The large-breasted weatherlady* actually referred to snow storms as parading through the area. Most days on the 7 day chart feature snow. It's like rain in the summer. This is absolutely getting personal.
The parade of snow removal continued yesterday. No matter how much I beg and plead, the dog is not interested in helping. She has to be dragged outside for her own business. A neighbor said the city is getting pushy about removing snow within 8 hours. Oh good - they need to speak to me - I'll ask how they plan to do it. These people can't keep the streets clean, yet they can afford employees to bother people about snow.
I haven't been able to automate the shovel. I know people who have snowblowers, but this means you try every snow event to start something that doesn't want to start. Like my desire to shovel.
The sign down the street that says NO SNOW IN xx DAYS has to be changed every morning.
All this snow is unprecedented. I wonder if the citizens have run their vehicles through the grocery store yet. Screw them - I'm almost out of coffee. I'll call out the National Guard if necessary.
- The more western parts of the Turnpike are better if you're going to land your plane there. Remember that. Also make sure to land with traffic, not against it. You will be charged the highest fee if you don't have your ticket.
Yes, I'm almost out of coffee. I have the number to the National Guard. How do I get the National Guard to come out and help me get coffee? I'll tell them there's a Trump supporter rally at the supermarket.
Yesterday the president said that children should go back to school, if it can be done safely. Also, children should be able to play with dynamite, if it can be done safely. The new CDC head said children should return to school, but listed a bunch of qualifications. Well, it's not safe to return to school, is it? What genius came up with 'hybrid' learning? It's not safe to go to school more than 2-3 days a week. Then I'm not going to school at all.
The entire school situation is higgledy piggledy.
One of the complaints of the 'send them back' crowd is the social interaction the children are missing out on. The National Bullies' Network is apoplectic because there is little to no opportunity to practice their craft virtually. Just think of what the children are missing; being bullied is a rite of passage and an essential part of schooling. Even mild teasing about clothing or makeup is an important part of socialization. Segregation by looks and income, by sports ability, and by everyone else that doesn't play sports. Razzing people with oral appliances. Pointing and laughing at the potheads, who have absolutely no idea you're doing it. Suddenly discovering the school has a marching band. Have you ever had marching band practice virtually? Who's going to pick on the fat kids? If they don't come to school, they may never know they're fat.
Today I identify as 11 penny nails
* Today on Nature's Bounty, we study the Large-Breasted Weather Lady.
The Large-Breasted Weather Lady can be found in any climate across the United States. She has migrated to most other places on the globe but originated in the US. She is not to be confused with the Large-Breasted Traffic Lady or the Large-Breasted Anchor Lady, even though they're largely interchangeable. There are believed to be approximately 150 Large-Breasted Weather Ladies in the US, but these are only the immediately visible ones. Behind every Large-Breasted Weather Lady, there are many looking to move into her slot, so one cannot come up with an accurate number. Note that there are also many average human males looking to move into her slot.
Related but also not working is the Small-Breasted Weather Lady. You will know her because of her call, which complains about sexism in the news, as she gets implants to become the Large-Breasted Weather Lady. The call of the Large-Breasted Weather Lady is whatever's written on the card, plus the odd giggling noise, similar to beauty pageant winners. As for talent, the Large-Breasted Weather Lady comes with a remote clicker that makes weather charts switch to the next in the series. Eye color is usually brown, but can be altered via colored contact lenses, to any color found to make viewers pay greater attention in the monthly stats.
In its non-working hours the Large-Breasted Weather Lady spends some of her time trying to become the Large-Breasted Anchor Lady. If she is sufficiently attractive, the Large-Breasted Weather Lady will get offers to migrate to different climates, for more money and back-stroking from other Large-Breasted Weather Ladies, who would sooner stab her in the back than see her succeed. Yes, the Large-Breasted Weather Lady is a savage group, but this is cleverly hidden from people who watch the Large-Breasted Weather Lady. The Large-Breasted Weather Lady is also known to frequent high-class establishments and flirt with the General Programming Manager, a large, obnoxious, and powerful man. She likes to be seen where people are, loves to hear people say her name or imitate her call. As for mating, the Large-Breasted Weather Lady will start out mating with almost anything, but gets much more selective as ratings improve. By the end, she will build her nest with a Major Sporting Dick, and they will become a Prodigious Power Couple, until a few years later, when Major Sporting Dick gets caught with a new Large-Breasted Weather Lady, or even a Large-Breasted Anchor Lady. This will result in one of them migrating and the Large-Breasted Weather Lady to learn that brightly colored feathers do not always make for the best mate. She will proceed to pick another unsuitable mate, possibly from the Major Sporting Dick pool again. The Large-Breasted Weather Lady has a serious problem with mate-choosing. This is the reason there are not more of them: they don't always reproduce because they're preening in public.
Large-Breasted Weather Ladies are a boon for stations. Because of their plumage, they can say any old thing and the people who watch them will stay attached to their every move. They are a great favorite of the male watcher, while the female watcher complains about how stupid she is and points out her faults, all of which is ignored by the male watcher. Her forecast is considered very accurate, because watchers cannot always remember what the forecast was.
The Large-Breasted Weather Lady lives a relatively short life, and can be rehomed the moment a gray feather is spotted, even if she is a local favorite. If she learns to speak and read correctly, she may eventually be promoted to Large-Breasted Anchor Lady, but this rarely occurs.
Next week: the Small Penis Mayor
- we have a small-breasted anchor lady. She's good at her job but her top plumage changes back and forth between straight and poodle. The entire area was confused by this until she announced that the poodle was because she was proud of her heritage. Perhaps she identifies as poodle. They say poodles are very intelligent.
PANIC
There's not enough vaccine.
Variants may negate the vaccine.
Our illustrious transportation secretary, the highly competent Pete Buttgieg, is weighing whether to require Flying AIDS certification for continental flights. It is already required for international flights. Next up: certification tattooed on your forehead. C'mon, join the crowd. People already have all sorts of stupid tattoos - yours won't be too different.
WHO team and Chinese experts say 'extremely unlikely' virus leaked from lab.
Chinese experts say 'extremely unlikely' virus even started in China.
Today the Russians hacked the Pentagon and sent warships for 'exercises' near China. What? It was the Pentagon after all? Oh, sorry.
- as I type this, my viewing choices are 2 different Sasquatch documentaries, a show on old men pole vaulting, and 1 on why there are multiple train lines in Paris. It's amazing that, when you expand your horizons to cable, then internet tv, there are just more and more stations with nothing to watch.
The 2nd impeachment trial is beginning.
The opening argument was "Nyah nyah nyah nyah, we're going to impeach you again and again until we're happy. As a bonus, we will also continue to avoid any productive work, a quality for which we've always been known. We know you called each and every one of the drunk Bubbas and personally to them to riot at the Capitol. We don't like you and we haven't liked you from the moment you announced your candidacy. And even though your wife is gorgeous, we won't say a single word about it, instead insisting on Michele Obama as the most lovely woman ever to enter the White House. We want Politics as Usual and now we've got it. Of course Joe's senile, but at least he's not orange. Nyah nyah."
The Sunday Times
Midwives have been told to say “chestfeeding” instead of “breastfeeding” and to replace the term “mother” with “mother or birthing parent” as part of moves to be more trans-friendly
We are all going to die of stupid before the pandemic gets us. (@mdrache )
The SF school board tonight spent two hours talking about whether to allow a gay dad of mixed-race SFUSD kids to volunteer for one of several empty seats on a parent advisory group. Their problem was that he’s white and doesn’t bring diversity to the group
San Francisco’s school board is basically a sketch from Saturday Night Live if Saturday Night Live was still funny. (@mdrache )
Mainstream or Pr0n? Bob Hearts Abishola, Football Manager, David Soul - Gold, The Swordsman
Here's a word combination guaranteeing you should not bother reading further:
Oldest DNA from poop...
- The Supremes are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
- Chaka Kahn is on her way
- idiots in Cincinnati
Robinhood app being sued by parents of 20 year old son, who committed suicide when he thought he lost $730,000.
- the kid had $730,000 to lose?
- obviously nobody ever taught the parents personal responsibility
- our sympathies to the parents - this should not happen
- Sign language interpreters at press conferences: why aren't they wearing masks?
- especially when they're next to the podium and the speaker isn't wearing 1 either.
Just in case you've been following the male remote chastity device saga, there's a new chapter. The manufacturer hardened(!) the device, using penetration(!) tests, so it's no longer hackable (until next time).
If you're not following along at home, there is a male chastity device that runs over the internet, so your partner can control it remotely. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), the device got hacked. Several had to pay ransom to get their Main Members back, and one guy got out bolt cutters to Free Willy ("It fucking hurt," he said). This is the Internet of Things, folks. So now the guys can go back to having their Stuff locked up by only their partners.
If you're asking yourself why this goes on, I leave it to you to research.
Almost slightly related is an article that hacked sex robots could be told to kill users. I'm sure this is a thrill for some. It takes all kinds. One also wonders how something that essentially lays there and moans is capable of killing (real women aside).
- According to an Iranian cleric, the Flying AIDS vaccine makes you homosexual.
- We think he's out of his tiny little mind, but this could be much deeper than you know.... people are clamoring for the vaccine, as they're told to. After they get the shots, they turn gay. Gays don't reproduce. This is Bill Gates' agenda.
Tell people. Recommend this blog to your friends. If you don't like it, recommend it to your enemies and your mother-in-law (same thing). Recommend it to someone who needs a little offending. Someone who will get so upset, they'll try to get it thrown off the net. Recommend it to people you like. Recommend it to very religious people and ministers. Politicians. Teens. Mrs. lefty says the blog should be widely read already, and we had better listen to Mrs. lefty, if we know what is good for us. I can't even get my family to read it.
thanks to the readers - I truly appreciate you coming by.
