Don't Count Your Chickens Before the Barn Door Closes

 

Your love is like  standing in just-poured road tar for a bit

• Couple in India sue son for not giving them a grandchild
• might be a good idea to stay out of India. For so many reasons. 

Today I identify as  a homicidal black Asian Jew whose weapon is a lawnmower

NSA Says ‘No Backdoor’ for Spies in New US Encryption Scheme

Would we lie to you? No, really, we're telling the truth. Even WE can't break it. Please believe us. Things will be different this time. 

• MindMed Collaborators Announce Positive Topline Data from Phase 2 Trial Evaluating LSD in Anxiety Disorders
• That should be interesting, especially when they drive cars. [Chong voice] Hey - why don't they keep those purple dragons off the road, man?
• How is your anxiety going to be treated when you see the house trying to eat you?
• Above all - don't eat the brown acid

Your Government at Work  

E.U. Proposes New Rules for Tech Companies to Combat Online Child Sexual Abuse

• it's for the children 
• no politician will be seen voting against a child abuse bill, no matter how invasive or wrong it is
• courts have ruled you have no expectation of privacy in public - now you have no expectation of privacy in encrypted messaging, definitely including WhatsApp, Messenger, and Instagram. And all others.
•  this is how the Patriot Act and many other laws were put into effect

F.B.I. Told Israel It Wanted Pegasus Hacking Tool for Investigations

see above 

• US secretly issued subpoena to access Guardian reporter’s phone records
• we make the rules, we break the rules... go on home... nothing to see here...

• San Francisco Police Are Using Driverless Cars as Mobile Surveillance Cameras
• Surveillance State. Make fun of Alex Jones, but he predicted this.

• ICE 'now operates as a domestic surveillance agency,' think tank says
• We sure have a lot of these, in our Surveillance State. The *I* stands for immigration. Why are they surveilling citizens? They also enforce copyrights. I've seen film of them arresting a flea market vendor for counterfeit goods (NFL).

If you're a Grindr user, there's a bit of a problem. The ad companies got all your information through Grinder. This is actually a normal thing.

Don't worry, they won't out you. They'll just advertise to you, which may be worse.

Ukraine conflict: Russian soldiers seen shooting dead unarmed civilians

Lieutenant: SHOOT THEM!

Private: why?

Lieutenant: BECAUSE I SAID SO!

Private: But Comrade, they're already dead.

Lieutenant: AND THIS IS A PROBLEM WHY?

Private: Sir, they can't hurt us.

Lieutenant: WHAT IF THEY'RE FAKING IT?

Private: Sir, most of them are without limbs or have their heads blown off.

Lieutenant: THEY COULD BE NOT COMPLETELY DEAD, PRIVATE

Private: Even if they were, they have no guns or knives.

Lieutenant: YOU NEVER KNOW. THEY COULD HAVE GRENADES OR BOMBS 

SECRETED ABOUT THEIR PERSONS.

Private: Sir, there's very little left of their persons.

Lieutenant: THEY COULD HAVE GRENADES

Private: Where?

Lieutenant: THESE BODIES ARE TRICKY. MAYBE THEY HAVE BOMBS IN THEIR ORIFICES.

Private: There are few orifices left, after the officers got to them.

Lieutenant: THEY COULD BE POISONED.

Private: if they were poisoned, they would have been poisoned then shot.

Lieutenant: NO, YOU IDIOT, THEY COULD HAVE POISONED PARTS, LIKE SKIN, SO WHOEVER COMES IN CONTACT GETS IT.

Private: Sir, there is precious little skin left after we Swiss cheesed them.

Lieutenant: LOOK - I HAVE TO SHOOT SOMEBODY. WHAT WAS YEARS OF  TRAINING FOR?

Private: I think the Kremlin will have our heads for using too much ammunition. You know what happens then....

Lieutenant: WHAT?

Private: they shoot us.

• speaking of which, McDonald's is pulling out of Russia for good after 30 years
• Russia has pretty much ground to a halt, trying to figure out whether this is a bad thing or a good thing.

Author Benjamin Myers on the crop-circle makers who 'blew people's minds'

Wow, a book on two perfect geniuses pulling a stunt that was already proved disingenuous. They went into fields and created circles. The debunkers immediately said this was how all crop circles were created. Sure, people from ancient times on have been creating their own crop circles. 

• I am by no means a crop circle expert
• Legitimate crop circles were studied under a microscope. There is a bulge where the crop was bent, indicating great heat. No so in human circles. It has been present for quite a while before Doug and Dave, and will be there after. It's science, folks. Even better than Fauci Science.

• why is my phone upside down every time I reach for it? I go to push a power button that isn't there.

Elon Musk puts Twitter deal on hold over fake account details

This doesn't pass the smell test.

Flying AIDS News

House panel alleges cover-up by contract vaccine maker

Here’s the latest good and bad news about COVID-19 drugs

Switch to Moderna booster after Pfizer shots better against omicron in 60+

Life-threatening inflammation is turning COVID-19 into a chronic disease

BA.2.12.1 poised to become dominant in US, raising concern for future vaccines

Covid hospitalisation may affect thinking similar to 20 years of ageing

My good friends at Microsoft put out the Xbox S, which has no disc drive.

Sheer genius.

Now that it's out, they're looking for ways to validate discs and get them to the box. Good timing, guys. 

Hey, I know the answer: put a friggin disc drive in it. It will make it 1.25" taller, unless it's shoehorned into the side.

Btw, earlier units had the microphone on permanently. This probably does too. I don't know why people buy these, unless they snip the mic wires....

• It's not that I'm stupid - I prefer to think of myself as smart after the fact....

You know that I hate mowing. It has become worse lately, due to the constant rain, which causes constant growth of the mostly green stuff in the ground. The funny, almost personal fact is that last year, Mrs. lefty used weed and feed, or something like that, which got rid of the weeds. It got rid of the weeds so well, there are now new and better weeds. At last count, there were three or four blades of actual grass; the rest were weeds. I know the authorities are going to come after me, as they have every time I used the flamethrower. I can't afford the cost of a landscaper to remove the weeds and go with sand or rocks or lizards.

The new and better weeds are so strong, they grow in clumps and when the dog's line gets wound around them, she gets stuck. They also have a strange effect on the mower. Every time I use it, I get a small portion done, then the battery is discharged. Like my car. So after defeating every safety feature built into the mower so it would operate, now the battery's shot. Or the new and better weeds are sucking out the power in the battery. It's not enough that I have to have the entire 12 horse brigade drag me from my beloved couch to mow, now I can only mow so much before the battery gives up its last. It was especially important because of the impending rainstorm. I don't hear about this stuff, but apparently everyone else had. Rain, sleet, Santa, hail, and falling elephants. The local schools sent the kids home early. There were other storms all though the state. So I stayed dry and the grass stayed largely unmowed. And everything except grass will grown at a nuclear pace, further frightening the mower. We apparently need a new one. I don't know where they come from... perhaps the stork. They just tend to appear. I suspect Wife has something to do with it. Anything large and expensive usually has her fingerprints on it.

• Someone also flipped the Ant Switch. One day, no ants. Next day, rather a lot of ants.

An Arm CPU ran on electricity generated by algae for over 6 months

an AMD Ryzen CPU ran on electricity generated by nose-picking for 3 months

a current Intel chip ran on electricity generated by whale poop for 9 months

an RISC chip ran for 12 months on actual electricity, then burnt up

• Bosses using AI to hire candidates risk discriminating against disabled applicants
• Has anybody ever considered interviewing candidates? You can easily get past the discrimination....

AI networks are less than 5 years away.

Great, now your network will discriminate against black people and disabled people.

Some state lawmakers are introducing bans on everything abortion, down to contraception. These people have gone completely insane in their attempt to control everything. To the best of my knowledge, contraception is only a problem with Catholics. We may assume these legislators are Catholic. If they're not Catholic, their excuse is that abortion kills. Contraception prevents what they describe as life, but is not life itself. Can you imagine if sperm were life? Contraception would be a holocaust. Masturbation unthinkable. Will there be people stationed in every male's bedroom in case of nocturnal emissions? These people really need to calm down a bit and think this through, not that this ever stopped them before.

The Feigned Fickle Finger of Fate Flocks to the Fore

 Your love is like  stage 4 anal probes

Never ever ever, in your wildest, dreams and thoughts, even think about pissing off a woman. El Chapo's wife is going to rat out the cartel. Apparently he was unfaithful.

Hey, Chapo... now would be a good time to beg for American protection. Even a small hole, with cockroaches, would be safer... Saddam Hussein had one...

2021 Golden Globes?

Who cares? 

• Eyes may show early warnings for Alzheimer's.
• The dems had this scientific breakthrough held til after the election 

QAnon, the conspiracy group following Trump, says he will be made president again next week. I'm going out on a limb here and saying this won't happen. If it were to, it would come as quite a shock to the old guy in the White House. Most importantly, it would come as a real aneurysm creator for his voters. This part might be kinda funny. They've spent the last 4 years with their brains THIS close to popping out their ears already. Then Trump will be declared the loser and we'll might as well put Vermin Supreme in, where he belongs. I believe the gist here is that someone needs to cut off the flow of hallucinogenics to QAnon.

Speaking of which, an 800 year old Hebrew comment on the bible says Iran is going to bomb everyone, the messiah will be revealed, people will panic, and this will be before the Flying AIDS goes away.

We better keep these 2 groups apart or Trump will be revealed as the Messiah, and the democrats will bomb Iran. Close associates say Trump already thinks he's the Messiah.

Today I identify as  that brown stuff under the dirty snow

L.A. police are looking into vandalism, fire at a Buddhist temple. Someone's afraid the Buddhists are going to come after them.

So that American Airlines plane that saw a ufo? This isn't the first time.

Told you so.

There is no snickering in the article. Watch for more of this. For whatever reason, someone has decided to let some truth out. Regardless, it's a psyop. We've been watching these since at least 1940, probably before.

• A news photographer reporting on a suspected outbreak of youth violence..... was attacked and seriously injured. Officials are charging attempted murder.
• Officials are closer than ever to claiming an outbreak of youth violence

My coworker called me the other day. "I don't mean to whine," (he means to whine) "but how's that project I asked for help with?" (dumped on you) "The boss said he wanted it done by Tuesday" (I wanted to get it done to look good for the boss). "I know you're a database specialist" (I'm too fat and lazy to take the free classes) so I thought you could help" (do my work for me). "We're a great team when we work together" (when you do my work for me) "and the boss appreciates it" (and I get credit for it all). "I always make sure to highlight the great work you've done" (sometimes forget to put your name on it).

I'm the guy who 'gets in' to work before his appointed time. That is, until Windows 10. Now we just take it for granted that I'll be 5-30 minutes late. When I shut down, there are naturally all sorts of updates. Ok, this is perfectly acceptable, so long as the option to shut down with updates is there. It isn't? Oh, Microsoft got tired of the charade where you'd tell it not to update and it would update anyway. So I tell it to shut down, it ignores me and updates. Bright and early Monday morning, I fire it up and... it has to process updates. DO NOT TURN OFF COMPUTER. It could have processed updates when it got them, but nooooo, it has to wait til work time. TURN OFF COMPUTER. GET A BETTER OPERATING SYSTEM.

• If you're sitting at your desk, and things just aren't right, and you find yourself going for that 2nd cup of coffee, take it from me: MOVE THE DECAF TO ANOTHER SHELF

Hackers tied to China and hackers tied to Russia's GRU have been in US systems for waaaaay too long. But here are ThermionicEmissions, we emphasize the positive. For instance, if you want to learn Russian, you save a file to the network named LEARN RUSSIAN and they'll get back to you post haste. You'll be learning Russian in no time. Chinese is a little more difficult. LEARN CHINESE will get you Mandarin, but China has more dialects than late shows have Trump jokes, so know this as you go in.

Pfizer and Moderna are getting ahead of the rush for a new trail aimed at boosting effectiveness of their vaccines against new Flying AIDS variants. This could wind up being a real bonanza for vaccine makers! We'd need a shot for each PANIC variant. At this point, you could be getting monthly shots. It would be your patriotic duty to line up for your shots, old people first.  The manufacturers assure us they will make nothing on the shots. Pfizer and Moderna are quick to assure you that, as the variant shots come out monthly, the variants will speed up too, so it will be a daily cycle. Reps for Pfizer and Moderna cannot be reached, because they're partying like it's 1999.

• Leading Irish racehorse trainer Gordon Elliott says a photo circulating on social media of him sitting on a dead horse is real. He apologizes.
• We should have one day a week dedicated to apologies. Monday sounds good. This way, everybody who said something the Cancel Offended Brigade takes exception to can get right up there an apologize.

(British) Farmer A and Farmer B are having a chat. They're talking about the weather, families and expected yields.

Farmer A: Weather looks bout normal.

Farmer B: Yep. Clouds.

A: Sometimes I wonder why everything grown doesn't just wash out to sea.

B: sheep?

A: they're not grown

B: Yes they are

A: they're not planted

B: true. But if the ground goes out, the sheep are likely to go with them

A: true. (H)ouses too.

B: and monkeys

A: we don't grow monkeys

B: but if we did, oh boy they'd be dragging on by

A: you can't plant a monkey

B: sure you can

A: have you ever tried it?

B: err... no.

A: well how do you know?

B: Farmer C said he'd tried it

A: and you'd be ok substituting his word for actual experience?

B: well..... yes.

A: do you have any idea what's involved in planting monkeys? The variance from the council alone would bankrupt you, no less the picketing from the animal rights groups. Then you have to feed them. You can't go to the store and get Monkey Chow.

B: curry

A: you don't feed monkeys curry. 

B: then what do you feed them?

A: well, bananas for one. This is a zero sum game, because you're either growing or buying bananas to feed the monkeys, what you planted a while ago.

B: you could plant a lot of bananas

A: you'd wind up with acres of bananas, most to feed the bleedin monkeys, which, as I said, can't be planted. An exercise in futility, it would be.

B: you know what's really an exercise in futility?

A: what?

B: crop circles

A: why

B: well, you wake up one morning and there's bleedin crop circles. I wouldn't plant them, no sir.

A: you don't plant crop circles.

B: listen, wisearse, if you don't plant them, then how they grow?

A: they don't grow... they kinda show up.

B: well then you might as well plant them.

A: you can't plant crop circles.

B: why not?

A: there are no crop circle seeds.

B: Farmer C has them.

A: have either of you done anything below ground level?

B: Yes. No. It's because of the bleedin crop circles.

A: what about them?

B: they take over your wheat

A: how so?

B: you plant fields of wheat, then in the morning, there's a bloody bleedin intricate crop circle. POOF - there goes your wheat. They just show up, they do, then they start lounging about, encouraging people. Because with the crop circles come the dowsers, the new age people, the press, and 20 people telling people that the crop circle they're standing in doesn't exist. There's less wheat than if everything ran off into the sea.

A: My last crop circle was on the news. I couldn't get a tractor up there for a solid week.

B: Maybe we should complain.

A: Oo you gonna complain to?

B: Ministry of Crop Circles?

A: nah, they closed up last year, along with the Ministry of Refrigerator Size, in the big NHS cutback.

B: what do they mean?

A: The Ministry of Crop Circles?

B: No, the crop circles.

A: some say they're a hoax. some say they're aliens, leaving us a message.

B: you know, it would be a lot more cost effective if they didn't leave it in our wheat.

A: Ay. And a lot more efficient if they just spelled it out in letters, rather than this vague circle nonsense. Better yet, they could just talk to Boris, or someone intelligent.

B: yeah, this Vague Routine is wearing thin.

A: It makes one quite discouraged, especially the farmers.

B: I've got an idea.

A: what?

B: we could plant monkeys.

Toyota is recalling some of its cars, due to their unfortunate habit of catching fire, sometimes while parked. If you remember, Tesla was having this problem recently. Rather than be public about this, I believe the car companies should keep this quiet. If not, pretty soon, all the car companies will feature exploding vehicles. Ford, Chevy, Nissan will all have to get their explosive chops up to speed. They will have to start hiring munitions and demolitions experts, which will do wonders for the economy, as there has been little work for them during the Flying AIDS pandemic. I'm happy to say Hyundai is on the ball.. the other day I got a recall notice because my car does not spontaneously combust. They want to do a retrofit, so we'll have that feature. And it's all free. This is the Korean-American spirit: if you can't beat 'em, make a bigger fire.

I hate to say something positive on this blog...  it kinda kills the atmosphere... but I calls em as I sees em...  We have had 2 major disruptions in payment systems recently: 1 with the major clearing bank for all transfers, and 1 with an outage for a payment processor. Both were serious. The processor outage affected Chik Filet, among others. Not flinching, Chik Filet served free food. If they were only open Sundays...

Chik Filet is where the employees come rushing out to meet Penny when Mrs. lefty is in the car line. I like their food. And now I'm hungry....

SJW SPUNK

School districts are canceling Dr Seuss for "racial undertones"

BURN THEM! BURN THEM! 

Analytics vendor Splunk has followed up on its 2020 decision to stop using the terms “master” and “slave” with a new guide to writing “unbiased documentation”.

Billy Was a Mountain

Fast & Furious star Paul Walker is a new entry in the latest Forbes list of top-earning dead celebrities.

• there is a list of top-earning dead celebrities?
• perhaps I should become dead - it seems to be great for your career. 
• Hendrix did most of his work posthumously

The first republican presidential debate will air only on CNBC. A spokesman for the GOP stated that they don't want the kind of person who doesn't have cable voting for republicans.

ThermionicEmissions would like to congratulate Northrup Grumman, which beat Boeing and Lockheed Martin to win the multi-BILLION dollar contract on the next-generation long-range strike bomber.  When asked for comment on how we're going to pay for this, President Obama said, "What the hell do you think we're doing in Syria?"

• I used to object to the characterization of California as the land of fruit and nuts but it's glaringly obvious that they earned the title fairly.  They are now considering warning labels on meat. As if that weren't enough, San Francisco voted to shield illegal aliens from deportation officials (except they called them immigrants, of course). Next week, San Francisco considers voting to shield serial murderers from the police.

ZOMBIE fan? You'll be disappointed to hear that Hollywood is going back to exorcism and demonic possession. Just in time for the holidays.

• According to Nielsen, football led tv ratings this week.  In a completely unrelated story, Kim Kardashian announces that she and Kanye are getting sex changes.

The Catholic priest who was fired by the Vatican says the clergy is 'full of homosexuals.' Who could have seen that coming?  Apparently he neglected to mention child molesters too.

• In case you're missing this essential skill, Lifehacker will teach you 'how to fart in public and get away with it'.

Ever wonder where crop circles come from? Wonder no more.

• I have posted a few pieces about how the satanists are fighting for our rights. Now the atheists are at it, but apparently they need to take a cue from the satanists about making a point. Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Neil deGrasse Tyson are going to hold a cross burning ceremony for Christmas because 'a cross-burning... would teach them a lesson in rational thought.'  Gents: I fear this is not the way to go about making friends and influencing people. People might not grok the subtlety of your message. Christians will be mad, the KKK will sue you for copyright violation, and the Muslims will probably shoot you on principle.

Fender now has a Jimi Hendrix Stratocaster! And it's only for backwards (right-handed) people. Sad irony.

TECH

A survey of applications installed on Windows computers found that a lot of users don't run up-to-date versions of Apple programs; QuickTime and iTunes were the largest group [Most Exposed to Threats in the US].  As if it wasn't bad enough that people are using Windows AND Apple, I strongly urge you to keep these up to date.  In fact, you'd be well-served to dump QuickTime and use the free (and open source), capable VLC for all of your audio and video needs. It does not have viruses or Phone Home like the bloated QuickTime. As for iTunes, I'm not even gonna bother...

If you use WhatsApp, know that it's sucking up your data like mad. Find an alternative. I don't use this so I can't tell you where to go. 

BILLY THE MOUNTAIN

This is an incredible song by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention. It runs a bit long for today's MTV-bred viewers/listeners. When I first heard it, I fell in love. This version features Volman/Kaylan vocals, formerly of the Turtles (Happy Together). It tells the story of Billy (a mountain) and his wife Ethel (a tree growing out of his shoulder). It's rife with references to the Tonight Show, patriotism, the draft, California, and the new superhero for our times, Studebaker Hawk. If you have delicate ears, skip it. If you have delicate ears, you wouldn't be reading ThermionicEmissions.

This opera came out long before compact discs and had to fit on a record. The level of musicianship is stellar, like most of Zappa's recordings. Imagine how difficult it must be to perform a piece this long every night, including the odd change for venue. It's mind-boggling.  Give it a listen and check out the story - it's only slightly bizarre.

If your brain has somehow managed not to explode, check out Mothers Live at the Fillmore '71. It's a little easier on the skull and has a great groupie story. Robert Plant was hysterical over it.