When you see a 'woman of size', wearing clothes made for a woman of size, they say they're comfortable in their skin. Mrs leftystrat, a former woman of size, used to say to me that it was nice that these women were comfortable with their size - you go, girl. It only took one catalog of swimwear for women of size for both of us to agree this was Not Right. After the lingerie catalog for women of size, we were both shocked and put off by the pictures. Don't get me wrong: there should be lingerie in any size that people will buy; but I'd rather not see it in ads. If you haven't seen it, seek it out. It simply doesn't look right. There's a reason the Victorias models are slim.
I don't usually have much to say on the social aspects of this, but being comfortable with or proud of your (large) skin can normalize fat. How comfortable are they going to be with their first heart attack? Will this send the message to large people that it's ok to be large? It's very clearly unhealthy, as established by Medical Science, since way back when Medical Science was young (and thin). Fat hits arteries and restricts blood flow to organs, most notably the brain.
I'm big on the freedom of speech thing and this is ok with me from a speech perspective... whatever the market will bear. I would just prefer, personally, that people don't think this is ok - for their own health. If you want to weigh north of 300lbs (453 liters Canadian), go for it. Just don't explode in public: that stuff's damn near impossible to clean.
Having said that, I am not a Person of Size, but portions of me are growing. Unstopped, who knows how large they will grow. I'd prefer not to complete the Science on that and have taken steps to stop the growth. When I stay steps, I am not speaking physically. What Science hasn't discovered yet is that exercise causes cancer. I do not wish to be on the leading edge of that discovery, so I strenuously avoid it.
What I have done to arrest the growth is to replace one soda per day with a large glass of water. Well, I tried. Have you experienced water when it's not 90 degrees or you haven't completed a marathon jog up the steps? It tastes like... water. Throwing a lemon wedge into it makes all the difference in the world. Throwing some Arnold Palmer iced tea/lemonade into it would make an ever bigger difference, but something tells me this isn't a good idea. This is a huge step for me and I do not take it lightly. Thus far I've replaced a soda with water damn near every day of the week (*except weekends and a few days during the week). We traditionally eat well, avoiding fast and boxed foods, preparing most meals ourselves (*except malts, Marshall's favorite). Logically, all things remaining the same, the weight gain would point to exercise, but as I said, cancer won't be the thing to take me out. Or a heart attack.
Next week, ThermionicEmissions reviews "50 Shades of Gay".
- California will be voting on Daylight Savings Time shortly. After that historic vote, California will vote on whether or not gravity should exist.
- Experts expect nothing will happen after the vote, but since it's California, at least they got to vote their feelings.
She Woman Man Haters Club
Uh-oh.... the American Psychological Association has discovered that women outnumber men by more than two to one in the psych field. For the 35 and unders, the ratio jumps to nine to one. Do you suppose there will be urgent efforts to bring the men to parity? A great wail on social media about needing more men? High school programs to direct men into the mental health field?
Along those lines, seen on an announcement for Women Fest:
All women are welcome at the festival, including transgender women and pre-operative individuals. We're also happy to have non-binary people, provided they have a vagina; but not non-binary people with a penis because we have to draw the line somewhere.
Watch your mailboxes. There seems to be a small flood of junk AOL emails. Most of us would comment that any email from AOL is junk, but apparently it is still used (by the clueless). They might not have subject lines but they contain a small amount of text and a link. Also getting deluged with phishing emails from banks and the requisite people depositing a few million into my account, wanting my information.
Your bank isn't going to email you on sensitive matters, especially on your email you give out for nonsense purposes. Call the bank and check if you think the email is real. Don't do this frequently unless you want the person who picks up the phone to snicker when you say your name.
Nigerian princes, kings, ex-officials, and dog catchers aren't going to give you millions of dollars, or even one bottle of chilled YooHoo.
What do I do?
Don't. Remember lefty's law: just say no. Don't read it, don't open it, don't click on the link and don't leave it in your inbox - mark it spam and delete it. When you see a link, hover your mouse over it: this will show you where the link really goes. Odds are it will be different than the link you're clicking on. If it seems too good to be true, it is.
Similarly, watch what you're installing on your phone. This is primarily an android issue, as Apple vets the authors and apps. If it looks too good to be true, it is. If it has a lot of foreign text in it, avoid. If the reviews look odd, avoid. If there are grammar errors that tell you the author's first language isn't English, avoid. Look the app up elsewhere for any info. Trust your instincts: if the app causes you to pause, don't. You're choosing between possibly destroying your phone's software or being without Fantastic Game of the year. You decide which is more important. Note when the app first hit the market and the download count. Note quantity of reviews and stars.
- About that shiny new browser you just installed on your phone, or, heaven forbid, your computer (remember those things?).... Don't go anywhere on it until you check the settings... they're typically pretty dangerous. The last one I saw had save passwords on, automatically fill out forms on, and accept all cookies, including third party on. This is stuff you want to turn OFF. Save your passwords in a password manager, not your browser. Automatically fill out forms means the browser keeps your data, which isn't safe. Don't accept third party cookies unless you really need them to make the (well known, safe) site function.
- Don't install just any browser until you see what it's built on. I don't use Chrome because it's Google and it phones home. However, there are android browsers built on Chrome. Ever vigilant.
One of the top web vulnerabilities is cross-site scripting.
So don't cross-site script, ok?
Oopsie - Faceyspaces admitted sharing users' data with 61 tech companies. This was revealed in a 747 page PDF delivered to Congress. The recommend step to fix this is to delete your account.
I've been going back and forth about my new job. I didn't want to tell anyone what I'm doing for privacy, jealousy, and hatred reasons. Since I share everything and try to be honest with my readers, I'm going to come out of the closet, so to speak, and let you know about my new gig: President Trump's Space Force. At work, I'm Captain leftystrat. You guys can continue to call me lefty, shithead, or whatever you call me when I'm out of earshot.
I was doing some contracting for the subcontractor of a subcontractor, when I was selected for the program. I'm told the president himself picked me, due to my great love of expanding government and outrageous expenditures funded by taxpayer money. In his wisdom, the President felt that someone endowed with my superior sense of sarcasm and love of government would be a good person to observe the program. As a patriotic American, I was proud to accept and will rise to the occasion, occasionally standing. Don (he tells us to call him Don) is a decent guy, with a great love of pussy jokes.
As a formality, I had to go through an intensive background check. They made sure my listed address was where the checks went. They also talked to my neighbors, who are either completely terrified of me or have no idea who I am. The 6'5" humongous black man who lives down the block works for the mafia and the NFL, which sometimes get confused. He's completely terrified of me. I let him borrow my weed wacker and he was hesitant to take it from my hands. Other neighbors know me only as Marshall's dad. Marshall's mom is incredibly popular with the hood, but parents pull their children into the house when I walk by. I don't know where the reputation came from but I enjoy the hell out of it: the social interaction is absolutely zero.
I got a really spiffy uniform with an actual patch. The Space Force logo is an eagle holding billions of dollars in its talons. At the front of the control center, the logo is a gray alien, with the words "Swamp Gas" at the bottom. The program labored to figure out an appropriate weapon for us to carry, so now we're equipped with super soakers, with Ray Gun written in magic marker on the barrel. More than one of us walking down a hall look most formidable, like Ghostbusters without the sense of humor or decent hair.
To be continued.....
- Bill Gates says the world is a far better place today than ever in history.
- Yes it is, especially if you have more money than God and Zuckerberg. (those two get mixed up sometimes).
A new Swedish law recognizes sex without 'explicit consent' as rape.
Nobody, including the person who drafted the law, knows what this means, other than a judge will have to decide whether there was explicit consent.
Sex in Sweden is about to get weird. And not in a good way. Read this in the voice of the Muppets' Swedish Chef:
HIM: Hello. Do you accept my hello?
HER: Hello, I do. Do you accept my hello?
HIM: I do. Wanna come back to my house for drinks and the possibility of some sex?
HER: I agree to go to your house for drinks but do not consent to sex at this moment.
HIM: I understand. Let's go.
HER: Let's go.
At his house...
HIM: I find there's nothing like chocolate whipped cream vodka to start the night off. Do you concur?
HER: I do not agree that chocolate cream is the best way to start the night, but agree to consume the beverage.
HIM: You are aware that this drink contains alcohol, which can impair your decision-making ability.
HER: I am aware that alcohol has those properties and also tends to make my panties disappear. That notwithstanding, I agree to drink it.
HIM: Excellent. Let the party begin!
HER: I agree. Let the party begin.
HIM: Would you like a third glass of vodka? We can switch to Swedish Fish vodka if you like.... our national beverage.
HER: Swe.. hic.. Shwede ka asheptbl.
HER: Where my und.. unddwr.. pantiesh go? Alwaysh do thish.
HIM: I would like to kiss you.
HER: Ag... aggg... concur.
HER: Now kish me downnnn air.
HIM: To be clear, are you asking me to perform oral sex upon you?
HER: Yesh.. lick mmm mah mmmmm pushy.
HIM: I would like oral sex from you. Is that agreeable?
HER: Ye yah ye no yes yesh, thatsh grand hic... no talkies wif mouf fullnphggggh
HIM: That kinda hurts. Can we have intercourse instead?
HER: yeahyeahyeahyeah putitinmenow hopontoppop
HIM: I just need you to fill out this form in triplicate, agreeing to intercourse, signing at the bottom and initialing at these seven spots. If you think you'd like anal, initial here. If you'd rather wait and see, don't initial here but initial here.
HER: Yeah, whatevs.. are we gonnadoit now?
HIM: Almost there. What are we doing about contraception?
HER: No probs.. I'm on bill...
HIM: You're on the pill?
HER: No, I was on Bill earlier. And I gots wunna those fishing lures all the way up there, so we're good. Now plows me like middle eashters turned desert into an oasish.
HIM: Where do you want me to finish?
HER: left ear.. right ear.. someone's ear, yeah.
HIM: If we need a vibrator, lube, or barnyard animals, initial here.
One night of hellacious sex and one subpoena later....
JUDGE: Martin Smegma?
HIM: Yes, Your Honor.
JUDGE: you are accused of raping Miss Edith Hoe. How do you plead.
HIM: Not guilty.
JUDGE: Miss Hoe, what happened?
HER: I don't know - what happened? I can't remember anything but a really nasty headache.. oh.. that.... we went to his house, plied each other with liquor and he raped me.
HIM: Your Honor, I have sworn affidavits, showing a positive affirmation to each step of the process of consensual sex. The plaintiff has signed and initialed each form. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find an all night notary?
JUDGE: Mr. Smegma, I pronounce you guilty.
HIM: Your Honor? I have explicit consent. That's the requirement of the law.
JUDGE: Yes, but she got drunk and couldn't consent. Fifteen years in prison.
HIM: You're a prick.
JUDGE: Excuse me?
HIM: I said I think I'm going to be sick.
- What do you do with an invasive species of iguana? If you're Florida (uh-oh), you eat them. The McGuana, flame broiled Iguaper, and the deep fried iguana bits have become favorites at most restaurants (when dinner starts, about 4pm).
- They put Florida at one end and California at the other. This is either for amusement's sake or a cruel joke. Or both.
A study shows coffee may boost longevity.
Between coffee and sarcasm, I am creative and will live forever. [evil laughter]
- For the third time in South Africa, someone has been found alive in a morgue freezer, after showing no signs of life.
- Perhaps she read that Bill Gates said there's no better time to be alive.
- RUN... ZOMBIES!! VOODOO!!!! KOSHER BACON!!!!
Some dude who read the bible and just happens to be a marijuana scholar (a marijuana scholar?) said Jesus used cannibis oil to heal and it might explain some of his miracles.
Asked to point out where in the bible it says Jesus used it, he could not entirely pull out the word 'cannibis', but pointed out that Peter and Paul (before Mary) were sitting around, saying, "Oh man... this shit is great... did you say Jesus gave it to you? Does he have any more?"
And lo, Jesus turned to Peter and Paul and said, in his mercy, "Dave's not here, man."
I tested my new scanner when the printer came out of the box. It scanned and printed, which was really all I wanted. I am not that complex a person.
Unfortunately the forms I scanned in showed up rotated a few degrees to one side. This meant every line on the forms headed uphill. No one has ever seen documents like this, so it needed to be fixed. I re-set the form, made sure it lined up perfectly against the edges, and it came out heading uphill at a steeper angle.
The reason no one has ever seen documents like this is that any normal to complete idiot of a person places a document face down and it gets scanned perfectly. Unless you're this particular idiot. I manually rotated the paper ever so slightly then scanned again. Less uphill but still uphill. After a difficult long day, I had no patience left for lines going uphill. I became very upset. I said things to the scanner... things that, had I said them to the wife, would cause a divorce. Finally I got the document almost straight. Unfortunately there was a page two.. same process, but it was worse. More screaming at an inanimate object. Both of my deaf neighbors heard me. They were napping, hearing aids out, in rooms with windows shut, air conditioners on, and blankets covering their heads. They heard every word. I'm surprised the Word Police didn't stop by for another visit. Even threatening to grind the scanner into a fine powder did not intimidate it. Page two finally emerged, only slightly uphill.
I'm just going to spend the rest of the evening picking bits of printer/scanner out of the neighbors' houses. If I don't make any noise, they'll never know.
