So sue me: I watch science shows.
Particularly good are the ones featuring Bob Ballard. He wears a hat, so you can't miss him.
He also has some expensive equipment and tiny Hyundais that can withstand the incredible pressure of the deep sea. The pressure could crush most things on the planet, except possibly Dick Cheney.
Ballard manages to find stuff. Life finds a way, and does so in most environments, even the very deep sea. They're called extremophiles - they even exist in space; proving that politicians will exist everywhere. There are all sorts of things down there, like large tubes that shoot out hot black stuff, medium tubes that shoot out carbon dioxide [CRbN Ox2], and small tubes that shoot out commercials. Much life is black because they can't see at that depth, plus it's impossible to get laundry service below 500 feet. Remember: nothing down there has nipples, in case that affects your plans.
Make sure you phone ahead for a reservation: they don't get many visitors, and you're likely to interrupt things you don't want to see.
- Hey, if you 'just happen to 'peruse' the adult Wife Lovers website, it's been hacked and the information you never put there is in the wild. The explanation for the hack is very technical: it was protected by a 40 year old encryption method that can be cracked by moose (even Clyde, the special moose).
- Double disappointment here: your information is for sale AND the site is down.
Remember the story about the Chinese inserting a tiny chip on Super Micro motherboards that would grant them access to the entire server? Me neither.
Super Micro rushed to action and just now put out a release. They have maintained all along that there is no such thing. Even the Department of Homeless Security and the US Securities and Exchange Commission agree it didn't happen. DHS said, "We... I mean.. They did not plant a single chip on motherboards, on the upper right hand side, next to resistor R34 and the remote detonator." Amazon never found anything, and in a press release said, "We found nothing, and we are prepared to back this up by actually looking at the motherboard next time." Even that stupid geeky kid from the commercials agrees.
Super Micro, in their defense, has to begin a multi-million dollar investigation to prove something doesn't exist. This is a logical fallacy, like the alt-right taking over Hollywood. In sympathy, I have volunteered the staff and readers of ThermionicEmissions to prove honest politicians exist.
At no point has anybody asked WHY ARE WE USING CHINESE PARTS in critical systems?
At no point has anybody asked WHY ARE WE USING CHINESE PARTS in critical systems?
- Amazon wants ICE to buy its facial recognition software.
- What could possibly go wrong?
- As if ICE isn't already using it.
If you're ever in the kind of mood that makes life worth living, ask yourself if the Return on Investment on ICE is in the positive range. If that hasn't torpedoed your mood, ask if the entire government's ROI is in the positive range. That should take care of any remaining positivity until I come up with another question.
- We have spoken of hacks caused by open Amazon buckets. The obvious answer is to keep your buckets closed. The interesting piece of information here is that the buckets are closed by default: you have to open them on purpose. We is perfeshunells.
Kaley Cuoco is on the cover of some women's magazine, looking pretty nice. Kaley and I have a long history, what with her calling all the time. My wife got tired of telling her not to call again, even though she knows I'm faithful. She called again after her first marriage imploded (I told her not to do it). Anyway, if you look at the magazine cover closely, her lips are actually saying 'lefty'. Check it out.
- I just wanted everyone to know that if I can't get the visitor numbers up, I will write more.
"I like Diet Coke - it's super good.
I like putting together furniture. I'm also into friends who leave voice messages."
Normally, I can tell what advertisements are up to. This one baffles me.
Is it because I'm not 20-something? Because I have a brain? Because I don't fuck chickens?
Do you think I can sell this through lefty's Ad Agency?
"I like Coke. I hate Diet Coke. In fact, the only thing worse than Diet Coke is Diet Pepsi. I like pissing people off. I'm also into sex before the first date. Did you know Coke can be used to strip paint on cars?" If you put high fructose corn syrup on your nipples, they grow to an enormous size.
- It's not that this show is old, but the laptops have floppy drives
Dear lefty, Security 'Expert':
lefty, my radio app goes out to Russia. Are they trying to hack my phone?
- Blue in Antarctica
Dear Frigid:
No, they're trying to influence eyebrow fashions. The solution to this, and all cell phone problems, is mistakenly dropping it in the toilet and accidentally flushing.
- I will always be freaked out by the shows about guys with four or more wives. I won't watch any of them, but the concept makes my head spin... four times the bitching, four times the kids, and four women who won't sleep with him.
- Out of 7.6 billion people on the planet, you're definitely one of them.*
*World population has experienced continuous growth since the end of the Great Famine of 1315–17 and the Black Death in 1350. Good times...
Please... I beg of you.. stop the nonsense..... there's apparently a tv show called Black Jesus.
- Why not Martian Jesus... he'd be green, like me.
- Further, I demand a show called White Oprah
- all Asian sports teams - especially basketball and hockey.
- Law and Order SUV, featuring an all Mexican cast with heavy accents
- M*A*S*H with blacks: who else would the army put in the middle of a war? They could do a lot with Klinger....
- the Jackson family tribute, with white, female musicians
I read something about what Jesus looked like. They used actual science to demonstrate it. The first point was Jesus is pictured as a caucasian fellow with a beard, but Jesus didn't really look like an Allman Brother. Jesus probably looked exactly like anyone else at the time (because if not, it would have gone worse for him. Worse than crucifixion?).
I don't have the picture they used, but it was kinda similar to Saul Rubinek, a semitic looking guy with dark hair, maybe a beard. Saul was in Warehouse 13 and might have appeared briefly in an original Star Trek episode.
I got some of that Jamie Lee Curtis Activia Probiotic yogurt, largely because Mrs lefty bought some. As I ate it, I looked at the label: thousands of probiotics in this yogurt! It made me sick. I can almost see the little bastards, congregating on top of the yogurt, mocking me. And I'm supposed to eat that shit?
Let's face it.. yogurt is kinda limited, flavorwise. I can tolerate strawberry and blueberry, but that's about it. It's not like they have very chocolate. There's a vanilla, but it's too subtle. They have lemon too, but seriously.. Plus you can only get low fat or no fat varieties. What about high fat? Rocky Road? Crunchy Frog? Oreo? Chocolate chip cookie, perhaps. Currently they have gravel, which isn't much variety.
I've been feeling kinda icky lately... tired, achy, sneezy... thinking back, it coincides with the start of eating healthy... Coincidence? I think not.
- Internet of Things sales are slowing down in Europe and the US, due to privacy concerns. I am so proud of you....
I suspect we are about to see the most serious, violent response ever to a security breach. The Girl Scouts may have had a breach. If people aren't able to get their Thin Mints, there will be rioting in the streets. I would not bet on the safety of the hacker. On the positive side, hackers will seriously reconsider their hacking activities.
- If you're from the US and find yourself entering Canada, on purpose or through error, you might want to consider leaving your medical marijuana at home. Canada does not recognize medical pot. You will be arrested. If there is over a certain amount, you'll be charged for smuggling drugs into Canada. Your vehicle might be seized until you pay a fine. You might even be thrown in jail for intent to sell.
- Oddly enough, they don't seize antidepressants.
- On the third hand, if you bring pot into another country, maybe some jail time will get through your thick skull that this is not a smart idea.
- If you're really bored and have some time to burn, bring in a tiny sealed baggie of baking soda.
Parking Wars: a bunch of people screaming because they don't read or don't care, then blaming the ticket writer or tow operator.
- Ever listen to the radio, hear a great song from one of your favorite bands, then go completely cold? I heard our local rock(HA!) station playing Little Feat. I started shivering, like they were going to announce one of them died. They don't play my favorite groups on the radio....
- I just checked... no deaths mentioned. I did find out that in 1975, Jimmy Page said they were his favorite American band. Wow.. imagine hearing that....
PENNY NEWS
She has just stolen her first (white) Oreo. She officially approves.
She has already stolen about four stuffed Eeyores. This will cost us quite a bit in Eeyore Replacement. Only Eeyores..... Marshall ate Eeyores too. Must be a dog thing.
Due to discovering several hitherto undiscovered escape holes in the fence, we have to walk her on a leash in her own yard. Can you see me repairing fences? I'd probably use the wrong tool (explosives, the car).
She's another in a long line of tissue shredders. There's apparently something irresistible about shredding tissues. Can any of my readers elaborate? Can you ask your dogs, please?
Being an English Cocker, she barks with an accent. She has signaled her desire to be 'more than friends' with my leg.
She steals anything edible held under 5' and thinks the tissue box is a snack dispenser. Let's be gross here (still): her output is strewn with white tissue bits. Talk about fiber....
I've Had It
Know what I hate?
Everything.
Yeah, that's my normal attitude, but it's getting worse. I spend time on Twitter, and Reddit, meeting nice people and talking guitar. The political shit and vicious attitudes are completely out of hand - it's downright toxic. I used to shake my head at people who took 'twitter vacations', but now I understand. If I were to purge the political folks from my view, it would be interesting. And unearthly quiet. Regardless, I'm going to be cutting my participation down and somehow eliminating politics. I'm telling you this because I know you care (and you've stopped reading by now). If you choose to do something similar, it's quite possible your mood will improve. Maybe more than just your mood.
Are you sick of social media crap? Other crap?
Have you taken a vacation from it? How did that work out?
If it didn't, call 1-800-Jerry-Springer and maybe you'll be on the show. You will have to pass the chair-throwing and ugly tests first. You must also take an IQ test (and fail).
She steals anything edible held under 5' and thinks the tissue box is a snack dispenser. Let's be gross here (still): her output is strewn with white tissue bits. Talk about fiber....
I've Had It
Know what I hate?
Everything.
Yeah, that's my normal attitude, but it's getting worse. I spend time on Twitter, and Reddit, meeting nice people and talking guitar. The political shit and vicious attitudes are completely out of hand - it's downright toxic. I used to shake my head at people who took 'twitter vacations', but now I understand. If I were to purge the political folks from my view, it would be interesting. And unearthly quiet. Regardless, I'm going to be cutting my participation down and somehow eliminating politics. I'm telling you this because I know you care (and you've stopped reading by now). If you choose to do something similar, it's quite possible your mood will improve. Maybe more than just your mood.
Are you sick of social media crap? Other crap?
Have you taken a vacation from it? How did that work out?
If it didn't, call 1-800-Jerry-Springer and maybe you'll be on the show. You will have to pass the chair-throwing and ugly tests first. You must also take an IQ test (and fail).
