between the abject disappointments and the alleged people. She said it was the holiday - it was going to be crowded. THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU DRAG ME IN HERE ON A HOLIDAY? This constitutes spousal abuse, and I was checking through my phone for the number of my favorite celebrity lawyer, Gloria Ironbox. Gloria advised me that this was grounds for divorce, but it would be cheaper to keep her.

Meanwhile back at the store, Wife tells me she needs to stop for a soda. Of course she needs to stop for a soda - it's right before the ZOO in the small yellow bus. I can only imagine the internal consternation on what kind of soda everyone needs. As the line has a lot of people in it, I adopted That Look. That Look can cause concrete buildings to crack down to their foundations. I told her there was NO WAY I was waiting in that line. So she waited in that line.

I want you to stop and appreciate the genius inherent in that move.

I refused to wait in that line. She got in that line. So I had to sit and wait anyway. Other shoppers gave me a wide berth, probably because they thought the constant stream of muttering and cursing and wishing death on all mankind was indicative of somebody who should take a short vacation at the Happy Place<tm>. She returned with a berry icee that she wanted me to try because we've never had it before. And when she says never before, that means we had it last time we were there. This is because the small yellow bus don't remember so good.

She bought a freezer carry bag because we don't have the huge grocery bags we keep in the car for grocery shopping. Where were they? At home. I suggested that perhaps this system wasn't working as intended because we had to buy yet another one. We've spent more on grocery carry bags than medical copays. I asked where they were. She told me they were all over the place. Of course they were - all over the place, except in the car where we needed them.

The parking lot was just renamed The CostCo Speedway, for obvious reasons. I have no idea what happens when people turn into the lot, but they become Indy 500 cars, combined with demolition derby cars. And this is just the old people. Those signs about yielding to pedestrians? They're in place to give the drivers a giggle. We spent a lot of time dodging Dodges. As I'm pulling out, some other idiot does not see my large, invisible car and backs out in front of me. As this point it physically hurt not to give her car the plowing it so richly deserved.

It's not that I don't like CostCo, it's that I hate everyone who shops there.

As my nephew so accurately put it, you go in for some milk and cookies, and leave, $500 later, with a set of tires for your car, having forgotten the milk.

When we get home, half crazed from hunger, she lets loose that the lawn needs mowing.

I laughed so hard during this scene I couldn't breathe.

She Looks Like Peter Tork

Just to get this thing kicked off with a bang, over 8,600 vulnerabilities have been found in pacemakers. Don't leave the frigging house.

• So there was only one act of terror over the weekend (that got any press) and that was another van running into people in England, on the London Bridge. There were fatalities.
• There's an awful lot of this going on. I get a strange feeling we're being manipulated. Last time England claimed they needed net censorship. This time they claimed they need worldwide net control (censorship). BINGO. False flag operation, designed to obtain control of the (mostly) free internet. Let's watch closely. Nothing happens out of a vacuum.
• Speaking of which, the policeman who shot and killed three of the terrorists has been suspended.

Your cell provider knows where you are at any moment. Is it ok for the police to know, without a warrant? The Supreme Court will rule. Watch this case, if Ginsburg can stay awake that long.

• This is not new, but the Secret Service got color printer manufacturers to have printers encode date and serial number of the printer on each document you print. This was initially for counterfeiting measures, but now it's for the children. Yet more collusion with government. This is how they outed the latest NSA leaker.
• The leaker, a white woman, stated online that 'Being White is Terrorism.'

Thought for the day: I commit terrorism every day by deliberately being white.

I read that Dickey Betts recently made peace with Gregg Allman. Good timing. This is not the burden you wish to carry for the rest of your life. Please remember this.

• British Airways' IT Glitch, that took down the entire airline last week, was caused, as previously typed here, by a power surge that knocked even the backup system offline. Additionally, outsourcing made it worse, with the foreign workers not having the knowledge to restart the systems. A brand new cause has been found... a systems engineer switched off the power to the IT systems. It was switched back on, which allegedly caused physical damaged to the systems.
• Just a note: switching the power off to the systems is not the same as a large surge or offshore contractors not being able to power up the systems.

Another thing learned from COPS: meth chicks are skinny. I like skinny.

Latest on the students of Evergreen State College: protesters are running around with baseball bats. An administrator released a memo, instructing students to get rid of the bats immediately (or he'd release an even more stern memo).

• Memo to London: Those three men in a van who just ran into people on the London Bridge? They were known to authorities. People called with concerns about them. One was in a jihad film. With all this knowledge, they completed their mission. With one camera for every eleven people, your government couldn't protect you. MI5 says it will be a generation before they catch up - they're woefully understaffed.
• Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.  -Ben Franklin
• Your government isn't going to protect you. You will simply give away your rights, like after 9-11. This applies to all countries.
• In related news, Welsh police have picked up a man with automated facial recognition for the first time. Automated facial recognition is built into US drivers licenses.

Canada's Minister Freeland stood up and gave a rather stunning speech on global leadership, suggesting that Canada should not take a free ride on the US train and step up to take the mantle of Global Leader.

Naturally my Skepticism Meter<tm> ran off the scale, first wondering how much of his family is in the defense industry. But I really like the tone of the speech and how Canada wants to Do The Canadian Thing: Step Up.

With this in mind, we present our Global Leadership Trophy and T-shirt to Canada, with three cheers. Huzzah! (eh?)

And I dare you to read his speech in a voice other than South Park's Canadian accent.

• Rod Stewart is touring with Cyndi Lauper. Concert starts at 8:00. Be there at 9:00.

Just remember: to a dyslexic, bowling is blowing.

Much as I despise phones ringing, I finally found a good use for them: I spent the last week trying to locate a bunch of phones by calling them from other phones. Otherwise I ignore them or shut off the ringer, which makes them even more difficult to find. I wonder if they travel when I'm not looking.

STIGMA

Somebody asked me how to be a good friend/supporter/family member when someone goes to the Happy Place (Booby Hatch, Loony Bin, mental hospital). There are no absolutes, but here are some suggestions:

• find out what the patient wants. If they'd like visits or calls, do so. If they want no contact, don't contact them.
• the family or whoever is home when the patient goes in might need some support or a hand or a burger. Are there kids?
• even if nothing is wanted, it helps to be a solid, supportive friend, in whatever way you can - just being you.
• don't go beyond what is requested, if anything.

'Crazy' is relative. It has been treated poorly since the beginning of time. When Mrs lefty got her bipolar diagnosis, many years ago, she was shunned at work, as if it were contagious. Interestingly, she was shunned by people who spent nights and weekends getting so blasted, you couldn't talk to them.

DINSDALE!

Just in case you're short of good news lately, scientists have identified a new type of sexually transmitted disease (STD) that often has no symptoms (NS). It is estimated that one percent of the porking population is infected. But since it has no symptoms, carry on!

Thermionics send best wishes to Charlie Sheen after his HIV diagnosis. Although none of this is any mystery, we prefer to remain in the 70s, where sex, drugs and rock n roll didn't have life or death consequences. We're behind you, Charlie (so to speak).

• Glass Houses: Donald Trump referred to Hillary's hair as 'massive'.

SCHOOL PC POLICE RUN AMOK

Students all over the country are about to march against debt and for free college. Personally I agree: they should march. Right back to their classrooms. If they think free college is free, their math department is failing to do its job.

A Houston high school just held a Unity Meeting. The sticky point was that only African-American students were invited (parents were not invited either). Administrators stated that the intent of the meeting was to improve the academic performance of the students. So... Unity Day does not invite whites and the purpose of Unity Day was for African Americans to improve their academic performance. If the point of Unity Day was to offend everybody, the school succeeded beyond its wildest dreams.

A nine-year-old Texas boy has been threatened with sexual harrassment charges after writing a love letter to a classmate. This fella is going to need some extended sensitivity training. And nightly cold showers.

• "Sextrepreneur" plans series of hedonistic sex parties in the Bible Belt. The natives are restless: they prefer their hedonistic sex parties in dark basements, public restrooms and Capitol Hill.

A couple goes to a rental storage facility. She undresses, asking if he wants any. He suggests she lay down. She doesn't like that position and strikes him in the head with a solid object. As if that weren't enough to express her displeasure, she moved the car while he was halfway in, running over his foot. The moral: if she wants to, do it, and do it the way SHE wants to.

• A Secret Service agent has been accused of trying to have sex with a female under eighteen.  Aw, it's just not fun anymore. Can't they get back to what they do best? (Columbian hookers)

WHOOPS: The Kremlin says that plans for a Russian long-range nuclear torpedo should not have appeared on Russian TV news. The Kremlin is very sorry and kindly requests that the world forget it saw the news. The Kremlin says that the nuclear torpedo is capable of hitting Missouri.

• Over at Denny's, a woman became unhinged when a waitress told her she couldn't share her $4 all you can eat special with her friends. The police arrested her. University of Missouri students marched, demanding free pancakes for everyone.

Thousands of men around the world are to be sterilized in what organisers dubbed a global "vasectomy-athon". No matter how many of you beg, I am not going.

• The BBC would like to apologize for the following headline: "Stock markets steady but airlines fall"

The Flying Spaghetti Monster triumphs again! After a legal appeal, we can now wear a colander in a drivers license picture in Massachusetts. Next up: Pennsylvania.

• A French airport experienced a traffic backup the other day. This was due to lack of technicians who could work on Windows 3.1.  Windows 3.1. A French airport runs a system on Windows 3.1.  I'm a critic of our Air Traffic Control system but these guys take the cake. Hey guys - got any 5.25" floppies?

The mother of one of the Paris bombers said that he "didn't mean to kill anyone" - he blew himself up because of "stress".  He blew himself up over the stress of having to blow himself up.

A neighbor of one of the suicide bombers was intereviewed. He said the bomber had a nice haircut and seemed to be a nice guy.  

• SELFIES: According to a study by Pew Research, one million selfies are posted on the internet every day - most, 48%, go to Faceyspaces. The biggest offenders are the millenials (born early 80s to 2000s).
• And for a happier life, give up Faceyspaces. A study showed that people who went without it felt happier than others.  I rest my case.

MUSIC

I'm going to take you way back to the seventies. Peter Frampton was huge, there was a gas crisis, and these guys were all over the charts: Bachman Turner Overdrive. BTO came from Winnipeg, Canada, which explains their outrageous accents. Bachman Turner Overweight might have been a good alternate name, but the guys have all slimmed down these days (I say this out of love-they are important to me). You know them from the ridiculously overplayed Takin Care of Business and You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet. Let me see if I can provide a different point of view.

BTO went through a bunch of personnel changes, with the original crew being largely Bachmans, with one Turner. One of the Bachmans left and was replaced by Blair Thornton on guitar. This was the hitmaking lineup. Later on there seemed to be a revolving door. At one point, Randy Bachman (guitarist, vocalist, writer) wasn't in the band. Surprisingly enough, Bachman and Turner reunited recently, sounding like they never went their separate ways. They hauled out all the vintage recording equipment, making this almost another BTO album. As if that weren't enough trivia, Randy was a member of the Guess Who, responsible for the singing guitar in American Woman. Randy's latest release is Heavy Blues and it's damn heavy.

Roll On Down the Highway was another of their hits. They were very popular with truckers and this song was one of the reasons why. They always managed some interesting guitar interplay and the odd tone that worked well in the context of the song. An unsung (sorry) vocalist in the annals of classic rock is C. Fred Turner (the C stands for Cindy. No it doesn't.) His growl is instantly recognizeable. This is one of the few times that bands let the bass player sing. Best lyric: "I'd like to have a jet but it's not in the song"

Let it Ride should bring you right back to the 70s. If you weren't born yet, it won't.

You'd be hard pressed to identify this as BTO. It's called Lookin Out for #1. Randy can play a bit of jazz too.

One of my BTO favorite is Free Wheelin. It's a hot instrumental and dedicated to Duane Allman.

If I had to go with one album, it would be Not Fragile. If you like this sort of thing, I encourage you to dig deeper. Most of the songs remain in memory.

As It Turns Out, Babies Don't Bounce

Today's winning headline:

Thousands March Through Snow Protesting Global Warming.


Not even a close second:

Woman Pregnant With Quadruplets at 65!
Part of me is about to be ill. The other part of me hopes I'm still going strong at 65.

I can tell there are no credible threats to the president. I know this because the Secret Service had to scramble to catch a 4-year-old who snuck under the White House fence. I've met Secret Service people... apparently they're hiring different Secret Service people these days.

MUSIC(?) NEWS

Tahiti has succeded in setting the record for largest ukelele ensemble. There is good news and good news: not only have they set the record, we didn't have to listen to it.  In almost related news, China will introduce square-dancing rules, following complaints over disorderly "dancing grannies".  Say what you will about China, but they have some good ideas.  In still more news, Indian music lovers can now listen to Eric Claption's Layla in Sanskrit. How many times have you said to yourself, "Self, what I'd really like is to hear Layla in Sanskrit. Or Swahili."

Incredibly fortunate news here: The NSA has decided to kill the phone surveillance program.  In a completely unrelated story, the KKK has decided to kill the hate thing for the Jews and all brown-skinned people.

Today's Second Best Headline:

Glowing Tampons Help Detect Sewage Leaks.  I included the link in case you think I made that up.

You know whenever there's Philadelphia news, it's going to be amusing and this is no exception. Philly's mayor, Michael Nutter, has been dragging his feet on releasing the report on Comcast's customer service. Nutter has been sucking on the Comcast teat for years. As it turns out, customer satisfaction level was the lowest, by as much as 11%, of other Comcast franchise areas studied over the last six years. Strangely enough, Comcast's home, Philly, has the highest rates in the chart. As if we needed another reason to hate them. Not that Verizon's much better. This is what happens when the local legislators allow a duopoly on cable service.

In national news, the Defense Department keeps losing sensitive explosives gear, then finding it for sale on Ebay.  And we trust these folks to 'defend' the country? I wouldn't trust them to mow my lawn (and you know how I feel about mowing). Even more frightening is the chemical warfare center, Ft Detrick, keeps 'misplacing' all sorts of viruses. Unfortunately they're not showing up on Ebay.

The Facebook Strikes Again: Your chats may be scanned by a CIA-backed company. Of course it's safe to assume you're being tracked on Faceyspaces anyway...

WHO SAYS STRAIGHTS AND GAYS CAN'T GET ALONG?

TSA screeners in Denver set things up so a gay screener could grope the groins of male travelers he found attractive.  Of course this backfired when they got caught. The TSA writes its own material.

The 'You Could Never Have Seen This Coming' Department

Investors in legal marijuana are Tommy Chong and Snoop Dog. Tommy has his own special blend and Snoop invested in delivery (to the lungs?).

Let's Vote! and other stuff...

Today we vote.  Or rather we should vote.

I have seen articles stating why your vote doesn't matter and theories about why it might.  I even wrote here, stating that we third party voters are pretty popular these days.  Most of the polls show the Evil Twins<tm> Romney and Obama neck and neck.  My boss, the portable democratic strategist, states that we are going to see a rerun of the 2000 elections, where it will be decided in the courts.

I am going to vote my conscience.  A vote for the lesser evil is a vote wasted.

Before you pull the lever or write in a name, I want you to ponder these events past:

• the Patriot Act
• the auto `bailout'
• the banker `bailout'
• the NDAA (your president can order you dead with no process)
• Free Speech Zones
• rapidly expanding government, in size and scope
• even more `spreading democracy' (our troops in foreign lands)

The Evil Twins are in close agreement on the above.   Where does this leave us?

Do what you must.

===========================

Now that the expected unpleasantness is through, I wanted to bring you the best of today's news.

Things are in bad shape in New Jersey and New York.  On Craigslist you can now find people trading gas for sex.  My Hotness Level would be through the roof if I had a few spare gallons.....

Staten Island wants to thank you for your generous donations of clothes.  In fact, they don't need more clothes; they need underwear.

A Des Moines, Iowa store has a message for the Secret Service.

An observable miracle in modern jurisprudence was observed recently in Cleveland.  A woman who drove on the sidewalk to get around a school bus must stand on the corner wearing a sign that says 

"Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus."

I suspect if more cases were decided this way, there would be more people with signs and less idiots behind the wheel.  In fact, this might actually eliminate traffic jams!


And lastly, Bill Clinton asks, "Who wants a president who will lie to you?"

Right on, Bill.  Presidents only lie when their lips are moving.

Ted Nugent and Friends?

Terrible Ted Nugent- rock star, hunting and gun rights advocate, right winger, and undiagnosed manic, is in trouble again.  Our good friends in prostitution, the Secret Service, will be investigating Ted's rant at this past weekend's NRA convention.  Thus said Ted, `he will be "dead or in jail" in a year's time if President Barack Obama is re-elected in November.'

According to Yahoo, this was a `violent, anti-Obama rant.'  Apparently the Secret Service thinks so too.  Those of us with the most basic comprehension are unable to hear the violence in the rant.

I agree that credible threats need to be investigated.  I disagree that Ted is a threat to anyone, with the possible exception of the relaxed.

The Nuge: I'm 'a black Jew at a Nazi-Klan rally'...

Much as I love Terrible Ted, I'm horribly disappointed in him.  Anyone who stumps for Mitt Romney should seriously rethink their position (to be polite).

================================

Big Sister is is expanding and I'm not talking about eating way too much.  In Houston, the TSA is planting agents and police officers on buses.  These folks will be searching bags and looking for suspicious activity.  They will interrogate passengers too.

To borrow a current phrase: WTF?

This organization's reach seems to be never-ending.  The genuises who wrote and voted for the PATRIOT Act should be tried for treason.  Who voted for it?  Everyone but Ron Paul (look it up).  It's bad enough our airports have been invaded by this gang of ne'er do wells... now it's the buses.  Pretty soon your rights will be violated right out in the streets on which you walk.

We are no safer for this.  In fact, I will argue that we're less safe (or at least our rights are).  The idea of groping airline passengers while allowing illegal aliens and everyone else free access to our entrances and exits goes against rational thinking.  But then again, who's thinking rationally?

================================

Nation of Islam's Louis Farrakhan spoke at the University of Arkansas the other day.  Here are a few quotes:

“They know you, but you don’t know them or yourself, so you’re always at a disadvantage when you sit down with white people to negotiate,”

“I know myself. I know you. And some of you white people – I know you better than you know yourself because God has revealed you fully,”

“You can’t talk like this unless you know God. I don’t just talk about God or talk about Jesus … Jesus spoke like this. That’s why he was hated,”

Whites: ‘Unless You Change, Your End Has Come’

I ask you: if a caucasian had said these things, what do you suppose would have happened?

Let me leave you with the most twisted thing Farrakhan has ever said:

Pat Buchanan "is a great republican."

P.S.  Happy World Amateur Radio Day!