The Presidential Clown Car

There are so many people running for president that ThermionicEmissions put together a brief comparison of the major candidates so you don't have to. I'm sure this matrix will allow you to make a more informed choice for next person to occupy the White House. Another public service from the liberty-minded folks here at ThermionicEmissions.

	Donald Trump	Vermin Supreme	Bernie Sanders	me
Party	Republican	Free Pony Party	Democrat	Left-Handed Party
Most Notable	Endorsed by ex-wife, who he did not rape	Only bona-fide American Presidential Candidate to actually donate a living organ	Socialist	The best left-handed guitarist on his block
Best Known for	That thing on his head	Wearing a boot as a hat and carrying a large toothbrush	Socialist	Male Pattern Baldness, unsuccessful blogger
Platform	Let all the damn wetbacks in	Zombie apocalypse awareness (and zombie-based energy plan), time travel research (in order to go back and kill Hitler before he was born)	Take away all guns	Jail the Kardashians, force Congress to use Obamacare
Slogan	I've got $9 billion and you don't	Screw world peace - I want a pony	The accent Trump wishes he had	Running with scissors for YOU

	Hillary Clinton	Libertarians	Chris Christie	Rick Santorum
Party	Democrat	Libertarian?	Donut	Barefoot and Pregnant
Most Notable	The only woman Bill wouldn't sleep with	Ron Paul	Stopping traffic out of spite, blaming it on others	Didn't realize Intelligent Design was religiously motivated
Best Known for	Sucking out all bodily fluids from Vince Foster	No government spying	Using storm aid for ads	Pennsylvania's emarrassment
Platform	Whatever the Bilderbergers, Trilaterals and Council on Foreign Relations say, personal servers for me alone	Maximum freedom, minimum government, free market healthcare (because that worked so well before), stop 'exporting freedom'	Shouting down anyone who disagrees, lap band surgery in every pot (belly)	Intelligent design, no birth control, no same sex marriage, deregulate pro wrestling, waterboarding
Slogan	I ran the White House for eight years - what the hell else do you want?	Leave us alone	Shut up!	My values are the country's values

Since I don't want to unduly influence you, dear readers, here is a list of famous libertarians:

Squint Eastwood, Vince Vaughn, Ayn Rand, Chris Rock, Christina Ricci, Dave Barry, David Letterman, David Lynch, Dean Koontz, Denis Leary, Dennis Rodman (his nose rings are reportedly voting for Hillary), Donald Fagen (Steely Dan), Howard Stern, Matt Stone+Trey Parker (South Park), Penn&Teller (Penn&Teller), Kurt Russell, Drew Carey, Frank Zappa (absentee ballot), Gene Simmons, Hugh Downs, John Malkovich, Matt Drudge, Matt Groening (Simpsons), Neil Peart (Rush), Raquel Welch (I rest my case), Robert Duvall, Tom Selleck and Tommy Chong (enthusiastic marijuana user)

He Was Threatening to Hurt Himself So We Shot Him

You will be relieved to know that Pussy Galore is back in a new 007 novel. Or, as it used to be pronounced, Pushy Galore.

• As if the race to the 2016 presidential election weren't hilarious enough, Rick Santorum has thrown his bible into the ring. This embarrassment hails from Pennsylvania, my adopted home state (I'm Martian-American). Santorum, a Christian Conservative, is against abortion, gay marriage and sanity. If you want to keep your woman in the kitchen, vote for Rick.

The North Korean Defense Chief was just exectuted. A lot of people naysay the impact and importance of regular executions.

• Nasa's Messenger spacecraft recently ended its mission by slamming into Mercury. If there is indeed any intelligence watching our planet, they're not getting a good picture of us. Just a few years ago, we bombed our own moon.

Formerly secret Scotland Yard files reveal that the UK police feared that Trekkies could turn on society. Set phasers on stupid, Spock.

• Don't look now but there's a lawsuit against Yahoo for reading email. Surprise surprise... after the news that Google reads your Gmail, now we find out that Yahoo reads not only your Yahoo email, but email sent to Yahoo addresses. Remember: if the service is free, your privacy is the price.

The European Food Safety Authority has decreed that more than five cups of espresso can be dangerous to your health.  I suspect that the danger would result from bouncing off walls. If you drink more than five cups of espresso, you've got bigger problems anyway.

• The other day my ears came alive after I heard my wife say "You're too big - I can't take it all." She was talking to her dinner plate.

I just came across this... great words from Archbishop Desmond Tutu:

It doesn’t matter where we worship or what we call God; there is only one, inter-dependent human family. We are born for goodness, to love – free of prejudice. All of us, without exception. There is greater commonality in our belief systems than we tend to credit, a golden thread expressed in the maxim that one should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.

LISTEN HERE

Joe Walsh is without a doubt the clown prince of rock and roll. Brought in to ease tensions in the Eagles, Joe did that and more. Some of you may remember him from his days in the James Gang, featuring their 1971 hit, Walk Away. Aside from being hysterical, Joe is a great guitar player and has written some rock classics and some softer stuff that rarely sees the light of day.

Famous for his musical antics as well as his substance abuse, Joe recently got clean and has done some good work, notably his latest release, Analog Man. Check out Family.

Here's Joe at the Crossroads Festival, performing his well-known Funk #49. You'll notice that the bass player suspiciously resembles Duck Dunn and the other guitarist looks like Steve Cropper, both of Booker T and the MGs. The beginning of the song is not what you think it is.

One of my many favorite Joe Walsh tunes is At the Station. It's even better with headphones, as you can hear the Leslie whirring from one side to the other. The harmonized guitars make the song. Enjoy!

This Week in Porn?

Frankly, I feel kind of left out.  Because most of us don't live in New York City, we're unable to take advantage (so to speak) of Bree Olson's Boob Bus.  Run in conjunction with Pornhub, the Bus made stops around New York City and gave out free breast exams.  Rick Santorum's panties are twisted so hard, he's singing soprano.

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In related news, candidate Romney turns out to be just like his pal Santorum on porn, asking supporters to rally against adult entertainment on the web.  Of course you won't read that from mainstream media in the US, which is run by approximately five people.

The only sensible candidate remains Ron Paul... a candidate who you can be proud to vote for, for once.  A vote for Obama or Romney is a wasted vote for the Greater Evil.

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On Monday, President Giveaway went Full Hypocrite, announcing plans to impose sanctions on foreign governments that use modern technology to tackle anti-government protesters.  And then there were the Free Speech Zones....

Speaking of Giveaways, Government Motors will be opening six hundred new dealerships!  In China.
And GM will be producing Cadillacs there.  Great investment, Mr. President.

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Mob beats man unconscious on his front porch - `Now that's justice for Trayvon'.

Does this mean Florida can dispense with the trial?

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In an incredible instance of irony, a congresscritter was groped by the TSA during a patdown.  Well, you and your kind voted for it; it's only fair that you reap the rewards.

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The NSA swears is doesn't do domestic interception.  The NSA lies.  Read about this from a female geek who is almost as crazy as this blog's owner.  They stand right up in front of the august body we know as Congress and lie to them (and us).

Why You Shouldn't Speak in Paragraphs

My wife answered the door last night.  It was my brother.

brother: I hope I didn't interrupt anything.
wife: No, we're done and I have pictures for you...
brother: ummm..... no thanks.
wife: but your mom sent pictures for you.
brother:  OH.

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Why is it that forecasters can accurately predict the price gas is going to rise to at a certain time in the future but never when it is going to go back down?

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Rick Santorum knows the private agenda of Satan, who has his sights set on the USA.

The only thing more amusing and sad is that people are voting for him.

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There was a march on the White House yesterday.  You didn't hear about it because it was military in support of Ron Paul.  Four hundred military, in fact.  Go ahead, say Ron Paul's foreign policy is weak; even the military knows he's correct.

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Are you refusing to be body-scanned by the TSA?  That's suspicious behavior, son...

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Today in musical news:  Wolfgang's Vault is featuring 1983 footage of Joe Cocker singing `A White Shade of Pale'.  The Vault is a tremendous musical destination on the web.  Sign up for a free membership and see/listen to incredible classic rock content.

Poli=Many,Tics= Blood-Sucking Insects

Rick Santorum's nephew has a few things to say.  He is wise beyond his years.

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What happens when you do a background check on CNN?  You find out all sorts of interesting things.  Background checks used to be done by the media.  Now the media is merely the lapdog of the Powers That Be.

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Speaking of lapdogs, the president threw a lavish costume party but we didn't hear about it because it might send the wrong message.  The press knew but failed to inform us.

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What's in a name?  Ask Vermin Supreme, who seems to have some sound ideas on presidential elections.

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TSA defends Icing-gate

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Rick Santorum nominated accused child molester Jerry Sandusky for a congressional award.  Did the press miss this?   Guess.