Service Elepant Dating

Ladies and gentleman, the truest statement ever on The Flying AIDS:

One of the biggest challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic is that we simply don't know what works against the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus.

The great thing about current Flying AIDS testing is that it can take weeks to get your results back, in which time you could have been infected or spreading the infection.


Just to make things more interesting, a California resident tested positive for the plague. Florida is working overtime to beat this- perhaps a touch of leprosy.  


Apparently fear of the Flying AIDS makes you behave differently too. SEPTA, Philly's public transport system, mostly referred to as the SEPTIC system, changed their schedule, but forgot to tell their website, where everyone goes to see their schedule. Ok, that's not different behavior.



Your love is like  wearing a mask inside the house





Told you so

Oh what a feeling: New Toyotas will upload data to AWS to help create custom insurance premiums based on driver behaviour. You do not want a connected car. If you go to buy one, insist the dealer pull the plug or you won't buy it.

Your data will go to Toyota, whoever Toyota sells data to, insurers, the dealership, emergency services, and whomever else.

and again  

The Weather Channel mobile app's operator settled a suit, wherein the users surrendered their location info for personalized forecasts and alerts, and the company sold their data. They're terribly sorry and will tell you they're selling your data in the future. Listen to me: it's bad enough you give up your location... there's even more behind the curtain. If you have any doubts, don't do it. Just assume the worst and you'll be well-warned. 

If you're looking for some trustworthy android software, check out f-droid first. It's all open source, you're not tracked, and it's very specific if it requires any information from you. It's also not Goog, which is a good thing in itself.

and again  

235 million Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube user profiles just leaked.
The info would be very handy for phishers, and is thought to have come from a company called Deep Social. Deep Social referred the query to the Hong Kong-registered Social Data, which shut down the database within 3 hours, but naturally denied any connection with Deep Social. Remember: like sexually transmitted diseases, you're not only sleeping with a partner... you're sleeping with everyone the partner slept with. This could be a data thief or a third party payment company. In this case, it's Hong Kong. Because you have an Instagram, TikTok, or YouTube account. Another way in which posting your data in public will come back to bite you in sensitive parts of your body.


and finally!

Morning people are linked with a higher risk of Alzheimer's 

When they prove exercise causes cancer, I will finally be vindicated.

Faceyspaces banned about 900 pages and groups and 1,500 ads tied to the pro-Trump conspiracy theory QAnon, part of a sweeping action that also restricted the reach of over 10,000 Instagram pages and almost 2,000 Facebook groups.
Faceyspaces is under no obligation to allow free speech or anything they don't like, however.... it's spreading to all large social media outlets, creating de-facto censorship. I don't care about QAnon - I care about freedom of ideas. If nothing else, remember that many things, including the JFK assassination, were 'conspiracy theories' at first, yet were true. Now you have to pass Twitter, Faceyspaces and social media testing to even discuss something online. Doesn't that sound a little creepy to you?


Speaking of creepy....

The US government has warned against the use of anti-drone technology by private companies and even American states, saying it could break current wiretap and hacking laws.

• Former swimmer Harry Needs (UK), came out as bisexual.
• Why?  

Dear lefty

• What's the best thing about having a blog?
• When I don't feel good, the dog fills in.

• Did you know I think you're an unqualified ass?
• Yet you come back often and continue to ask stupid questions.

In a surprise to the entire country, the Democrats nominated Joe Biden as their presidential candidate. Accepting the nomination, Joe said, "I want to thank God, Black Lives Matter, the Academy, and all the people who make papier mache goods and services available to the fine citizens of this state."

As a concerned citizen, I want to do all I can to bring people together. Society is way too divided. Let me get my Black Lives Matter t-shirt on, use my woman-owned company soap, vote for a female president, put on my Back The Blue socks and my MAGA hat, stop talking to my brother because he's pro-Trump, run someone over because they believe differently, and torch a court building for of peace. I'm going to start by blocking both sides of the freeway in the name of togetherness.

There's a movie coming out called 'Tesla,' about the man and his story.

One of his ideas was to use AC instead of Edison's DC to power the country. You had better thank Tesla: getting shocked by AC will push you away. Getting shocked by DC will hold you there.

I renew my anthropological call for answers about certain peoples with proportionally larger butts. This is an honest request as to why a disproportional number of black, latina, and other women have disproportionally large butts. People with blogs and a lot of free time on their hands ask these questions.


I say to myself, hey, let's listen to some Jimi Hendrix.
Then I say to Mrs lefty - I'd like to hear some ....  ummm.... DAMMIT!
My mother, with senile dementia, is doing this. She has a lot of trouble coming up with words at the ends of sentences. Mind you, I've been doing it longer than Mom has had her diagnosis.  You?

Captivity - Cay 27 Run to the light

I got a look at what it will be like when I'm old yesterday, after proving that people can't fly (at least with a mower). I looked like a 90 year old, with mower-related injuries. Since it was a very real injury, I want to use it to my advantage - no mowing for at least 10 years. My psychic abilities tell me this will work almost as well as Joe Biden's mind, or Trump's attempts at subtlety.

I can't help noticing that it was very early this morning.

Statistics, that I just made up, says 1 in 7 in New York residents may have the Flying AIDS.  Because of this, we need to put a fence around California.

Today I identify as  the same thing I identified as yesterday, and likely the same thing I will identify as tomorrow.

It's a bad time to be in PA. Generally.

You want to avoid public transportation. Last week, 10 police stormed a bus to remove a lady not wearing a mask. Last night, a man shot 3 teenagers in self-defense. While the system is giving out masks, perhaps they should switch to bulletproof vests. UPDATE: riders are stealing the masks.

Idiot Governor made masks mandatory and when he was done, said he plans to veto legislation allowing some businesses to run. ACHTUNG DUMBKOPF!  Since Herr Fuhrer mandated masks, let's open the businesses.

Whenever you think Idiot Governor, thank your deity that you're not in California, where the governor is handing out $500 checks to illegal aliens. Statistically there has to be somebody with some sense in the entire state.

Idiot Governor will quietly approve a measure next week that requires all cars to wear masks. 

In Philly, where health workers are needed, they're being furloughed because the Flying AIDS is hurting the hospitals' bottom line.

Masks, as mandated, are still hard to come by. Suggested is making your own. Sometimes you have to use alternate materials:

• car stereo (remove from car first)
• China (turnabout is fair play)
• dining room table
• Aunt Margaret, who you never really got along with
• bra (over 38C for maximum protection)
• If you want maximum social distancing, Judge Judy (come near me and I'll talk to you)
• steal someone else's

I need to make a music CD for the car. For some reason, probably because I don't work at a place with them, I'm completely out. Where does one get blank CDs? Amazon does not consider them essential; my car does. Drug stores have them, at $9.99 for one. Hey - there's Best Buy! They now have curbside service. WTF is curbside service for audio? Do you yell across the lot to any convenient employee "HEY, I WANT SOME BLANK CDs"? He goes inside and comes out with the closest thing they have: a home audio system, with couch and 74" tv. No, No, No, you explain, and show him a CD in your car.  The lightbulb goes off over Darwin's head. He returns with an iPad.  Darwin suggests you use the app. The app wants permissions to your contacts and your underwear size. Finally you give up and go home. You order over the web, which tells you that it's ok to pick up. In the parking lot of the store you were just at. In fact, your cheerful sales associate, Darwin, will be happy to help you. You go home and wait til Amazon starts selling everything else.

People are pissed. People are concerned about privacy and government bullshit. People are protesting - in the streets. It makes me proud that people finally care enough to actually turn off the Wednesday Night Furries and DO SOMETHING. That is all.

The Masks Don't Help and We Look Like Weenies

Since we're all inside, less stuff happens, so we have to go with what we find.

• Amazon is having a rough time with shipping deadlines. I think they should throw all boxes in bleach. No one will be afraid to touch them.

YMCA, by the Village People, is going into the Library of Congress.
I did some checking and Led Zeppelin isn't in the Library of Congress. Dr Dre will be inducted this year because that's obviously music (?), along with Whitney Houston. Surprisingly, Jimi Hendrix and Jeff Beck have good showings.

It's like the Grammys, but not quite as confusing.

• It's at times like these we can reflect on the positives of this situation. For instance, it might be hard to find toilet paper, but Caramel M&Ms are on sale.

Amazon, hiring 100,000 employees, has a small problem, in that employees at 9 warehouses have contracted coronavirus. I was right - the 100,000 were replacements.

• News said up to 10% of New York City's police are sick. If this continues, people will walk around, openly flaunting their 64oz sodas.

There are many articles online about what you should and shouldn't do. One says going outside is good for physical and mental health (as long as nobody is near you). I told you exercise causes cancer. Or in the case, the Flying AIDS.

• Southeast Pennsylvania Transportation Agency (SEPTA), the company that runs public transportation, says they're at 6% ridership.
• They're still running late.

The US Space Force has successfully launched its first mission.
What is it?  That's classified.
When did it launch? You don't have a need to know.
What did it cost? More than COVID-19 bailouts
What does that patch on your uniform say? "Space Force: Bringing Freedom to Space"




Today I identify as   a tampon

Light travels at the speed of 186k miles per second.

A Light Year is light traveling at 186k miles per second for every second of every minute, hour, day, week, and month for a entire year. 

That comes to 5.8 trillion miles. 

The US government is 3½ Light Years in debt.

Now that most of us across the planet have to stay home, it's past time to figure out what's up. It must be good, because it's not restricted to any one people, country, or economy.

The first thing to ask in any situation is who benefits...
Well, there's a great opportunity for one or more Big Pharma corporations to score. Not sure if this is long-term enough to make it worth the trouble.

One group benefits: the governments, who have enacted shutdowns and violations of civil rights. China clamped down immediately. Others followed. When this is over, are every one of our rights going to be restored? Several states have used the Flying AIDS to close gun stores. This is what we call an agenda.

If we take this far out there, it's another part of George Bush's New World Order. The UN has been working on this forever, as have the Bilderbergers, Trilateral Commission, and the Council on Foreign Relations. Hillary and Henry Kissinger are members of these groups. Look them up - I did. It's hiding in plain sight.


This is just the obvious stuff. Send a comment with your ideas.




SJW Simpering


COVID-19 is a gendered crisis.

Nurses, nurse aides, teachers, child carers and early-childhood educators, aged-care workers and cleaners are mostly women.

They are on the frontline of this public health crisis and carry a disproportionate risk of being exposed to the virus.

Idiot Governor, top right

Touching Nancy Pelosi with a Ten Foot Pole

A Russian millionaire, Yuri Milner is providing $100 million for alien research. I was all kinds of excited when I read this, until I discovered that the money is going to be given to SETI, which listenes for Space Noise to look for anything intelligible. Stanton Friedman, godfather of ufology, refers to SETI as Silly Effort to Investigate. Let's face it, people.. the informantion we need is already here, sitting with people who have higher security clearances than the president. SETI is a smokescreen.

• UH-OH: Ashley Madison, the dating website for married people, has been hacked and your some data is already out there. Act accordingly.

Berkeley Breathed is bringing back Bloom County!

Adam Lanza - CT

James Holmes - Colorado

Dylan Roof - church

• My wife often tells me you can tell a person is not well by looking at the eyes. I always doubted her until I saw this group. Didja ever wonder how they got this way? Were they born crazy? Did they have help? Were they on prescribed medicine? Might be worth studying.

Say, why not enact a White Privilege Tax on all caucasians? The Great Unwashed once again fell for a ridiculous prank. Have you ever known anyone who took an IQ test and failed?

• Just when you thought going out on Tuesdays was boring, we bring you Porn Star Karoake!  I'm really tired of watching bad bands run over good songs. If I have to do this, there should at least be some visual appeal. California is a great vacation destination....

A twenty one year old man was found drowned in Demi Moore's pool, said Sgt A. Bone of the LAPD. With a name like that, he should be going to Porn Star Karaoke.  In totally unrelated news, Demi is looking younger than ever.

• Questions for our times: does Transylvania have a blood bank?

In mixed news, the Twinkie is 50. I'm good with the filling but not the cakey bits.

• The Pope Pass went on sale recently. SEPTA, Philly's transportation disaster, is selling a pass to get around when the pope comes to visit (the visit will cost the taxpayers $45 million). The online system performed just like the buses and immediately crashed, selling a grand total of twenty eight passes. SEPTA's online foray is representative of their service in general.

The Pet Follies: I walked into the kitchen to discover that the cat had knocked over a pan full of undercooked pork chops. And the dog was eating one, very quickly, in the mistaken hope that I would not notice him. Removing him from the aforementioned pork chop proved somewhat difficult but this was obviously my fault: I didn't run to the kitchen when I couldn't hear him for more than two seconds. What really vexes me is how the cat knocks stuff off and it always lands right side up.

But this was a vacation by comparison. The previous day I found a small lake on the carpet, Mad Libs in the fridge, most lights in the house on and fans going in a room no one uses. Who you gonna call?

Hillary lays down the law to Bill

Got any tunes for us?

Why yes, I do.
Give Me Moore is the title of a Gary Moore album.  Gary is (was) a fiery guitarist who spent time with Thin Lizzy, George Harrison, Jack Bruce, and by himself.  Gary sizzles in the best way imaginable. Picture the blues on steroids and VERY LOUD.

I might as well start at the top. There are a few songs that make the hair on my neck stand at attention every time. One is Jimi's version of the Star Spangled Banner at Woodstock.  Another is Still Got the Blues. This is a live version but very faithful to the recorded version. After he sings, he makes the guitar sing - in the most emotional way possible. Even my wife is exceedingly fond of this song.

Another great tune is Parisienne Walkways. Listen to him go.  The difference between clean and DRIVE is something to behold. His tone is always on the edge of chaos, yet he controls it.

Can Gary play the blues? Ask his special guest BB King, when The Thrill is Gone.  The interplay is stunning, especially when Gary starts ape-ing BB and BB fires back. Although both of these legends are gone, their playing will always inspire us.

Cuckoo for Samurai Puffs?

Shirtless, Samurai Sword-Wielding Man Marching 'Like A Drum Major' On Indiana Highway...

Tells Police He's 'Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs'...

SOUTHWEST Passenger Arrested For Not Turning Off Cell Phone...

Six ways your car can spy on you.

DC bus driver throws man onto ground...

Perhaps he had his cell phone on....

SEPTA Driver Shot, Drives Bus to Hospital   

Say what you want about SEPTA (I call them the Septic System) but you have to love this lady's determination (and drive).

Woman dies after injecting hot beef fat into face...
Not exactly what I was talking about when I mentioned `hot beef injection'.....

Miss Universe Hopeful Told to Wear Panties...

I think we have a winner...

Police: Arizona church is a brothel

at least they don't molest choirboys...

Seder plate causes bomb scare...
Not that we've gone too far or anything.....

Overweight Man Sues WHITE CASTLE Over Seat Sizes...
He's suing, not because White Castle made him fat, but because White Castle violates the rights of fat people by not having larger booths.  No, really.

TSA Creator Says Dismantle, Privatize Agency...
One out of two ain't bad...

Gas Station Attendant Fends Off Robber By Hosing Him With Gasoline...
Another one for the good guys.  Match, anyone?