Track THIS

An Australian man, working for a Western Australia water management company, was invited to a meeting at work, with their equivalent of Human Resources. Every employee was given a PDA (Public Display of Affection or Personal Digital Assistant, depending on day of the week), to track where they were. His records stated that he was working at different places but there was no report from his PDA/tracker that he was there.

The fella had a thing for a certain snack food. The bag it came in was foil and mylar. He placed the PDA in the bag, which acted as a Faraday cage. For those of us not electronically oriented, it's a device from which no signals get in or escape. This prevented the PDA from ratting him out. A brief investigation showed that he was out playing golf. 140 times. Now there's a man dedicated to his work. Or something.

• it's time for my non-seasonal rant about unboxing. As we spend a lot of time online (admit it - you'll feel better), we might have seen this. This is a activity wherein you take a picture of something you got and post it online. We, who work in IT and have a more evolved and nuanced sense of sarcasm, can find no useful reason for this behavior. We also make Lemon Face when we see people posting pictures of their food. Or stupid Dog Filters.
• This behavior is particularly egregious in the world of musicians. Some perfectly affable gent will take a picture of his brand new, just released effects box. Every reader is excited because they haven't gotten theirs yet or they're waiting for a demo on YouTube, to figure out whether they need this box or not.
• And what greets them, after the headline "New Illudium P32 Explosive Space Modulator"?  A flipping picture. Gee, that's helpful. Stereotypes don't appear from a vacuum, hence the stupid guitar player.

You've got a cell phone. Of course you've got a cell phone.

You have your location services on, either through ignorance, because of the Gee Whiz app, or you simply don't care. Even if location is off, you can still be tracked. What kinds of information is tracked and what might be traced back to you? Some ad companies will allow you to opt-out but want your Wifi and Bluetooth MAC addresses. Yeah, right. Does it matter that Google collected information anyway, after these were opted out?

Whether you have an existing or new android cell phone, here are five simple tips to keep it safe.

• What price security?  Paypal purchased TIO, a payment processor, for $230 million. TIO got hacked into. TIO halted all activities to avoid further losses. Meanwhile, the Personally Identifiable Information of about 1.6 million customers leaked. Paypal announced that it had found issues with TIO's data security program that did not adhere to its own standards.
• This infers that Paypal did not check TIO's security standards.
• Is a $230 million acquisition a mere pittance - too low to bother checking out its security? Where's the line? A billion?
• In addition to not bothering to secure itself (it owns TIO, therefore it's Paypal), the business has provided a lot of grief to a lot of people. Even though I was a customer, I'd advise not using it.

One of the largest (Chinese) manufacturers of drones stands accused of helping China spy on the US. Because we buy Chinese drones.... what could possibly go wrong? Once again, the government keeps us safe.

• It's a good thing the holidays are coming up. We now get treated to all sorts of ridiculous xmas commercials, some showing up as early as Halloween. This year we're treated to talking carrots and meerkats with German accents, that seem to go on forever. The Brits get a continuing story of two people who met on public transportation and are trying to hook up. This must have something to do with a cell phone provider, or why would they bother bothering us with this nonsense. The only reason I don't throw the screen across the room is that the female is cute, with a lovely, understandable Scottish accent. And I can't afford another screen. As I type this, I swear to you that the commercial just came on.

Yeah, I'm old school. Up til the current car, all my tires were cheap and large. The current car has tires that are small, with large rims and tiny (not thick) tires. What do you suppose would happen if current cars used real tires? My guess is a better ride, but I have absolutely no knowledge of tires, except that mine cost over $200 each, where they used to cost $60-80. Aside from the sound of Get off My Lawn, this is a genuine question. Any car people readers?

• Think you're busy this holiday season? The poor folks at Amazon have been working 55 hour weeks, falling down on the job, and taken away in ambulances. Fortunately the problem was solved when the executives jumped to inaction and offered the employees small chocolates.

Everybody's favorite right wing tongue, Gene Simmons, was banned for life from Fox News. According to reports, he barged in on a staff meeting and exposed his torso, shouting, "Hey chicks - sue me!" Furthermore, he told Michael Jackson pedophilia jokes and mocked the intelligence of the staffers.

The article did not explain, however, why he was banned.

• Everybody's favorite perennial presidential candidate, Vermin Supreme, sued after he was denied a permit to bring ponies to a Hillary Clinton book signing.

Vermin Supreme for president

• After brief research, which is the only kind of research I do, Vermin is now a libertarian. Considering the recent candidates, as well as the Guy in the Loincloth, Vermin will be a welcome change.
• Vermin's 2020 slogan: How could I possibly be any worse?
• Before I decide on whether he gets my vote, I want to know if there will be personalized boots for our heads, or will they just say Vermin Supreme on them? How does one go about sizing them?

Today's Stupid Commercial: What worries you most about your financial future?

One of the kids pops up and says, I don't have any money.

• Also overheard on tv: "she's in an advanced stage of pregnancy." 
• What's that - the baby's halfway out?

Marshall Update: as mentioned previously, the oncologist canceled Marshall's last chemo treatment because he was doing so well. This week's appointment was looking around for lesions in his mouth. It turns out he's not fond of fingers in his mouth, much like the rest of us. 

So after all that, the onco wants to operate, to remove the lesion and go with pills for a while. When we got the estimate, one of us turned white, the other turned green. When we said we'd need to think about this, the doc said no problem - it just has to be done within two weeks. With oral chemo, it'll give him 6-9 months. Oddly enough, other options we discussed earlier would give him the same amount of time.

No one mentioned another operation until today.

Can't help but feel we're being led down the Golden Path, only we're giving away all the gold. Last I checked, neither of us are vets, so it's not like we can ask medically relevant questions. As you'd imagine, this is somewhat upsetting.

Mind you, Marshall's in great spirits; eating like mad, drinking like madder, and demanding everything be dropped so he gets what he wants at that moment. He's got bounce in his step, almost like a puppy. He's leaping on furniture he couldn't six months ago. 

The only criterion is that he's pain-free and comfortable.

this is probably a bad blog to read if you're an Apple fan

We're Gonna Do Something DIFFRENT Tonight

The head of Germany's spy agency claims that Russian hackers will disrupt the upcoming election. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a potential winner. Whenever you don't want something to happen, claim that the Russians are going to hack it. This should be useful for everything from local elections to presidential elections to getting out of tests in school.

• Are you enjoying Uber? Know that with the latest software upgrade, the app is tracking your location, regardless of whether you're in an Uber or not, so long as you have it running in the background. And it wants access to your address book.  Take a moment and ponder what this means... your location, 24 hours per day, plus your contacts... that would be the end for me but I celebrate by not using Uber in the first place.

Kelloggs, the cereal people, has decided to pull its advertising from Breitbart, a right-wing news network. As soon as the news hit, Breitbart users initiated a boycott against Kelloggs. Things are shaping up to be interesting, with existing boycotts against other companies. I'm not exactly a Breitbart reader but this is shaping up to be an active season. There is actually a list of active boycotts, which becomes ridiculous as you have to check it every five minutes if you're shopping. Fortunately I'm already boycotting the NFL (I don't do sports), Pepsi ( you couldn't pay me to drink it), and various others.  The one that really confuses me is a potential banning of Trump's Twitter account. Do you really want to 'censor' the president's account? And what does this say about the media in general?

• The FBI has, through no surprise, gotten the legal OK to spy on any computer, anywhere in the world. All they need is a handy judge to approve things and they're off. Somehow I don't think this is the type of government the Founding Fathers had in mind. I urge you to read this.

Yes, it's the appliance you've been waiting for: the wifi-enabled 6-quart slow cooker. Walmart has it for a great price. The only problem is that it doesn't work if wifi is down and you can't hook it to your wifi anyway. Aside from that, it's a handy device and a bargain.

• Reminder not to wait to update Firefox and Tor browser. Do not put it off. Nasty hack available for it makes it unsafe to run. Period. If it asks you to upgrade, do so. If it doesn't ask, download the new version. Or don't, but your system might be used to hack something and you don't want the nice people at the FBI to stop by your place for a nice visit.

Most computer infections these days come from removable USB devices. With that in mind, you need to protect your systems, particularly the USB devices. No need to worry, folks, because now there's a USB Condom. The device technically disconnects the data pins of your device, allowing only electricity to flow. I'm not entirely sure you'd want to use a device without data, only to charge, but we are assured that this is THE device to have. I think I'll wait a bit.

• As if Faceyspaces weren't enough to get your Really Good Social Media Juices<tm> going, one can now be a Social Media Influencer. As best I can tell, if you have a Metric Shitload<tm> of followers, they apparently hang on your every word and will be influenced by the things you say (type). As if this weren't Boffo enough, you can add Social Media Influencer to your profile. This may encourage companies to give you Free Shit<tm>. It might also cause potential followers to laugh hysterically at you and all of your offspring, born or potential.  Amongst other things, the Influencers are generally good-looking, which rules me (and most of social media) out. Companies will PAY you for your influence. If there were only a commercial platform for sarcasm, I'd be rich beyond my wildest dreams.

One of the disadvantages of buying concert tickets online is the targeted ads from the ticket vendors. One sends me 'hand-picked suggestions'. After Rick Astley and Sarah Silverman, I unsubscribed. Apparently their algorithms are what we refer to as really f-d up. Also recommended was the For Today Farewell Tour. I didn't even know there was a First Tour.

• The inventor of the Big Mac has left the planet. I said I'd be nice to McDonalds, as they closed their Gaitlinberg store to provide food to residents and firefighters - a Fine Gesture. If I hadn't promised to be nice, I'd have said something like "arteries across the world have started unclogging," but I'm a man of my word.

Hey, have you been on the Adult Friend Finder site? They were hacked in October, alerted, and finally have their Best People on it. Just so you know, they also kept data on deleted accounts. Their passwords were not protected either.  Just don't, ok?

I sure picked a bad day to stop taking amphetamines. No, wait.. to sleep late. It's been a while since I got to sleep late. I didn't get to last weekend because of some work on a space project which I cannot divulge. Today was a day or pure joy - sleep until I was done. Then nap.

Almost on cue, the neighbor's company arrived. And when I say company, I mean the guys who showed up to cut down her tree.  I'm sure they were delightful guys (they were guys, or at least chicks with really deep voices) but I try not to mix tree-cutting with sleep. The neighbor called, bless her, to tell us to move our car out of the driveway, lest we have to submit a rather large insurance claim.  Can you imagine trying to figure out which insurance company is supposed to handle this? They could successfully keep this in the legal system so long that our estate would have to handle it. We'll have to leave instructions to disburse the money to the dog(s).

The actual tree-cutting wasn't all that bad, but the trucks were insane. I kept banging my head on the headboard and cursing the tree-downing profession. As if that weren't pleasant enough, they were disposing of the tree's remains on the spot, which meant a chipper. For those of you not familiar, it's a wheeled device into which they feed tree bits. It has a whirly chopping blade-thingy inside, which renders the tree bits to sawdust. One would think this would also be a great aid for disposing of bodies, but one would be incorrect. The evidence, as it were, would be all over the place. You need a device that will properly (and untraceably) dispose of the evidence (but don't tell anyone you read it here).

Wife warned me in advance not to let Marshall outside, as he'd want to stand there, like an idiot, barking his head off at them, not moving. Again, as if precisely on time, Marshall had to go outside. I think the wife knew before she left and was counting on my semi-dead state to not question and laugh hysterically at me once she left. Marshall used to bark when he wanted to go out. Now he stands there, whining pitifully. If that fails, he approaches, puts his head on my arm and whines. This will go on until he gets what he wants. This is also how he runs the entire house. He's now getting medically special dog food that he hates. So we located medically special dog food in varieties, like chicken and vegetables and beef stew. Let me tell you, there isn't a whine to be heard when he goes face-down into his food bowl. It's cleaned, so well that you couldn't tell it was a dog food bowl approximately 90 seconds ago. And a family of four could eat cheaper than one can of this food.

Half dead, I donned my shoes, checking to see if my pants were already in-place (they were - it was a good morning) and prepared to drag myself outside so I could watch him go to the bathroom (like he does to us every day) and keep him from barking like a loon at the tree guys. But Marshall, being much smarter than me, saw me putting on my shoes and decided that this meant I was going somewhere without him. He assumed his Sad Perch on the steps and prepared to look pitiful and alone. It took five minutes to convince him I was taking him outside. Once outside, he immediately rushed to the side of the house and started barking at the tree guys like a loon. This was confusing, as this is the same spot he uses to bark once at the neighbor so she will bring him a treat.

He thought he would evade my please to return to the house by hiding in the bushes. What he failed to realize was that it's almost winter and there are no leaves on the bushes under which to hide. I finally got him in the house, but not until after he discovered a convenient muddy puddle and stood in it for a bit, obviously contemplating the meaning of life or other Spaniel Mysteries. We now know why he comes in the house with wet paws and leaves sticking to him.

Good thing we made it into the house when we did, because Drama had just broken out with the tree guys. One guy, who we'll assume was the boss, was yelling at his minions, telling them not to come to work until they were ready to work. This progressed to how he was going to get two new minions because these two were nothing but grief. At this point, the smarter minion (we'll call him Leroy for no particular reason at all) fired up one of the heavy pieces of equipment, as if to signal to Boss that he couldn't hear him - he was too busy working.

I desperately wanted to go back to bed but couldn't. I wasn't too upset, though, as the unstable compound I slipped into the chipping device while they were arguing would combust the next time they turned it on.

The Week in Skepticism

Apparently bunnies have a weed problem in Utah.

This blog has taken a break from the usual cynicism and general distrust but today we're back in full strength.

White House Celebrates National Freedom of Information Day by Making Office of the Administration Exempt from Freedom of Information.  Yes, the most transparent kingdom ever.

• Judicial committee approves FBI plan to expand hacking powers. They voted 11-1 to modify a rule to allow judges more flexibility in how they approve search warrants for electronic data. It's for the children.

How police fight to keep use of Stingrays quiet.  No, not the Corvette - this is the black box that spies on your cell phone by impersonating a cell tower. It would be catastrophic if the citizens knew how their Fourth Amendment rights were abridged.

• Despite Snowden leaks, Americans' use of the net largely unchanged. I should change the name of this blog to We're a Nation of Morons.

Private companies continue to amass millions of license plate photos, hold onto the data forever.

Automatic license plate readers are everywhere. The data is accessible to police and certain members of the public: car dealers, insurance companies, private detectives… basically anyone willing to pay access fees and who can offer a suitable justification for digging through a multi-billion plate database.

 Hertz puts video cameras inside its rental cars, has 'no current plans' to use them. We promise. Trust us. We're from the government and we're here to help you.

• McDonald's workers claim they were told to treat burns with mayo, mustard. It's still better advice than eating the food.

CIA worked with DOJ to re-purpose foreign surveillance airborne cell tower spoofers for domestic use. This wonderful example of intra-departmental cooperation is to spy on you, but it's for your own safety. Never mind that this is the CIA working on domestic issues....

• The Secret Service, fresh from drunk driving and failure to remain awake stints, is looking for eight million dollars to build a fake White House to train their agents. They have, however, rejected a fake Obama, saying that one is more than enough. Although it sounds like a great place to work, that's a lot of taxpayer money for hookers and booze.

Apropos of nothing, here is the story of an accomplished deviant Manhattan lawyer (redundant, I know) who liked to dress up as a TSA officer and choke his girlfriends during rough sex. Like the guy who shot two policeman in Ferguson, he explained that he meant to strangle someone else.

• Thailand warns that women who post 'underboob' photos face five years in jail. It's full frontal nudity or nothing - they have an image to protect.

Trial to begin for North Carolina man who cuffed a child to the porch with a dead chicken around his neck. Prosecutors demand animal cruelty charges.

• And speaking of North Carolina, the people must be incredibly tolerant. A man has been standing in his doorway, naked and smoking for ten years. Neighbors called the police, who said the man was doing nothing wrong. The neighbors claimed he was setting a bad example by smoking.

The big news is not that the Prevaricator-in Chief is keeping us in Afghanistan, it's that Angelina Jolie, famous for her looks, her husband, and voluntarily removing two of her breasts to avoid cancer, has had her ovaries removed, also to prevent cancer.

For commentary, we asked our medical consultant, Dr. Wilma Deth, about this surgery.  Dr. Deth has opined that this has absolutely nothing to do with cancer. Angelina simply hates her life and her husband, not to mention her thirty-some children and all of her money.  It has been theorized that Angelina is simply trying to escape, piece by piece, but Dr. Wilma states otherwise - that this is nothing more than self-mutilation, like cutting, tattoos and multiple piercings (especially on the genitals).  So instead of slicing and dicing her arms, she has an organ or two removed.  Imagine having at least two of your breasts removed.....

--Dr. Deth is a native of Camden, New Jersey, and practices in Florida.  What she practices is still unknown.