Thursday, April 23, 2020

Captivity - Day 34 a clean colon is a happy colon

Every now and then, I remind myself of the ahhhhhhh feeling I get from bathing; usually once a month or so.  Working from home is exhilarating... so many negative things (in-person meetings, clothes, silicone toys, etc). If you're particularly eager to get out of a meeting, tell them you're not wearing anything below your shirt. Or women's underwear - adjust to taste. Or just a bra - people are fascinated by bras (unless it's a guy figuring how to take one off). Then there's the interruptions... PLEASE TELL THE DOG TO STOP BARKING, put a tit in the kid's mouth, why is it that you only become chatty when I'm in a meeting? Does the sound of talking from my phone give it away?

My stomach is getting weird (moreso). It lets me know I'm hungry before I know it. It's not the generic grumble, like normal people have; this kind actually speaks.  When you're sitting there, minding your business, you start hearing stuff. It can even impersonate some of your friends and relativesSo if you hear one of your friends knocking on the door and cursing lightly, it's more of a complaint than a standard. Just the other night I heard it say "How bout some food, doofus?, in my brother's voice. It scares the dog." Lately it has been ordering pizza, in my voice. It also tries to pick up the owner's wife  Even my stomach noises are doing better than me. Mind you, Mrs lefty wants to know why the owner's wife is always knocking at our door..


Speaking of stomach noises, they sound like they're speaking. Even Mrs lefty says so. We're just never sure what language it's speaking. They're pretty loud, especially when they speak to her.

HEY - did you just call me a fatass who couldn't ride a scooter?
Wasn't me. Talk to the stomach.
No, YOU talk to the stomach, when you want some dinner.



Chocolate covered ants
That is all.



I'm not too concerned about the hallucinations because I heard about them while growing up. At that time they were drug-induced. Doing the Science, I don't do drugs (much to the surprise of others), I barely drink and when I do, I drink like a girl. No pills other than prescription (I have my own prescription pad), and I was weaned off lead paint by the age of 22. I miss that delicate taste. Blue really did taste better than brown.

So none of them explain why those just folded towels look like a dog. Fortunately it's not moving.
However, the things that are moving are a little frightening.
Yesterday the stairs slid down and became a water slide. This needs watching, because I use the stairs.

Ya know how you stare at something for a bit and it starts moving? I don't have to wait. As I type, there's a vertical junk storage thingy on the table. Everything in it is moving, but not at the same time. It looks like it might be sending Morse code, but the laugh is on it - I don't know Morse code. The gorilla hand is holding up a car stereo, as it sometimes does. The part that's odd is that it never moves. Til tonight, I guess.  The garbage pile in my office sits next to a cleaning towel, and keeps being Mrs lefty all day. There's a perfect answer for this: even Normies could see it out of the sides of their eyes. Now that I know what it is, I keep looking at it, like it's her.

Oh yeah, I don't take LSD either.

The dog has been resting on the couch most of the night. She has the fascinating ability to disguise herself as a blanket. Even though I know this, I keep looking at her, to make sure she's ok. The radio antenna has got some motion to it, but only at the end. Last and least, soda cans have started appearing on the coffee table. Anyone, even the fashion-impaired, knows you don't put soda cans on a coffee table. Fortunately it's been cleaned. How do I know? Because I can see 1 square inch of the table top. If progress continues at its current speed, I'll see TWO square inches of table top by December!!

Meanwhile, Sir Paul is tuning up in the guitar room, He says I have more lefty guitars than he does.  Stop sucking up, Paul.


Speaking of which, I'm not getting any audio hallucinations.
The top audio hallucination, as reported by Audio Hallucination Magazine, is Taylor Swift. It's not only this maddening - you sing and dance along with it.



One of the main purposes of this blog is actually to document one weirdo's descent into madness. Apparently we just put the water on to boil.

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