You Are Entering the No Emoji Zone

Remember the Pinebook? The $199 laptop I was typing about? The second batch is arriving and there are unboxing videos and reviews. Might be time to start looking.   Plus they will soon have a $149 linux-only phone that will work with all major linux distro phone projects. Buy phone, install OS, start making calls. - NO CRAPWARE. NO GOOGLE. NO APPLE.



Greetings to all new readers from outside the US.
You will not be accused of trying to sway the election.
If you want to sway the election, please do some good and sway it to the libertarians.

"A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody" Thomas Paine

• In the midst of all the crap on the radio and their tours, you should see Grace Potter. She sings, she plays guitar and organ, she writes, and she's really a pleasure to look at.  Listen to the grind of that Hammond! Listen to that voice.  I think I'm in love...

EMERGENCY - BREAKING NEWS!
Thieves in England stole over $1 million of adult toys from a delivery truck.
There has been no official word, but the rumor is that you will be arrested immediately if you hold it like a knife.




There's hope for us yet

22-year-old Ingebjørg Blindheim keeps track of people who want to kill themselves on Instagram (as opposed to those who read Instagram). She tries to provide help because she can't just sit back.

Read the story. Great successes and bad outcomes.
There are good humans out there - she is one. The only problem will come when she burns out. Therapists take frequent vacations to try to wash off some of the effects of their patients. This lady doesn't seem to.

Instagram instantly banned suicidal content, further driving it underground. I say leave it there.. people might think this is their only outlet (it isn't).



Dear lefty

• Who do I vote for in the local election?
• Whichever thief will do the least damage. Please read up on local elections first.

We recently voted for local offices.
Hint: it helps if you pay attention and have some idea of what the candidates stand for (besides getting elected). Those of us, who shall remain unnamed, but whose names rhyme with Mr and Mrs feftystrap, have to go online to a League of Women Voters site to see what and who is on the ballot. My favorite was the vote on the amendment to the state constitution. You had a choice of YES or NO. And that was the end of the entry. What the addition was is Top Secret; voters don't have a Need to Know.

They asked all candidates the same questions: what's your priority in the job, and how will you achieve this. This is the equivalent of "give us a few lines from your Vote for Me pamphlet."


What is your priority for the office?

• Well, I want world peace.   But you're running for coroner...
• It's for the children.
• Eliminating gender bias - all 237 of them.
• removing "Murder She Wrote" from tv
• removing politcs from politics
• memorizing the job description
• printing re-election pamphlets with state equipment
• mandating loud hair colors in schools without raising property taxes
• Taxes. No, service. No, opiates - that's it! Opiates. They're definitely a problem. Opiates.
• Legalizing drugs. For city employees.

How will you achieve this?

• Customer service.
• by being transparent
• doing the best job I can
• my 8 year liberal arts degree will stand me in good stead
• getting up in the morning to do the job
• people can talk to me
• I visit people all around the city, one very late evening, in the next state, unannounced
• eliminating grammar from the school curriculum will save us $10 per pupil - who need dat in duh real world?
• having meetings about opiates and looking damn serious
• fundraisers for school nose rings

There are levers for straight republican and straight democrat. How do they know they're straight? And why does it matter?

I would like to suggest two more levers: NOTA (none of the above) and TTBO (throw the bums out - you automatically vote for the challenger).

So get out there and vote.
Vote wisely, vote often.




Today I identify as  a small spot on your screen... a particularly persistent one, that's very difficult to get off, even with a soft cloth and water.

• Here's a fun stat I just picked up: polls show black voters are less tolerant of gays.
• Totally unrelated: Pete Buttigieg appears in new KFC commercial.

Best book title this week: Tectonics of the Nanga Purbat Syntaxis and the Western Himalaya




No thank you, I'd rather  put Legos up my nose





Heroes of the Stupid

A 35 year old man in Milwaukie, OR, stood in front of La Salle Catholic College Preparatory and repeatedly said he was going to "kill people."

The school's armed guard confronted the man.
The man shouted at the guard, took off his clothes, put them back on, then walked away. He was later arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.

They should probably give him additional charges for being stupid enough to be stupid in front of a school. On the other hand, he showed them he was not armed.





SJW Simpering

The term 'Anglo-Saxon' should be DROPPED from modern speech, says scholar. Scholar claims the term is used by white supremacists to refer to white British people and should be banned.


An Iowa student at a town hall grilled a politician about 'colleges shifting the financial burden to students' and further, 'what will he do about the plight of undocumented students'. What would his free college plan do about this?


AP:
The Democratic presidential race started with a record six female candidates, but only one is polling in the top tier. Is it sexism or just politics?


Google's spellchecker coughs at Pete Buttigieg. Homophobia?

It's Never Too Early (to Be Late)

From Austin, Texas to the world (and back to Houston) here's Stevie Ray Vaughan, playing Texas Flood.

• If I understand this correctly, the lovely FLOTUS got on a plane for Houston and the press blew up because she was wearing heels. This is what passes for journalism (and political discourse). The real fun came later in the day, when Boy George said he wouldn't hear of Melania bashing.
• Ladies and gentlemen, we are observing history as it happens... the republican party is inclusive of gays. Some gays are voting republican. A musician has said something positive about a republican. Republicans are repeating what he said. The whole world has gone topsy-turvy. Dogs sleeping with cats, sun blocked out, people with eye injuries after the sun was blocked out...
• The dems are automatically obstructing everything, having taken over for the republicans, who did it during Obama.
• No, nothing's going to change as far as we are concerned: we'll still get screwed.  But if someone told you, twenty years ago, that gays and republicans would be playing together nicely, you would have had them committed for their own good.

Selena Gomez's Instagram account was hacked, resulting in nude pictures of Justin Bieber being displayed for a short period of time. This is not related to The Fappening and the account was restored quickly. These celebrity accounts are falling like dominoes. Funny as it may be, if you don't take security seriously enough, you will be next. I don't care how many Bieber nudes you have - I don't want to see them.

• With the Horrors in Houston, once again Amateur Radio has stepped up and helped. Like 9-11 and Katrina, these amateurs (hams) put their operational skills to work. Radio works when cells go down or are overloaded. It works locally to globally. Even the government (uh-oh) recognizes the value and has contributed financially to the effort.

The hearing-impaired dog just went off like an alarm, in Attack Mode<tm>. The mailman showed up. Normally Marshall sleeps by the door, just feet away from the mailman. Today he happened to be monitoring from another spot and actually saw the home invader mailman, setting off the Dog Alarm. I haven't heard that in a long time. It was nice and everything, but I didn't really miss it.

• The Definition of Marriage: I get homicidal when I hear JG Wentworth commercials. So she sings along with them.

The NYPD will be tossing 36,000 Windows phones after a year because Microsoft has decided not to support the phones. Way to go, Microsoft! Do you have any idea what the phones must have cost the NYPD?  Rest assured this contract came through friends, so there was significant money involved (plus who in their right mind purchases Windows phones?). Now they will have to purchase another 36,000 phones. If I were a NY taxpayer, I'd be pretty upset. This is a valuable, visible lesson for any governmental purchase; this stuff goes on all day, every day.

• When Life Gets Tough - annoy people. It's good for your spirits.

The Bed
I live in a non-standard household.
No, really?
Really.
You're putting us on.
No, really.

The house is non-standard. The occupants are non-standard. Even the dog is non-standard. The neighbors are non-standard. Even the sun is non-standard, in that it won't shine in the house. Seriously - light doesn't penetrate the house.

Ok, perhaps that's not the sun's fault.
The house came from a kit. Believe it or not, stuff got delivered and someone built it. It's pretty interesting, if you think about it. It's still standing, which is very fortunate. Unfortunately the person who assembled the house seemed to get everything right except for one small niggle: the house got turned around. Maybe he was drunk. Maybe he was dyslexic. Maybe some neighborhood joker turn the plans around when he stepped away. Maybe he was $*#@ing stupid - I don't know. The end result is that the house is perfectly set up for a vampire - the sun doesn't get in. While my deathly pallor has caused some to accuse me of sleeping during the day, perhaps in a coffin, this is not true. Although I may try to avoid direct sunlight, I do like to know it's still out there. And none of it gets in, although I'm sure the siding is always warm.

Where was I?
Oh yeah, non-standard.

Being married to a non-standard wife is... well... non-standard. She has The Mother of All Sleep Disorders, which means she has to catch it where she can. This frequently means she's in bed before I am. I have no problem with this - I'm used to getting in bed in the dark. I spend a large portion of my life in the dark - why shouldn't it extend to the bedroom?

I wouldn't dream of turning the bedroom light on and waking anyone, especially the dog, so I always walk into a dark room. This would be no issue for normal people, but as I said, we're non-standard.

Like Charlie Brown kicking the ball, I assume, foolishly, that there's a clean path from the door to the bed. If there were enough light for video, I could produce some classic video. Maybe some of that green video that you can shoot in the dark.  The first obstacle I have to look for is Marshall, who may or may not be a few steps in, completely blocking access to the bed. Trying to be a good person, I really attempt to step over and not disturb him. This is sometimes funny when he's not there and I wind up stepping over nothing. This potentially sets me up for a great stumble, turn, stumble, fall.. right into bed.

Well, maybe not directly into bed. Something will invariably will have appeared in front of the bed. How it gets there, I can't even begin to guess: maybe stuff rearranges itself when the lights go out. Maybe there's some Quantum Rearrangement happening... this isn't my field, so I feel it best not to spend too much time on it. It would only hurt. So I trip on the dog that may or may not be there, stumble, turn, stumble, trip, teeter, then fall onto the bed.

While I'm falling, I have to worry about the Quantum Spaniel, who may or may not be in the bed already, whether or not I tripped on him when he may or may not have been in the way of the bed. For someone who isn't in the field, I sure deal with quantum physics a lot.  So Marshall may be laying at the foot of the bed, or on my pillow. I have to fall in a way that I won't fall on top of the poor guy.

The wife has not moved.

Now that I have done the Bedroom Dance across the entire room, I find myself (or most of myself) in bed, hopefully not on top of any living being. Regardless of marital status, it is unacceptable to land on your spouse for most, if not any reasons.

If Quantum Spaniel wasn't at the foot of the bed, he is snoozing on or about my pillow.  At this point it's ok to wake him so he'll move his fuzzy butt out of my way. So now he fakes sleep and plays stupid. Huh? You want me to what? Get up? MOVE? I don't understand. Say it a few more times. Gently tap my butt, so I can continue to pretend I don't understand. I can figure out how to get all sorts of things outside my reach but I'm really stupid when I don't want to leave your pillow.

FINALLY he moves to a different spot and I settle down to Blissful Sleep.

No I don't.

Stuff appears in my bed. Different Stuff than appears on the floor. Sometimes a pile of clothes. Last night, several packages of new sheets. Maybe a towel. Some books. A chainsaw. The odd bit of jewelry. Colored markers.. there's no telling and no reason for it.. the stuff is just there. The only thing these have in common is that they quickly become airborne, accompanied by screaming (usually mine).

The wife has not moved.

Along with the screaming is the nightly Litany of Self Pity. There's no written version but it goes something like this: GOD $(#&ING DAMMIT, CAN'T I GET INTO $&#@ING BED JUST ONCE WITHOUT THIS #&@&ING NONSENSE? IT'S DARK AND I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER ANYODY AND ALL I ASK IS AN UNOBSTRUCTED PLACE TO #*@&ING SLEEP. NO DOG. NO CRAYONS. NO CLOTHES. NO CHAINSAW. I WORK ALL DAY AND ALL I ASK FOR IS A BED I CAN GET INTO WITHOUT PAIN OR OBJECTS THAT DON'T %*#&ING BELONG THERE. I ASK FOR VERY LITTLE - AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I $(#&ING GET.

The wife has not moved.

Sometimes I do a little reading from my phone before I nod off. As soon as I silently click and the light comes on, the wife startles and sits up. NOW she sits up. The words are always the same: "What's wrong?" Nothing. "Oh."

The Sleep Number mattress leaks, but only my side, so I have to pump it up. She sleeps through that too - or at very least does not hit me with a cast iron pan, which is also in the bed, for reasons no one can explain.

As It Turns Out, Babies Don't Bounce

Today's winning headline:

Thousands March Through Snow Protesting Global Warming.


Not even a close second:

Woman Pregnant With Quadruplets at 65!
Part of me is about to be ill. The other part of me hopes I'm still going strong at 65.

I can tell there are no credible threats to the president. I know this because the Secret Service had to scramble to catch a 4-year-old who snuck under the White House fence. I've met Secret Service people... apparently they're hiring different Secret Service people these days.

MUSIC(?) NEWS

Tahiti has succeded in setting the record for largest ukelele ensemble. There is good news and good news: not only have they set the record, we didn't have to listen to it.  In almost related news, China will introduce square-dancing rules, following complaints over disorderly "dancing grannies".  Say what you will about China, but they have some good ideas.  In still more news, Indian music lovers can now listen to Eric Claption's Layla in Sanskrit. How many times have you said to yourself, "Self, what I'd really like is to hear Layla in Sanskrit. Or Swahili."

Incredibly fortunate news here: The NSA has decided to kill the phone surveillance program.  In a completely unrelated story, the KKK has decided to kill the hate thing for the Jews and all brown-skinned people.

Today's Second Best Headline:

Glowing Tampons Help Detect Sewage Leaks.  I included the link in case you think I made that up.

You know whenever there's Philadelphia news, it's going to be amusing and this is no exception. Philly's mayor, Michael Nutter, has been dragging his feet on releasing the report on Comcast's customer service. Nutter has been sucking on the Comcast teat for years. As it turns out, customer satisfaction level was the lowest, by as much as 11%, of other Comcast franchise areas studied over the last six years. Strangely enough, Comcast's home, Philly, has the highest rates in the chart. As if we needed another reason to hate them. Not that Verizon's much better. This is what happens when the local legislators allow a duopoly on cable service.

In national news, the Defense Department keeps losing sensitive explosives gear, then finding it for sale on Ebay.  And we trust these folks to 'defend' the country? I wouldn't trust them to mow my lawn (and you know how I feel about mowing). Even more frightening is the chemical warfare center, Ft Detrick, keeps 'misplacing' all sorts of viruses. Unfortunately they're not showing up on Ebay.

The Facebook Strikes Again: Your chats may be scanned by a CIA-backed company. Of course it's safe to assume you're being tracked on Faceyspaces anyway...

WHO SAYS STRAIGHTS AND GAYS CAN'T GET ALONG?

TSA screeners in Denver set things up so a gay screener could grope the groins of male travelers he found attractive.  Of course this backfired when they got caught. The TSA writes its own material.

The 'You Could Never Have Seen This Coming' Department

Investors in legal marijuana are Tommy Chong and Snoop Dog. Tommy has his own special blend and Snoop invested in delivery (to the lungs?).