Is that a Real Poncho or a WalMart Poncho

Your love is like   edible cotton underwear

It's been 9 years since Malaysia Air Flight MH370 'disappeared into thin air' (or water).  Scientists have developed a new theory, that comes on the heels of all the old theories. This theory involves barnacles. The previous theories involved seaweed, printer/copier/scanners, the Dow Index, and nose rings. Apparently in more temperate regions of the sea, barnacles grow longer nose hair. This PHD discovery went on to describe the micro plankton attached to the barnacle hairs, even though barnacles are sworn enemies of plankton. The plankton micro-impede the flow of the ocean, resulting in 'updated' patterns for airplanes that go missing. From Malaysia. So there is a new debris disappearance pattern. But still no debris.

This is a national embarrassment, and tragic for relatives and friends of the missing.

Next week, Very Smart Scientists (VSS) will theorize that a UFO came along and swallowed up the plane, which is why we can't find any debris, in spite of all the combined brainpower of the 3 people left looking into this (do not malign goat farmers - one leg is naturally longer due to standing on hills - you are seeing evolution at work).

In unrelated news, there is still no specific slur for Malaysians.

Sometimes I think it's more difficult to find a slur than MH370.

Fukushima: Discharge from Japan nuclear plant safe, tests show

The tests were performed with a plastic bucket and some sand, by the owners of the Fukushima plant. Anyone with a memory knows the same tests were performed when the accident first occurred. They dumped radioactive water and lied about it.

Scientists strengthen concrete by 30 percent with used coffee grounds

The concrete is reported to be stronger and more awake, with an improved sex life.

is there nothing coffee can't improve? 

3D printers printing without consent is a cautionary tale on cloud reliance

You can finally buy Lego’s Braille Bricks

This came after the 1965 Air France disaster, when the blind pilot tried to read regular Legos.

Passenger seat belt warnings should be mandatory, say feds  [including rear seats]

Because there is no area of our lives into which the federal government won't encroach. Seatbelts should be voluntary, as should those stupid warnings when you don't put them on. If I want my car to talk back to me, I'll marry it.

 I am not saying you shouldn't wear them... just that they shouldn't be mandatory. You're a big boy or girl, and you can make your own decisions.

 

Biden to bolster boondocks broadband with a billion bonus bucks (barely)

What would the poor broadband providers do without their country jumping in to pay for their expenses? Poor Comcast. Poor Verizon. Poor Biden administration, upset that its latest giveaway didn't break a billion. PRESIDENT GIVEAWAY IS SAD, DAMMIT!

Iraqi officials have ordered all electronic advertising screens to be shut down in Baghdad after a hacker used one to show a pornographic film.

Owner of signs said ad engagement was near 100%.

 

Xbox’s new “8 strikes” mod rollout judges hate speech 3x worse than cheating

That's right- Big Tech is now regulating speech on your Xbox. Go ahead and cheat - but don't you dare say anything hateful. While it's technically their right, look at their actions on the internet also.

 

I have a cousin. Ok, a cousin-in-law.  She's from the Polish side, which means I can't spell her last name. I met her for the first time at a party I threw for Mrs. lefty. I don't know what I did, but she thought I was the greatest thing since chocolate. Whenever Mrs. lefty visits her, she asks how I'm doing and packs a goodie bag to bring home for me. I asked Wife if she told Cousin that I can lick my eyebrows or something.... She has chronic pain and fights it with alcohol. I did not know this. While visiting, Wife left to pick something up. Cousin offered me a drink. I'm easy - water, Coke, just no diet soda. She brought me a vodka bottle with a straw. I thought I had a communication issue with Wife, but this was a whole new universe. Cousin thinks I'm cute, which identifies another problem that runs in the family...

I need to buy a pipe and a porch if this continues....

I am gross and perverted, I am obsessed and deranged

I have existed for years, But very little has changed

I am the tool of the government, and industry too

For I am destined to rule, and regulate you.

I might be vile and pernicious, but you can't look away

I make you think I'm delicious, with the stuff that I say

I am the best you can get, have you guessed me yet?

I'm the slime oozing out, from your tv set

I am the Slime   -Frank Zappa 

 

Captivity - Day 34 a clean colon is a happy colon

Every now and then, I remind myself of the ahhhhhhh feeling I get from bathing; usually once a month or so.  Working from home is exhilarating... so many negative things (in-person meetings, clothes, silicone toys, etc). If you're particularly eager to get out of a meeting, tell them you're not wearing anything below your shirt. Or women's underwear - adjust to taste. Or just a bra - people are fascinated by bras (unless it's a guy figuring how to take one off). Then there's the interruptions... PLEASE TELL THE DOG TO STOP BARKING, put a tit in the kid's mouth, why is it that you only become chatty when I'm in a meeting? Does the sound of talking from my phone give it away?

My stomach is getting weird (moreso). It lets me know I'm hungry before I know it. It's not the generic grumble, like normal people have; this kind actually speaks.  When you're sitting there, minding your business, you start hearing stuff. It can even impersonate some of your friends and relatives. So if you hear one of your friends knocking on the door and cursing lightly, it's more of a complaint than a standard. Just the other night I heard it say "How bout some food, doofus?, in my brother's voice. It scares the dog." Lately it has been ordering pizza, in my voice. It also tries to pick up the owner's wife  Even my stomach noises are doing better than me. Mind you, Mrs lefty wants to know why the owner's wife is always knocking at our door..


Speaking of stomach noises, they sound like they're speaking. Even Mrs lefty says so. We're just never sure what language it's speaking. They're pretty loud, especially when they speak to her.

HEY - did you just call me a fatass who couldn't ride a scooter?
Wasn't me. Talk to the stomach.
No, YOU talk to the stomach, when you want some dinner.



Chocolate covered ants
That is all.

I'm not too concerned about the hallucinations because I heard about them while growing up. At that time they were drug-induced. Doing the Science, I don't do drugs (much to the surprise of others), I barely drink and when I do, I drink like a girl. No pills other than prescription (I have my own prescription pad), and I was weaned off lead paint by the age of 22. I miss that delicate taste. Blue really did taste better than brown.

So none of them explain why those just folded towels look like a dog. Fortunately it's not moving.
However, the things that are moving are a little frightening.
Yesterday the stairs slid down and became a water slide. This needs watching, because I use the stairs.

Ya know how you stare at something for a bit and it starts moving? I don't have to wait. As I type, there's a vertical junk storage thingy on the table. Everything in it is moving, but not at the same time. It looks like it might be sending Morse code, but the laugh is on it - I don't know Morse code. The gorilla hand is holding up a car stereo, as it sometimes does. The part that's odd is that it never moves. Til tonight, I guess.  The garbage pile in my office sits next to a cleaning towel, and keeps being Mrs lefty all day. There's a perfect answer for this: even Normies could see it out of the sides of their eyes. Now that I know what it is, I keep looking at it, like it's her.

Oh yeah, I don't take LSD either.

The dog has been resting on the couch most of the night. She has the fascinating ability to disguise herself as a blanket. Even though I know this, I keep looking at her, to make sure she's ok. The radio antenna has got some motion to it, but only at the end. Last and least, soda cans have started appearing on the coffee table. Anyone, even the fashion-impaired, knows you don't put soda cans on a coffee table. Fortunately it's been cleaned. How do I know? Because I can see 1 square inch of the table top. If progress continues at its current speed, I'll see TWO square inches of table top by December!!

Meanwhile, Sir Paul is tuning up in the guitar room, He says I have more lefty guitars than he does.  Stop sucking up, Paul.


Speaking of which, I'm not getting any audio hallucinations.
The top audio hallucination, as reported by Audio Hallucination Magazine, is Taylor Swift. It's not only this maddening - you sing and dance along with it.



One of the main purposes of this blog is actually to document one weirdo's descent into madness. Apparently we just put the water on to boil.

Thanks

This would be my first Thanksgiving post here on Blogger.  So I'm sitting here, waiting for some words to start appearing and arranging themselves on the screen.  Much like asking the cat to cook dinner, I'm starting to realize that perhaps this is not going to go exactly as requested.

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I'd like to lead with heartwarming.  A coworker spent a Thanksgiving at a hospital, where his daughter was undergoing treatment for leukemia.  Tragically, she slipped away.  They noticed that Thanksgiving was pretty bleak for those concerned so every year since, they deliver dinner to families undergoing treatment.  Others at work are getting involved.  Bravo and happy day to you all.

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Next up, I'd like to thank my readers here (both of you).  The tranistion from my former home to Blogger was not without complications and I'd like to thank the folks who followed me as well as the new people.  Lots of folks have been stopping by from countries where I don't speak the language.  Welcome.  Whatever happy accident brought you here is my gain.  Yours too, I hope.

Now I have to stop typing because, once again, Mr. Loud from the Loud Family (across the street) is using power tools after 10:30pm.  I am having (even more) trouble concentrating.  I think the poor guy just needs a girlfriend.  You see, he's married, yet he spends all this time working on the house.  Using power tools early in the morning and late at night is a classic spousal-avoidance move.  If not a girlfriend, maybe a booty call now and then.  The guy's wife has a bumper sticker that says `My Other Car is a Broom' and she's not kidding.

I was just about the be thankful for the apparent cessation of the power tools when another member of the Loud Family took off on his Honda Davidson V8 bike with no muffler.  The houses on both sides of the street are still shaking.

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Today was our Thanksgiving party at work.  Everybody on the team came prepared.  I haven't seen so much homemade food at one place in years.  I noticed there was a lot of red food and a coworker clued me in that this was because we work with a lot of `eyetalians'.  Being one herself, she should probably know.  I hear we were in pretty good shape for those with OCD, because they could put all the red food on one plate and go back for other colors later.

The super-abundance of food did nothing to trump the rather large amount of alcohol amassed for the event.  Up until today I had not heard of anything called Birthday Cake Vodka.  I don't generally drink but one whiff of this stuff and I was no longer a Vodka Virgin.  What did it taste like?  Cake.  I'm not kidding.  I wonder if there's a chocolate vodka...

As great a party as it was, I was kinda disappointed that no one wore a lampshade, swung from the chandelier, or did something highly embarrassing that they would not remember until I showed them (and everyone else) the video.  In hindsight, perhaps it was a good idea to avoid Drunken Blowdarts after all.

But it's ok - we're in the early planning stages of the Xmas party.  Not sure how we're going to top this party, but we are a very strong, creative group that never fails.

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My brother is in for the holidays.  My relatives would cackle madly if they heard me saying this (and if you repeat it, I will deny it) but it's nice to have the family together.  Having a sibling across the country makes it difficult to get together.

I noticed that every time he comes in, the weather is more gloomy than the previous time.  I'd hate for him to think it's gloomy here in PA every single day (as opposed to every other day).  We're already well past the all time record for yearly rainfall.

At work I mentioned the brother coming in and someone asked me if he was as sarcastic as me.  After thinking about it and much giggling, I realized you don't want to be a fly on the wall when the three of us get going.  Mostly you don't want to be the object of our conversation.   Poor Mom.

There will be food.   Oof, will there be food.  In a fairly new tradition, cooking is getting split up and everyone is doing what they do best.  Nobody loses.

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Happy, healthy, and safe Thanksgiving to you and yours, from all of us here at ThermionicEmissions.