Manscaping? I Don't Even Mow the Lawn

Since my furry child started seeing the acupuncturist, he's been eating well. In fact, he's been eating better than his parents. We were told to feed him fresh food. As a result, Wife cooks chicken breasts (it's always about the breast with me) and puts them in the fridge for the week.

To say cockers like chicken is like saying cockers like beef. And cat food.
I sliced it up, went to take the plate to his table, and my wife looked at me in abject horror: "You're not going to heat it up?"

Uh-oh.

Ummmm.. no.

You have to heat it up for him.

Oh. I see (I said, not seeing). Perhaps we can ask him which he prefers.

No, you have to heat it up.

Shall I take a nice cabernet with it? Perhaps a salad?

Don't let him near the liquor again. Remember what happened last time.

Dessert? Do you serve dessert warm or cold?

I'll do it.



Perhaps this is why anybody who knows me and meets my wife tells her how sorry they are for her.

• Wendy: TMZ with implants

WhatsApp co-founder Jan Koum is leaving because of long-standing differences of opinion with other Faceyspaces executives. WhatsApp is owned by Faceyspaces. Apparently they're collecting customer data and weakening encryption to give advertisers a wider base to target.  Irony: two days ago I told my family not to use this app. Zuckerberg is evil and wanted to link WhatsApp phone numbers with Faceyspaces data. This is a perfect example of how different entities with different bits of data can figure out exactly who you are and what you do. See what Signal can do for you.

• Twitter, sometimes inaffectionally referred to as Twatter by its users, sold data access to a researched linked with Cambridge Analytica. This is the company that Faceyspaces got caught selling data to. Twitter magically banned Cambridge from buying data or running ads on the platform. 
• Another huge corporation with a 'free' service. The free service is your data.

In a delightful bit of research, Princeton University set about seeing where Internet of Things devices went online. Click the link and behold the wonders of where your smart tv, security camera, and light bulbs go when started up.  Let's say the devices go to many third party sites and are not always encrypted. A third party site is a site that has absolutely nothing to do with the operation of the device, like Faceyspaces and ad companies. This is but one reason I won't touch Internet of Things devices. Unfortunately, IoT is the current buzzword, so corporations will be using it, along with the previous buzzword: The Cloud.

Your Samsung Smart TV is a busy little beaver. During the first minute after power-on, the TV talks to Google Play, Double Click, Netflix, FandangoNOW, Spotify, CBS, MSNBC, NFL, Deezer, and Facebook­even though we did not sign in or create accounts with any of them. 

• When I was little, I wondered what it would be like in 2000, when I'd be a certain age. Having aged another year, I never thought about what this age would be like. It's a good thing I remain the same irascible, sarcastic, social bastard. Nothing has changed but the number.

A few years back, the politicians were making a lot of racket about predatory lending, or payday loans. I'm not entirely sure what was done, although it's safe to bet it wasn't all that useful. It could be worse: it could be England, where every third commercial is for payday loans. They're very honest too.. the last one featured interest of 1249.9% (and someone called Uncle Vinny Smashuface)

• President Trump sent a High Mucketymuck to visit Netanyahu in Israel. Netanyahu, on Twitter, said the relationship between the two countries was stronger. Ever the truth-seeker, I mentioned that for $3.15 billion in military aid, it had better be strong. No response yet and no visits from the Mossad, although that UPS truck sure has been parked there a long time...

The country is now seeing some results from the Trump-Stormy Daniels feud. She is now suing him for slander, growing the total number of lawsuits to thirty five. In a totally, completely unrelated story, which has absolutely nothing to do with the multiple lawsuits, patrons of the strip club she's working at arrived ten hours early for her performance.

What are they going to do at a strip club for ten hours..... oh.

In doing detailed research for this story, I looked at a lot of porn stars. Old Stormy is not exactly in the top ten, in terms of looks. In fact, she's not in the top fifty. Perhaps she has other talents.... who knows?

It may surprise you to know that I've been...ummm.... involved with a few strippers and adult video stars in my old musical comedy allegedly professional life. One had just made a movie, so we copied the cover, wrapped it around condoms, and threw them out to the audience during the show. We had never been as popular with the audience and other comics in our history.

Then there were the strippers. This was a long time ago and I'm not entirely sure how we wound up with them (no, really). It's possible our gig was in the strip club and we took it because it sounded like an experience we needed to have. I remember the show wasn't all that well-received, but we started to figure out not to perform near food or strippers. Or football games on bar tv, but that's a different story entirely. We had a video camera with us, because this was before the days of cell phones with cameras. I sat on a particularly attractive stripper's lap and she looked into the camera and told my girlfriend that the strippers were going to steal me away. For reasons I cannot comprehend, my girlfriend was not amused. Go figure.

• Mel Gibson is set to direct a movie described as a kamikaze war thriller. In it, he claims the kamikazes were Jews.
• Speaking of the Jews, a man burst into a Manhattan movie theater and starting to yell about guns, saying, "They are killing us," then "people with guns are killing people in the theater." In a reaction no one could have expected, people got a bit upset. One moviegoer jumped from a low balcony and hurt himself. The yeller grabbed him by the throat and said, "I got the Jew." The Jews really seem to be up to things lately.
• In PA, a boy told the police a clown jumped from the woods and hit him with a metal baseball bat. Apparently this sort of thing happens all the time in Butler County. No word on whether the clown was Jewish.

Let's Bring the Country Together (free speech edition):

a rapper has urged the Crips to assault Kanye West for his support of Donald Trump.

“Yo national alert, all the Crips out there, y’all f— Kanye up,” he said, referring to the infamous Los Angeles-area street gang.

This message was also posted on the rapper's Twitter account.

I have it on good authority there are no Jews in the Crips.

• I have done such an excellent job of staying away from this, but, as a service to my readers, I must let you know that Caitlyn Jenner (68) may marry 21 year old transgender 'blonde bombshell' Sophia Hutchins.
• No personal pronouns will be allowed at the ceremony or in their house because even Caitlyn doesn't know if she's a lesbian (or something) now.

A Conversation with the Dog

I'm on the couch, which is the first place anyone should look for me. I work, I nap, I watch tv, and I surf for porn from the couch. Marshall has been snoozing all day. Wife comes home from doing whatever she does when she leaves, heats up some lunch and sits down. What she forgot was the very sensitive trip switch in the cushion that alerts Marshall that something is happening and he needs to be there immediately to observe it.

This was his absolute second favorite thing in the world: Mommy eating. His first favorite is Marshall eating. He knows better than to sit near me because I won't give him anything while we're eating and from where we're eating. This is proper pet parent behavior, so the dog doesn't think your food is his food. At very least, get up and put it in his bowl. Of course when you do that, he knows that when you're done eating, you're going to put food in his bowl. There is no winning with this dog.  Anyway, he perches near his mommy because mommy is a klutz and will drop something. Cheesy Poofs are the worst. For every handful she gets, two poofs drop to the ground. Marshall is right there to clean for us: our very own Hoover.

Marshall's new trick is when he sees Mom eating, he starts the pitiful whining, which continues and gets louder the longer he's ignored. To be fair, he's a dog, he's old, and he has a fatal disease. The whining can mean pain, hunger, thirst, bathroom, or I Want Your Food. Mom got up and gave him water and asked about the bathroom. Mom went about her business, which meant it was Dad's turn.

Dad. Dad. DAAAAAD.
Yes?
Scratch my ears.
Ok.
Groan... that's good... groan.
Like that?
Yes.
Ok, I have to call someone.
Dad. DAAAAAAAD.
Yes, my child?
Scratch my ears again.
Ok.
And scratch them again. I feel itchy today.

(I forgot that this is code for "I want something.")

Did you want something?
[runs to water bowl] Yeah, water.
Didn't Mommy just give you water?
Yes, but it wasn't the right water.
What was wrong? Was it brown?
No.
Was it full of metal?
No. It was sink water.
Yes.
Sink water is good for swimming only. That's why I always have my paws in the bowl. And it's not cold enough.
Ah. I see. Give me a second. [retrieves sink water he bottled and refrigerated] How's that? [stands 4' over bowl and pours so dog can drink from the stream]
THAT's what I wanted.
Good, no more whining, please. [sits back down]
[60 seconds later] Dad. Dad. DAAAAAAAAAD.
WHAT is it NOW?
I have to go outside.
Couldn't you have asked me that before, when I was up? Do you understand efficiency?
Huh?
Never mind. [lets dog out]
[3 min later] Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. I have to come back in.
I'm cominnnnnng.
Good!
This will be all, right?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Dad. Dad?
YES?
I'm going to take a nap with Mom. Since my paws are wet, I'll be jumping on the bed, probably sleeping on your pillow.

I. Love. My. Dog.
I do.
I treasure every moment we spend together.
Objectively speaking, he's the most brilliant, beautiful cocker spaniel in existence.

Treasure the people and pets in your life. It could all be over in a second.

• If, for any reason, you happen to be flying to New Zealand, leave your duck tongues at home. Don't ask me how I know.

It was December 31, 1969. At the Fillmore, the crowd was counting down. FOUR. THREE. TWO. ONE. Happy New Year!!! Bill Graham gets on the mic to wish everyone a happy new year, while Auld Lang Syne plays. Graham notes that this is the beginning of a new decade. Out of nowhere, the Band of Gypsies plays an impromptu version of Auld Land Syne. It was a new decade. In eight months, Jimi would be dead.

Cell phones have been around for a long time. A girlfriend had a bag phone. Wife and I got Beam Me Up Scotty phones a long time ago. As soon as the Palms came out, I got one - for the time, it was incredible. And here we are, in the era of Really Big Phones and I want a bigger one. Must be my eyes.

It's probably a good thing we're going to check out new phones because there's a slight technical issue with our phones. We're fine so long as we don't try to call or text each other. When I try to call her, 90% of the time I can't reach her. I get voicemail. In any other industry, a 90% failure rate would be reason for a drastic change (except weather forecasters).

When she texts me, I receive it from three hours to three days later, if it arrives. Just in case you think she's ignoring me on purpose. Mind you, when I text her, she gets it immediately, then forgets it'll take three hours to three days to get to me and responds.

Today I had to go to the supermarket to pick up Stuff and I was elected to go in and she parked the car. Never send a man to do a woman's job. I said this because I knew what would happen if I had to go into the damn store. About thirty seconds in, I realized I forgot the name of the cake I was supposed to get. I saw one that looked close, so I made a long distance call to the parking lot to ask the woman (who should've gone in in the first place). Ring. Ring. Ring. Voicemail.

Very funny. Either the radio was up too loud or she was talking to someone. Call again. Ring. Ring. Ring, Voicemail. My blood pressure reached unsafe levels immediately. Levels usually reserved for the cell phone nagging me repeatedly while I'm driving.

Perhaps it would be better to get the other items first. No soda aisle. Stupid me - it was in beverages. There's a reason I don't go shopping. Back to bakery. Ring. Ring. Ring. Voicemail. My face turned red - I could feel it. My blood pulsed, sounding like a huge kick drum. I swore the people around me could hear it too. Speaking of which, it required an incredible amount of effort to tame my vocal output, which was not even suitable for R-rated television. If I didn't get hold of it quickly, the police would arrive, followed by the guys in white suits in the padded ambulance. After reading this blog, you know how difficult it is to keep my mouth shut. Ring. Ring. Ring. Voicemail.

Ok, that does it. She wants a cake, she'll get a cake. A very sweet chocolate sundried tomato rosemary raspberry tart cake. And she will love it.

She probably wasn't expecting the one person Satan's afraid of, but that's who came to the car with the bags. Her hair actually blew backwards as I expressed my displeasure. And when I say expressed my displeasure, every eight foot display window in the store popped and broke into thousands of tiny, sharp pieces in sequence. Those poor employees thought they were going to be on the news for the next week, as the victim of a deranged shooter. Not me - I was fifty feet away, expressing displeasure.

Cake... soda... supermarket.. PHONES. Phone. Cell phone. Ah.
I've mentioned the ring of Wife's phone before. Dead people can hear it in the next county. I have never heard a phone so loud it belonged in an old beat up car whose front jumped up and down on purpose, driven by someone called Chaco. Naturally this phone always happens to be sitting near me when it goes off. And I cling to the ceiling like a cat that almost got eaten by a rabid dog. I ask, ever so politely, if she could turn the ringer down, ever so slightly.  She answers in the negative, because she has to be able to hear it. It's not that she doesn't realize it's loud, because when she knows I need to concentrate, there's a hole in the back yard in which she buries the phone, in concrete, under the garage, in the tunnel to the pizza place, three blocks away.

After I finished expressing my displeasure, she looked up with those gorgeous, innocent eyes and said, "I didn't hear it."

I'm Nothing if not Something

A halloween costume of Caitlyn Jenner is causing outrage, prompting cries of disgraceful and transphobic. I wonder where these Social Justice Warriors were when Reagan, The Decider and (Bill)Clinton masks were in heavy rotation. Where were the charges of idiotphobia then?  I have to admit the costume is hilarious, with a dress-like thing and a sash that says Call Me Caitlyn. And what had better be a wig.  BUT WAIT: A second controversy has sprung up over a Lion Killer Costume! These costumers are a delightfully sick bunch.

• My first job was nine months of sheer hell, dealing with the public at an electronics store that shall not be mentioned (it gave out free batteries and just went under). The job taught me a very important life lesson - that I hate people. And that retail was not my strong suit. But in the interest of fairness, we should all read this article about retail. We can all learn something from it (and it validates hating people).

There's no doubting it: farts are funny, to all ages and sexes (mostly the male sexes). I have often wondered why (because my mind needs to know this sort of thing). Here is a piece on why fart jokes never get old. The old anal exhalation. The wind beneath my sheets. One - single flatulation, stuttering between my cheeks.

• Homeland Security has raided a gay escort site. Precisely which part of national security is threatened by gay escorts? Are they afraid of outing DC? They have been charged with prostitution and the website was seized. I wonder if the straight services are next. Maybe they'll seal the records for seventy five years, like JFK's.

A bar in Sydney, Australia, has caused outrage by using naked women as fruit platters.  I'm desperately trying to figure out the problem here.  I do have to admit that the bananas were sitting rather tall on one platter. An outraged Social Justice Warrior referred to the practice as contempt for women. Seems more like love for women. All they needed was a guitar somewhere and you'd have my three favorite activities on one table.

• Speaking of the cheating site Ashley Madison hack, it has been discovered that only about one percent of women who signed up ever actually used the site (men paid, women signed up for free). Where are the Warriors crying about male inequality? Don't delude yourself, guys... women run the planet. The sooner you recognize this, the better off you'll be. The Ashley Madison story is going to get more and more interesting in the coming weeks. For some really sad news, check out some of the passwords used for the site.  IN ADDITION:  Hundreds of thousands of people signed up for the service last week - AFTER news of the hack.  If it weren't for the great stupidity of the Great Unwashed, I'd swear that the hack was just good publicity for Ashley Madison.

Drought? LA County supervisors wash their cars 2-3 times a week. This is an outrage! How can governmental supervisors be expected to wash their own cars? 

• You absolutely cannot PAY for this headline: Unrestricted Urine Flow in San Fran Streets Corroding Metal Light Poles. SF has started using urine-resistant paint.  After 9/11, BART restrooms were closed as a safety measure. The City is obviously protecting the citizens from people using the bathroom in subways. Most surprising, not a word about Philadelphia.

In addition to transgender tv sitcoms and reality shows, transgender porn is on the rise. So to speak. Especially in California, New York, Illinois and Texas. DC is probably number one in underage transgender porn.

• Man arrested after his dog tests positive for meth. It's a good thing the vet doesn't test Marshall... he'd blow positive for cat food every time.

A PF Chang chef, Jaquan Huston, stabbed another chef, Eliveton Dias, to death in the kitchen during the dinner rush. My wife has been trying to get me to go there for years. As if the food weren't enough to put me off, now I have to worry about danger to my person via chefs with knives. This doesn't seem to be a problem at my favorite pizza place.

• Roberto Esquivel Cabrera has what some would consider a problem: he has (this stuff kills me) the world's longest penis. He's trying to get some sort of disability payments for it (and him too). He claims that he can't get a job, it hangs below his knees and that women are too afraid to have sex with him (he's still a virgin). Yes, this is a World Record Academy award (Guinness didn't have a category for this). Oddly enough, another record holder is the world's smallest man, at two inches larger (taller) than Mr. Cabrera's Monster Member. We wish him luck. Stardom awaits  when California's porn producers come across this story.  This picture was to the right of the story - they couldn't have picked a better one.

You thought I couldn't top the penis, didn't you?  The wife of a New York administrator claims she has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from her husband's twisted sexual practices.  So he wore a chastity belt to work. So  he wore diapers and a horse tail during foreplay. So he dressed like a sissy maid and called himself Jessica.  

The divorce papers say he engaged in “predatory and extreme depraved antisocial sexual conduct so egregious it shows a blatant disregard for the marital relationship that it shocks the conscience.” Hey now - one person's "predatory and extreme depraved antisocial sexual conduct" is another person's idea of Marital Bliss or bit of good clean fur for an evening.

While the gentleman in question is now without a wife (who has reportedly been safely ensconced in a local nunnery), he has a line around the corner of women (and men) who like a good time. Most are dressed in leather, carrying a box of diapers and a brand new french maid outfit in his size. I'm dying while I'm typing this.

• A Maine man crashed into a tree while taking a selfie, driving home (oof) this blog's extreme dislike of selfies.

Miyuki Harwood, a hiker missing for nine days has been found alive in a California forest. ThermionicEmissions does not condone the use of Asian driving jokes.

• North Dakota is the first state to legalize weaponized Unmanned Aerial Devices (shooting and bombing drones) for local police departments. Firing in Fargo, anyone? Bombing in Bismarck? Shooting in Stanley? Murder in Minot?

A package of radioactive material that was supposed to be delivered to an on-campus office at Texas A&M University has gone missing. Perhaps they mistook it for Anthrax. If they try to trace it through the postal service, they're screwed.

• Firefighters were called out to a farm in England because a curious cow got its head stuck in a chair. After freeing the poor large beast from the chair, it was discovered that this was no ordinary curious cow - it was just Kim Kardashian (for the second time this week).

An Afghan man and women were given 100 lashes in public for adultery. In the US, you get a website, press coverage and a tv show.

SO MUCH FUNK, ONE BLOG CANNOT STAND IT ALL

Once again I'm going to abandon my guitar leanings and give you The Funk. Few solos here... just the almighty groove. I'm talking Sly & the Family Stone. 

If You Want Me to Stay is prototypical Sly. This version is from the classic Soul Train program and is done live. The drummer is Bill Lordan, who I know from Robin Trower, a real surprise.  All the way from the phenomena that was The Midnight Special comes Thank You (Falettinmne Be Mice Elf Again). Sly plays guitar on this song (did you know Sly played guitar?). This particular drummer is not Bill Lordan, which seems to work better for the band. I call him Bouncy because I don't know his name but have seen him with the band in other videos. He's all over the place.

Enjoy Higher, from Woodstock. You'll know all these tunes from their studio versions but I was looking for variety and performance. It is rumored that Sly was notoriously late and refused to go on at Woodstock. When the organizers threatened to not pay, Sly asked everyone what they were waiting for. Great performance, great concert.

Unfortunately, time and recreational pharmaceuticals had their effect on Sly, who, at least reading, lived in a van, paranoid and penniless. He's supposed to be getting back on his feet with a little help from his friends. I sure hope so, espcially considering what passes for music on the radio these days.

I Identify as an Octopus

When you first come upon ThermionicEmissions, after the shock and horror has worn off, please check out the Pages, found right above this text. Recent additions are the timeline for Hillarygate and Windows 10 cautions.


The Chinese, fresh from their attacks on the Office of Personnel Management and United Airlines, decided to hack Kim Kardashian. They quickly realized that there's nothing there.

• Listening to music before, during and after an operation reduces pain. Unless it's Miley Cyrus.

An Australian doctor suggests people consider the diets of Holocaust victims if they want to lose weight. Also suggests people consider the flight of Amelia Earhart if they want to vacation.

• The first case of cyber-flashing has occurred in England. A woman traveling on a train in south London had two pictures of an unknown man's penis appear on her iPhone. Yes, Apple comes to the rescue again with its Airdrop sharing function. The lady had forgotten to turn it off, allowing picture transfer. I am assigning the blame to three parties:

1. to the lady for not turning off Airdrop
2. to the flasher for not even bothering to let the lady know whose penis it was
3. to Apple because everyone knows ThermionicEmissions doesn't do iDevices

The federal government has amassed $2,672,414,000,000 in federal taxes (10 months through fiscal 2015), which comes out to $17,955 per taxpayer. In spite of this bald-faced thievery, there is a $465.5 billion deficit. Mad yet? How much of your money goes to other countries, the military-industrial complex, black budget projects, corporate welfare and general government malfeasance?  ADDITIONAL: the debt has been frozen for 150 days because DC hasn't managed to RAISE the debt ceiling yet again.

• Chelsea Manning, (formerly known as Bradley) is in trouble. While Bradley (stay with me - it's complicated), he exposed government secrets. As with all whistleblowers under this most transparent of administrations, he got thrown in jail.  Now she has been thrown in indefinite solitary confinement because of expired toothpaste and a copy of Vogue magazine with Caitlyn Jenner on it. Expired toothpaste? C'mon guys - couldn't you come up with something more creative (like one ply toilet paper instead of two)? As for Vogue, I believe anybody with a copy of Caitlyn Jenner on anything should be thrown into solitary.

The EPA continues to be very sorry about dumping three million gallons of toxic orange sludge into the Animas River in Colorado. In an effort to prove that the water was no longer orange, the mayor had a swim in the river. In unrelated news, the mayor of Colorado's eyebrows (and nipples) have fallen off.

• While typing up this nonsense, I have come to wonder if an italic period looks different from a regular period.

I don't think I'm getting the hang of this texting thing. Sure, I can type dirty words at my wife, but my next door neighbor at work, ten feet away, sends me texts all day.  Not entirely understanding why the gentleman can't simply ask me using his voice (an outdated technology?) so I guess it's me... Small wonder he goes through girlfriends like my wife goes through Coca-Cola (she has a real drinking problem).

• Just when you thought Selfie Culture couldn't get any weirder, news comes from Russia of an online groups that encourages taking selfies with the dead and posting them for prizes. Hey Bob - good composition (decomposition?). Nice makeup. Your picture really stiffed. That store looked awfully dead.  Must've been cold as a morgue in there. That shot really shows the rigors of mortis. Was he waving? Was she freshly dead? Did you have to beat off the necrophiliacs for a shot? Sorry, I'm just killing today.

The Rev Al Sharpton has called on black churches to lobby in favor of the Iran deal. As Frank Zappa said, "Tax the churches". [RIP]

• Half of the young people in the UK say they're not 100% heterosexual. Three quarters have bad teeth. A gay fellow I know gets mad when you talk about bisexuals. He says they're just lazy and haven't decided which team they're on.

A Canadian firm has been granted a patent on a space elevator that will reach 12.4 miles up. This is not the elevator to get stuck behind when a frisky couple decides on some Love in an Elevator.

• Oracle's Chief Security Officer wrote a first class rant about why security experts shouldn't be finding vulnerabilities in her products. Meanwhile, Microsoft is beating itself about the head and shoulders, wondering why it didn't come up with this first.

I love to hear what other countries think of us Ugly Americans. Read what the Brits have to say about our obsession with Food on a Stick. This coming from a country where boiled food is the height of cuisine.

• The Price of Perfection: Sofia Vergara, official pinup of ThermionicEmissions, laments her 32Fs losing their perkiness and wants implants. I'll be the judge of that.

A recent study on young women in sports has brought about a new disorder: Female Athlete Triad Syndrome. It's largely the same as malnutrition but needed its own name because people in sports like to feel Special. What the namers completely failed to anticipate is the effects of referring to women as FATS.

VAN HALEN

Van Halen's on the road now, with original Three Ring Circus Master of Ceremonies David Lee Roth. But Van Halen is only tangentially related - their opening act is Kenny Wayne Shepherd. KWS (only complete idiots are allowed to refer to him this way) is an incredibly serious bluesman. You can tell because he's from the south, where you need to use your middle name to indicate your mastry of the instrument (Stevie Ray Vaughan anybody?). No one without a middle name is taken seriously in Texas.  I'd have a real problem in Texas, largely as I don't even have a last name. Or much talent.

Kenny Wayne was a childhood prodigy who studied at the feet of Stevie Ray Vaughan, sometimes literally. You can't mistake the influence in his blues. Kenny got incredibly more serious and has turned out to be a real fire-breathing bluesman, as well as hitmaker.

I have a connection to Kenny Wayne, believe it or not.  He played a big part in the Experience Hendrix tour, with his band playing in the background and his singer handling the lion's share of the vocals (this guy does not look like he sounds). Our connection stems from his ripping leads, when he stood on his monitor and stared down my wife's shirt. I have never been more proud, in spite of his repeated playing from our side of the stage. We had front-row seats, affording many of the musicians a great view, but only Kenny took the extended opportunity. He was no doubt thinking to himself what a great decision he made, becoming famous, giving him the chance to see a whole bunch of cleavage. I only wish, as compensation, that some of his talent would have rubbed off on me. Oh well, I'll always have cleavage.

Enjoy Deja Voodoo. This is an older clip, featuring his original vocalist, Corey Sterling. Note the excellent guitar faces he makes. This boy was born to be a star.

When I said opening for Van Halen, I wasn't kidding. Check this out, from July 5, 2015. He positively blazes. Notice that at no point does KWS stand on a monitor and look down anyone's shirt. Can he do slow blues? Of course.