Saturday, December 12, 2015

Sometimes the Cat is a Real Asshole

We don't call Ren by his old nickname (Satan) anymore, largely as he has pretty much grown out of that phase.  You may remember that as a kitten, every year at Christmas, his only goal was to disembowel our tree. He'd climp up around and inside, knock off branches and send expensive ornaments plummeting to the ground. After a few years of this, we gave up on trees. We wound up with a one foot imitation tree. He left that alone as it wasn't enough fun to go Full Destructo on.

Having had his fill of tree disemboweling, he turned his attention to herding. People herding. It is said the most difficult thing is herding cats but it's really unnerving to watch a cat herd a person. From in front of them.

When a person stands up, the only possible reason for this is that they're going to feed him.  So he leaps up in front of them and immediately slows down, somehow effectively herding them to his food bowl. It took a while to figure out what was going on.. I thought he was just being a dick and throttled the urge to punt him.

The other night he pulled a new one. I was walking along for the purposes of letting the dog out when Ren ran in front of me and sat down.  He's done weird things but this is New and Exciting Weird. After I ignored him, he ran past again and sat down. When this did not produce whatever effect he desired, he ran ahead again and laid across a doorway.

AHA!  I finally figured it out, when the dog wasn't coming to the door to be let out: Ren was sitting and laying in front because Marshall will not cross him.  Marshall, thirty-some pounds of cocker, will not cross twenty pounds of cat (but he will push the cat away from his own food bowl and eat everything in it). He just sat there and whined like a little girl.

I guess you have to get your jollies where you can.
I love my cat but sometimes he's a real ass.

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