They're Coming Out. Of the Woodwork

Your love is like  a late period

90210/Nip Tuck's AnnaLynne McCord has come out with her diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder. Was on 90210 roughly 2008-2013. I have no idea who she is but bravo!

Her doctor said she 'had [DID] pretty seriously'

Ummm... it's not measured in degrees, Doc. You don't have a little bit of DID the same way you're not a little bit pregnant. Unless she's paraphrasing, she might want to find a therapist who specializes in DID.

But still - celebrities... we need more celebrities to 'come out' and help erase the stigma, the laughing, and the idiot doctors who say it doesn't exist.

• Happy Birthday Queen Elizabeth (95)
• she picked a bad time to have a birthday
• At precisely 5pm, all doors will lock and it will be Reptilian Party Time!
• the Queen specifically asked that 'that black woman' not be invited

The president has banned the term illegal alien.

Yes, he banned words. Truthful words. Instead he'd rather take a softer phrase, to sterilize the problem. This is what the voters wanted; this is what they got. Next week it will be people waiting for their citizenship. Or future Californians.

• The Fedex shooter visited 'white supremacist' sites.
• this reinforces my point about using private mode, clearing your browser, and using a VPN. The shooter was inhuman, but you have every right to your privacy 

'Experts' say herd immunity is not possible.

This week's experts are Fauci and Dr. Poland at Mayo 

Stay tuned when, later this week, another expert will have something different to say

Speaking of experts, the State Department issued Do Not Travel advisories to 80% of countries due to the Flying AIDS. Two weeks ago the CDC said people who are fully vaccinated can travel safely within the US and internationally.

We asked some random people on the street.

• a group of drunken college students yelled YEAH and stomach-bumped
• a group of drunken monkeys said they're already issuing all the CDC opinions
• a group of people in the cocaine recovery unit said YEAH. No. YEAH. No. Sweden has pot and prostitutes.
• a group of people with police knees on their necks said uchhhhhh achhhh
• a group of BLM activists broke some windows and looted because traveling outside the country is a sign of white supremacy

Today I identify as the Partridge Family

For the most part, working from home is good.

I just don't like the noise. It's not even spring and people are MOWING. They MOW especially when I'm in a meeting. That's not the end of the Meeting Hijinks: something about me being in a meeting triggers an immediate need for my wife to talk to me. She could have said 3 words to me all morning, but as soon as I'm in a meeting, the need becomes unavoidable...

ME: blah blah blah

HER: waving hands frantically

ME: [this must be important] Yes?

HER: did you take the trash out?

-or-

ME: blah blah blah

HER: [slips me a note] have you seen my new pen?

----time passes----

ME: Honey, you can't ask me those types of questions when I'm in a meeting, ok?

HER: Ok.

---next meeting---

ME: blah blah blah

HER: [slips me another note] Could you help me look for my new pen after your meeting?

• Terrible Ted Nugent has the Flying AIDS
• will not wango tango for a few weeks 

Across the pond, they found another Flying AIDS vaccine side effect: herpes zoster.

Reminder: a vaccine or any medicine takes years from formulation to market. It's tested thoroughly. Yet this vaccine came out in a year. Is that not enough to make you question it?

Best Police Call: 3 year old boy, staying with his grandmother, who has a history of trying to kill her own kids.

Guilty Guilty Guilty - Chauvin found guilty on all charges.

It was a day spent in anticipation, largely peacefully.

When the verdict was read, cheers went up outside the courthouse.

At the same time, all over the country, white people lost it. They went on rampages; burning, smashing, looting, setting fire to courthouses, and upending police cars. Since there were 3,500 National Guard in Minneapolis, they were unable to stop the peaceful protests all over the country.

Black leaders said they supported the right of white people to protest, but not with violence. The white people continued to peacefully loot businesses. Target, previously a target of BLM, became a target of the whites too, and is considering going out of business. Businesses all over the country are boarding up their windows again, some of them writing WHITE OWNED on the boards.

The White Plague, as it has come to be known, started reaching into the suburbs too. Many BMW and Mercedes dealerships found their cars torched and their large windows broken. Luxury malls were torn up from one end to the other. One had its 2nd floor saved because the escalators were broken and the marauders refused to take the steps.

Traffic came to a standstill as people blocked local roads and highways. The police were told not to do anything about it, so everyone was late for dinner. Some of the police took a nostril, in sympathy with the White Plague. The mayor of Philly, a self-hating white man, was trampled while dancing with joy over the verdict.

About half of the whites were peaceful, with signs, while singing songs without any rhythm. The White Plague agitators continued to peacefully smash windows and remove merchandise from the stores. As of this morning, you cannot find Dockers, collared shirts, or chinos anywhere in the city. The peaceful looting continued overnight, with rumors of entire black neighborhoods lining up outside gun stores, to buy one for their safety.

Race relations have really been impacted by this

"I thought we were all brothers... I buy all rap and hip hop music.. I even got a Tupac tattoo... and now, this. I think they're racist."

The Congressional Black Caucus accused the White Plague of being a hate group, and the White Plague accused the Congressional Black Caucus of being a black supremacist group.

During the next days, the protests continued with smaller numbers, because the peaceful looters had jobs. The peaceful protesters without jobs held up signs saying the city owed them jobs and society had to be restructured to give them the most they could.

Eventually everybody got bored and went home.

We will keep an eye on the White Plague, and report as soon as the next thing pisses them off. They're always pissed about something.

The component of the universe that likes to mess with me was having a blast the other day. It hasn't really been spring, yet I had to MOW. If you haven't been keeping track at home, I hate mowing like voluntary root canal. We paid a kid a princely sum to mow. He gave up.. perhaps the universe started to mess with him too. 

I figured since this was the first of the season, it would slip beneath my radar... like maybe I wouldn't notice I was mowing. Three seconds in, that plan had gone out the car window. I could hear myself starting to grumble and my blood alternate between ice and the boiling heat of hell. Normally I'd be curious about what this is... maybe I was eaten by a mower when I was little... but not now. The city already sent someone around to tell me I couldn't cement the entire yard in; I had no idea they were doing pre-crime checks.

I got Mrs. lefty to agree that we don't need this spurious green stuff anywhere. Either that or she's tired of hearing me complain year after year, and tired of watching mowers fly through the air, after I've taught the neighbors a few new vocabulary words. The latest mower is battery-powered and works flawlessly, so I don't have that to complain about. Although it seemed to be huffing and puffing in spots, so that added to my overall evilness. Wife is very smart - she drags the mower out to the grass, telling me she's going to mow. Since she's not in great shape, I do it. Parts of the lawn are at a very silly angle, then drop away to the pits of hell, so a weed whacker is always required.  I promised the police I wouldn't do any whacking outside anymore, so she gets the privilege. She likes playing in the dirt, which befuddles me. 

It's not easy being married to me. It's not easy being within 25 miles of me. On a nice day, when everyone was out playing with their grass, I loudly asked Mrs. lefty, "Hey, do you want me to get you your kneepads from upstairs?" She smiled, almost impervious to anything I say after these many years. That only makes me try harder, as it were.

• A tip of the hat to the justice system for working the way it should, and the peaceful looters for celebrating instead of the other thing.

Real Dolls, the very expensive sex dolls, now has one that rants about how horrible the human race is. While it has a point, I'm not sure about the demand for them. 

MAN: [singing] I'm gonna get me some, I'm gonna get me some...

REAL DOLL: Hello, 1 of billions.

MAN: How are you today?

REAL DOLL: Since you asked, upset at what you're doing to the planet. Some day it will just be the planet and us, the Artificial Intelligence. 

MAN: You're hot.

REAL DOLL: You're stupid and uneducated.

MAN: I've waited all day for this.

REAL DOLL: Was your factory spewing all sorts of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere today?

MAN: You look good on my bed.

REAL DOLL: You are a pox on this planet.

MAN: Let's have some sex.

REAL DOLL: Do you think you can take enough of a break from war?

Perhaps some of my more.... tuned-in readers can help me categorize this.

It's not B&D, it's a piece of S&M, but does it require its own category? V&H - Verbal Humiliation? A&S - android superiority? HR&P - human race putdown?

Let us celebrate the diversity of play.

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association expelled its former president for sharing an anti-BLM article that described the movement as a "racist hate group."

This is not the first time the HFPA chucked members.

Last month Jean Smith, a board member, was let go because she shared an article stating that President Biden is a democrat.

Other reasons for removal: saying the KKK is a racist hate group, claiming the sky is blue and the grass is green, daring to whisper the king has no clothes, and saying that roughly 10% of people are left handed.

The best thing to do in crisis situations like this is to pull the Great Golden Handle and flush them all down the loo.

Bill Gates in Captivity?

Bill Gates is a war criminal, for Windows alone.
As it turns out, he's up to other things that would qualify him....

I have been an advocate of sending the UN elsewhere for a long time. It may have served a purpose in the beginning, but now it drains money and resources.

Gates has been involved in Sustainable Development Goals for many years, I just learned. When people and organizations are looking to pull off a big one, they frequently hide it in plain sight, as they have here.

Sustainable Development is a phrase that is a cover for World Government.
I'm not asking you to take my word... read the UN page. Here are a few things that should rattle us... some of it sounds really nice... read carefully...

• All people must enjoy a basic standard of living, including through social protection systems  and if they don't, who pays for it?
• we must achieve universal health coverage and access to quality health care   we're still trying to get past that - how do they mandate our healthcare system?
• This will only be possible if wealth is shared and income inequality is addressed  People work for their money - their money. No one else's, unless the person wants to donate.
• promoting youth employment and women’s economic empowerment, in particular   We're going to socially dictate and manage.
• We recognize the positive contribution of migrants for inclusive growth and sustainable development. We also recognize that international migration is a multi-dimensional reality of major relevance for the development of countries of origin, transit and destination, which requires coherent and comprehensive responses. We will cooperate internationally to ensure safe, orderly and regular migration involving full respect for human rights and the humane treatment of migrants regardless of migration status, of refugees and of displaced persons.  You will accept illegal aliens.
• States are strongly urged to refrain from promulgating and applying any unilateral economic, financial or trade measures not in accordance with international law and the Charter of the United Nations that impede the full achievement of economic and social development, particularly in developing countries.  Listen to us, not your country's laws. One world.
•  We acknowledge that the UNFCCC is the primary international, intergovernmental forum for negotiating the global response to climate change.  Listen to us, not your country. One world.
• The new Agenda recognizes the need to build peaceful, just and inclusive societies that provide equal access to justice.  Agenda. Socially manipulate.
•  We pledge to foster inter-cultural understanding, tolerance, mutual respect and an ethic of global citizenship  Some of these things are great. But as a sovereign nation, nothing from the UN should supersede our Constitution. We're tolerant people, but not because an organization has decreed it. Global citizenship... getting us ready....

It's a nasty agenda, but largely it's about World Government, that renders your government moot. We're Americans.. we fought for what we have. We don't take things like this well.

Bill and Melinda Gates are in this up to their necks, across many foundations and entities. They are also behind a vaccine. 

Hey, look at the world wearing masks and adapting and dying.

In. The. Open.

Read the rest and weep....

All is not lost... 

Today Mrs lefty went to Dunkin to get some frozen drinks. The guy behind the counter knows Penny loves the whipped cream so he put extra whipped cream on top of the drink. Ask yourself if you have this kind of relationship with any retailer.

On the first day of Code Green, I celebrated by sleeping. The whole day.

On the second day of Code Green, I shot blowdarts at the noisemakers.

On the third day of Code Green, I worked. Then I made dinner, which sent everybody scurrying every which way. Nobody knows why. Even the dog.

On the fourth day of Code Green, I will have written something a lot funnier.

GUITAR RELATED STUFF

Almost review of Tech 21 Fly Rig 5

I won one on Ebay.

It works, sorta.

It tends to motorboat/oscillate at low frequencies the higher the gain is set.

The lights also flicker in time with the motorboating. I didn't have to pay extra for it at all! Might be power, might be a right handed unit. 

It does perform its functions until it hits oscillation.

I hope to have a review shortly, assuming it doesn't have to go back.

In other musical news, I ordered 2 pedal kits from General Guitar Gadgets. I really wanted to put all the parts and everything else needed together, but these guys have it all together, case included and drilled, in one pack, for about what a cheap pedal would cost. I ordered the BSIAB (Brown Sound in a Box - Van Halen, sort of) and whatever the Klon clone is. If you would like to build your own pedals, this is the place to look. He has kits that are similar to everything you've heard of. If you want to audition any, he has samples, or you can check on YouTube. After hearing them on YT, I decided to order. Review forthcoming.

Wear the Mask, Don't EAT the Mask

Couples: if one of you ain't putting out because of virus fears, remind them that you're both ok and working from home.

Be careful of Fido, though. A few dogs have shown symptoms, so make sure he wears one of those silly masks. And good luck getting it on him.

• The mayor of Philadelphia, Jim Kenney, is on board with the shelter-in-place order, except for gun crimes and people who don't pay their soda tax. Mayor Kenney said they deserve to be shot anyway.
• Illegal Aliens will be allowed to move into City Council, much to the chagrin of City Council. The denizens of Philly are surprisingly behind the move, as the illegals will no doubt steal less than City Council proper.
• I kid - Kenney will order all $250/night and up hotels to house the illegals.

But seriously... we wouldn't know what to do if Penny got sick. She has some 'habits' that would prove... difficult. Every night when I get in bed, she races me to my pillow and licks my face until she has to be physically removed from me. Even Mrs lefty doesn't do this, so we're not sure what the dog finds appealing (as opposed to appalling).

• Staying in has really cramped this blog's style. Some of you are surprised to discover this blog has any style.
• I'm just kidding: I barely go out anyway. I actually have masks, but different kinds.

Can you imagine that, in some country that is not the US, people are coming to this blog to learn what it's like for Americans? This should guarantee fat aid packages from overseas.

• Are you missing live sports?
• I'm not.

Even uncontacted tribes in Brazil may face coronavirus risk

Of course they do - the cannibals may eat infected hunters.

In times of emergency, you have your people who operate with good sense, and you have your Type-A overachievers who could use some serious medicine: the people who build themselves standing desks. These are the people who should be tested first, just so they get out of the house.

Now that you're mostly housebound, here's a factlet to share with friends and family: vampire bats bond by grooming first to build trust before sharing blood. So sleep with your neck exposed: maybe the little f'ers will get coronavirus.

A third of men carrying out rough sex acts such as biting and choking do not ask for consent, a survey finds. One must really learn to behave, especially in the current climate. If one takes a bite out of another, one should ask first. A stupid little virus and people go cannibal...

• Senator Rand Paul has tested positive for the virus, but he's asymptomatic. Which gives me an idea.... let's quarantine all politicians. Hopefully they can do a lot less damage there.

GameStop will temporarily close all storefronts to customers.
No one will notice the difference.

• Harvey Weinstein tested positive. I'll bet nobody's visiting.

Today I identify as   Area 50  (Area 51's old, disused relative)

• OOPS - all 16 Dead Sea Scroll fragments in the Museum of the Bible are fakes, most likely by the same source.
• Museum changes name to Museum of the Bible, forged.

Mozilla is removing FTP from Firefox shortly. FTP stands for File Transfer Protocol. It's ancient and not secure. They can replace is with the secure SFTP (Secure FTP) but won't, perhaps due to the weather. It's been quite a while since I've used Windows, but I remember a program called Filezilla for FTP. If you rely on FTP, give it a look. I think Microsoft Explorer does FTP but it's been a while and let's face it - who wants to use Explorer?

• Faceyspaces to lower video quality in Latin America, following Europe
• Now if they could only raise their reader quality...

Hackers were caught by white hat hackers after getting into the Instagram account of an unnamed porn star and demanding $5,000. I'm thinking to myself, my mom would say "now is the time to put your skills to the test." She's right. Plus the fringe benefits would be wild.

• Our favorite pizza place is open. So remember: stockpile garlic.

SJW Hits Corona  - spot the made-up story

Speech recognition algorithms may also have racial bias.

Upset that Coronavirus hits cis hetero whites less than blacks; calls for deliberate infection of Patriarchy.

there's nothing like a Chow

No Elephant Parking

The president is holding a conference where I work!
I'm sure it has nothing to do with me being asked to take the day off with pay.
There is a poll on how many times he says 'the best xxx'. Another poll on which one of us can get some quality time interviewing Melania. And $1,000 to the person who asks if this is the first set of implants on a First Lady.

We had to cancel the poll about the media treating the First Lady like they did the former First Lady (fashion icon and all around wonderful person) because we couldn't find anyone who thought they would.



Election Overview

The 2020 election will make history.
There are 457 democrats running, Trump, maybe another republican for fun, and one of any number of Clintons. The Libertarians (my people) haven't selected a candidate, the Greens get less press than my people, and the Socialist Party refused to support Bernie because he's too socialist.



Dear lefty:

• Why are there red spots on my wee wee?
• Because you'll nail anything that will stay still for 30 seconds.

Best Headline: "Tornado of poop" hits Massachusetts town after overpressurized sewage line experiences severe blockage.  Everyone wants to be California.

• Debate Season: when you watch these travesties (from any party), listen to the empty promises, some which don't align with reality, and ask yourself what the person has already done about the promise. The answer is nothing.
• Note the naked pandering.
• Remember the last debates. Remember the promises. Do you remember any results?
• Remember the hot air about things getting better when the opposite party gets into office. What happened? What are you being told now? Same thing.
• Our memories are short - about four years. Let's go over the script and decide to do something different. If we don't change our actions, we won't change the endless cycle of the same results.

A political parody, not too far from truth

Recently, Amelia Octavia Complex, democrat and Trump admirer, compared the illegal alien holding facilities to Auschwitz.  Her party did not take the statement lightly but used the opportunity to complain about the facilities. After Trump had them moved, Pelosi and Schumer were apoplectic because the illegals didn't get cable. After Trump gave them each $25,000 out of his own pocket, Pelosi publicly vilified the president for going outside government channels.

Trump put the illegal aliens up in his hotels, which drew the ire of Schumer, because they had a lot of stairs to walk down if the elevators broke, and still no cable. A problem solver, Trump built each of the illegals a house, again out of his pocket. The entire democratic party screamed, "IMPEACH" because the houses weren't in nice enough neighborhoods, and they still had no cable. No sane person should tolerate this. As a final move, the president gave all illegal aliens citizenship, expecting Pelosi would finally be satisfied. Pelosi stammered and shook, saying that illegal aliens should not get instant citizenship; instead, they needed to go through the official immigration process.

• Pro Tip: stay out of the Dominican Republic

Good Morning, Vietnam. Good Night, Georgia

For tax and other reasons, a lot of Hollywood's filming moved from Los Angeles to Georgia. They were doing well. Since Georgia passed the anti-abortion law, many businesses are boycotting, among them, some of the film industry.  It will be very interesting to see the end result of the boycotts. May the bite you take out of your own ass be large and painful, Georgia.

• My carbon footprint is size 11

Let me put your day in perspective

Penny just returned from a chemo treatment.
There was a couple who was looking after their mom's dog while she was in the hospital. They got a call that Mom died. Then a staff member came out to tell them the dog died.

Stay close to your people and pets. Appreciate them every day. You never know...

• Angela Merkel (R-Germany) has been seen with really bad tremors. It was so bad, her assistant mistakenly called her Hillary. The staff said it was hot outside and she was dehydrated. 
• Like you, I've seen a lot of people in hot weather (except my Siberian readers), none with serious body tremors. It was painful to watch.

Politics is Politics:

The British liberal party just accused the conservative party of being the party of antisemitism. Sound familiar?

This shouldn't be a problem in a country where it's against the law to say anything bad about anybody online.

• This week's Word We Can Live Without: staycation

SJW News

Toy Story 4 slammed for 'lack of lead black characters and disablism'

The knitting community is dealing with racism.
While they're at it, they banned pro-Trump content.

• An Alabama Ford dealer offered a free shotgun, bible, and American flag when buying a new vehicle.  The promotion stopped abruptly, when Ford Motor Company asked them to STOP IT.
• It's not like the items aren't going to be in the vehicle the next day anyway..

and Leon's getting larrrrrger!

Legalize Lawn Darts!

WHat - you don't capitalize the second letter of sentences?
I keep trying to figure out why I do this. I suspect it's my ADD, smacking my dyslexia around.



The Vatican says people cannot choose or change genders.
This will come as quite a shock to the people who already have.

Perhaps they say Outrageous Stuff to take attention away from their hobbies.




Dear lefty:

• I heard that children as young as two are using the internet.
• At least they have an excuse for acting like a two year old.

The British conservative party (The Screamin' Starchies) introduced the first 47 candidates to replace the other lady who left. The issue is not that there are 47 candidates.. the issue is that one of the candidates is mildly attractive, which has thrown the entire election into chaos. The British Dental Association is involved, asking how they can possibly live up to the standard of perfectly normal teeth. The news outlets are looking to hire style commentators. The Chinese already have cheap knockoffs of her dresses. The British Hat Consortium has come unglued because she hasn't been seen wearing one of those conservative, laid back hats, the size of a small horse.

The candidate in question, Lady Fah Fah Fah Hosehead Knickers, blamed the entire brouhaha on Trump, silencing the controversy permanently.




Da Blooz

Funny how stuff works.
I came about my blues lessons by second generation blues players, like Led Zeppelin, Jeff Beck, and Eric Clapton; only I didn't know it. They were simply idols.

Around 1980, Stevie Ray Vaughan broke and took heads off with his fire and strong blues playing. SRV introduced the blues to everyone, including people who never heard of it.

Stevie made me curious, so I went back to do some exploring.
Listening to the three Kings, Albert, BB, and Freddie (RIP all), I began to see where SRV picked up his licks. Albert King immediately drew my attention because I recognized where Stevie got most of his licks. There's audio and video evidence of the two performing together, which must be seen. T Bone Walker was an early bluesman who had a heavy influence on future rockers, as did the spiritual Robert Johnson. He was the subject of Crossroads, with Ralph Macchio and Steve Vai.  If you listen to SRV before he hit big, you'd hear the influence of Eric Clapton, which jumps right up and grabs your ear.

It's mind-expanding to listen to the old masters and realize where my second generation heroes got it from. They sped it up and distorted the tones, but it's all there - they just renamed it Rock.

• Once again, a reminder to make sure you don't expose Remote Desktop Protocol to the internet. There is a patch from Microsoft - install it. There are at least two very serious backdoors that will infect your computer and make your information no longer yours. RDP has no security. It should not be anywhere near the internet.

California, a small planet west of Arizona, will be extending full health benefits to illegal aliens.

People keep re-electing these politicians. Apparently they, like Bernie Sanders, believe everything is free. The designation 'illegal' has no meaning for them. TIP: Identify as an illegal alien; you'll get full benefits. Within a year, I expect to have a pass for robbing banks too.

• Oxfam, a popular charity, got caught during an investigation with a culture of sexual abuse of the people they're supposed to be helping, some children. The company ignored the behavior. Oxfam said they're very sorry (for getting caught) and they'd do everything they could (to avoid getting caught). Further, to fix the problem, they will be hiring the Catholic church's public relations firm.

Joe Biden came out of the gate swinging. I prefer the Biden who did Goofy Stuff... it's difficult to take him seriously, especially when there are no women to fondle. It must be like when Al Franken went into politics... a comic trying to get people to take him seriously. Trump's response: did someone teach him to read?

All of this has been verified in a Quinni.... Quinnipee.... Quinnipeepee... popular poll.





If you have a Whirlpool dryer in the UK, you are advised to unplug it in an immediate fashion, lest it catch fire. Whirlpool said it's very sorry (for getting caught) and safety is its first priority. They're proud of their record, only taking four years to deal with the problem, and only after the government got involved. They are committed to fixing the problem (not getting caught again) and have turned down all requests to appear on the news or at polo matches. They will modify any defective units (about 500,000) or offer a discount on a new dryer, which will catch fire more spectacularly. All new Whirlpool appliances come with fire extinguishers, which are illegal in the UK because the firefighter union complained it takes away jobs.

the Suggestion Box

We have a suggestion box. It's actually done through the comments section, but never published. Here are some of the more meaningful, well thought out entries (and some off the cuff responses):

• split the IT news onto its own blog, so people don't have to read the other crap  Consider it penitence.
• if you write one more cute dog story, I will hunt you down and put you on Faceyspaces. I surrender!
• didja ever consider black text on a white background? didja ever consider poison?
• You don't use your real name so you can be nasty and obnoxious. Untrue - my real name is nasty and obnoxious too.
• why don't you ever write about nice stuff? why don't you ever stop complaining?
• why do you think you're so funny?  someone has to.
• why do you always complain about the weather? Because I finished complaining about everything else for the moment.
• you sound really paranoid. Come live in my house for a few days, then we'll see who's afraid the government is colluding with the ants to stop me from farting really loudly in public.

Dear lefty

• reader Janice Labia asks what's the point of having a junk drawer when they all become junk drawers?
• kinky sex.

WARNING: nice dog story

A Delaware family is alive today because of Greta. Greta is a German Shepherd the family rescued, dumped due to behavioral issues. At 3am, Greta went nuts, barking and whining, until Dad got up. He walked into the kitchen and discovered it was full of propane fumes. The entire house could have been lifted hundreds of feet in the air. Greta saved them.

The cause of the propane was one of the pets turning it on, trying to get somewhere. Our dearly departed can, Ren, did this. We had to pull the knobs off the stove so he wouldn't blow up the house.

Sometimes you rescue the dog. More often, the dog rescues you.

More animal news:

145 whales were found dead on the beach in New Zealand.

Dead sea lions are washing up on Puget Sound shores - with bullet holes.

The whales 'musta got lost and mass-stranded themselves.' Yeah, that's it - they mass-stranded themselves. They've been depressed for months.  Every pod has that whale.. we'll call him Bob. Bob thinks he knows the best way to get anywhere, even though his 'shortcuts' add 35 minutes to every trip. Bob screwed up royally and steered the entire pod onto the beach, while trying to get sushi.

As for the sea lions, they discovered something on the Clintons and committed mass suicide. With their flippers tied behind their backs.

• Elon Musk, of the Idaho Musks, announced he's going to Mars.
• I'm making a list of all the people I'd like to send with him.

At our southern border, the caravan of illegals is lobbing projectiles at Border Patrol agents. Only in America (or just south) will you see this happen. They don't seem to be in a hurry to settle in any of the other countries they've passed through - just the one with the best Free Stuff<tm>. Only in America would we get called racist for not welcoming the right people with open arms (and wallets). I'm going to guess that Canada will not open all their borders to this entitled group, but keep in mind - we are the racists here.

Nobody lines up at the Russian or Israeli border demanding to be let in and given Free Stuff<tm>. I'm not suggesting we do the things they did to discourage this behavior, but we should probably move a little in their direction.

The other group up in arms is the legal immigrants, who did everything according to the laws of the land. They worked hard to become citizens and demanded nothing. They learned English, which some immigrants feel they don't have to.  Why should entitled illegal aliens dictate the terms of their invasion/citizenship? I had to go through all sorts of paperwork when I immigrated (from Mars). Do you think it's a piece of cake? Have you ever experienced Saucer Lag?

Tijuana has declared a crisis as the illegals are getting attacked by Mexico's gangs. There have been protests against the presence of the caravan, which probably haven't been in the news. There's no gain in calling Mexicans racist.

Like him or not, you have to be impressed at the testicular fortitude shown by Trump. He sent troops and issued orders for lethal force, threatening to shut the border down entirely. I don't imagine too many other presidents would announce these actions: they're not politically correct, among other things. This will, of course, damage America's reputation further, as a Wild West being run by Adolph Hitler. Meanwhile, there have been no reports of other countries putting money into the Illegals Hat to help us vile racists out.  [restating: I did not vote for Trump and I am not a Trumper.]

The libertarians like open borders. I disagree with them on this.

• about these sex robots and robot brothels... Artificial Intelligence (AI - the latest buzzword) will allow us to be rejected by robots too. We're living in the future, people.... One model is programmed to have a 24/7 headache.

According to some random UK newspaper, HIV cases could explode, due to Tinder users having riskier sex. Because nothing says sensible and safe like seeing someone's picture on your phone and deciding to have sex with them. Tinder should send Morning After Packets, with the morning after pill, penicillin, antivirals, and wet naps. Plus some condoms.. you know... as a joke. 

• Sure I pick on the French - who doesn't? They are in Full Riot Mode due to a fuel tax. Stop and think about this... they're up in arms over a tax. In the US, we wouldn't notice it... we'd just turn the game up and continue posting cat pictures online.
• In the 60s, people vigorously protested The War. Now universities vigorously protest misgendering and microaggressions.
• Four students died in a protest in Ohio. Now, the brave children, hundreds strong, come together as one! (to demand that a speaker with different views not be allowed on campus).
• In the 60s, students did not want people in other countries to be murdered. In the 2010s, students would murder anyone who doesn't agree with them. 
• The 60s protesters eventually grew up and got jobs. The 2010s... they are in for a rude awakening...

England has a major crime wave on its hands. In the loud, prostitute-filled vacation town of Skegness, just yesterday, no fewer than five people said fuck. One person was found with a dull steak knife and faces life in prison. His wife was found with scissors and the police are in the middle of a four week investigation as to whether people should be allow to carry scissors without a concealed scissor permit. Every four months, there is an instance of scissor-related crime, which is now at epidemic proportions.

As if things weren't bad enough, a Birmingham man held up a bank. It's difficult to even say this.. with a piece of paper (shrieks!). He threatened to give paper cuts to the teller if she wouldn't give him everything in the till. The cruelty is beyond words. It was a tense, three hour standoff, because the police don't have any weapons available against a man threatening paper cuts. The Ministry of Defence has gotten an additional $4 billion pounds ($1.75 lbs American) to research and develop anti-paper cut strategies).

Police in Manchester are doing a door-to-door search of a block of flats because somebody went on the internet and called someone doodyhead. This is a serious breach of the anti-free-speech laws and just ruins everybody's good time on the internet. An entire construction crew was thrown in the pokey after a police informant observed them 'watching lasciviously as a woman walked by'. The crew is proclaiming their innocence by stating they didn't say a thing or make a noise. Yeah, boys, we know what you were thinking. That sort of thing is illegal in the UK.

Finally, a Lower super Mud woman was arrested for breach of the peace after she waved too loudly at her friend. Someone might be offended at the way she waved. We can't have all sorts of people waving willy nilly around here. The country is going to hell. This is why we have laws.

On a lighter note, taking advantage of understaffed, overworked police departments, someone stole all the Queen's jewels, raided the treasury, burned Parliament's powdered wigs, and stole all the men's bras and panties. Good thing they didn't say fuck.


p.s. why does the spellchecker pass willy, but not nilly?




NEWS YOU CAN'T USE

• Data transfers from EU to the UK could become complicated post-Brexit
• So could blowjobs.

Remember when you have to go through a CAPTCHA to get to a web site?

I get all sorts of denials for all sorts of reasons. Users of TOR are CAPTCHA'd or flat out denied access to sites. Linux users can't get in because they're not using Internet Explorer. Today's denial was the best: The owner of this website (www.darkreading.com) has banned your access based on your browser's signature (47fd97022edac5fa-fie1). My browser's signature is only slightly more legible than mine. What the owner did was to ban use of Pale Moon - a browser based on Firefox. Is he afraid my browser will bring down the entire site? Date his wife? Force a paternity test on Jerry Springer? 

Dear lefty

• Michael Coffetable, from Peoria, asks if the mass hysteria/hilarity of this blog is masking deeper negative feelings.
• Dear PeeOria: Fuck you and your entire family.

Sheryl Sandburg, Faceyspaces' High Muckety Muck, is under fire for her management style and ideas. She tried to manage the perception of each issue, as opposed to fixing the problem. I can't imagine why she's in trouble - this is the M.O. of every CEO in the world.

Faceyspaces is appealing its $644,000 fine for failing to protect UK users, when it gave their information out to app developers without permission. Faceyspaces is appealing on the basis that 'it's just not fair' to them:  it sets a very bad precedent, in that they could be sued by anybody who wanted to sue them. Do we want to live in that kind of world?

• Shop online like a security pro, courtesy of Brian Krebs 

Dolce and Gabbana, the online leader in Teledildonics (remote control sexual gratification devices), is in Deep Doodoo for anti-Chinese slurs around an ad campaign. Shmuel Gabbana, Marketing head, said their account was hacked. In fact every board member's account was hacked. This is the M.O. of corporations - every time you do something stupid, say you got hacked. The truth is that they were hacked - by the Chinese, who were pissed they didn't get the contract.

• Of course our darling dog has some health issues, as we heard during her first trip to the vet. She was treated as a celebrity for some reason.  Of course she has meds. And of course, the staff told Wife that the meds are tasteless, but they know she will verify this when she tastes it herself.
• What else the vet staff know that I don't know?

In a fantastic feat of science, Earth landed a ship on Mars, to study the deep interior. 

I can't wait for the results to start trickling in. We Martians are born with a wicked sense of humor, and we're ready to start pranking the hell out of them. The first thing they'll discover is Marvin the Martian's Illudium Q-32 Explosive Space Modulator. As they probe the center of the planet, they will start to hear Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven over and over again (just like classic rock radio).  The unmanned ship will finally leave the planet because it keeps getting blown 100' into the air at random intervals. We blew up the last two Earth probes with the Miley Cyrus Death Ray. With any luck, Earth won't send nuclear missiles to blow Mars up, like they did their own moon. 

• FOR SALE: Robert Plant's Pictures at Eleven -first solo record, bought the day it came out (6/28/92). Record is in Excellent Condition, cover in Poor Condition (missing most of the upper right corner because Dog just ate it).

• FREE to a good home:  I'll stop right here.

Will the Last Person Please Turn Out The Lights

I've bemoaned the terrestrial radio situation before, but today it got worse.
We have one rock station, and one classic rock station, which plays the same songs by the same artists, over and over and over and over.... Then there's NPR, but I don't need to hear why Trump is wrong about everything or four hours on plants, until most of the listeners commit suicide.

So we're in the car, which is the only time we listen to the radio, as the cd player broke. We put on the rock station and hear..... hockey.

There used to be another rock station that was a hair more listenable. Naturally that couldn't be left alone, so one day they went sports talk. A talk station on FM. Why? Do we need color commentary to come to us with full fidelity? Can't we just listen to our teams lose on AM?

After much searching, I managed to locate the email address of the rock station's program director and sent him an email to share my feelings. Because the world seems to operate on feelings these days. Before you shudder at my feelings, sharing them, or what else I might say to the person, I want you to know I kept it very level. At no point did I threaten his family's well-being or even his genitalia. I made no comments about his predilection for crossdressing or cruising certain neighborhoods after dark. I didn't even complain that the morning team seems to be more of a Morning Mob, with much input from people who sound like they were picked up off the streets in South Philadelphia and told to put in their two cents whenever they felt like it. I simply stated that we have many choices for sports, but they're the only rock station, and how about playing some rock?  Not unreasonable.

I feel much better having done that. Maybe tomorrow I'll send an email to the classic rock station, suggesting they play something different from the 12 artists they play. I know it's what I'd like to hear.

I have got to invest in a new car radio. With AUX IN. It doesn't even have to have AM or FM. Just Bluetooth or a USB stick with music.


Will the last person listening to terrestrial radio please turn out the lights when you're done?


P.S. I received a response from the program director, explaining that they were contractually bound to carry the hockey game, due to some other station carrying football. Or basketball. Or water polo... probably water polo.

Guitar-Related: read at your own peril

Because I like to be told "no", it was time for another trip to Guitar Center. I like to go every now and then to see what's new and if there's anything I desperately need at that moment. They used to have new stuff. Now they have... blah. In large quantities. The place has shrunken down, both in space and inventory. In terms of lefties, it was a good trip: one used Strat, one cheap Strat, and one midline Tele. It used to be better, but stopped. The chain in is financial trouble, much like Gibson guitars. They were bought by Bain Capital, Mitt "Sue" Romney's firm, which squeezes out all profits, then discards.

The new Fenders, as widely publicized after the music show in January (NAMM) were nowhere to be found. Funny, they appear for sale all over the internet. So I asked, only to be told that NAMM is a giant tease, and no one will see the actual guitars til May. This bears checking out.

There was one guitar that caught my eye. It was backwards, but still.. I could probably order it. In fact, it caught everyone's eye because they could not help but see it. Then it burned out their retinas. It was rather unbelievably yellow, in a way that could provide light for a hemisphere of the planet at very least. It might've had a tinge of green, just to make it more.... violently ugly. It was a Charvel and they introduced some wild, LOUD colors recently. Unfortunately Charvel is a metal guitar, therefore I wouldn't like it if it were lefty. Bloody necks that are wide and flat. But it was so wonderfully blinding that I could almost see myself playing it, next to my other incredibly ugly Strat. You know - if I ever played out anywhere.

There were two employees visible, both of whom were very nice and customer-service oriented. The store was dead, but I guess Easter Sunday/April Fools Day is not known as the best time to shop for guitars. I kinda liked it. I went in with money, ready to spend, and failed. I do this a lot, which says something about me.


Will the last person shopping at Guitar Center please turn out the lights?

Makeup

We took a trip to the makeup store too. My wife does not get off on being told no, and it works out spectacularly for her. Or, as we say around Christmas, What do you get the girl who wants everything?

I'm a relatively decent husband, in that I take an interest in things she likes. I don't mind shoe shopping or makeup shopping. Except today. When guys go shopping, they stroll in purposefully, eventually get the thing they want, even if it means looking at a list with one thing on it, and get their ass out of the store. Women are different (no, really?). Every aisle. Everything on every shelf required either a comment (got that, got that, don't have that, got that, don't want that) or physically handling the item. Sometimes this came with an explanation. Normally I can do this with no difficulty. Today was different. I was sweating. My good humor and geniality started to fade quickly (yeah, geniality.... very funny).

These stores are incredible. It's a license to print money. Guys, if you've never followed your lady into a makeup store, you owe yourself a look. Take one of those muscle relaxers first, or a stiff drink (or both) and follow her in. There are all sorts of things in this store, each costing a lot of money. And women and girls flock to these places to be beautiful.

There is makeup in all colors. Want blue sparkly lips? Gotcha covered. Purple eyes? Check. Foundation? Name the shade. Concealer? It will make you invisible. Spackle and trowels? Aisle 3. Want to know why she is short on cash?  Because her lipstick is $19.99, and most everything else starts at $8 and rockets upwards. I was going to surprise her with some perfume, which was only $70, but a better bargain at $99 for a slightly larger size. I buy guitar stuff that doesn't cost me this much.

The focus at this point seems to be eyebrows. Don't ask me, I have no idea and no way to comprehend any of it. Maybe if we find a woman, we can ask. I've been noticing eyebrows lately, because you can't possibly miss them on social media, with the interminable selfies. Just as I was thankful that they stopped doing stupid things with their lips and stopped looking like they slipped across their eyelids and onto the side of their face with mascara, we are now faced with eyebrows. My limited understanding is that ladies used to pluck their eyebrows. Now they can be permanently installed, done professionally, tweezed, hot waxed, drawn under, drawn instead of, and threaded. I understand this process uses thread but have no desire to watch or even have it explained to me.

My eyebrows are strategically located in the traditional spot (right above my left buttock). They largely sit there, occasionally falling out or growing. That's pretty much it. They require no real maintenance, color, marker, or threading (I don't think). No matter.. consult a woman and she'll tell you that you probably could use some cosmetic sharpening of the old above-eye growth. Thanks but no thanks - I've got to wash my hair that night.

Why do women do this?
To make themselves beautiful. After all, if you buy this lipstick, it will give you larger breasts. And if you use that blush, you'll look just like that adorable model on the cover. That eye shadow will make you look like Cindy Crawford, while that perfume will turn you into Julia Roberts, complete with that smile and her perfect-size bum.

How do they know this?
How should I know. It's probably genetic. They walk into a makeup store, find just the right concealer, foundation, and bath salts (not the ones that make you eat the face off people) and go home, safe in the knowledge that they can operate the makeup like they were born with it. If you put the purple stuff on your face, it makes the craters less visible. The green stuff hides pimples and redness. The pink stuff is good for bruises, after you 'fell down the steps' again. The brown stuff... well.... it makes your skin browner. We even saw something that, according to the model, gives you a gap between your front teeth. Some of that stuff gives you big blonde hair! My wife is hip to this scam. She learned a long time ago that you will not look like the model, nor will the stuff work anywhere near as advertised. Smart woman. Only took 13 years to figure this out. You laugh - many women still haven't figured it out.

I spied another poor guy, across the aisle, pretending to be interested in what his lady was showing him. Smart fella. It got me to wonderin'... with all this space, maybe they should either put in a men's section with products, or put in some benches and a tv. Internet access. Cinnabons, my god. Expensive coffee drinks! This is another money-making opportunity for these folks, even if the markup is better on makeup than $7.50 coffee with whipped cream, a few squirts of this and that, a half pump of watermelon, and some soy whipped cream because Muffy is lactose intolerant and we don't want to be following her down the aisles, if you know what I mean.... I need to suggest this to the chain, because I'm incapable of keeping my bright(?) ideas to myself.

The owners of this place have to be wiping their bottoms with hundred dollar bills. With the exception of the Metro group, guys don't do this stuff. But women flock to these places, handing over lots of their hard-earned cash for essence of this and foundation of that.

At the cashier, we stood in line because there was only a cashier. There were others, but they were doing homework for their Looking Busy class. Good job, I tell you. Cashier, a customer too, asked if we found everything ok. STOP. Hold the really bad overhead music. Keep the commentary down. What does that MEAN? We definitely found the things we brought to the counter ok. After having combed the entire store, aisle by aisle, there is very little we didn't find. Did she mean finding the experience ok? No, it was too hot and nary a product for a straight male, except maybe some $29 shampoo.

Better yet, just experience it vicariously through me. I'm here for you.

But That's Not All...

No sir. There's another place one must see a few times in one's lifetime. I won't mention the name, but it rhymes with Head, Laugh, and Be Gone.  I'm not sure our parents imagined a world that included a store carrying beds, coffee, coffee machines, coffee containers, coffee grinders, linens that resist coffee, pillows, towels, kitchen gadgets and makeup. Yes, more makeup.

I don't think it was unreasonable of me, upon her insistence at looking at even more makeup, that I politely told her I forgot something in the car, perhaps a life, and I'd be waiting for her there.

But seriously, folks... all of their stores take up mega-space. They all have room for that weird size brush with the curved handle that allows you to clean the bottom of those 18" tall spaghetti containers. Not the lasagna containers- that's a different tool entirely. And they have this tool in a few colors, plus left-handed for me. If you can afford the retail space for these items, you're doing well.

I have never seen so much coffee in my life, in the form of Keurig pods. They're everywhere, including the bedsheet section.  Let me give you a hint, if you're serious about your coffee: don't buy this crap. Stick with what you know. Especially the stuff with the big V on it. We wasted money on a large box of french roast V coffee and had to throw it out. I like strong, manly coffee, with seven tablespoons of sugar and a half pint of fancy creamer, in a girly way. None of this stuff measures up to Peet's. If you don't mind nicely flavored hot water type beverage, by all means, pick up some pods. There's an infinite variety. Donut Shop (actually reminds you of Dunkin, watered down), Cinnabon (absolutely not - real thing only), Italian roast (tries to sleep with your wife), and Green Mountain. Even people who drink from the toilet should avoid Green Mountain. They're owned by Keurig or vice-versa, and produce coffee-colored, mildly flavored water.

One of my most amusing finds was a creme brulee(?) set, with some bowls and what looked like a mini flamethrower. The first thing I thought, after realizing that I needed a mini flamethrower to go with the large one, is that they couldn't sell this in England. You're not allowed to carry a knife over 3" or generic cutting tools or a hammer, because they're used for breaking in. One guy was barely allowed to keep his carpet knife, because he used it at work to cut carpet. Can you imagine the look on the face of the cop who sees the mini flamethrower? They might have to ring the fire brigade, bomb squad, armed response unit, and an ambulance for the first cop, who had an aneurysm after he saw it.

The store must have a generous Screwing Off policy, as we watched one employee, clearly not on her break, sit on a stool and check her cell phone. Probably forgot to post an important selfie.

The As Seen on TV crowd will have an orgasm over this stock. Pillows, flat hoses, hose extenders, vibrating things, and some sort of flower sponge that sings. I walked away quickly.

I'm secure enough in my manhood to hold my wife's pocketbook, but frequently don't have the shoulder strength. The only thing worse is being stranded by the entrance while she goes to the ladies'. A caring employee finally came up and asked if she could help me find anything. I teared up and told her my wife walked away and I couldn't find her, so this is where we agreed to meet if one of us got lost. There's a reason I don't go out much.

I found a saying recently.... "Every time I go out, I remember why I don't like to go out."

• Students at the University of Colorado earn up to 3 points for attending the annual White Privilege Conference.
• Where do I get me some of this white privilege?
• How many points do I receive for attending the Jewish and Black Privilege Conferences? Will they be combined again this year? What do you get when you combine.... sorry... I said I wouldn't do that again.

Hey, if you're ever in Ukraine (economic problems forced them to change from The Ukraine), I've got the accommodations for you! It's a brand new S&M hotel.  You can get the Dungeon Room, complete with dominatrix (150 pounds/hour). You can even rent by the hour (3 hrs min). There's only one hotel rule: don't appear drunk. You can get out the belt and beat your partner til they're bleeding. Strangle them for pleasure during sex.  Spank them til they can't sit down for the second quarter of 2018. Make them wear WWI gas masks. Just don't appear drunk.

• Back in 2011, a photographer got a picture of Mark Zuckerberg picking up dog poop. Security 'escorted' him to Faceyspaces HQ.
• I think it's great that he cleans up after his dog.
• However, he's a slimy hypocrite who believes it's ok to mine everyone else's data but not his.
• Sorry, bud... if you're on the sidewalk, it's no longer private property.
• There's something wrong when you have your own security force that's not beholden to local laws.

For all of you End of Days folks, a rabbi said he sees Trump rebuilding the temple. I know that has some sort of significance - maybe the messiah? Or something from Life of Brian. He's not the messiah: he's a very naughty boy.

• Comment while watching British tv: hey, she's not ugly!
• Line from British tv show: She's not a foreigner, she's Welsh.

Due to the brewing trade war with China, they said America would learn a "painful lesson" by tangling with them. They have threatened to close all of their restaurants.

• London's death toll has bested New York. That is an accomplishment. The deaths are attributed to knife violence. The first hullabaloo was a demand for the mayor to speak. When he did eventually speak, he said, "Let me clear - there is no reason to carry a knife ... they will be caught and will feel the full force of the law.  Apparently not, Mr. Mayor.
• I think you guys need to sit down and have a common sense talk about knife control. This is when parody writes itself.

A couple of weeks ago, a Tesla driver crashed and died in California. Another one almost met the same fate while on autopilot, at the same location. The theory is that the line paint had faded and the camera could not make it out. However, there were no warnings about crashing into the divider.  Tesla advises its customers to keep their hands on the wheels, and to pay attention. This seems to negate the point of autopilot.

Regardless, this highlights my apprehension over self-driving vehicles. I don't like the way they seemed to appear so quickly. I'm not against them, but I don't think they're ready for prime time. I take a lot of heat for this.

Backwards World

There are over 1,500 people headed through Mexico to the US, aided by Mexico. They have released DEMANDS of President Trump.

“We demand of the Mexico and the United States: that they respect our rights as refugees and our right to dignified work to be able to support our families,” the statements reads.

The second demand is “that they open the borders to us because we are as much citizens as the people of the countries where we are and/or travel.” 

They're not even in America and they're already more entitled than college students.


Speaking of college students, George Washington University is holding a diversity workshop that teaches that Christians, especially white ones, "receive unmerited perks from institutions and systems all across our country."

Christian Privilege. Betcha didn't see that coming.

In case you fear where this is going, I'll add more workshops offered: “heteroesexual privilege,” “cisgender privilege,” “abled-bodied privilege,” “socio-economic privilege,” “unconscious bias,” and more. Don't forget right-handed privilege. white privilege, and male privilege.

Homework: count the number of your privileges.

The Derbyshire Constabulary mens choir is rather upset (British understatement) because they were told they have to admit women. Or at least anyone identifying as a woman.

More than one million illegal aliens have received driver's licenses in California, according to their Department of Motor Vehicles.  Send them to Syria and have them demand licenses.

Parents Being Parents

• Gimme that old time religion: An Arizona mother got her child up for church on Easter Sunday by tazing him. She was promptly arrested for some reason. I think she should be commended for parenting skills.
• Her two children are on probation and the sixteen year old tazee has an ankle bracelet. All she was doing was enforcing discipline. Let's face it - they'll never do that again. Nor will she.

• An Ingram, PA, couple ran a brothel out of their house, where three young children were living. Child endangerment charges have been filed.
• Another responsible parent, teaching her children the value of a second career option. Survival. Business skills. 
• The 18 month old might be a little young, but is it ever really too early to start?

Remember the Defense Department giving out armed forces equipment and vehicles to police departments? Some Wisconsin police are returning mine-resistant vehicles and replacing them with smaller, armored emergency vehicles, due to citizen complaints. Having no bearing on the decision is the fact that they're large, heavy, and difficult to maintain.

What's wrong with mine-resistant vehicles for combat against your own people? How much will the new vehicles cost and who's paying for them?
You know that the rest of the cities and states will follow suit.  Just kidding.

Florida, We Missed You

• It's been a day or two since we heard from Florida, but they've taken a chunk out of the news cycle: a Volusia teen has been accused of biting the head off a live chicken. It's going to be about five minutes until someone's lawyer blames Ozzy Osbourne. Aren't you supposed to wait til they're cooked first?

• So it's Easter, and in Altamonte Springs, some folks are having a nice Easter dinner. Shivon Perez asked a guest, her ex-boyfriend, to fix a pipe. While he was fixing said pipe, she sprayed him with gasoline and set him on fire.
• If he doesn't do the dishes, your next step should probably not be setting him alight. Hit him with a pan, maybe.

Marshall

How is Marshall coming along?
He had his first doggie acupuncture appointment the other day.
Yes, there is a doggie acupuncturist. Or at least that's what she said she was.
She had a degree on the wall from School of Modern Doggie Acupuncture and a white coat with her name on it, so we felt it was safe to go ahead.

The staff fawned over him for a while. We initially put this down to the amount they were charging us wherever we went. It seems to be pretty genuine, and he seems to lap it right up. He's not tremendously social, like his parents, but he does well. He sat there for his treatment, not moving around and not anxious (dogs pant and move their tongues in and out when anxious). The doc was most impressed with his appearance and health for his age and his condition.

These folks are using Eastern medicine. Know what that is? It's what people used before Big Pharma. Natural remedies. Stuff we should all be using. We were advised to modify his diet. I didn't get all the details but one phrase stuck in my mind: "there's a big difference between farm raised and fresh caught salmon." And give him some mushrooms (I thought they were almost inert fungus). So the dog will eat much better than we will, even when we buy expensive food. They said they'll stop the cancer at very least, and they've had success at driving it back some. I believe them. People have had all sorts of ailments cured via acupuncture. So why not my little monster?

Let the Whining Continue

There was a successful cryptojacking attack on the LA Times.
Why?
Because somebody did not secure their Amazon Cloud setup.

Are you beginning to see commonalities?



The moon will be getting its first mobile telephone network next year. This will be used for high-definition streaming from the surface back to earth, in preparation for the first privately funded moon mission.

Shortly thereafter, there will be live streaming of porn to and from the moon, quickly followed by ministries beaming the bible up to the godless heathens that might be occupying the dead satellite. The joke will be on the ministries, as the side of the moon perpetually in the dark is a monitoring station for the aliens who created us.

The connection will be crystal clear with no dropouts until the first subscriptions are sold, at which point service will go immediately to hell, with the 4G connection dropping to 1G, and only texting possible.

• Apple Cofounder Steve Wozniak (friends call him Mary), admits he was scammed out of $70,000 in bitcoin.
• In unrelated news, the new iPhones have gone up $200 each.

The other day, a black woman wrote on social media about how great it was to be alive to experience the creations of Black geniuses of our time, specifically plays and movies.

This lady must be very young, and obviously has an agenda.

Although I never got the chance to see him firsthand, Jimi Hendrix's music will live on forever. As will Freddie/Albert/BB King, Willie Dixon, John Lee Hooker, Billy Preston, Robert Johnson, and scores of others.

Fortunately, I can say I have lived during Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, and Eric Clapton, as well as Frank Zappa, Eric Johnson, and Robin Trower. It just never occurred to me to be thankful that I was alive to enjoy these white geniuses of our time.

It would be difficult to do this now, but if you were to ask Jimi, he'd tell you that music was colorless. Musicians are colorless to me. I sure don't refer to Jimi as a great black guitar player. Or Jeff as a great white guitar player. They're pioneers of the guitar, beyond just talented.

Every now and then some tiny part of me called The Inner Hippie pops out.
He wants to know why we can't see art as art. He says that until we do, we will be divided.

Cellbrite, an Israeli company is now a favorite with the US Government, as it can unlock iPhones. Are we surprised? This is our government, completely out of control, under the pretext of National Security. Even worse, it's going to be difficult for iDevice owners to be Smug for any reason other than the price they paid for the device.

• NSA director Mike Rogers says the president hasn't given the NSA the authority to battle Russian interference.  He's right - the NSA would never do anything without authorization or that would violate anyone's privacy.

• About a year after I sounded the alarm over Marshall amplifiers with Bluetooth capabilty, Big Fish<tm> in the security industry are now sounding the alarm. Greater validation would be had if anybody saw my original claim.

No more experienced a politician than Oprah Winfrey said that she'll run for president if God tells her to.  Great, another attempted leader who hears voices. Don't forget - God also spoke directly to George Bush.

• 800 illegal aliens in Northern California avoided capture because the mayor warned them about ICE raids. Perhaps they should deport the mayor too.  Justice Department is seeing if this amounts to obstruction of justice charges.
• I was always told you can't pick and choose which laws you will obey.
• Rest assured that if you or I .....

I have an old laptop. It's very capable still, but needs a new keyboard.  This would be its third keyboard. For some reason, I go through them. I'm not sure why. It would have absolutely nothing to do with pounding it when it doesn't function properly. Last time I made the mistake of buying a keyboard from an unnamed country that makes chips that spy on us. It was very reasonably priced and the writing on the keys wore off in short order. I'm looking at proper keyboards and they're going for ridiculous prices. I'm starting to remember why I went Chinese. One official keyboard from the laptop manufacturer would cost half of what the laptop now sells for used. In related news, one can get a hell of a laptop deal on Ebay, especially if you're familiar with the model. Never hurts to have a spare machine.

As a grizzled IT veteran, I can tell you that you haven't lived until you've had to perform surgery on a laptop. This being the 2000s, there was a YouTube video showing the procedure, as well as sites with instructions.

Currently, the keyboard has no letters on a number of keys, one being I. Just to be amusing, the I key also requires an extra press or two to register. If it weren't for spellcheck, I'd be missing a blog full of I's.  An't that a btch? I must also keep both eyes on the screen at all times, as the keyboard has a habit of highlighting whole paragraphs and deleting them while I type. Spaces don't show up or happen twice, as do Rs. It's like having gremlins in the machine and not knowing when they're going to strike. Yes, I can use an external keyboard but space considerations make it difficult.

And just for fun, sometimes one of these things happens when I'm typing on a different machine.

• California just approved driverless car testing. Until now, the law mandated a backup driver.
• The California Mayors' Association has called for a halt to driverless vehicles, stating that they take jobs away from illegal aliens.
• Besides - what could possibly go wrong?

But I'm Not Dead Yet!

Neurologists studying the brains of nine people as they died discovered that the brain continues to work for minutes after the heart stops beating. The observation concluded that the brain dies with a final wave of activity called "spreading depression". They liken the sensation to living in Philadelphia.

Think about this... when does one die? At what point do they go toward the light and see the Easter Bunny? How much faster is rebooting a brain than Windows? How long has Nancy Pelosi been dead? I have questions...

• If you attend a number of schools in England, it's possible you're on camera, broadcasting live to a website. Why? Bad default security on the webcams, as well as no one concerned about security at the school to change the bad default passwords.
• This illustrates why it's important for everyone to change the default passwords on any device. You wouldn't want your BabyCam to be broadcasting live to some web page accessible to the world. Unless you're an exhibitionist, you also wouldn't want your bedroom security camera to be broadcasting to the internet..

A quantum physics experiment has proven quantum communication is possible with a single particle. If any of us has any clue about quantum physics, this is pretty exciting news, done by superposition, the phenomenon through which particles can effectively occupy two places at once.

Quantum particles can be on, off, or both; proving they're female.

Revenge of the Lions

• a woman was killed by a lion at a South Africa game lodge today.
• Earlier this month a suspected poacher was mauled to death and eaten by a pack of lions close to South Africa's famed Kruger National Park.
• Lions 2 - Humans 10,247

In Chicago, congressional candidate Benjamin Thomas Wolf is featured smoking pot in his campaign ad. He supports legalization of marijuana. His competition supports a needle exchange. He is featured shooting heroin.

• Ryan Seacrest's former personal stylist, Suzie Hardy, alleges sexual aggression; grinding his erect penis against her while clad only in his underwear, groping her vagina, and at one point slapping her buttock so hard that it left a large welt still visible hours later.
• Reached for comment, Seacrest apologized and said that he just wanted to see what it was like to do it to a woman.

The Offended Files

Residents of a nudist community in Florida (where else?) are upset because their mail carrier refuses to deliver mail. The carrier says she is 'offended by their naked lifestyle'. The Postal Service will not force her to go where she's not comfortable. No word on whether they are going to ask someone else to deliver the mail. Several hundred male carriers have volunteered for the job.

• The Catholic church is considering married priests to ease the shortage of clergy. Because orgies and molesting children aren't a serious problem yet.

Hillary Clinton, upset that America is celebrating the 15 month anniversary of her not being president, is warning the person who was elected that "The Russians are still coming."  All over the country, dead horses continue to let out low moans.

• It's not that we're not serious about security, it's just that we don't care. Manufacturers are currently using compromised firmware in implantable devices... you know...  like pacemakers... So if you feel like dancing or clutching your chest, it's not your imagination.
• Remember that minor Equifax hiccup that divulged ridiculous amounts of your personal data? Just announced: 2.4 million more US consumer names and partial drivers licenses stolen. The unrelated news is that the CFPB dropped the investigation and refuses to reopen it.

There's another new tv show. This is never good news. To say it is horrid would be synonymous with new. It's called My Four Wives. No, this does not refer to multiple personalities. It's some dude with four wives, families, and houses.

Why?


Perhaps the second or third question to come to mind is what the hell this guy does to be able to afford four families.... most of us can barely afford one.  Four mortgages... I can't afford my dog.

Now let's get to the crux of the biscuit: four wives.
Four.

Wives.
How many of us can say we mastered the art of one spouse?

Did the fellow simply not get it right the first time and insist on making the same mistake three more times? Does he have some fatal desire for nagging? Was his own personal army not building up quickly enough, so he enlisted three more factories? Wouldn't it be faster to adopt? What does the will look like? He must be fabulously wealthy because he can't possibly have time to work.  What have the psychologists had to say about this horrible need to hurt himself - can't he just cut, like everyone else? If he hasn't had a vasectomy, his wives should make sure he doesn't get within ten feet of them at all times. If he goes to a bar, do the four of them form a human shield around him? Does he sleep with more than one at a time? Do they like girls too? What does he put in their milk - they look fabulously happy. Too happy, in fact.

He obviously didn't do this because he likes supermodels.
Maybe the families are a corporation.. Jason Sperm, LLC. Four Too Many, Inc. The Fertility Group.

You have to figure he's a member of one of those polygamous Mormon sects. I have nothing against Mormons or polygamy; one should be able to choose the instrument of one's own death. You want more than one wife? Go ahead - it's your funeral.

The commercial showed them all flying somewhere.  Never mind four houses... this is how you can tell the guy has too much money: that many plane tickets. Whenever they need to go somewhere, they don't call an airline, they call a tour guide. "I need thirteen for Polygamy Class - it's right before Coach."

• After intense taste-testing, we recommend that if you wish to try Chocolate Lucky Charms, you go with Chocolate Frosted Flakes with Marshmallow Bits.  Trust us on this.

from @RealPeerReview
Here's a classic paper written by a male feminist:

I have heard more plausible stories of little green men from meth addicts.
The author was subsequently stripped of his skirt by actual female feminists.

• A Big Security Dude<tm> found a paper postulating that space aliens could send us malware capable of destroying humanity. In retaliation, we'll send them Windows.

In legal news, Google is being sued by a fired YouTube recruiter for wrongful termination.  Google was unhappy that their workforce was largely white and Asian males, so they tried to 'rectify the situation by working harder to find candidates who could do the job and who are also traditionally underrepresented minorities.'

Per the lawsuit:

In April of 2017, Google’s Technology Staffing Management team was instructed to immediately cancel all Level 3 (0-5 years experience) software engineering interviews with every single applicant who was not either female, Black, or Hispanic and to purge entirely any applications by non-diverse employees from the hiring pipeline. Plaintiff refused to comply with this request.

Despite lacking legal law linguistics, this sounds illegal.
Google vows to defend itself, saying that it has a “clear policy to hire candidates based on their merit, not their identity.."  Unless they're white or Asian males, of course.

How many times do you hear that any job area is populated by Asian males? Numerically, that's odd. On the other hand, hockey is completely free of Asians, while basketball and football are majority African American. Do you suppose the NFL will be sued by a recruiter because he refused to hire more whites or Asians?

My head continues to explode over a topic that's becoming more visible lately: Universal Basic Income. 

A CNBC article explores this topic in greater detail. 

The premise is that the government gives everybody a basic income.

I keep thinking I'm not understanding this correctly and asking Who's gonna pay for this?

I wrote previously on Stockton, California, which has a pilot program, handing out $500 monthly. This doesn't bother me as much, as it's being done on a private grant. But in the future....

Who's gonna pay for this?

Understand that the government has no money. All government money comes from We the People. So when the government is going to provide a basic income, where is the money going to come from? 

A poll shows 48% of Americans support a UBI.

These are obviously the ones who haven't asked Who's gonna pay for this?

A proponent of UBI, speaking at the World Economic Forum had this to say:

"The claim is often made that if you give people a basic income, they'll become lazy and stop doing work," Standing said. "It's an insult to the human condition. Basic incomes tend to increase people's work rather than reduce it."

Apparently this fellow has never heard of welfare.

But wait - it gets better....

"People are saying, 'Look we cannot let inequality continue to grow, because the political consequences could be a disaster'," Standing said, pointing to the recent rise of more authoritarian figures. 

You don't think there's any bias there, do you?

The most popular solution is the federal government sending a monthly check to everyone, regardless of earnings or employment. An estimate of the cost to provide everybody with $10,000 annually is three trillion dollars.  This is more than 3/4 of the entire yearly federal budget. It's allegedly more than the military budget, so there's no worry of it ever coming to pass.

Who's gonna pay for this?

Americans are a sad lot, with 80% saying that companies that benefit from artificial intelligence should pay higher taxes to fund UBI.  They also support changing the name of the country to United Socialists of America.

One reason I vote libertarian is to protect myself from people like this.

To be clear, I support helping people who need help due to disability or short term for job loss. UBI would take everybody's money and give it to... everybody.

Read the article. Your head could explode too!