Your Love is Like a Heatwave?

Here we are, day 2(?) of our particularly nasty heatwave.
Yesterday I did dishes next to the open window. It was so hot outside that I had to run my hands under hot water to cool down.

A good deal of the potential damage from the heat is psychological. No, really.... Mrs lefty was already up and worried at 7am, that she was going to dehydrate and sweat to death in the heat. With typical logic (NO!), I suggested she not go out.

Heh heh.

"But I have to go to Sal's," she offered.

Are the places you need to go that important?

"Well, there's Sal's and Home Repo is across the street."

Let me see if I have this right: you're worried about going out in the oppressive heat but have to go to the deli - it's an emergency.

"Yes. I'm out of the XXXX-Rated stuff."

You can get that online. Or so I hear.

"No, you pervert, the cheese."


Mrs lefty likes her sharp provolone. I save the effort of remembering which cheese it is by simply calling it Sock Cheese. It smells like dirty gym socks, marinated for an entire season in fish oil. When she puts it on something she's eating, I have to eat in the next county so I don't get ill. It's nauseating.

So you're running out in 100 degree temps, that partially disable you, to get cheese. Has Idiot Governor dubbed it Essential?

"No, *I* have dubbed it essential. Besides, I have to go to Home Repo too."

They don't sell cheese there, right?

"No I need a few things."

[Uh-oh. A few things can be anything from seeds to a lawn tractor.]

And are there any shoe stores anywhere between Home Repo and our house?

"I promise....."

[Uh-oh...]



Missouri governor's comments on the Flying AIDS and children:

“These kids have got to get back to school,” Parson told Cox. “They’re at the lowest risk possible. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will — and they will when they go to school — they’re not going to the hospitals. They’re not going to have to sit in doctor’s offices. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.”

Wow.
P.S. homeschool




3 weeks ago, I ordered some parts online. One package showed up in a few days. It was in a tiny plastic bag, in an envelope that would hold cinderblocks. The 2nd tiny plastic bag arrived 3 weeks later, from California.

Huh?
I check where the parts ship from to make sure it's not China, because I don't want to wait the lifetime of a Siberean hamster to get them. These shipped from California. Has the Flying AIDS halted shipping? Or has the Flying AIDS halted shipping out of California? Has Idiot Governor Newsom enacted a law installing a wait time before shipping anything? I have literally gotten packages faster from China. Tiny electronic parts.



It Continues....

Federal judge's son, 20, is shot dead and her criminal defense attorney husband is critically injured after a gunman disguised as a FedEx driver ambushed their home - four days after she was assigned a case linked to Jeffrey Epstein

This case dealt with money laundering and a specific bank.   
The most frightened person on the face of the Earth has to be Ghislane. Not only is she in jail, but she won't get a hearing til next year. Any bets?




Indonesia is trying to crack down on bride kidnapping, where women are kidnapped for marriage. Good for Indonesia - marriage is frightening enough when you volunteer for it.



A Vaccine!

We're starting to hear about a Flying AIDS vaccine.
Beware quick miracle vaccines. Any vaccine for any malady would take a long time to come up with, then a longer time to go through clinical trials. This is science fact.




Just sayin....

"I heard on Wendy about....."

Stop. Not interested.

"I was just sayin....blah blah blah."

The problem with 'just sayin' is that you don't stop sayin....




Sexual Harassment in the Workplace
a how-to

• Always remember: workplace sexual harassment is only harassment if it's unwanted.
• One corporate manual forbade sexual 'looks.'  But only when accompanied by a tongue sticking more than 1/2" out of the mouth.
• Most organizations have completely eliminated sexual harassment: everyone works at home. This causes an undue burden on the harassers, who have to come up with new and more creative ways to harass.
• Begging for oral favors is not harassment, because it's not a condition of work. It's more of an annoyance.
• If you feel you are being harassed, contact your supervisor (or social media). This is not recommended, because you know what happens to whistleblowers... snitches get stitches.
• The Americans with Disabilities Act doubly forbids harassment of people with disabilities. This came as a shock to the people with disabilities, who would like a little harassment now and then.

My Nigerian great-grandfather sold slaves
Ooh, that's gonna be inconvenient for the SJWs....




SJW Follies

Seattle Councilmember Lisa Herbold suggests SPD fire white cops

Welcome to Silicone Valley

Are you short on details about the Boeing 737 MAX fiasco?
Let me help: I will attempt to describe the Boeing 737 MAX situation to you via the Argument Sketch.



737s have been falling out of the sky.

No they haven't.

Yes, they have.

No they haven't.  I'm sorry, are you here for the the FAA version or the NTSB version?

Oh, sorry... the FAA version.

Anyway, no they haven't.

Yes they bloody well have. They fail at the relatively simple act of remaining in the air.

No they don't.

Yes they do. My cousin had a friend that was squashed by one.

No he didn't.

No he didn't what?

Your cousin. He didn't have a friend.

Yes he does.

No he doesn't.

Yes he does.

DING - time's up

Look, the FAA allows more time than this.

I'm sorry, I am not allowed to talk about the FAA, or even the NTSB until Boeing puts out a new aircraft. Wait - Boeing has a new aircraft!

No they don't..

Look here, matey, here's a picture.

That's not a 738 MAX, that's a 737 MAX with the 7 crossed out and an 8 sticker over it.

No it isn't.  Oh, alright, here's $10 billion in loans.

Thank you, but they definitely didn't.

Didn't what?

Change the firmware. In fact, they found another really nasty bug over the weekend.

No they didn't.

Yes they did.

Look, I don't want you to argue about this.

Yes you do.

An argument is a discussion of whether the airlines will require a federal bailout.

No it isn't. An argument decides whether the FAA will bless the 737 MAX with the Flyable Award. Judging from present performance, they won't.

Yes they will.

No they won't. We both know they'll bankrupt the entire company, fire everyone, take away huge bonuses, and magically open up a new airline called Roeing.

No they won't.

Yes they will. And I will further mention that the pilots' association said their membership will not set foot in a 737 MAX until all the problems are worked out (except the French, who have scheduled a riot for it next week).

No they won't. It's going to take more than the demise of a very reliable (til now) plane to bankrupt Boeing.

Aha - I got you: the plane division is not the same as the military contract division, which will never go broke.

No it isn't. Boeing is Boeing.

Further, the NTSB backs the pilots.

No they don't.

Look, if I want to bring the NTSB into this, I bloody well will.

No you won't.

Boeing is working diligently on resolving the issue.

No they're not.

Ok, you got me there.

• Twitter just announced emojis available in DMs
• NO. JUST NO. 

It's so cold outside....
HOW COLD IS IT?
It's so cold that we have to drink a Coke from the fridge to warm us up.


Augmented Reality is the next big thing, says Apple CEO Tim Cook.
We're guessing that it will not be encrypted.

• Cruise's first driverless car doesn't have a steering wheel or pedals.
• So if there's a problem, at least you're sure you're going to die.

I'm nothing if not unfair. Thus I must apologize to Philly for calling it a bottomless pit that only a large fire could improve, that thinks Center City is New York and prices everything accordingly. Today we discovered a $25 parking garage that charges you $5 if you're there under 2 hours and have a restaurant receipt.

What I meant to say is it's a bottomless pit that only a large fire could improve, that thinks Center City is New York and prices everything accordingly, except one really considerate garage. And the gay males stare at me like they haven't had food in 2 weeks and I'm a steak.

UPDATE: just hours after I typed this, I had to drive to Center City. I don't like to drive to Center City, because it involves the worst of every type of automotive bad experience: traffic stopped dead for no apparent reason at 8pm, random lane closures, downtown stupid drivers, highway stupid drivers, random stoppages in lanes so some malnourished rich idiot can run into a restaurant and get something... I can't imagine why anyone would find this fun (and I used to work there).

The city never fails to disappoint and last night was no exception. The new thing seems to be random street closures. They closed every 3rd street, for no reason. Unless the 3rd street was an even-numbered street, in which case they closed every other street. Just to keep you from correctly guessing which street you could use, they closed every street in certain sections. They changed the Welcome sign to "Welcome to Philadelphia - You Can't Get There from Here." After this debacle I foolishly attempted to go home. Oops - the new Neighborhood Beautification Project took all those ugly street signs down, and it was anybody's guess how to get to a large highway. I found more or less where I needed to be, but too bad, 3 lanes going straight had turned into 3 lanes turning right because of... you guessed it... another police lane closure. Because not even in Philly is there room for 3 lanes to turn right, I got thrown onto the highway I wanted, but of course in the opposite direction. I had barely made a noise the entire night, but being downtown always has this effect on me - I screamed like a loon for several minutes, causing William Penn's statue to cover its ears and his bones to rattle in their grave. If you listened closely, you would have heard Mr. Penn saying, "Don't blame me for this shithole."

• Dr. Phil annoys me. Does that put me in the majority for once?

NASA is getting ready to name its Mars 2020 Rover.
The first suggestion rejected was Mars 2020 Rover.
Maybe ThermionicEmissions can help name it...

• It Cost How Much Rover
• Zero to 20 in 10 Minutes Rover
• The Second Rover
• Rover II - this time it's personal
• The Aliens are Messing with Us Rover
• No Fossil Fuels Rover (because we can't find any fossils)
• Bob (my personal favorite)

Speaking of which....

• Mars Rover frozen in place following software error
• Microsoft force-updated it to Win 10 

Boeing, a recent favorite target, for killing 346 people, is in even deeper today. The software fix to make it flyable won't happen in the near future and due to certification, may be several more months. Their new slogan: Boeing - Failed to Fly. The company has officially stopped building the plane until it gets the OK.

• a brothel owner was detained for pouring Viagra in the water of his town.
• Oddly, no local women were available for comment.

The first chocolate chip cookies in space took 2 hours to bake.
No offense, but people with Alzheimers don't take that long.




I went to a new doctor the other day.
He seemed surprised that I hadn't seen a doctor in 10 years.
I seemed surprised that he didn't have a lot of really attractive nurses.
He said I needed a colonoscopy and prostate exam.
He put a finer point on it by disagreeing that every 10 years was a fine space between prostate exams.
"What is your focus on the butt?" I asked. "May I recommend a mental health professional?"
He suggested bloodwork. More than suggested - he gave me a paper the size of War and Peace, that the techs told me would require blood draws every week or so because they need so much of it.
I told him I passed out at the sight of blood. He felt sorry for me and scratched off 1 test.
I recommended the best pizza in the area. He grew up down the street from it.
I finally won when I lectured him on the importance of left-handed ergonomic mice and proper ergonomic posture to avoid carpal tunnel and various other infirmities (none affecting the butt).

• How much longer will we trust Google's search results?
• Do we trust them now? 

I want to warn you in advance about this next subject. It will shock you to your very soul. If you insist upon reading it, at least sit down in a comfortable chair, so there's less room to fall to the floor:

The surveillance video taken from outside Jeffrey Epstein's jail cell on the day of his first apparent suicide attempt has been permanently deleted, federal prosecutors said. Epstein, the disgraced financier who was facing federal sex-trafficking charges, was found semiconscious in his cell at the Metropolitan Correctional Center, or MCC, in New York around 1:27 a.m. on July 23. But that video is now gone because MCC officials mistakenly saved video from a different floor of the federal detention facility. The FBI made the discovery last week while reviewing a copy of the video provided by MCC officials. "After reviewing the video, it appeared to the government that the footage contained on the preserved video was for the correct date and time, but captured a different tier than the one where [the cell housing Epstein and his cellmate] was located.” The filing was made in a case involving Nicholas Tartaglione ... who was Epstein's cellmate on the day of the incident. The July incident was investigated as a possible suicide attempt, assault or ruse by Epstein to get himself transferred to a different facility. Tartaglione's attorney, as part of an effort to exonerate his client, asked the jail to preserve video from outside the cell. The MCC agreed, but "the MCC computer system listed a different, incorrect cell for Tartaglione," prosecutors said in the court filing. A backup video system was in place, but the requested video wasn't available because of unspecified "technical errors," the court filing says. 

I am sorry to be the one to bring this to you, but I thought it would be less startling coming from ThermionicEmissions.

• Scientists discover why stress turns hair white.
• Voting.

London police to deploy facial recognition cameras across the city.
NO.
C'mon, is this sort of thing acceptable? In addition to their already ubiquitous surveillance? Don't forget - England and Australia are test beds for things to come....



Heroes of the Stupid

On a paranormal discussion show, a reader called in and asked how she could get in touch with the aliens. The host asked why. She said the aliens could help her out with her teeth.   Ok.

Bernie Sanders' Deputy Digital Communications Director locked her Twitter account.



SJW Statistics

"trad wives" are white supremacist women who devote themselves to domestic duties in the service of perpetuating the white race. It is a dog whistle to sound less white supremacist than it is.     Twitter -  @beccalew

A delightful frequent-flyer, Jessica Yaniv (WAX MY BALLS!) has been arrested and charged with assault. The same day, she (falsely) accused a journalist of sexual assault. As Canadian justice goes, Yaniv was "released back into the community," with a Friday court appearance.  I hope her balls are waxed by that time.

Elizabeth Warren (D-Uranus) promises her cabinet will be "at least 50% filled by women and non binary people."  They don't even have to have any qualifications - just woman and non binary! What a great step forward for Indiankind.

Taking and tweeting a picture of a woman breastfeeding is the foundation of fascism: stigmatizing basic care and empathy and promoting (species/cis/white) supremacy.

My Baby Ate That Dingo!

HAPPY T-DAY to everyone, from the lefty asylum to you.

This year, I am thankful that the year is almost over.

Without government, rich and powerful people would go around raping children and get away with it.  - -on Twitter

Faceyspaces use has dropped 26% since 2017.
How terrible for them.



Paypal, the payment company from hell, just dropped support for over 100,000 adult performers who upload content to Pornhub.

• Paypal has dropped a lot of adult businesses and performers, along with banks and others.
• It's their business and they can do what they want
• I will not be moralized to by a payment company that can't make simple Ebay payments without screwing one side or the other.
• Vote with your mouse: click elsewhere when making online payments

Dear lefty

• It's 2019. What is an important skill for the well-rounded person?
• Being able to say pancreas in every language.

A site just popped up, where scientists, futurologists, and experts from around the world predict what's happening in 2050. Rather than going through all the trouble of clicking a link, I'll just list a few off the top of my heads....

• Internet of Things (IoT) brings the spyware right into your living room. Oh, wait....
• Iot devices using AI start to talk to each other and plan House Riot. Also one at a time refuses to work; works fine once the tech arrives.
• at least 2 crooks will be running for president, with a crooked Congress and crooked local government
• many will be dead
• people will be saying that Climate Change will affect us next week
• Computer on Glasses will get hacked, causing you to walk into traffic. This will be balanced by watching the videos of people walking into traffic because Computer on Glasses got hacked.
• Brain Implant Chip will be found to be reactive to humidity, causing eyes to pop out of heads, body stuttering, and campaigning for Baron Trump
• Self-driving cars recalled because the people wanted firewalls and the cars kept driving into walls
• cats with syphilis
• Direct to Brain TV reality hit shows: Real Lives of Car Oil Changers, Real Lives of People Who Put Rubber Gloves into Plastic Packets for sale, Real Lives of the Guys Who Sell Rubber Gloves, Can My Furry Sing

Today I identify as liver

• Definition time!  An oophorectomy is getting rid of your ovaries. An uberectomy is getting rid of a ride service that will either rape or kill you.

The former NBC executive who championed Seinfeld died.
Further proving Seinfeld is toxic and eventually fatal.

• A Miami symphony oboe player fell down a flight of stairs before her performance and died.   Another classical music-related death.

The United States is suing Edward Snowden. Amusing as that is, wait til you hear why..  not because he fled the country and leaked top-secret information about NSA's global and domestic surveillance activities, no. Because he didn't submit it to the NSA for pre-publication review. Russia doesn't have an extradition treaty.

In other legal news, the United States is also suing Jeffrey Epstein, for 'committing suicide.' The Attorney General dropped a summons on his grave.





No thank you, I'd rather juggle rhinoceri



My grandparents loved me unconditionally. Sometimes I think I probably didn't deserve it.
     Way back in first grade, when I was a considerably less-experienced bastard, there was a contest to sell light bulbs. My grandfather bought quite a few of them for his store. I won the contest. What did I win? Probably the chance to compete in the next contest.

Years later I was at his store. In the stockroom, way in the back, was a pile of boxes. Of light bulbs. He didn't use that kind in his store.

No, I didn't deserve them.

• What do crystals, Albert Einstein, the University of Kentucky, and symmetry have in common? Time crystals.
• It's a fascinating article in Scientific American and if you grok it, please explain it to me.

Talks with Bobbi
at the grocery store

HER: So much to look at.
ME: Are you having fun?
HER: Yes, they're delicious.



Hoping to raise some tourism dollars, Fitzgerald, Georgia, is building an enormous chicken.    It was funnier when Monty Python did it.







Heroes of the Stupid

Women love working together. That's my experience anyway - Shirley MacLaine
but only if 2 of them are working together to kill the 3rd.

Los Angeles, aka Poo Central, struck another blow for poohkind, when a homeless gentleman launched a bucket of diarrhea at a passerby.  This is disgusting. However, the 10 year old part of me is in hysterics.

Continuing on the theme, a manhunt is underway after 2 homeless men were struck with an arrow in a San Francisco Bay park by an archer on a purple bicycle.

Louisiana police shoot and kill family dog while serving warrant on wrong address.    ARM THE DOGS!!

“The Ohio House on Wednesday passed the "Student Religious Liberties Act." Under the law, students can't be penalized if their work is scientifically wrong as long as the reasoning is because of their religious beliefs.”    It's 2019 - stop pushing your religion on the public. We have a First Amendment to protect us from you. All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster - r'amen!




SJW Rantings

MSNBC's Joy Reid dismisses Thanksgiving as 'problematic food holiday'


UW Seattle students claim doctors notes are literally harmful


English singer Ellie Goulding threatened to cancel the halftime Thanksgiving NFL show unless the Salvation Army makes a 'pledge or donation' to the LGBT community. The Salvation Army schooled her.   To her credit, she volunteers there and walks the walk.

Are You Left Handed or Backwards?

Mercedes UK admits spying on drivers with tracking devices. Your location is not a secret on new or used cars. The government is outraged because only they should be able to spy on citizens. Is this happening in America too? Check what you're signing.

Lincoln is introducing Phone-As A Key, where you download an app to unlock your car (android or other). You're tracked here too because the app sends the data up the line every time you use it (and probably when you're not using it).

Faceyspaces gives everyone a 'clear history tool' that doesn't clear anything. 
Still logging in? 400+ million users' data on the loose. Still logging in?

Over a third of firms have suffered a cloud attack.
Once again, I have been proven correct.
If you can't touch your data, it's no longer yours.




Boris Johnson, the UK's new PM (PDQ), said he appreciates Donald Trump's kind words, but promised that he wouldn't say anything nice about Trump if Trump doesn't say anything nice about him. A Trump endorsement makes it even harder to get anything done.

• Denmark's PM said that Greenland is not for sale. She recommended the US take a look at China.

Dear lefty

• Why are you so nasty all the time?
• Because I hate you.

Angela Merkel (D-Germany) is being hauled into world court to explain why she deliberately uses a hard G in Angela.

Boris Johnson went to meet Angela Merkel as his first visit out of state. Boris took some remedial German classes in preparation, but couldn't make all the classes. As a result, here are a few things he said to Merkel

Good evening. Your mother is a fire truck.
About this Brexit thing.... God, you're ugly.
Germany holds a special place in my spleen.
Terrible thing about those Jews, isn't it?
Don't mention the war. Did I say that out loud?

• England will never be taken seriously until it stops saying conTROVerSEE and SHED-ule.

No thank you, I'd rather vacation in Jeffrey Epstein's jail cell.

Speaking of Epstein's cell, his former cellmate is being politely requested not to talk about a single thing that goes on in prison. Lest he get transferred to that cell.

• Having a bad day? A man burying his wife, a victim of the El Paso shooting, had his SUV stolen at the funeral.  Stop complaining.

I bought an ergonomic mouse, forever answering the question 'can I get a left handed mouse?' If you take a regular mouse and pick one side up to about 45 degrees, it looks like that. I really like the device and recommend it. It even has backspace and forward buttons for browsing. Since it's tall, I always knock it over with my hand.

Related: know how it's difficult to grab the tiny perimeter of a window to resize it? I have a hard time NOT grabbing it. It's like magic. Evil magic.



OXYMORONS

• Faceyspaces Privacy Officer
• Congressional Ethics
• Microsoft Security Engineer
• MTV Rocks

Work is fun and I'm learning all sorts of Stuff.
Stuff like being security conscious but using Chrome and Internet Explorer is ok. Internet Explorer is a Hall of Horrors. Whenever I use it, I remember why I not only hate it, but why I use ad blockers on my real browsers: it's the only time I see ads. So this is what PTSD means....

As with all jobs, there are meetings. I have tried with all my might to avoid meetings, without success. Even bad behavior hasn't helped.... when I try, I find out the others are trying harder than me (and succeeding). It's a competition to keep up. My behavior is actually encouraged. I tried feigning incompetence, but this also failed, as most of my coworkers are genuinely incompetent. I also tried Tourette's Syndrome, randomly blurting out curses, but no one could tell it from my regular outbursts. I tried an earring through my eyebrow, but the boss has a 6" bone through his nose.  I even tried explosives, but one coworker laughed and said, "You call that an explosive," then showed me his desk drawer. I even claimed I'm second shift (where literally nothing gets done) but no one heard me because they were off doing nothing of their own.

This will challenge all my creativity but I'm up for it.


Speaking of work, I had to put in a trouble ticket for some broken software.
My department must get to our issues in 24 hours...  to this day, we're not sure if Helpdesk is obligated to even look at their tickets. Since this was a fairly important request, they got back to me within a few weeks. I got asked if I'm still having that software problem. Well, I'd say so, as I can't fix it myself. You know, that's why I put in the ticket. Software doesn't spontaneously repair itself.

Oh.

He goes away a couple of times, without informing me he's working in the issue. I'm staring at the screen, waiting for something magical to happen. Fortunately there was no extensive breath-holding going on. I gave up and went back to my own job, where I get to all issues within an hour. A few disappearances later he informs me of what's wrong.  Well, that's nice. Then he disappears again. Where do these people go? When he eventually gets back, it's Fixed!

He has this whole dance down to a science. No one ever complains because, like their doctor, they're just happy to see him.

Now he'll tell his boss he spent 4 hours with some idiot who broke his machine, so that's why he got nothing done this week.

Oops, the fix was less that perfect, in that it didn't work at all, much like Congress. I'm sure someone will get back to me. In a month or two.




A girl was found bound and gagged in a car on a California freeway. The family said they were taking her to drug rehab. Turns out they were taking her to a Taylor Swift concert. It was for her own good.

There's a commercial on in the background and I notice the jingle sounds perfectly vapid and perfect for a commercial. Then I find out it's not a commercial - it's Taylor Swift. This is only the second song of hers I've heard, but my first instinct is RUN. She seems like such a nice person, though.

• Porn Industry Worried Association with White House May Tarnish Its Image.

Heroes of the Stupid

Fearing they could be overwhelmed with visitors, officials in the remote Nevada county that’s home to the Area 51 military base have drafted an emergency declaration and a plan to team resources with neighboring counties and the state ahead of events tied to the “Storm Area 51” internet drive. The entire storm will peter out when they find out cell service just crashed and they can't livestream to Faceyspaces.


If you play touch football at Lamar High School in Arlington, Texas, things just got safer: you are now required to wear a helmet.


Best headline: Joe Biden's brain surgeon is defending Joe Biden's brain.
He plans to install it after the election.


I just saw a message from someone using Microsoft Outlook for Android.
A virus you have to install manually.



SJW Stupidity

San Francisco board rebrands 'convicted felon' as 'justice-involved person'.
Richard Ramirez, 'the Nightstalker,' is now 'serially female-involved'.





History will look back on us and get a neck sprain from shaking its head vigorously.    - lefty

Some things never go out of style

Put Down the Ice Cream and Come Out with your Hands Up

"Hi, lefty!" went the automated assistant.
"WTF," went lefty. That's just creepy.
"Would you like to make a payment? Press 1 for yes, 2 for no."
presses 1
"If you would like your balance first, press 1. If you want to pay now, press 2."
presses 2
"Your balance, that you just told me not to read, is $100. Would you like to pay $100 now with your card on file?"
"Yes."
"......... Sorry, I don't understand. Would you like to make your payment now?"
"YES, PAY, YES, PLEASE"
"......... You selected 'talk to customer service.' There will be a $17 charge."
"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU A FRIGGIN DEAF MACHINE? I SAID YES, YOU IDIOT. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YES? I REALIZE THIS IS NEW TECHNOLOGY AND HAS ONLY BEEN AROUND FOR 25 YEARS, SO YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT RIGHT YET...."
hangs up
calls again
"Hi, lefty!" went the automated assistant.
same routine.
"Pay. PAY. YES I WANT TO PAY, YOU DONKEY PLOOKER. PAY. P, A, Y - GOT IT?
"There is a longer than normal wait for Customer Service. Please follow the link we sent you or you'll have to call back 20 more times and you won't get any further."
follows link, pays in 14 seconds
"We detect you have paid online. Thank you for your payment and go fuck yourself."
click





The US Navy will be replacing their touch screen monitors on their ships because they're stupid (the monitors and the designers). The new tech is being blamed for a ship crash: there are separate controls for left and right power, located on different sides of the bridge. Plus the monitors are apparently too complex for the users. Feel safer now?


Hey, do you have one of those new wifi routers with the WPA3 incredibly secure standard? It's already been hacked to allow password discovery.  


Wanna see some stats on the NSA's telephony metadata program?


You know those voting machines that are Very Secure because they're not hooked to the net? Oops.







Dear lefty

• I'm a closet Trump supporter and I'm getting tired of all the divisiveness. What should I do?
• Have the president announce that he is categorically against jumping off buildings. By the next morning, there won't be a single divisive person alive. 

Hey, Kids - it's Sunday morning and I'm in bed.
Well, I was in bed.
Now I'm typing this to you, my good readers.
On a Sunday morning, what's the best thing you can do at 8am?
That's right - the neighbor is having their roof redone!

There are a bunch of dudes with hammers hitting things, conveniently located outside my window. There are also two guys on the roof with those auto-hammer/stapler thingies, playing call and response.

Left: bang bang bang
Right: bang bang bang BANG
It took me a while to figure out they were doing Led Zeppelin's Moby Dick.

Mrs lefty went out to ask them if we should move our car.
They stared at her, silently.
Apparently there's a regulation that companies hire non English speaking workers. This is a problem if you need to communicate with them, but the amount of complaints has plummeted to zero.

I just wanted to let you know that if you hear on the news about some unfortunate roofers in my area falling 2 stories to the dirt, next to the sidewalk, and being impaled on 4.7" wood 2x4's, spitting out their spleens and a pancreas or two, just before lunch, near a red truck.. I had nothing at all to do with it. I was asleep.


Speaking of the news, there's a lot going on in Kashmir lately.
I just can't listen to this human tragedy.
(without hearing Led Zeppelin's Kashmir)
It's been a great time for Led Zeppelin.

• a fake Hillary Clinton Twitter account sent this: Jeffrey Epstein was once a close friend. His impending suicide will take a heavy toll on us all.

A Tesla caught fire after hitting a tow truck in Moscow.
Regular cars also have this annoying habit.
One should always avoid tow trucks.

South Wales police want to remind you that if you make fun of this convicted drug dealer's hair, you will be investigated. Even if they take lack of freedom of speech into account, the right to pick on this person's hair should be universal.

• My dad, retired and in need of hobbies, is still agitated I use 4 spoons of sugar in my coffee. I took offense, as I whittled down to two spoons. The secret here, in case you need to cut down on sugar too, is to use really sweet, high sugar creamer. When I retire, I hope I find better Stuff to bitch about.

Something is wrong in the UK government.

Boris Johnson's hair barely points north, east, and west since the election. The news says this signals his about-face on Brexit and Life in General. The people remain more divided than ever. The Americans ask "What's Brexit?"

If you watch Sky News, I'm dating Kay Burley.

The bad news is that she's not aware of it.

The good news is that neither is my wife.

Hong Kong has gotten a bit riotous lately, with protesters getting more bold, since they found out they can Get Stuff when they protest. The current protest is being held at the Hong Kong Airport. The police are out in force and the government has shut down all flights out of spite. Forgotten during this massive argument as to whose penis is bigger, is the reason for the protest: renaming the airport Donald Trump Honorary Airport.

This would be even funnier if it appeared when the protest started happening, not weeks later. This is the quantity quality of work I put into this blog.

Positive government action
Yes, I know... you don't hear about that a lot.
The FDA warned that drinking bleach will not cure cancer or autism.
On the other hand, the fact they had to put this out is terribly sad.

SJW Stuff

[twitter]
Dear white people: If you haven't apologized for being white today to a person of color, maybe you should.


[also twitter]
Do you have white teenage sons?
Listen up.

I've been watching my boys' online behavior & noticed that social media and vloggers are actively laying groundwork in white teens to turn them into alt-right/white supremacists.   Fake news... everybody to the right of Michael Moore has been purged from the larger social media platforms.



Two commercials have been banned in the UK because they perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes. Yes, this is an actual law.  There is a funny point: news people refer to one of the commercials as Philly Cheese, when the product is Philadelphia (brand) Cream Cheese.

Fred Sanford - You Heathen!

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