Pennsylvania has 2 weather forecasts: brown and gray. Today is brown.
Everyone's awake for my early meeting. Penny participates in the early meeting by barking like a loon when I have to speak. Wife participates by asking questions when I have to speak. It's just a 20 minute meeting, but it seems to force her to talk during it. Also heard was the local fire siren. My coworkers think I work in a circus... little do they know. Why is the dog barking? A crow is dive-bombing her in the yard. This will be the most exciting thing that happens today. Hours of entertainment.
We all used to get excited for Friday, because it meant the end of the work week and we could get our freak on (whatever that means). Now Friday is Gateway to Saturday, where the only difference is that you didn't work in the house, as opposed to being trapped in the house. Mid-Saturday, you long for Monday, when you can work again.
Since it's been roughly 20 days, we're all a little itchy. Nervous. Armed.
We need to practice self-care to keep calm. Besides, most ammo is sold out. Self-care can be anything you want it to be. Yes, that too, but only if you really love yourself. Here are a few ideas, when you don't have any sheep to count...
Count ceiling tiles.
Count each side of the ceiling tiles.
Count the little holes in each ceiling tile. (no cheating - the amount varies)
After you've counted your arm hair, count someone else's arm hair.
Count the dog's hair. If he moves, you have to start over again.
List 10 ways to really piss off the people you live with: put in a lot of thought
Do a 1,001 piece puzzle with the younger children and the aforementioned dog
Teach the kids to sniff markers. Extra points for model glue or spray paint.
Give your kids the gift of music.... drums. They'll practice all day!
Teach your kids the metric system. Convert liters to kilometers.
Do a detailed writeup of all the cereals in the house, as if they were wine.
--> this one has a nice, floral nose. This one has enough sugar for a heart attack. Does not remain crunchy in milk.
Things I've Discovered in Captivity
There is reduced sugar peanut butter.
There is reduced fat peanut butter.
Both are located in the No Taste aisle.
If white sugar is death, prepare the suicide room and sharpen my knives, Madge
The Post Raisin Bran box is cleverly colored like the Kelloggs Raisin Bran box.
There are great deals on coffee when there's no toilet paper
I had an awful lot of girlfriends named Karen.
Everyone looks stupid in masks
There are still no Coach masks. You expect me to go out in that?
My extended work at home hours cause my wife's extended sleep at home hours
I would love to date Daniela Ruah (CSI LA) but my wife has a strict no-dating policy.
There are Portuguese Jews (see Ruah, Daniela)
The phrase "Would it make you feel any better if I massaged your breasts?" is only funny the first time.
When I open my door, there are 2 jars of peanut butter. the Peanut Butter Fairy?
Even sex gets boring after a while (or so she says)
You only have to shave (and bathe) once a month,. Or so.
Only surf for pr0n on the personal computer, not the work computer
But mostly: This shit sucks
What's Good about Captivity
I don't walk past groups of gay men and get ogled like a bacon sandwich
The traffic is finally manageable
No waiting in line for lunch
I can finally have sex at work. And naps. Lots of naps.
Gimme Gimme
Newegg is giving away free face masks with US orders.
So you get a computer or computer parts AND a face mask. No better reason to buy now (that's how I'll explain it to her).
BRIEF Political News
The socialist dropped out, leaving senile dementia to run against the megalomaniac. Biden will be a great candidate, once someone reminds him he's running.
Greetings to new readers from Turkmenistan and the Pleiades
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