Lemon Curry?

Japan releases dog poo app.  I just like saying dog poo app.

• The decision to award the Nobel Peace Prize to US President Barack Obama in 2009 failed to live up to expectations, the committee's ex-secretary has said. Their awards to Iran and Mussolini also failed somewhat.

The internet is positively abuzz with news of a Faceyspaces Dislike button. Hit it! We dislike Faceyspaces!

• We all know how I feel about the president. However, he pulled one on the pope that has me howling: he invited a transvestite, a pro-abortion nun and a pair of gay bishops to the White House when the pope visits. This was described as a stunning show of political indecorum. More indecorum in the White House, I say!

Have humans made dogs stupid? I had no idea it was catching. Are they watching reality tv now?

• Snake with no mate gives birth for second time. Uh-oh... a second virgin birth, the pope visiting, and Microsoft has developed its own linux.......IT'S THE END TIMES!!!!

I have a friend who somehow became afflicted with children. While visiting one day, I noticed something really odd (in spite of my complete lack of child-rearing skills): Mom would tell one of the children to go to the bathroom, almost out of the blue.

About fifteen years down the line, when she's caught and the inevitable interviews with the neighbors all reveal what a nice child she was, the psychologists hired by the court will trace the whole nightmare back to Mom making her go to the bathroom on command. Books will be written. CSI will do an episode on it.

Speaking of which, did you ever see the neighbors say that it was only a matter of time? They could tell something was going to happen - he was just that kind of child. They're suprised it wasn't worse. THAT's the kind of news we need to see on tv.

• Vladimir Putin will be meeting Elton John for a chat about LGBT rights. And Ted Nugent, for a talk on the proper way to prepare bear.

"If the Government were placed in charge of the Sahara Desert, they would run out of sand in 5 years"
- Milton Friedman

• A Guantanamo Bay detainee has an online dating profile. "Detained but ready to mingle". Their first date will be da bomb!

A DFW Whataburger (former) employee refused to serve police the other day. #policestomachsmatter 

• [sigh] Donald Trump, our only hope for genuine White House hilarity, fashion plate and inveterate dog-fluffer, pledged a huge military buildup and better healthcare for veterans. Oh well, the man whose slogan is 'I couldn't be any worse' is now promising things and not specifying how he'd pay for them. Yes, The Donald is now officially a politician.
• Speaking of buffoons, Jeb Bush says people need to stop demonizing the NSA.

Every few weeks at work, some nice person comes along and dusts my cubicle. The other day I was privileged to observe this ritual: she proceeds to dust all of the bookshelves, which has the effect of relocating all of the dust to my desktop. This is cleaning efficiency at its finest. The Cleaning Union is hiring someone to push all of the dust from the desktop to the floor. Next year's contract includes provisions for a vacuuming expert.

• Being a British Isil jihadist isn't all glamour and brides.... this guy laments the hygiene, shoe theft and lining-up behavior of his fellow jihadists from other countries. Maybe the key to destroying Isil is to let them destroy themselves from within.

Chipzilla has produced a sports bra which opens vents when it senses a certain level of heat and sweat. Millions of men are now practicing their hacking skills.

• Federal air marshals under investigation for filming sex with a prostitute while on duty.  Provided your hijacker is having sex with the marshal, everything is under control. Don't you feel safer already?

Paxil, the antidepressant, is deemed unsafe for young people after reanalysis. The manufacturer said it was safe for young people. What they meant to say was that it was NOT safe for young people. They apologize.

• PC POLICE ATTACK!
• University seeks to ban expressions of intolerance
• Comics don't want to play colleges anymore
• Devo member apologizes for 9-11 themed wedding, box cutter favors
• Robot ethicist launches campaign against sex robots, saying such products demean women and reinforce stereotypes. In unrelated news, robot ethicist's house TP'd and raided by SWAT. Accounts hacked and credit card has charges from religious beastiality midget porn sites.

SELFIE NEWS: A Japanese tourist died at the Taj Mahal after slipping down a staircase. He had been taking a selfie. Another senseless selfie-related death.



MUSICAL MENTIONINGS:

The Reverend Billy F Gibbons (ZZ Top) is about to release a solo album. In the meantime, he's up to his old tricks in the video for Treat Her Right.

John Hiatt is a songwriter who doesn't get his due. He wrote Have a Little Faith in Me (Joe Cocker, others), Memphis in the Meantime (Gregg Allmann), Thing Called Love (Bonnie Raitt), and Angel Eyes (Jeff Healey), among many others. You may not have heard him perform them but his style is original.  He also has a great sense of humor, not a standard feature in too many people from Indianapolis. He recently toured with another ThermionicEmissions favorite, Lyle Lovett.

My brother turned me onto John, the first song being Little Head. Let's just say it's a variation on the theme of of men's central processing units being centrally located. Another song that sits in my phone's mp3 directory is Cry Love. It has no guitar solo and I have no idea what it's about (making me a perfect American consumer).

Speaking of Thing Called Love, here's a Bonnie Raitt live version, complete with John. And nothing would be complete without a complete diversion, via Bonnie Raitt and Emmylou Harris singing backup on Little Feat's live version of Dixie Chicken, complete with RIP Feat members Lowell George and Richie Hayward.

Fred and Paul from Little Feat - Keswick Theater - 9/11/15

My Mother Ate Paste

Two American journalists have created a Twitter bot that "corrects" people who tweet the term "illegal immigrant", and offers alternatives.  While this (alleged) blog does not condone the use of social media, this story certainly raises an eyebrow (or three).  In other news, Twitter has a newer bot that suggests not using the word thief - recommending instead new possesor of your goods.  

• Hillary supporters will support New World Order and repeal the Bill of Rights. Once again, the Great Unwashed are caught on tape supporting Hillary and whatever her cause.“I think it is, I think we need change like they’ve been promising us for so many years, I think it’s time to get behind Hillary Clinton and support her.”

Huntington Park, LA, has appointed two illegal immigrants as city commissioners.  In other news, the democrats have entered an illegal immigrant into the 2016 presidential race. The top of Trump's head has actually come off, which turns out to be a serious improvement. UPDATE: The natives are pissed.

• Sex with robots will be the norm in fifty years, expert claims. And why not? 
• They don't get headaches
• Are up for anything
• Can untie themselves in case you forget
• You only pay once
• Computer nerds can finally have sex. 
• The only question remaining is will there be midgets?

Shooting breaks out at Drake after party. What the news didn't tell you is that there was also a riot at a One Direction concert. A folding chair was damaged.

• Arizona man beheaded wife to 'get the evil out'. In yet another example of irresponsible reporting, they failed to mention if it worked or not.

THEY ARE RELATED: Jenny McCarthy and Melissa McCarthy.  Insert joke here.

• I just read this article twice and my head still hurts. No matter how hard I try, I cannot help but think of Monty Python. Suffice it to say that in Italy, a marinara pizza can NOT have cheese, while a margherita can have garlic. Sorta.

It turns out my wife used to work in customer service. The first time we had sex, she kept asking if she could help me find anything.

• Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University have decided that when it comes to sex, too much can make you unhappy: it's quality over quantity.  The study was inherently flawed - what's wrong with quality AND quantity?  'Too much sex' can make your friends unhappy, when you start bragging. Or gross out your nieces and nephews with the image of Old Folks having sex. ADDENDUM: Couples not having sex due to worry over being let down. 50 Shades too intimidating? This is not the America I know.

Bush says Trump a buffoon, a clown and an asshole. Murphy says never to argue with an asshole - people may not be able to tell the difference. Very professional, Jebbie.

• Hatchet wielding crazy at premiere of Mad Max. Oh great, now we're going to have to ban hatchets.

ISIS executes 19 females for refusing sex. You can do that?

• Kevin Bacon complaining about lack of male nudity in Hollywood. Hey Kev... anything you want to share with us?

North Korea has pushed their clocks back thirty minutes, creating a new time zone. North Korea has also created a new season (Stummer) and nullified gravity.

• I hate to resort to old political attacks but I can't resist this classic: Have you heard about the Hillary Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket? Two small breasts, two left wings and two fatty thighs.

You know how people are always finding objects or things that look like them on the Moon and Mars? Here's one for you: the Flying Spaghetti Monster has been spotted on Mars! Have you been touched by His noodly goodness?



Who's Next?

A while back there was a band called Georgia Satellites, which had a hit with Keep Your Hands to Yourself. After its dissolution, their singer, Dan Baird, started recording solo albums. Dan's a bit of a rare treasure, writing great songs with an interesting mixture of cynicism, humor and irony (he's a real smartass). Most tend to keep a formula of down-home rock but you need to listen to the lyrics to gain an appreciation of his talent.

The biggest hit for Dan was I Love You Period, a very well-put-together tune that's not at all about punctuation. Another interesting song deals with no longer being the Big Man on Campus, called Younger Face. Give a listen to Knocked Up, a little song that deals with the obvious, plus the added complication of Daddy being a preacher. Lastly but not leastly, give a listen to Cumberland River. This song is about serious alcoholism and the broken dreams of stardom. Sounds sad but it's very cleverly told. I have never seen Dan but I get the impression he's a really hard worker and the show would be great.

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