Of Course I've Taken My Meds, Mr Dragon

There's a special place in hell reserved for people who Reply All.


Practical advice: your laptop or pc needs to breathe, like those people you keep in the basement. Over time, dust (and body parts) pile up in computers because they have fans. Fans suck. Sometimes the people in the basement do also. They tend to get all icky and can clog up, making it difficult to cool your computer. If you can't cool your computer, it will get hot. No, really. When it gets to a certain temperature, it will (hopefully) shut down. Even if it does, this is not a good thing.

Buy some canned air. Spray it on the intake side of the fan (there might be a filter). You can do this both running and off. You'll see dust (and hopefully nothing else) come out. I recommend against snorting it, but I can't tell you what to do, especially in the privacy of your own home. If things still get hot, download a manual for the pc/laptop or check YouTube, and learn how to turn a few screws to open it. While you're disassembling, put the screws in a pill bottle or convenient container. Spray again. Get the whole computer.

And please remember to feed the people in the basement. It's inconvenient to dispose of the remains. Or so I hear.

• Great news, Comcast users: Your favorite cableco is selling your viewing habits to advertising biz Comscore   Evil to their core.

TikTok 'tried to filter out videos from ugly, poor or disabled users'

also abnormal body shape, chubby, obese or too thin, ugly facial looks or facial deformities.  How many categories do you fit in?   I suspect the Inclusive Patrol will be all over this, even though the story will be forgotten by noon.

Experts Say the Internet Will Mostly Stay Online During Coronavirus Pandemic

Donate your excess bandwidth to www.bobsadultvids.com before something bad happens!


Surge in home working highlights Microsoft licensing issue: if you are not on subscription, working remotely is a premium feature

Hmmmm.... I wonder if there's an operating system that isn't licensed.... hmmm..

Dear lefty

• What should I avoid during this virus?
• Breathing

As everyone knows, I don't like much of anything.
However, I found this online radio station - BellyUp4Blues - this is one serious ass-kickin' station. It plays blues and blues-rock. You can listen at the website, through different services (Shoutcast, TuneIn, etc), or direct to your player. You'll hear some great blues and serious guitar. Stop by and give it a listen. If you like what you hear, it's listener-supported, so please make a contribution (I am). This is my go-to online station.

• American hero Buzz Aldrin turned 90 this year.
• don't tell anybody, but he's an alien.

An interview with a YouTuber whose entire channel is videos of him opening  doors (334).I'm going to change the name of this blog to "We're a World of Morons"
Who among us will be the next Internet Sensation? How about 500 videos of you pulling a lamp cord? Or your zipper? Unlocking a car door? Cleaning belly button lint? Pushing a vacuum from east coast to west coast (for charity, of course). Pulling boogies out of your nose?  It's so difficult to keep ahead of people.

• Before this next item, I want you to sit down... this is a big one.
• Microsoft has done well. (are you ok?) MS Teams has held up very well under incredible load.

Back to normal, a leaked document has the government preparing for an 18 month pandemic.



What did we learn today?

Astronauts ordered to shelter in-place in the Space Station over fears of COVID-19. NASA concerned that all earthlings breathing will send COVID into space, infecting the astronauts. The astronauts have to shelter -in-place while practicing social distancing. A rocket has been sent to the Space Station, loaded entirely with antibacterial soap.

For some reason I can't figure out, people have been asking me what I think about the virus (the Flying AIDS). I think the response is way overblown. WAY overblown. We don't need curfews and shelter in place and VA virus stations. This is a test of some kind. PA is days from a lockdown.

Target stores are reserving the first hour (Wednesdays?) for older folks and people with disabilities. Advice to Target: stock up on canes.
The airline industry wants, and will get, a bailout.
Trump wants to give everyone $1,000 shortly, then again (next month?)
I wouldn't be me if I didn't grouse about where this is coming from. $850 billion.
MEXICO is giving the US $250 billion for the emergency. I am seriously impressed. Imagine having to ask the drug gangs for that kind of cash...

I haven't heard any democratic response to the stimulus package, but let's take a guess:

• it wasn't big enough
• IMPEACH! AGAIN!
• His wife is ugly. Mrs Obama was a trendsetter and so beautiful
• The whole financial giveaway was Obama's idea.
• Trump set the virus loose, so he could come in and rescue everyone
• Pelosi is $25k beyond on her plastic surgery bill so we wrote it into the law
• Bernie said socialism works.
• Biden said "Look - I'm James Bond!"

Hold on, kids... information coming in.... several senators face calls to resign over insider trading. They found out about the virus and sold stock before bothering to tell their constituents. The article mentions two republican senators. Further information says more, including Nancy Pelosi. There's one rule for us and another rule for them. IMPEACH!

I have to admit I was wrong about something (don't tell my wife). When Trump was elected, I said the busiest people in DC would be the Secret Service. In fact, the busiest people in DC are Biden's handlers.

Half of the republicans are against the stimulus unless it goes well. at which point they'll take credit for it and stand proudly behind Trump. The other half are registering democrat. And the only guy who makes any sense is the guy with the boot on his head (Vermin Supreme).

Many fees and government restrictions are being lifted.

We're getting more libertarian by the day!

Amazon is doing so well, it's hiring 100,000 warehouse employees in the US. As if it isn't already happening, Bezos is wiping his butt with $10,000 bills. He used to used two, but his wife got half in the divorce.

Uber is shutting down its Uber pool, where Uber users ride-share.
The company is doing its best to "flatten the curve" of the virus.
Instead, you can ride with a patient on the way to the hospital.

We are going to find out about all sorts of technology in the weeks to come.
For instance, a Texas company has a remote camera that senses a high temperature in people walking by. I wonder if they're going to alert SWAT. This would be a bad thing, especially if you're walking your dog. SWAT and the police kill more dogs than COVID kills people.

The US government and tech industry are discussing ways to use smartphone location data (from Faceyspaces, Google, and others) to 'combat' coronavirus. NO. Ok? NO. It's bad enough there is any location data. This serves no purpose and won't go away after coronavirus does.

Bernie said he is going to re-evaluate his campaign. So he's out, leaving Biden.
Biden said he'll have a female vice-president. I suggest Nancy Pelosi - they can run on the Senility ticket. But seriously folks... this is the best they could come up with? Do you seriously want this man as president? Online wags suggest Biden just gave the presidency to Trump.


Today I identify as   toilet paper - I want to feel loved just once.



Dear lefty

• What are you listening to these days?
• The good news: listening to my neighbors have sex
• The bad news: they're in their 90s.

I am torn.
We are advised to stay in, but Guitar Center sent me a 20% off coupon. I'll brave the virus. Ladies - would you do this for 20% off shoes? We know the answer - you would risk the Black Plague for a shoe sale.



SJW STILL!

Coronavirus declared transphobic as surgeries delayed. Life saving surgeries.
It's great to see one organization blazing on with its mission in spite of health considerations.

Plug Cord into Computer, Wrap Other End Around Neck

The Illinois state senate passed a bill to keep Trump off the ballot in 2020 unless he releases his tax returns. Illinois' state motto: Stand Up and Be Stupid!

It's an awful shame people weren't this interested in government when the Bushes, Obama, Clinton, and the others were in office. This game of Divide and Conquer is the most successful since the concept there are two real parties for which to vote.

• I love when the cop comes upon a car with two naked people in it and asks what they're doing.

Dear lefty:

• Why is she such a bitch?
• She's not a bitch - she's hormonally enhanced

Guys - when you're doing a YouTube guitar pedal demo, put on some shoes. No one wants to see your socks adjusting a knob.

• Golf: a sport invented by black people to watch white people dress stupid

Your good friends as Faceyspaces, in the Disaster of the Week, asked 1.5 million people for their email passwords, then proceeded to suck up their contacts. It was, of course, unintentional.  Happy Faceyspaces Logging In, people!




Dear lefty:

• Why are the Canadians so pissed off at us all of the sudden?
• Who cares?

The Horse is Dead, Jim

Amazon employs thousands of people to listen to recordings of everything you said 'to make the service more accurate'. Gee, last time we heard, it doesn't record everything you say.

Q. When will people wake up to this intrusive nightmare?
A. Never.

• Ever cough so hard your underarms itch? Just asking.

Of Man and Dog


Penny's off visiting relatives with her mom. When Mom calls me, she puts me on speaker. When Penny hears me she runs up and licks the phone. It's good to know someone misses me.


Stuff I Learned Too Late
The lovely elderly neighbor, who Marshall taught to feed him on command, is not doing well with Penny, who largely barks at anything that moves. The neighbor would plant and weed, while Marshall would snooze near her. When she moved spots, so did he. They'd chat.

Now she comes outside, sadly looks for 'her Marshall,' and goes about her business. His loss looms large.


Don't read this:

A neighbor, truly a good guy, went through several cancers. No matter how bad his shape, he played with the dog, who brought him great joy. Sadly, he passed recently.

Now the dog roams the house, looking for him.

At Least the DOG is Happy to See Me

After stumbling to the kitchen, forgetting where the dog food was, feeding the little darling and tripping over a pair of size 27 clown feet (mine), I decided to make a change. I got all positive and told the Universe it was going to be a great day.. an unprecedented day... a real change. As I said this, I tripped and fell backwards into a chair.

Unprecedented.

• My good friends at the supermarket have been busy lately. Remember, this store has a full time employee to follow me around, see what I buy, and stop carrying it immediately.  This is in addition to the Confuse the Customer Initiative, where they keep moving stuff around for no apparent reason.  "Coffee? - that's all the way up the other end." But it was here yesterday. "Yeah, we moved it."
• The latest victim was my creamer. The full time lefty impaler saw me buying this one brand and type of creamer. I don't need to tell you how important coffee is, right?  Within a month, they stopped carrying that flavor. As of the other night, they stopped carrying the brand.
• Every now and then I wonder how normal people live.

Dear lefty:

• What about Mondays?
• They are known to come right on the heels of Sunday, but one can have up to 5 of them per week.

Coworker Follies:

HIM: WAAAAAAAH - I can't get to that website! What's the address?

ME: Wait, I have to look it up - you use it every day, I don't.

HIM: Ok, got it. No, I don't. I can't get there. WAAAAAAH!

ME: what did you type?

HIM: is it an http or an https? 

ME: always assume S - for 'secure'.

HIM: what about the www?

ME: Did I tell you to use www?

HIM: No, but all web addresses use www.

ME: [eyes starting at the back of my own head] No they don't.

HIM: Well, I can't get out. This must be a bigger problem.

ME: Can you get to Google? Or whatever your default pr0n site is?

HIM: Yes.

ME: Then it's not a bigger problem.

HIM: Oh.

ME: The bigger problem is that you somehow got hired.

• I do not find it unreasonable for a phone's dictionary to have 'taser' in it. Apparently LG does.

Speaking of Judge Judy.... the woman stirs up thoughts of illegal actions. Don't even....

I realize that my previous idea of a show where people pay to watch people hit her with a 2x4 might be a little much, but why not a taser? Taze Judge Judy! Within one season, the national debt will be wiped out.

If, and I can't imagine why, people ever tire of watching Judge Judy get tased, we can expand things to Taze Your Favorite Celebrities!  Are you tired of people being celebrities for no reason? Taze the Kardashians! Taze the Talking Heads (news and music).  Taze Oprah! Think of the possibilities. After the national debt is paid off, we can give billions to charities. It's a win-win.

• Oops -Google has been caught again. This time it's the Nest security camera, which was just found to have a hidden mic in it. 
• Think about it - Google is literally spying on you. This is deliberate.
• Between Faceyspaces and Google, it's a race to see how much of your data can be slurped up. Are you mad yet?  No.

• Speaking of Faceyspaces, they were just discovered using their own technology to keep tabs on ex-employees they feel can hurt them.

Dear lefty:

• Woger Wainbow, from Wolling Wock, Wisconsin, asks where this crap comes from.
• Well, Woger, the voices dictate and I just type. Don't tell anybody.

This week's paranormal research turns up two great headlines:

• Invisible UFO Recorded on Infrared Camera in Wiltshire  .... well, if it weren't invisible, how could it be recorded?
• 'Elixir of Immortality' Discovered in Ancient Chinese Tomb ...... apparently not all that successful

Let's finish up with something light.

How to 'fix' healthcare in the US.

Having been in the medical industry, a consumer, and an advocate, I have some experience and knowledge on the topic.

The Bernie-ites want socialism, and claim healthcare is free, as is college. If you have a remotely healthy number of functioning brain cells, you know nothing is free, regardless of politics.

Big Pharma and Big Insurance want whatever will cost them the least. They have been paying for this for years and years and are always the best bet for winner. Blame your representatives, who take the bribes contributions.

The lower-income folks believe they should be covered regardless.  Libertarians believe it's up to family, friends, and private charities. Others say it's society's duty to help those who can't (almost the same thing). Still others say let them drown. I think this routine is disingenuous: if prices for healthcare were reasonable, this wouldn't be an issue.

The UK and Canada thumb their noses at us because their system is superior.

Ahem.

Both have developed private healthcare systems because the main one doesn't work that well. Wait times are sometimes ridiculous. I can't get an approximate from either as to how much their 'free' healthcare costs them yearly. Mental healthcare is horrid, regardless of what country you're in. 

So how to fix it, regardless of the opinions of corporates with money?

I have no idea.

I can tell you in older days, you paid the doc out-of-pocket for your visits and insurance covered tests and hospitalizations. If you have Obamacare, it's not really insurance, until you pay your $5k+ deductible (more for a family). Many people can't afford insurance anyway. You can always negotiate a cash price with a doctor, but that doesn't work as well with the hospital. Also notice that private practices are being gobbled up by [hospital name] Healthcare System. This can't be good.

So, there are a bunch of facts and issues. Now what?
Whatever it is will have to be drastic, otherwise we're bandaging a bleeding artery, like Obama and Trump.

Please suggest something.

Jimmy Page Reads This

*no he doesn't.



More Faceyspaces Fallout:

In April 2015, Six4Three sued Facebook, claiming that Facebook’s sudden yanking of access rendered both the app and the company itself “worthless.”

They could have saved a lot of time and money by asking me. I knew FB was worthless years ago.  Read 'em and weep.

• The Secret Service is testing facial recognition at the White House. So make sure you put on your happy face when you visit. Also make sure it's the same face as on your drivers license; that's probably got facial recognition built in too.

Canada's 1-800-FLOWERS got eaten by Magecart malware. If you need flowers, dial 1-800-MAGECART or 1-800-WERE-SCREWED.

• Apparently I missed when the Universe started screaming for a(nother) Grinch movie. Since nature abhors a vacuum, Hollywood obliged them. What's this - number 3? I remember laughing when I was a miniscule irritant. Now that I'm a much taller and rounder irritant, I am not amused.

Just when we thought the US couldn't get any sillier in government cybersecurity, we learn Japan's deputy chief of government cybersecurity strategy has never used a computer.  Next week I am starting a new job as US Minister of Dance.

• Just two days after the Starwood/Marriott breach, there are already two class action suits. Never let it be said that our legal system is slow and not helpful.
• One of the suits states that the 'unauthorized sharing' is still going on.

Every now and then interviewers ask interviewees (because it would be stupid to ask their parents) about their guilty pleasures. I don't have any. I do have some interests that people might find.... odd. We know of my Monkees thing. I've also recently discovered The Scorpions. This is proof of my astute observational abilities (the band was formed in 1965). It took me almost as long to realize the gentlemen are from Germany and have a bit of an accent (told you I was fast). "Here we go again, all the weeeee from the stot." It's kinda funny listening to their between song banter. But seriously, listen to a few of their songs. The recording is excellent, the songs well written, and Klaus the Singer has a pretty wide range. Not bad for heavy metal. Check out Still Lovin You, for one.  They don't need me - they've sold over 110 million records, but I won't let either of those facts deter me.

Next month: The Bangles.  Just kidding.

• United Airlines has a new phone app. It doesn't do anything for you, but it uses your phone's processing power to help keep their computer system up. In exchange, they promise not to drag you, kicking and screaming, off their planes.

HEADLINE:  "Golden Globes shatters diversity record: 4 of 10 best picture nominees have non-white directors"

Dad?

Yes, son.

What is a diversity record?

It's a round black thing that makes no noise because no one could agree on which grooves to cut in it.

Is this the stuff Mom told you not to talk to me about?

No, son.

So what is it?

What is what?

What is a diversity record?

Oh, that. It's an imaginary list.

Why?

That's a good question, boy.

Are you going to tell me or do I have to tell Mom about your secretary blowing you up by your nozzle?

I was just getting to it, my little darling. There have been movies forever. Recently a bunch of people got upset because not enough black and other people won any awards.

But doesn't a movie have to be good to win?

That was the theory, yes.

So now it has to be made by the right color or country?

Something like that, yes.

Why?

Hey, how about some ice cream?

Mom says you're disracktin me.

Moms... are a special breed.

If I complain that there aren't enough movies made by kids, will there be more movies made by kids?

No, it doesn't work that way.

Oh, you mean they're exploiting collective guilt.

How do you know about exploiting collective guilt?

I watch MTV.

Oh.

Dad, what was it like before the awards shows got racist?

How do you figure they're racist?

Well, because people are more concerned with putting their race up top than making cool movies.
Son...
Yes, Dad?

Go ask your mom if we had a really smart mailman about ten years ago...

Dear lefty

• reader Steve Steve, who's threatening to go elsewhere, asks why this blog has so much content.
• Dear 'Steve': because your penis is so small.

Tumbler has banned nudity.
Kneejerk response: you can't ban nudity!
lefty kneejerk response: private company, they have that right
lefty from miles above conspiracy kneejerk response: 

Obviously this is yet another Horseman of the Apocalypse.
Ok, a bit dramatic.
Obviously this is another move toward censorship of ideas and consolidation of information, influence, and power. Let's forget about nudity for a moment, as if that were possible. Tumbler states that the topic of bad weather will no longer be permitted. This will stop the common Tumbler user from discussing how bad the weather has become. Meanwhile, Tumbler continues to push out good weather news and their climate change agenda. Now Tumbler users wind up getting their (happy only climate change) weather news from Tumbler. Tumbler has decided what you will read.

You are absolutely free to get your news anywhere else, but numbers show most people won't - they'll stay on Tumbler. Tumbler helps create the narrative, along with other sites that coincidentally just put the same policy in place. You'll have to look harder to find the truth, and it likely won't appear on highly regarded sites.

If I were a Tumblerer, I'd have my words seen by Manglement long ago. Having been overruled, I'd go elsewhere. My Tumbler would contain no nudity, like my blog, but what will they get away with banning after nudity? And let's face it - you don't want to see me naked. This might be why they terminated nudity.

I don't visit Tumbler. I have no direct stake in this, except for the big one: free speech. You have a stake in this too.



Having absolutely no relation to the above, Australia just enacted a draconian spying law, requiring law enforcement back doors in everything. There is simply no excuse for this, even a completely asleep populace. It passed so quickly and with so little debate, it might have been called the Patriot Act. PEOPLE - you need to wake up. This is one of the 5 Eyes nations, that spies on all data worldwide.

Here's an article on Powerful Morons making powerfully moronic statements on encryption and privacy. One of them is probably yours....



It's 1967 and you've been waiting for Cream to release their next album. The first thing you hear is Sunshine of Your Love. Within days, Jimi Hendrix was on the Lulu Show (don't ask). He got through most of Hey Joe, then stopped and dedicated the next song to Eric Clapton, Ginger Baker, and Jack Bruce - Cream. He played Sunshine of Your Love. He also ran way over his time, causing the producers grief. Rock and Roll, Baby!

From my reading, the top musicians were pretty friendly, and frequently went out to see each other. They were flummoxed and really worried by Jimi, including Jeff Beck and Eric Clapton. I wonder what they were thinking when they heard their song coming from a backwards Stratocaster through a Marshall half stack, with this wild man playing. Pride and horror?



Dear lefty

• occasional reader-by-mistake Steve Goldgold (deceased), says he's very funny and would like to write some stuff for ThermionicEmissions
• Dear Vonnegut: send us some samples of your writing. We're out of toilet paper.

The Phone Chain:

Captain Obvious says Phone Stuff has changed a lot over the years.
What changed between voicemail and voicemail with cell phones?

Why do parents go batshit when they call and get voicemail?

Mom calls Wife.
Mom gets her voicemail.
Mom calls landline.
Mom gets other voicemail.
Mom doesn't know I have landline ring once before voicemail.
Neither does Wife.
When Wife reads this, I may not be able to type for a while....
Not satisfied with two voicemails, Mom calls me. At work.

"Hi, I didn't mean to bother you," (then why are you bothering me?) "where is Wife?"
I'm going to take a wild guess and say at home.
"She's not answering her phone."
I'm going to take another wild guess and say she's sleeping.
"Cuz I needed to talk to her."
Would you like me to drive an hour home to check?
"Oh no, that's not necessary. I don't want to bother you at work."
Then why are you bothering me at work? Did you leave a message?
"No"
Ah, you should try leaving a message, so if she finds her phone, she'll know you called.
"How's your day?"
Great, thanks for calling. Love you, Mom.


It's like Panic.

Don't feel bad, Mom.. I can't get her either.
Wife: You're going to the store, ok. I'll keep my phone with me.
Me: Yeah, that'll happen.
Wife: See, I have it.
Me: Yes, but it won't make a difference when I call it.

an hour later, I dial because I need something...

Landline: goes to voicemail
Cell: the owner of this number cannot answer and the voicemail box is full. Up yours. click.
Me: *(#%&@!___@#$#

home

Wife: [snore]
Me: I hate to wake you but WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER THE (*#&@#ING PHONES?
Wife: Ngfffnntp
I could implant a beeper up her butt and there would still be a reason she didn't know I called.

No, she is not deliberately ignoring me; especially when I'm out getting jewelry.

keep your mind on... ummmm.... yes

Going on Tour with The Monkees, Playing Mike

Predictum, the University of California Berkeley's project, scrapes Faceyspaces, Twitter, and Instagram posts to assign a 'risk score' of a target (prospective hire). Noted:

We should all take for granted, then, that nowadays our social media posts are being scrutinized.

Apparently my nieces didn't get the bulletin, as they have posts all over the place of them completely drunk, tossing their cookies, and throwing gang signs (these are early 20-something white [bread] girls).

The software must be pretty accurate: Faceyspaces and Twitter are attempting to revoke all access. Here's the great part - don't read if you're drinking or eating:

Facebook revoked most of Predictim’s access to users, on the basis of violating the platform’s policies regarding use of personal data

Mozilla's guide to creepiness of holiday purchases.

• At work, I can't get into Helpdesk's ticketing system. Someone suggested I fill out a ticket to get it fixed.
• But seriously, when I could get to it, it had reversed time: the system told me it had fixed the problem before I told them there was a problem. Quantum Helpdesk.

University Yucks:

Two London student groups are replacing the word women with "womxn" in communications, to be more inclusive.

What about words for womxn who identify as telephone poles or fluffy bunnies?

• Who named the British dishwashing liquid 'Fairy'? The Marketing department must've gotten some really good stuff.
• Buy their other products: Pussy, Sperm, and the new soap, 'Faggot'

Bugcrowd University offers free courses on security:

Learn the basics of hacking and bug bounty hunting with videos, tutorials, labs, best practices and more on GitHub.

• Oopsie - Dell reset all user passwords. We can't be too upset about this - after all, they're a small company with few resources....

In Pennsylvania, our drivers licenses use facial recognition. I was furious when I found out. Know who else uses facial recognition? China. At least China doesn't pretend they're not draconian. The other day, one of their cameras saw a billboard on a bus, featuring a celebrity, and thought the bus was the celebrity.

My rants about driverless cars are legendary (here only). Now the software can be used for cars AND facial recognition - that's driving and spying. Do you feel comfortable with buying a driverless car now? After the Muskmobile killed one lady? After another driver went the same route and found the car trying to kill him too?

For some people, this is the future. I can't argue their point, but I'll repeat my objection: the technology is not ready for prime time.   As for spying, that's a different issue entirely. America would have to actually DO something to stop it, hence there will be more and more. On a personal note, I would be terrified to be in a driverless car. For my entire life, someone has been driving. If I don't see someone holding the wheel, I might scream loudly, thinking we're going to CRASH. It would take longer than it's worth to get used to, even though I don't like driving that much (not to mention the privacy issues).

• Five lightweight browsers for linux

Our good friends and fearless privacy advocates at Google are in trouble. Again.  Seven EU groups say Google's location tracking is against the law. I like the EU, at least today. You know you'll never see legislation like this in the US. In fact, it's probably exempted from laws. They're facing a class action suit in the US, though. The depth of Google's spying is astounding, per the article.  They use all sorts of Sneaky to trick users and steal their info for marketing. There is a program called 'close the loop' which proves that if they have more than one piece of information, they can link them up for a more complete and accurate profile. Just like Faceyspaces. It's not like we haven't been warned...

Google's response is that you can opt out, and that it's not fair that people can sue them.

Dear lefty

• Blue Ball, Pennsylvania's Don Somewhatconfused asks why people put laptops on desks.
• Because Mom drank while she was pregnant with you.

Things are going well here at Hell Central.
Every now and then, I wish I were a Normie. Just like everyone else.
It usually passes quickly.

Todays Project of Death was printing.
Normies can print with just a mouse click.
Not me.

No, when I need to print, it requires 2 printers, 4 laptops, a coupla cables, much screaming, and my Comfort Elephant for afterwards. He's called Stanley, because I call a lot of things Stanley.

With the printer on, I hit PRINT.  That should do it. I set the whole thing up and it has printed reliably ever since (all three times I used it). So there's no way in hell it's going to work today, especially as these are important papers. And if there's one thing I hate (there are literally thousands), it's doing anything at all with a printer, except printing. Troubleshooting, changing toner/carts, trying to determine whether it thinks it's online or not, and calling Stanley to demolish it (CLYDE - SCRAP THE MERC!).

So naturally it didn't print.
I told you so.

The printer was on, connected, and there were jobs in the queue. So I released them and just like my sex life, nothing happened. Since that didn't work, I tried it again, like my sex life, with the same result, like my sex life.

Printer told me it was ready to download.
Download WHAT? It doesn't download pages....
It was still definitely connected.
This is when the screaming came in handy. Or that's what I told most of the neighbors and the police. Although it still wouldn't print, I think I intimidated it just a little.

What do you do when it doesn't work?
Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again?
The guys who program printers have a wicked, sadistic sense of humor. Never watch the display as a printer comes up... they make the boot sequence run through about 12 different red light indicated errors before things settle down. And when it settled down, it made a noise. I swear the little f-er is mocking me, ever so slightly.

Releasing the jobs again, the 2 whole pages printed.
And then 2 more printed.
And then a whole buttload more printed.
Mind you, I printed TWO friggin pages of an email.
Something in the line thought I said two COPIES of the entire 134 page email.
Or the little f-er is still mocking me.
So I called Stanley.
And we won't have that problem ever again.
Until the next printer.

• Suspected criminal to police: these pants aren't mine - they belong to a pregnant girl. Same suspect: can you take these handcuffs off so I can put my hair up?

Hey, have you stayed at a Marriott/Starwood hotel? Ever?
I ask because Bad Guys spent four years inside their network. They were only discovered when they tried to remove their malware. In addition, Starwood purchased Marriott while the criminals already had access to the system. The odds are in your favor, though, because only 500 million accounts were accessible.   It sure is convenient to use credit cards and bank cards for transactions, but it seems it's better to pay cash for everything. You won't lose your card or any information in the inevitable break in. Remember: it's not just the vendor...  it's everybody else in the chain.... processors, employees, third parties.. If you used your Starwood password for anything else, change it now.

Unrelated: Now would be a very good time to send job applications to Starwood. My Spider Sense tells me the higher levels of IT will be hiring soon.

Also Unrelated: The Dunkin Donuts Perks program got hacked. Just Perks.
P.S. You don't need an app to buy coffee. Really. It accesses your location and tells you you're near a Dunkin, then stores the information, plus whatever else you give it permissions to. Same for any app from any retail outlet.




Dear lefty

• reader Sandy Vajyma asks what happened with the last girlfriend before you got married? 
• Dear Twat: she had one more penis than I require.

Police in West Virginia fired on a black man carrying a gun that wasn't loaded.
A policeman was fired.. the one who didn't shoot the man with the gun. Interesting story.

• the Google Play store said there was an update to the Duckduckgo browser. What are the chances.....

You Suffer for My Art

If you have an iDevice, you can install Whiplr, which describes itself as "Messenger with kinks," or messenger for people with less than mainstream sexual practices. They ask for your password in unencrypted email. Oops. Just to make their users feel better, Whiplr stores all this information in plain text, for any hacker or employee who cares to have a peek. So unless you want those pictures of you in the rubber outfit with the gas mask and the miniature horse to become public, you should delete your account and messenge somewhere else.

• I have no idea how this was determined, but 1 in 5 employees share their email passwords with coworkers. Don't do this. Ever. Ask your IT department for another way to do whatever you're trying to do.

The National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine have honored me by agreeing with my point that the US needs to go back to paper ballots. It took long enough, but we're finally in agreement.

• My good friends at Microsoft has decided they will offer support for Windows 7 for another three years, to help slow-moving corporations downgrade to Windows 10. And it's going to cost. For some unknown reason, my IP address has been blacklisted.

I just saw a show that introduced Randy Cramer, who claims he was recruited for a US Secret Space Program. If nothing else, this is interesting short science fiction, especially the depiction of our presence on Mars. I make no claims other than it's fun reading.

• Smart Outlets, no, really. One specific brand has a fault that will allow hackers to assume control of it and sneak into your network. Smart is Dumb.
• Artificial Intelligence will officially be here when your smart stove communicates with your smart microwave and both go on strike for higher voltage.

The times, they are a-changing. We live in the future! 

Someone just invented a Bluetooth salt shaker (although no one knows why). It 'enhances' your dining experience. Sorry, I just eat.. I don't have experiences. What could a Bluetooth salt shaker (the Smalt) do?  Play music from your phone, a color changing ring of lights, and.... get ready... it contains actual salt! Yes, we live in the future. If only the people who marveled at the tv wristwatch were alive to see this.

• The Planet of California, rapidly taking over for France in the World Derision Sweepstakes, has introduced the first legislation on connected devices. Although weak, it is the first of its kind in the US. It mandates information security and eliminates default passwords.
• Congress has proposed two bills on IoT devices, both designed to put together studies on devices. Yes, we're going to make everything safe for you, by putting together a select panel of people, who have absolutely no clue about the internet or IoT, to study the matter. Rapid Response, courtesy of your elected representatives (of the War State).

The European Court of Human Rights ruled that bulk interception of communications data and the obtaining of data from comms service providers violated Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights: the right to respect for private and family life/communications.

This is wonderful support for rights.
Meanwhile, the GCHQ and NSA are laughing so hard, there are tears in their eyes. I received confirmed information that at least two of them peed in their pants. Please do not repeat this.

• It's not often I find myself on Apple's side, but they have been harshly criticized for designing iPhones too big for women's hands. Campaigners were 'furious' over Apple discontinuing the SE; the smallest phone. 
• The average woman's hand is an inch narrower than an average man's hand. The campaigners have a lawsuit pending against God, claiming sexism, but as of this point, they have been unable to locate the defendant to serve the summons.
• The campaigners are fighting a war on several fronts, also with Women of Size, who are ok with the new phones; and Women of Sense, who think women are absolutely equal in every way and oppose special accommodations.

6G, the phone protocol so new, people don't even speak its name, will provide terabits per second speeds. Meanwhile, we wait for 5G, which promises faster speeds, but runs at the same shitty 4G and 3G speeds, depending upon which foot you're standing on with the most pressure.

• You know me - equality. So there's this washing machine detergent commercial featuring the dad talking about how dirty his daughter's princess dress gets and how he washes it. I don't really care that stay at home dads are represented.. I just can't help but think of all sorts of names for this guy, none of which you can say on tv.

Not An Original Thought Left in Hollywood, Part 453

There is a remake of Overboard, the Goldie Hawn-Kurt Russell movie, where she develops amnesia and he hoodwinks her into being a mom and wife. The world was crying out for a remake and Hollywood delivered! The new movie, cleverly called Overboard, features a man with amnesia this time (see - they're original) and blonde Anna Faris as the hoodwinker. Can't we stop this before we're up to third generation remakes?

Men are demanding parity, seeking a remake of The Sound of Music, with a man in the role of Julie Andrews.

Grocery Shopping

I used to joke about things being personal, like rain. Most of it stopped, but it looks like the grocery store never got the memo. Last week, nothing I put on the list was available or reachable: bagels, fresh cookies, Bit O'Plague, bullets...

Wife just returned from the store. Did you know you can't purchase yogurt with fat? Everything's low fat, low sugar, low taste, low actual yogurt. My fresh chocolate chip cookies were the only container left, buried under 400 pumpkin spice containers. Later this week, CostCo is having a sale on pumpkin spice tires.  They stopped carrying my coffee creamer entirely. WTF is salted caramel? Whose brilliant idea was it to salt caramel? Isn't salt bad for you? Let's add anthrax to chocolate, shall we? Do they not understand how sacred our coffee is? Maybe blueberry cream is delicious - I don't care and I'm not letting it get within 3 miles of my coffee cup.

UK Spying

The UK government has voted itself a new spying bill that's positively draconian in scope. Nicknamed the Snooper's Charter, it requires providers to keep your browsing history for a year. The information will be available, without a warrant, to the Usual Suspects, plus such important State Security entities as the Gambling Commission.

While this is another step in the lack of privacy landslide in the UK, the US and other countries would be well-served to keep their eyes on its progress. The UK seems to be a testing ground of sorts for Bad Anti-Privacy Laws.

That said, this article features some really good information for everyone to protect their communications, like Signal messenger, Tor, and VPNs. Even if you're not planning to take security seriously, read it and familiarize yourself with the situation.

• In case you were kept awake at night, wondering what is the cause for male homosexuality, your answer is here. [Hint: ghosts]

I realize 2016 isn't over yet, but this headline is in the running for best of the year: Are White People Promoting Homosexuality as a Means of Undermining the Black Struggle?

• Speaking of 2016, and I wish we weren't, we bid farewell to some larger than life people in their fields: Greg Lake and John Glenn. Remember the good old days, when rock stars would die of drug overdoses? Now it's cancer. Emerson, Lake and Palmer: and then there was one.

With the rise in Utter Nonsense that is Fake News, remember this: Fake News is anything that particular person does not want you to read. The irony of Hillary warning about Fake News is strong: her administration fed Fake News to the media. In spite of this, Trump won.

• This morning I asked the dog that since he's so smart, why doesn't he let himself outside and back in. He replied that he's so smart he has us do it for him.  Can't argue.

Do you have a Netgear R6400, R7000, R8000 (go check - I'll wait). If you do, turn it the hell off and replace it or wait til Netgear releases a fix. The article linked will tell you how to check to see if your router is vulnerable. The routers look like little spaceships from some new space-horror movie, with lots of antennae.

• Important Stuff you missed over the weekend: nothing.

Remember the Colonial Theater? It's the place where The Blob was filmed. It's been totally redone and is a delightful place to see a movie or concert. They just let me know that if I'm 70 or older, my IRA distributions can benefit the theater, but only tax-deferred gifts of up to $100,000. Drat - if I were only 70 or older...

• I need to stop this entry right now for a very important bulletin: the Opera browser was split off into another one called Vivaldi. In the latest version, you can now select themes! But wait... as if that weren't enough, you can schedule the time for the theme to change! Vivaldi works on most operating systems, for your convenience.

I received an email, asking to evaluate a course I took. They asked fifteen minutes of my time. In acknowledging my time, they said that every tenth evaluator would win a t-shirt with their logo.  I was never a math star, but with their courses starting at $300, I'm thinking of holding out for maybe a t-shirt AND some pocket lint.

• Kentucky Fried Chicken, hereafter referred to as KFC (or WTF), has admitted that their Colonel's Club has suffered a breach, 'possibly' exposing 1.2 million customers' details. WHAT? Did any of us know that there's a Colonel's Club at KFC? A loyalty program for greasy, heart attack inducing deep fried grease bits? No wonder this country's in trouble.

Speaking of the Irrepressibly Stupid, the UN has declared Wonder Woman as the ambassador for empowering women. As if that weren't Stupid enough, feminist outrage stepped right in, within microseconds, and demanded a stop be put to this travesty for a few reasons: she is a fictional character who wears thigh high boots and exposed cleavage (because Mother Teresa was unavailable for the position), she is too white, closely associated with the American flag, and "not culturally sensitive." This proves that the UN is a ridiculous, useless organization (in case we didn't already know this) and that feminists are a ridiculous parody of themselves (in case we didn't already know this). Perhaps we should all get together, at KFC, and find common ground.

I learned some Good Stuff growing up. My mother did a pretty good job. In grade school, I noticed some of my friends really didn't like black people. This was confusing and low-class to us, even in our mostly white neighborhood. It occurred to me that - hey... racism is learned. I also saw a small amount of antisemitism, also flowing down, but nowhere near as prevalent as the racism. The few Jewish kids in the 'hood were sometimes harangued by the parents of their friends, although it didn't seem to be a problem in school.

Fast forward to The Online Age, where everyone you don't like is Literally Hitler. As a merrymaker, I have seen comics do really funny things with Hitler, especially Monty Python (who could make cardboard hilarious). There were a few features of his that invited poking and I do like to poke.

Everything online is obviously a reflection of Real Life<tm>, to some degree; so I see a lot of Hitler references, 99.9% of them intended to beat down someone's speech or point. With the Hitler references are the Jew references. At first they were kinda funny. Then no so much. After a while I realized that there were groups of people who really, seriously did not like Jews, blaming them for everything from retail sales issues to a secret plot to ruin the world. The 'watchdog' agency, the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), may have done some good in the past but right now they're a ridiculous parody of themselves, pointing their finger and screaming "ANTISEMITE" at everything and everyone. Kinda like the Black Lives Matter and the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Recently I've run into some really bad examples of humanity online. They don't necessarily leap out, screaming, "JEWS! JEWS! JEWS DID IT!" but they're pretty close. It's a bit unnerving being around these people, even online. I see a lot more of this than overt racism, but it might be the places I visit.

Also popping up is the White Genocide movement. These guys are also a bit different. They seem to feel that movements to let foreigners in the country is white genocide. I think. They'll be the first to say White Lives Matter (all lives matter, even the Stupid). I'm sure they have a few points in their favor but I haven't studied the platform.

My first instinct is to block these people or not visit these sites. But Howard Stern, bastion of civility, taught everyone a lesson. One of his recurring guests was the KKK Guy. Howard kept him front and center and took a lot of heat for it. In my mind, Howard exposed his enemy and kept him front and center, where millions of people could see what he was up to and realize that, yes, this ugliness still exists.  So I no longer block any of this nonsense, preferring to see it for what it is. While the ADL has become a ridiculous parody of itself, I suppose some of it bears watching (by all of us).  And of course, this will be blamed on Trump, as if he personally gave out licenses to these folks. Regardless, we enjoy free speech and I'll fight for anyone's right to it.

Watch where you hang out, virtually or in Real Life<tm>.

Brown Wind

So millions upon millions of European carp have flooded your South Australian waters, threatening local fish. What do you do? Dump some Herpes on the bastards. Yes, herpes, which will kill thousands in the first twenty four hours. Herpes - what could possibly go wrong?

• While we're Down Under, what do you do if you're bored? Well, if you're a fan of black humor, and who among us isn't, you name your portable wifi hotspot Mobile Detonation Device and just wait for hilarity to ensue. Yes, some lady's phone picked up this hotspot and she showed it to the plane's crew, who showed it to the captain, who showed it to two other friends, and so on. The plane was two hours late due to searching and people escaping with their luggage. The device was never found. He obviously should have called it Explosion In Five Minutes.
• Not to be outdone, a Los Angeles flight was delayed after locating a wifi hotspot called "Al-Queda Free Terror Network."  Shit is about to get hilarious!

When do you use free wi-fi? Never.
If you must, here are some tips from a real hardcore security user.

• The third largest electricity and water utility in Michigan shut down all its corporate IT systems after a ransomeware hack. Fortunately the electricity and water continued to flow but this is a very visible warning shot on a very important and visible utility. Look for this more and more, with less tolerable effects.

A Florida (of course) woman reported an 'adulterated meal' to police. She went to KFC and ordered two sandwiches, which she believed 'contained semen'. The sandwiched were swabbed for biological evidence by the police.  How does one swallow a sandwich?

• You're not paranoid if it's happening: A government surveillance program has been exposed around the San Francisco Bay area. The FBI has placed microphones in trees, under rocks, and in equipment, all without warrants, because they don't need them. The program is allegedly an attempt to prove real estate investors are guilty of bid rigging and fraud. Yeah, right. They eavesdrop with impunity.

This should make your day: Employers are having a harder time finding applicants who can pass drug tests, especially marijuana.

• President Obama has defended his transgender directive for school bathrooms. Still no word on monumental debt.

The BBC is going to close its recipes website to save 15m lbs. And let's face it, with a choice between deep fried and blandly boiled, what use is there for it?

• The first penis transplant has been performed in the US. Ewwwwwww. Ouch.

Sinead O'Connor went missing for a few days but was found alive in a hotel. She was escorted to the Happy Place. Remember, folks.. depression is no laughing matter, although her voice is. I hope she's  ok.

• According to NASA, April was the seventh month in a row to have broken global temperature records. Except in Philadelphia, where it has been cold and rainy since about 1939.

Taco Bell will no longer bolt tables to the floor at new "Upscale" locations. Well, the drunken fights at 2am will be much more interesting soon..

As you remember, we had to put Ren the cat down last week.
My wife/kids are telling me they hear him scratching at the door. I heard noises but not that.
Today I heard the scratching.
So I opened the door and let him in.

Windows 10 is Not the Only Windows That Spies on You

As if 'Microsoft's latest malware' (Windows 10) spying wasn't bad enough, updates are coming for Windows 7 and 8 that will allow some of the same kind of spying.

 The updates in question are:

• KB3068708 – This update introduces the Diagnostics and Telemetry tracking service to existing devices.
• KB3022345 (replaced by KB3068708) – This update adds the Diagnostics and Telemetry tracking service to in-market devices.
• KB3075249
• – This update adds telemetry points to the User Account Control (UAC) feature in order to collect data on elevations that come from low integrity levels.
• KB3080149 – This package updates the Diagnostics and Telemetry tracking service to existing devices.

These recent updates released by Redmond install the "Diagnostics and Telemetry tracking service" that is the most controversial component of the Microsoft's newest operating system.

Once installed, the Diagnostics and Telemetry tracking service immediately begins phoning home to Microsoft even if privacy controls are enabled – apparently with no option to stop it.

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Here is the extremely complex action needed to stop this current round of spying: Don't Install Them.

Windows 7/8 will inform you when updates are ready, if you do not have Windows set to Update Automatically. If you DO have Windows set to Update Automatically, go into Control Panel, Windows Update, and Change Settings (on left). I set mine to download but not install - it will download the updates and let you know they have arrived for installation. When you tell it to install the updates, go further into the options and do not allow the above updates to install (do not check them). You should be free from this variety of Windows spying.  You will not, however, be free from the regular old Windows spying and backdoors.

If the updates were already installed, go to the article in the first link, which will show you how to uninstall them.

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This post will be added to the Windows 10 page above.

This update was brought to by ThermionicEmissions and the letter L.

Occam's Razor Needs Sharpening

President Obama tells his French counterpart that the US is no longer spying on France after the latest Wikileaks revelations.  Sure we aren't. We continue, however, to spy on our own citizens.

• Newly discovered Australian mammal mates itself to death.  Kinda like most American males would, given the chance.

So the other day, we're out driving and what do we pass but a Jehovahs Witness center.  I've never seen one before in my life.  I decided it would only be fitting to knock on their door and ask them to have a conversation about the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  Don't you hate it when your wife won't let you out of the car? [which reminds me... I have to go shopping for just the right colander for my drivers license picture]

I collect interesting phrases that I have heard. Here are the latest:

• You steal one car and all of the sudden, you're a car thief.
• You've got to slide up and down on the hard thing,
• Let me show you my jetpack.
• Uh oh, the electric company is here - the power is going to go out.
• Please bring ant spray.
• I  love algebra.
• I have used algebra in real life.

Usually I come upon Stuff. Stupid Stuff that's so obvious that there's no way I could have thought of it. Today's example is headphones. I have to use headphones at work because I wouldn't want the wonderful music I listen to to grace the ears of my coworkers (pearls before swine and all that).  Guys - put on your headphones... you will gain greater perspective on your music - particularly the musicians. It's also easier to figure out how to play music by checking out what's in which ear.  leftystrat - Super Genius<TM Acme>. One song that will make your headphone-ensconced ears spin is Jeff Beck's Cause We've Ended as Lovers, with Max Middleton's stereo-panned Fender Rhodes electric piano.

• Remember how the USA Freedom Act was going to rein in the NSA? That act authorized a six month transition. When the title is Freedom, you're not getting Freedom.

This morning I heard about a big storm last night. The National Weather Service has been called in to figure out if there was a tornado.  Does this strike you as strange?  The weather is over; why do we need an organization to step in and potentially make it worse?  This reminds me of the Heat Index: it's 94 out today but with the Heat Index, it's 104. Do we really need to be more miserable?

• The country's first gay divorce law firm opened in... guess where.... Philadelphia!

WINDOWS 10 ALERT

Microsoft's latest piece of malware, Windows 10, has introduced at least ONE security problem, in addition to the usual backdoors.  Enabled by default is a feature called WiFi Sense, which shares your WiFi password/credentials with friends. As if this weren't enough, the credentials sit in an encrypted file on a Microsoft server. Gee, no chance of MS or other letter agencies accessing this, is there? Your contacts from Outlook.com, Skype, and/or Faceyspaces can be shared.

Allegedly, the service will only allow sharing of the internet connection, not your hard drive, internal network or anything connected to it. Here's another Gates-ian solution: in order to opt out, you need to RENAME YOUR WIRELESS NETWORK by appending _optout. Opt Out may not be instant and it is recommended to change your password in the meantime.

This is yet another hijack from our friends in Redmond. When they start affecting the name of your wireless network, it's time to take them to task. The Redmond Menace must be stopped.

Remember - this nonsense is enabled by default. DISable it if you must downgrade to Windows 10. Just because it's the latest and a free downgrade from Windows 7 does not mean you need to install it. Better yet, defect to linux (free) or the piece of fruit operating system ($$).

What Great Music Do You Have This Week, lefty?

Funny you should ask... I decided to go with a more mainstream artist, yet to retain that certain something for musicians. Yes, it's perennial favorite Peter Frampton. I have mentioned before that my first concert ever was Peter Frampton, fresh from one of the greatest selling live albums of all time, Frampton Comes Alive. It was at Philthydelphia Humongo Stadium, in the midst of about 100,000 other sweaty, polite bodies. Down on the field, there were no assigned seats, so we were free to worm our way up front to see Peter and various other acts, like Lynyrd Skynrd and maybe Fleetwood Mac (with Stevie Nicks, when she was every guy's wet dream and every girl's fashion plate).

Philthydelphia Humongo Stadium was eventually razed, so the state's taxpayers could provide Corporate Welfare to fabulously wealthy sports team owners. This largesse provided for three stadiums in the state of PA.

Peter had some great albums (the black spinny things that you scratched up with a needle that required the hands of a skilled surgeon to manipulate), namely the ones that produced the songs that made up Frampton Comes Alive. My favorite album is called [wait for it....] Frampton and contains the studio versions of Baby I Love Your Way, Penny for Your Thoughts, (I'll Give You) Money, Nassau and Show Me The Way. Give it a listen - there's some great stuff there, which might be a pleasant surprise.

Mr. Frampton made the Talkbox popular (Show Me the Way, Do You Feel Like I Do?) and I had to get one. Incidentally, the golden-haired idol of millions has turned into a Bald Old Dude (like me) who continues to get better at the guitar and entertaining crowds (unlike me). Try to see him when he's touring, which he does frequently.

Told You So

It almost hurts to say this (no it doesn't) but I told you so.

Are all telephone calls recorded and accessible to government?

Of course they are.

I've been saying this for a long time.
But never mind old leftystrat - he's a crazy conspiracy nut.  He sees the NSA in every cloud outside (not to mention every cloud on the internet).

Now that it's out in the open, all that's left to discover are the trivialities, like whether it's the NSA or other similar letter-agency.  We knew about Echelon years ago.

Why do you think they're building huge new datacenters?  Because they like to sign contracts?
What else might they be up to?

Now that this information is leaking big time, what do you plan to do about it?


I'd rather be a crazy conspiracy theorist, actually.  This is one time I don't want to be right.

This Should be Hysterical

Facebook CIA Project

And it would be hysterical, if it weren't true.
Please watch and give me your thoughts.

Cuckoo for Samurai Puffs?

Shirtless, Samurai Sword-Wielding Man Marching 'Like A Drum Major' On Indiana Highway...

Tells Police He's 'Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs'...

SOUTHWEST Passenger Arrested For Not Turning Off Cell Phone...

Six ways your car can spy on you.

DC bus driver throws man onto ground...

Perhaps he had his cell phone on....

SEPTA Driver Shot, Drives Bus to Hospital   

Say what you want about SEPTA (I call them the Septic System) but you have to love this lady's determination (and drive).

Woman dies after injecting hot beef fat into face...
Not exactly what I was talking about when I mentioned `hot beef injection'.....

Miss Universe Hopeful Told to Wear Panties...

I think we have a winner...

Police: Arizona church is a brothel

at least they don't molest choirboys...

Seder plate causes bomb scare...
Not that we've gone too far or anything.....

Overweight Man Sues WHITE CASTLE Over Seat Sizes...
He's suing, not because White Castle made him fat, but because White Castle violates the rights of fat people by not having larger booths.  No, really.

TSA Creator Says Dismantle, Privatize Agency...
One out of two ain't bad...

Gas Station Attendant Fends Off Robber By Hosing Him With Gasoline...
Another one for the good guys.  Match, anyone?

Will God Destroy America? Stay Tuned....

How exactly does the NSA spy on American citizens, which is expressly forbidden?
Welcome to Menwith Hill, UK, where the NSA runs the show (yes, in a foreign country) and it is not illegal to spy on American citizens.  Talk about your little loopholes....

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Swiss political party tries to ban Power Point.
Those Swiss are certainly a rocking bunch.  First the Pirate Party and now they want to ban Power Point.   It's not that anyone could possibly disagree with them (well, maybe the idiots in Manglement).  Their platform is that Power Point wastes billions of dollars of time and it should be eliminated.

Perhaps it's about time our illustrious `leaders' studied the political systems of countries like this. 

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Just in case you missed it last week, Pat Robertson has stated that God will destroy America because of gay marriage.

I shall not address the fact that Robertson apparently hears voices and has delusions of grandeur.  I will only speculate that God probably has better things to do than persecute love (although the fact that Robertson remains alive is a possible argument to the contrary).

Robertson is a smart cookie, though.  He has remained unconvicted after all these years.

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Did you know that Microsoft makes more money from Android than its own mobile operating system?  Why do you think it bought up all those linux patents?  So it can threaten manufacturers.  Many, including HTC, have decided to pay a tax to Microsoft rather than go to court.

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You can atone for using Windows by checking out one of the twenty linux alternatives for common Windows applications.

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So, who's next on the Hacked Brigade?  Morgan Stanley, which warned 34,000 clients of a data breach.  Addresses, account ID, tax information and social security numbers were at risk.