Monday, December 28, 2015

Put Your House on the Internet - What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

In some regions of the Indian state of Maharashtra, second or third daughters are not given a name but are merely termed 'Nakusha', meaning 'unwanted'. No comment yet from Nakusha Clinton, Nakusha Kardashian, or Nakusha University of Missouri.

  • Donald Trump met with black pastors, claiming 'great love' in meeting. What Donald forgot to mention was that the 'great love' was the love Donald feels for himself. The pastors looked around, in sheer disbelief.

In yet another Faceyspaces Fracas, it turns out that Phuc Dat Bich might not have been the real name of the person who got his page shut down multiple times.

Faceyspaces will be expanding parental leave for all employees. Provided the birth is live-streamed and all rights to the baby revert to Mark Zuckerberg.

  • Hatred, a controversial violent video game, is coming to linux sometime soon. It opens with a Windows 10 screen and the goal is to eradicate it before your computer slows to a crawl and your head explodes.

Predatory ISIS wrings money from those it rules. It may be considered an 'import duty', not a bribe. If not paid, one can be arrested or have property destroyed. This is in addition to the normal ISIS practices of smuggling oil, plundering bank vaults and drumming up donations from wealthy supporters.  Wait.. are we still talking about ISIS?

  • It was only a matter of time: Your Christmas tree lights may be slowing your wifi. Or that's what Ofcom claims, offering an app to check.  In other news, your doorbell is impacting your oven temperature.

Brain scans have proven that there is no such thing as a male or female brain. It's just that a man's Central Processing Unit is centrally located.

  • You might want to run your computers, tablets, and related accessories during a blackout. Here are tips on how to select an Uninterruptible Power Supply (UPS - as differentiated from UPS: America's largest, brown-suited basketball team).

RELEVANT: The blind woman with multiple personalities who switched personalities and could see. Fascinating read and oh so true.

  • This dog walked two hundred miles to get back to his rescuer. Get out your tissues. Look at this woman's eyes.
  • While we're on the subject, a pit bull stayed by her owner's side after a house fire in Maryland. Ironically it's illegal to own a pit bull in that particular county. They are appealing.

NOT THAT IT'S RELEVANT HERE: but San Francisco police are getting breathalyzers that detect marijuana.

Speaking of which, according to an actual scientific study (not performed behind the convenience store with a few buddies), pot is said to ''cause psychosis-like effects in healthy people that's similar to schizophrenia'. It's been an awful long time (high school?) since I inhaled but I don't remember a single psychosis-like effect. Perhaps some of you 'know someone' who smokes and can comment on this finding.

  • BEST HEADLINE OF THE MONTH:  G-string wearing homeless ex-lawyer high on crystal meth and crack cocaine mistakes woman and kids for giant panda

Authorities are seeing cases of a rare disease called tularemia, also known as Rabbit Fever. Symptoms include fever, a white tail, and huge pointy teeth. Meanwhile, University of Missouri leaves class and marches 'for the bunnies'.

  • President Obama, in a rare Sunday address, said that "freedom is more powerful than fear," as he advocated another attack on the 2nd Amendment.

People are choosing gender-neutral pronouns. Instead of he/she, some wish to be referred to as they/them. These people sure came late to the party - Multiple Personality Disorder has been we and them for years!

  • News You Need: The first penis transplant performed in the United States could happen in the next few months.

Novate, CA man did not know that on Thanksgiving, that he would soon be in a life-and-death battle with a crazed squirrel. An 87 year old man got bloodied, fight a squirrel that terrorized the neighborhood. Gimme yer nuts and no one gets hurt.

  • SO this guy in the Bronx rents out his home as a club, where women strip and lick whipped cream off each other. Neighbors are outraged.... that they can't get in.


Tommy Emmanuel will blow the top of your head off with this medley. Be careful.. I know from experience that brains are extremely difficult to remove from ceilings. Tommy needs no drummer. Or anybody else for that matter. He comes from Australia but please don't let that affect your impression.

While we're on that musical tangent, enjoy Michelle. The man's a virtuoso.

Tommy going Over the Rainbow.

And I'll close with the master, Jeff Beck, also Over the Rainbow. Look at the smile on his face as he ends....

I would have guessed Star Wars

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