Tuesday, December 8, 2015


Just in case you're short of good news lately, scientists have identified a new type of sexually transmitted disease (STD) that often has no symptoms (NS). It is estimated that one percent of the porking population is infected. But since it has no symptoms, carry on!

Thermionics send best wishes to Charlie Sheen after his HIV diagnosis. Although none of this is any mystery, we prefer to remain in the 70s, where sex, drugs and rock n roll didn't have life or death consequences. We're behind you, Charlie (so to speak).

  • Glass Houses: Donald Trump referred to Hillary's hair as 'massive'.

Students all over the country are about to march against debt and for free college. Personally I agree: they should march. Right back to their classrooms. If they think free college is free, their math department is failing to do its job.

A Houston high school just held a Unity Meeting. The sticky point was that only African-American students were invited (parents were not invited either). Administrators stated that the intent of the meeting was to improve the academic performance of the students. So... Unity Day does not invite whites and the purpose of Unity Day was for African Americans to improve their academic performance. If the point of Unity Day was to offend everybody, the school succeeded beyond its wildest dreams.

A nine-year-old Texas boy has been threatened with sexual harrassment charges after writing a love letter to a classmate. This fella is going to need some extended sensitivity training. And nightly cold showers.

  • "Sextrepreneur" plans series of hedonistic sex parties in the Bible Belt. The natives are restless: they prefer their hedonistic sex parties in dark basements, public restrooms and Capitol Hill.

A couple goes to a rental storage facility. She undresses, asking if he wants any. He suggests she lay down. She doesn't like that position and strikes him in the head with a solid object. As if that weren't enough to express her displeasure, she moved the car while he was halfway in, running over his foot. The moral: if she wants to, do it, and do it the way SHE wants to.

  • A Secret Service agent has been accused of trying to have sex with a female under eighteen.  Aw, it's just not fun anymore. Can't they get back to what they do best? (Columbian hookers)

WHOOPS: The Kremlin says that plans for a Russian long-range nuclear torpedo should not have appeared on Russian TV news. The Kremlin is very sorry and kindly requests that the world forget it saw the news. The Kremlin says that the nuclear torpedo is capable of hitting Missouri.

  • Over at Denny's, a woman became unhinged when a waitress told her she couldn't share her $4 all you can eat special with her friends. The police arrested her. University of Missouri students marched, demanding free pancakes for everyone.

Thousands of men around the world are to be sterilized in what organisers dubbed a global "vasectomy-athon". No matter how many of you beg, I am not going.

  • The BBC would like to apologize for the following headline: "Stock markets steady but airlines fall"

The Flying Spaghetti Monster triumphs again! After a legal appeal, we can now wear a colander in a drivers license picture in Massachusetts. Next up: Pennsylvania.

  • A French airport experienced a traffic backup the other day. This was due to lack of technicians who could work on Windows 3.1.  Windows 3.1. A French airport runs a system on Windows 3.1.  I'm a critic of our Air Traffic Control system but these guys take the cake. Hey guys - got any 5.25" floppies?

The mother of one of the Paris bombers said that he "didn't mean to kill anyone" - he blew himself up because of "stress".  He blew himself up over the stress of having to blow himself up.

A neighbor of one of the suicide bombers was intereviewed. He said the bomber had a nice haircut and seemed to be a nice guy.  

  • SELFIES: According to a study by Pew Research, one million selfies are posted on the internet every day - most, 48%, go to Faceyspaces. The biggest offenders are the millenials (born early 80s to 2000s).
  • And for a happier life, give up Faceyspaces. A study showed that people who went without it felt happier than others.  I rest my case.


I'm going to take you way back to the seventies. Peter Frampton was huge, there was a gas crisis, and these guys were all over the charts: Bachman Turner Overdrive. BTO came from Winnipeg, Canada, which explains their outrageous accents. Bachman Turner Overweight might have been a good alternate name, but the guys have all slimmed down these days (I say this out of love-they are important to me). You know them from the ridiculously overplayed Takin Care of Business and You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet. Let me see if I can provide a different point of view.

BTO went through a bunch of personnel changes, with the original crew being largely Bachmans, with one Turner. One of the Bachmans left and was replaced by Blair Thornton on guitar. This was the hitmaking lineup. Later on there seemed to be a revolving door. At one point, Randy Bachman (guitarist, vocalist, writer) wasn't in the band. Surprisingly enough, Bachman and Turner reunited recently, sounding like they never went their separate ways. They hauled out all the vintage recording equipment, making this almost another BTO album. As if that weren't enough trivia, Randy was a member of the Guess Who, responsible for the singing guitar in American Woman. Randy's latest release is Heavy Blues and it's damn heavy.

Roll On Down the Highway was another of their hits. They were very popular with truckers and this song was one of the reasons why. They always managed some interesting guitar interplay and the odd tone that worked well in the context of the song. An unsung (sorry) vocalist in the annals of classic rock is C. Fred Turner (the C stands for Cindy. No it doesn't.) His growl is instantly recognizeable. This is one of the few times that bands let the bass player sing. Best lyric: "I'd like to have a jet but it's not in the song"

Let it Ride should bring you right back to the 70s. If you weren't born yet, it won't.

You'd be hard pressed to identify this as BTO. It's called Lookin Out for #1. Randy can play a bit of jazz too.

One of my BTO favorite is Free Wheelin. It's a hot instrumental and dedicated to Duane Allman.

If I had to go with one album, it would be Not Fragile. If you like this sort of thing, I encourage you to dig deeper. Most of the songs remain in memory.

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