Well, I'm not, but that fellow in England who just got pulled over by the nice policeman probably is.
That phrase was on a bumper sticker. The nice policeman kept pointing out that this was no good; somebody could take offense (offence in Britain). So it had to come off.
The US has no shortage of issues with hurt feelings but the First Amendment covers us, sort of. We're not all that concerned about someone taking a fence. It's astounding to me. Also astounding is the absolute look of shock in the eyes of the police when someone says a bad word. They threaten to arrest them for Public Order. Citizens of England: you better stop this before your government outlaws offensive thoughts.
ThermionicEmissions has been here approximately seven years.
Time flies when you're... ummm... here.
No Idea Where I Am
The above phrase denotes location, and when there's a location issue, we just know another
Garmin Rant<tm> is coming.
And we're right!
First we went guitar and device shopping. This is traditionally a total failure, and we were not disappointed. With hundreds of guitars all over the walls, there were three low line lefties. That is par for the course, so it wasn't a big deal. I spent my time looking for deals on amplifiers and pedals, none of which presented themselves to me as a deal or a must-have.
So it was the wife's turn to shop, but we weren't sure where the store was. Hey, let's ask the Garmin.
The definition of stupid is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.
I joked about what happened the last time I used the Garmin... it tends to make me
very angry. As the address went into the infernal device, it appeared that I was not the only person upset by the Little Black Box from Hell. It couldn't find the listing for the store. Every other store, yes; this one, no.
Why didn't you use a different device, like maybe your phone, you ask. Good question. The answer is that last time we used
three different devices, all of which tried to make us drive into the water, to a different state.
Finally the address came up and we were off. Really far off.
The long and short of the trip was that it was two turns down the road. This will be pretty easy to remember for next time, if there
is a next time.
The five minute trip took a total of one hour.
The Garmin told us to go down the street a bit and make a right at "Street". I don't know about you, but I'm willing to bet there are no streets in the state called Street. There is a Street Road (no, really), but it was about an hour away. So we took a guess and turned onto Street. Went to the end. It told us to make a left. Into a parking garage. I'm a good sport, so I made a left into the parking garage, thinking we were taking a shortcut through the garage.
Heh heh.
Following the EXIT signs, we came out exactly where we were when the black box told us to make a left (into the parking lot). My temperature was headed up. As the navigator, her job was to procure the directions and communicate them at less volume than a 767 taking off, or a Slayer concert, whichever is louder. The literal temperature in the car went up twenty degrees. The passengers had become quiet because they sensed war, and trusted the Garmin almost as much as we did.
I headed them off at the pass, but was foiled at every intersection by stop signs that only applied to me. Before you go thinking that my mind has finally gone south due to extreme paranoia, I must explain that we were in a large shopping complex, with complex turns. All stores were outside, like a long, winding, tortuous mall without a roof. The stop signs were all pointed at mall traffic, not street traffic, so we had to wait for street traffic to stop. The joke was on us... the street traffic never stopped.
Visually, we had one long block to go. Timewise, we might have been home before we got the length of the block. The little black box that caused explosions outside it was so friendly as to let us know to make a turn onto "Street" at the end of the block. We persevered until Street. What are the odds that a state would have
two Streets within yards of each other? Thirty minutes later, I pulled the car into a handicapped spot. In lieu of a handicapped tag, I just left the Garmin hanging from the mirror, tied like a noose. The police would understand.
I'm here for your pleasure. Someone should derive pleasure from my misfortunes. Also my fortunes, should they ever occur. Statistically, they will, but statistics are pretty bad on the
when. According to the many statisticians who read this blog, fortune will in fact occur; definitely by the time I am unable to type or change my diapers.
The universe is a strange place. The Universe really gets off on screwing with people, under the guise of helping them. Everything is related, according to Dirk Gently, and many other people who like phrases. The problem here is that one has to put this cryptic system together until it makes sense. This is virtually impossible, given phrases like "you will know then" and "maintaining operational readiness." It's like the bible, Shakespeare, and what the dead allegedly say to the living. It makes absolutely no sense and you're left wondering why they can't simply explain it to you in English.
Because that would ruin all the fun.
Although I too can't understand the bible, Shakespeare and the dead, sometimes I see the results.... usually in hindsight, like a smack upside the head with a small foreign car.
The car always loses.
So in hindsight, I figured out why I couldn't find anything to spend money on at the guitar shop: my idiot employer submitted incorrect information and I now have a tax bill that would purchase
many guitars.
Stop laughing -
it gets better. This bill was for a few years ago. Every year I'm going to get
another bill until this clears up.
You may now continue laughing. I haven't had this much fun since the IRS failed to steal enough of my money in taxes and I came up with a bill that made my head spin around and spit pea soup. And then I got
mad. I actually upset the IRS, as they told my wife when she spoke to them.
One of the truisms in life is that
you can't fight city hall. In fact, you can't even get in
touch with city hall. I called and was put on hold but assured that their best people would be with me as soon as they were done assisting other customers. I was assured of this repeatedly over the next thirty minutes, right up until the message changed... "We are open til five o'clock. Please call back during business hours." [CLICK].
They honestly felt bad for me, so they sent me an envelope. In it was their sincere apology and a high-level personal contact to help move this along. Of course I'm kidding.. it was another bill, with another stack of money added in for interest, Getting Hung Up On Fee, Calling on a Friday Fee, and Affixing Postage to the Envelope Fee.
By this time, I had stopped spitting pea soup and went to blood instead. Whose blood was not important at the time. I went to call them, because it worked so well last time (see the theme here?). There was one phone number, for payments. I dug around and found another number. All circuits were busy. BUSY? What is this - 1980? Did we overwhelm the entire city's phone network? Or was the phone company also given the day off for the Eagles parade (2 days early)?
Speaking of which, there is a public transportation
lottery to see who will be allowed to board public transportation to the parade. Entire stations will be closed and bypassed. With public and parochial schools closed, people taking off work, denizens of the area, and people working in the area taking 'extended lunches', it should be a real blast.
I'll probably be the only one at work.
Great.. now I've depressed
myself.
But in a sadly amused and creative way.
- Sometimes stuff seems so obvious that I scream at the tv screen or the computer monitor because they're so stupid. A perfect example was the aforeblogged news story about the government UFO secret program that studied UFOs for a few years. As I pointed out, we've been studying UFOs since at least 1947, probably longer. The facts are not hidden at all.
- Another ridiculous excuse handed out by SETI and others is lifeforms from so incredibly far away could never visit us because it would take several forevers to get here. This sounds like an acceptable answer, provided you don't think about it for longer than about ten seconds. Forgive my fuzziness on the topic but there is a thing called the Einstein-Rosen Bridge, which is essentially a wormhole. Obviously we can't test it just now, but it's a theory, and that Einstein fellow sure was bright. I think it's safe to assume that aliens can be thousands or millions of years ahead of us, so isn't it possible they have the Einstein-Rosen thing figured out - or its replacement?
- Keep in mind I'm not saying that the unidentified flying things seen in the air contain alien life. I'm just countering more than one excuse at a time.
- Take a moment. Get to your Quiet Space. Now imagine handing an android tablet to Ben Franklin. What would he do with it? Would he be able to understand and operate it?
- It's exhausting, always being right.
Good News/Bad News
Congress just put together a budget.
The good news:
- Congress just put together a budget.
- it is a bipartisan effort
The news you were expecting:
- It will require one more stopgap bill to keep the government allegedly running until March
- It will last two years
- It will add $380 TRILLION to our spending
- It will require Congress to increase the debt limit, as the bottom-dwelling self-serving scum-sucking subhumans do every budget, along with stalling.
- Congress wants to thank you for all the cards, letters, and good wishes, and would like you to know that their free healthcare will continue, with no deductibles or copayments, forever, despite any other healthcare crisis that the entire country may or may not be experiencing.
The commentary:
- One republican said he won't vote for it even if President Trump calls him and asks for his vote (somebody read The Art of the Deal ).
- Nancy Pelosi said there was no way she'd vote for it and gave a multi-hour filibuster on why president... uhh.. .Bush.. no.. Obama.. was wrong for this country, especially considering the healthcare crisis for Uranus. Furthermore, the rain in plane stays currently on the can, which affects the brain flowers that cause ammoniamentia in puppies.
- The president got more money for the Pentagon. So, you know, we'll all be safer. Unless, of course, we work in the Pentagon and a small drone happens to crash into it, producing four entire frames of video.
- The dems got more money for social causes, like the opioid crisis, because throwing tons of money at problems always fixes them.
- The country and future generations got screwed, so no change there.
If at first you don't succeed, being awake may not be for you.
- So there's this new, magic technology that can put faces on bodies, in decent, believable quality video. Naturally this has been adopted by porn, so a celebrity face goes on a porn star body. This is called Deepfake. As much fun as this sounds, the spoilsports at Reddit, Twtter, and Pornhub have banned them. The social networks are doing what you'd expect, but when adult sites do it, you know the legal team has had their say. To be fair, we get this.
A gender equality campaigner from London has received general praise from men and women on the internet for having a '
smashing pair of tits.' A Faceyspaces occupant posted gender equality content on her page and within an hour, had 2,000 comments that she had a stupendous set of mammalian protuberances.
If the picture in the article is the person mentioned, the commenters are dead on. Even straight women are commenting in a positive fashion. I never suspected how wonderful social media could be. Had this happened in America, there would be rampant aneurysms in collegiate circles, fainting, and Unbelievable Outrage all over social media. In response, there would be Unbelievable Hilarity from the Social Media Joy Squad, having a poke at the Fainting Feminists. It makes great reading.
As this is in England, the commentors had better watch out, because you can be hauled down to the pokey for making 'rude' comments. Wouldn't want to offend anybody Over There, would we?
- Digressing for a moment (as usual), Philadelphia Police have stopped showing up for run of the mill crimes. The only sure way to bring them around is to say 'gun' in your call.
- In England, it would appear that bringing the police becomes a much easier feat if you tell them that people are hurling racial slurs out in the open. It appears that the worst crime you can commit is hurting someone's feelings.
- Keep in mind that my England knowledge comes from Monty Python and, for current day information, English police shows.
- You simply can't out-parody reality department: Antifa disrupts Swedish LGBT parade because 'Gays are offensive to Muslims...'
- It would appear that this worldwide anti-fascist group is behaving in a fascist manner. The irony is obviously lost on them.
President Trump has addressed the National Prayer Breakfast, because screw the First Amendment - we need to prove we're holy. At least to court the religious backers.
- Just in case you were bored, Richard Pryor's widow tells us that Richard slept with Marlon Brando. “It was the ’70s!” she said. “Drugs were still good, especially quaaludes. If you did enough cocaine, you’d f–k a radiator and send it flowers in the morning.” Read this - it's great.
Spirit Airlines suggested a passenger flush her emotional support hamster down the loo. Spirit wouldn't allow the rodent on the plane, even though the student checked in advance. They deny saying it.
Meanwhile, United Airlines is partying because it wasn't them this time.
I can't say more: my emotional support elephant is getting very upset.
- Upset because they haven't been in the news for anything stupid this week, California announced it will block the transportation of petroleum from new offshore oil rigs, a Trump administration program.
- California just won the award for most congested driving. I am going to consult for the California Department of Transportation. Although I will pad my services out for several years, the award-winning proposition will be writing TRUMP on the dirt of the trucks that bring fuel into California. In less than a day, there will be no gasoline in the entire state, hence no traffic. I'll make millions!
This security researcher decided to set up her apartment as a Smart Home. With a little help from her friend, she set up monitoring to see what the devices collected and where they sent it to. Before you die of suspense, every device collected information and sent it upstream to the manufacturer and marketers. Precisely as I said. But you should read the article anyway, to get an idea of how everything worked. The conclusion is very interesting too, although it wouldn't exactly be mine.
I'm not sure how I'd set things up if these devices were in my house. If you stop your data from being sent, you won't get updates for the devices. The data, meanwhile, builds a profile of what you do and when. What time you're home. Exactly what you watched on tv and when. Pictures of you (and the baby), walking around, possibly naked or half-dressed. Maybe using the couch for something other than sitting.
The truly sad part is that in 1984 (the book), you watched the tv and the tv watched you. Your smart tv is already watching you. You might put cameras in the house too; at this point, you've already done the spy agencies' job for them. The devices promise, and sometimes deliver, convenience. Why is the paranoid lunatic from that blog so against the Internet of Things? Sure I'd like a few.. but the downside isn't worth it. Take a moment and think about that.
Not addressed here is the fact that the majority of IoT devices are insecure by design, so 'others' can potentially see what you're doing.
- Elon Musk launched a rocket. A private firm. This is pretty big. If it continues, we may infect surrounding planets with our presence. If there was any time for the aliens to make themselves known, it's probably now.
- There is documented history of nuclear weapons being interfered with, concurrent with unknown aerial objects at close range. This is information only - you're free to do the research and draw your own conclusions.
A local concert venue just let me know tickets are on sale for Tony Bennett and Gov't Mule. Hopefully not at the same time.
- Look.. if I don't turn you into a raving acutely aware person, let some scientists do it: A team of scientists from around the world confirmed millions of viruses rising into the atmosphere, traveling — sometimes for thousands of miles — and falling back down to the surface. All of the sudden, agoraphobia is starting to sound pretty good, isn't t?
Uh-oh.
Male dogs win the Westminster dog show almost twice as often as females.
Hollywood is now wearing brown, in sympathy with fur. All colleges are now on strike for gender equality and demanding that male dogs be excluded from the show.
- Covered up by OXFAM, the charity's rescue workers paid refugees for sex, while helping in earthquake-torn Haiti.
- The US military has been said to be almost an invading force to women in countries where they are stationed. I'd say OXFAM is a giant step up: they actually compensated the people they had sex with. This provided the prostitutes a job amid all the destruction and kept volunteer morale up, so to speak. Win-win.
