Your love is like prunes
I'm considering shoveling, after the 2nd large snowstorm in a week. Considering how I felt after the 1st large snow movage, I never wanted to see another flake again, as long as I live, in person. Maybe on tv. So naturally it snowed again. This is getting personal. BUT WAIT!!!! Snow at the end of the week, with possible accumulation, PLUS snow on V-Day (our holiday). I liked snow for a few years when I was little. I like it no more. I am going to have to speak to someone about this - it's intolerable.
Until I get someone with some mojo on the horn, I'm looking into flamethrowers. Anybody can get a generic flamethrower you wear over your shoulders, but over the shoulders is not for me; still too cold. I'd prefer a drone-thrower, so I could fly over the spots that needed it and flame away. I don't think they're available, or at least not for non-military buyers, so that's out. All my life I wanted a tank for the front lawn. It would be spiffy to have different attachments for it, like the normal boom maker, plus a flame thrower. At this point, happy as I'd be, we're back to the problem of having to be out in the cold, plus moving the tank to get all the snow spots. Since I haven't worked this out yet, I'm afraid it won't be suitable for the car. Something about frying off the finish or something. I haven't read the fine print on the insurance, but I'm guessing it specifically exempts "flame from flamethrowers or attached to tank." Those people are no fun.
So either way I look at it, I'm going to have to leave the house. Yeah, I don't have to wear a mask, but that doesn't make a lot of difference now. Given engineering time and delivery, I'm back to shoulder-worn flamethrower or waiting til the sun melts it. This is a hidden issue, because we don't see the sun a lot. Retailers who sell sun-powered anything have to put a sticker on them that says "Warning: Will Not Work in PA, use batteries." I passed a house with solar collectors on the roof and shook my head sadly. I guess those people moved from out of town....
If I had a flamethrower, I could do the elderly lady's drive, then lend it out to anybody who wanted it. I'd pay for fuel (what does a flamethrower use for fuel?). It's not as bad as mowing, but I still hate it.
Life Tip: I desperately want to move somewhere where snow isn't. Somewhere with no humidity, high temperatures and no humidity. Then I remember... if I move, my problems will just have a nicer climate.
A question for the Theory of Attraction people: How did I attract this )$*#ing snow?
- No mater what won't work, my laptop keyboard always defaults to type-over instead of Insert. This may or may not be personal.
Today I identify as a pr0n star with no tattos or implants
It's been a bit of a morning for Philly schools. The best and brightest got together and decided the kids should return. They'd put up Big Fans<tm> to blow the Flying AIDS out the windows. In the schools closed for asbestos, the Big Fans<tm> would also blow the asbestos out the windows. For some unknown reason, Philly teachers are refusing to go back to school.
I don't have kids (or like kids) but if I did, they sure as hell wouldn't be in a school building. The people who are responsible for giving us the Science have no idea, so why should I subject my kids to Science Vacuum? This is not personal.
Homeschool your children. You can teach them critical thinking.
- Linus Torvalds, father of linux, labeled the Superbowl 'violent version of egg and spoon race.' This is why I use linux.
Today the president failed Flying AIDS Science by using the same people his predecessor did. People he condemned. When asked about this, the president said, "Table tennis," and walked away with his sippy cup.
Today the First Lady said to mask up, even when walking the dogs.
We R Sy-ins.
What about the dogs, Jill?
- I'm a failure. As an American, I haven't sued anybody (yet).
- I also haven't found anything to be offended by. And I'm offended by that.
The internet is a wonderful place. From the early newsgroups to the web, you're going to fund Interesting Stuff<tm>. I came across some of it yesterday. Remember when Shia LeBouf was in some foreign country, with nothing but a flag behind him, blathering on about something or other? The Internet actually found him. Never piss off the internet. Yesterday I went to YouTube to listen to a device to make you sound like Brian May, of Queen. I found it, and so much more There are actual get togethers, with video, of Brian May guitar playing fans, trying their best to nail his tone, with every little box and screw. This particular video had a bunch of these people trying out 6 of these boxes, ranging from commercial to homemade, looking for the one that sounded most like Brian. Every one of them had a version of Brian's guitar, the Red Special. The only divergence, and it surprises me to have caught it, is that Brian uses a wireless and these people used cords.
This is a 2 part video.
I am not making fun of these people - just saying there are incredible dedicated groups of people, trying to figure things out.
A larger, international group started a search for a Rwandan transistor radio, and 1 little part they had to measure, then traced out the circuit so everyone could build or buy one. You can no longer buy this part (don't ask how I know).
There are a bunch of Queen tribute bands.
Even 1 fella in (Italy?) who has everything but the hair down. His videos have English subtitles.
The internet is a fascinating place.
Moving from Brian May to Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin), there are people who can tell you what boxes Jimmy used onstage on which date in 1969 (and every other date). While Jimmy is easier to imitate, he plays a Les Paul that is pure unobtainium under 6 figures, if you can find one.
I don't have a Brian May guitar, although they are made lefty. Sadly, there is nothing like them - I can't just take any guitar and make it sound like that. So I guess I'll go with a commercial box, if I do. I cannot explain the desire to sound like somebody. There are also computer programs to help you sound like people like Brian and Jimi Hendrix. Technology is a wonderful thing. It's also a very funny thing, if you think of the time and resources involved in making a high-powered computer sound like a bunch of old tube amps from 1968.
- a growing number of firms are using artificial intelligence to pass or fail job seekers
- it sounds like an outrage, but AI has to be better than non-technical people reviewing technical resumes.
The Russians hacked the Superbowl, changing teams and making the halftime show even worse. As if that were possible.
But seriously - CNN Reporter Aghast at Drunk Crowds
CNN has become pure entertainment, from their making up the news, to being aghast at things. Even *I* know about the drunks post-Bowl. Philly drunks climb light poles and destroy vans. They even managed to climb greased poles. The reporter asked the police what they're going to do about this.
I wondered what CNN was going to do when Trump left office, because he was their bread and butter. I think we have our answer. Watch next week, as they show video of the game and ask why they're not social distancing and maskless. A reporter will knock at the NFL booth and demand an interview on this. He will also touch on the needless violence on the field. This is not personal.
I'm going to do something unprecedented and make up a football joke.
If the NFL feels it's losing revenue, they can always rent out advertising space on Peyton's forehead.
- You knew it was coming (so to speak) - pussy scented face masks
- No.
Mainstream or Pr0n? Newton, Genius, and Stud, No Man's Land, Buster Bros!!!,
No wonder Dubai wanted to put together a commercial court for Mars... their craft is going to be the first to arrive in Mars orbit, followed by the Chinese and NASA. Imagine the savings and good will from putting together 1 craft. Important people in government were very unhappy when JFK suggested working with the Russians. This is also not personal.
Actually, the 3 countries tried to get together on a craft, but things got ugly..
Dubai said it was not acceptable for the craft's elbows to be showing.
Dubai and US insisted on one of their guidance systems, because Chinese systems tended to move slowly, not know where they're going, and reverse where they're not supposed to.
US wanted to use English because they couldn't figure out Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al-Jishi or Ming Kim.
Dubai insisted on hiring only right handed workers because the left hand is unclean
Chinese workers kept pushing in front of the others.
So 3 craft it is.
- People too stupid to stream their misdeeds on Faceyspaces (yes, there are some), should plan them well, check the gun carry laws, and make sure their life insurance is paid up. As a YouTube prank, Timothy Wilks and a friend approached a group of people outside a family trampoline park in Nashville, holding large knives. A member of the group then pulled his gun and killed Wilks.
- Wilks will be buried in the 'special' section of the cemetery. YouTube will not air the video because it has knives in it.
For some reason, Mercury in Retrograde is funny to some people. Some don't care. A friend told me Mercury was in retrograde. Ok. They said that communication and electronics were affected.
Her: I was just thinking about the show 911 - it's on tonight.
Me: I didn't think it was on Tuesday.
Her: What?
Me: The show
Her: What show?
Me: What show were you just talking about?
Her: Ummm... I don't know.
Me: 911
Her: Oh yeah.
I don't have to believe in Mercury, wherever retrograde is, but every conversation this week has gone like this.
Apple has ended talks with Hyundai to build an Apple car.
Can you imagine?
- twice the price of equivalent cars
- all connectors proprietary
- if something breaks you have to drive it into the mall, to the Genius Bar
- no android connectivity. no anything else connectivity
- only Apple can replace the battery
- runs on smug, costs 2x the price of gasoline, only at Apple stores
- owners spend their entire lives online, looking for new covers
- windshield is a mirror, so you can look at yourself
- no accidents because all other cars will know to get out of your way
Lord Zuck (God, Faceyspaces) wants commuting to work replaced with virtual reality/artificial reality telecommuting.
Our correspondent, Bob, got hold of Zuck's new getup to give it a try:
Bob: I can't believe I still have to wait for Win 10 to boot up, even in VR. These glasses make my head hurt and I'm going to be late for virtual work if there are too many Win updates. Plus all this info takes time to upload itself to Faceyspaces.
Ok, it's done booting, I think. The virtual commute this morning is total shit, due to a virtual accident on the interstate. A virtual Volkswagen learned that physics prevented it from going under a virtual truck. Everything from the neck up was gone. The problem was people stopping on the road to take pictures. My boss isn't going to believe this... good thing I took a picture.
Somebody took the last cup of virtual coffee and didn't make another virtual pot. As I expected, there's no virtual sugar and someone stole my virtual creamer from the virtual fridge.
First thing was the virtual meeting. I long for the old days of Teams or Webex meetings. This VR/AR stuff is frightening. One minute you're in your home office, the next, you're in the virtual meeting room, complete with all the virtual sights, sounds, and smells of days of yore. Somebody brought in virtual donuts but I haven't figured out how to virtually eat them. Good thing I have my virtual suit programmed in, because I'm in my pajamas - the ones with the holes in places that weren't there when I bought them. Or my scuba suit, but that's enough about me.
VR/AR allows you to see the faces of coworkers as they stab you in the back, so at least we have that. Someone really needs to polish the virtual meeting table - it's filthy, perhaps from the donuts. I'd get up to get some real coffee from home, but every time I try that, I walk right into the dining room table, which is right at genital level. It's twice as embarrassing because virtual me gets up and walks into the virtual meeting table in the middle of the meeting. This should teach everyone not to fiddle about while in Zuck World. This means you, Karen, constantly talking to your virtually learning rugrats. Joan - until you can program a perfectly still virtual you, you shouldn't be touching herself there - yes, we see it.
Crap - Win 10 needs to reboot. I know I told it not to bother me during work hours, but Win apparently knows best. I have to have virtual me hold up the Reboot sign, so they know I'm rebooting, instead of just leaving the meeting because I'm bored and meetings are a tool of the devil.
Back at my virtual desk, the guys are discussing the project. And when I say discussing the project, Jon (leave off the H) is telling us about his latest conquest, complete with video. It seems younger folks can't have sex unless there's a camera running. Let me tell you - virtual liquid lunches are an awful lot less fun, as are virtual lap dances, may Zuck rot in hell.
But don't think there are absolutely zero advantages to VR/AR telecommuting. Whenever your spouse wants you to do something, you obviously can't, because you're wearing your headset and glasses. With the way you're banging into things, your spouse might not want you near the dusting equipment anyway. You certainly won't have to worry about sex, because the headset makes you look like Frankenstein using binoculars, riding Lord Zuck around the room. In fact, even virtual sex is out.
lefty: VR will be a positive boon for people like me. Nobody wants to look at me in the first place, so unless I can substitute a good looking man's head for mine, I can continue actually working in my own office. If this argument fails for you, just tell them your office is full of offensive stuff. I haven't had to turn my camera on since I got hired. Now that they know me, they're even more frightened.
The virtual ride home is also ridiculous, because there's traffic and you're falling asleep at the virtual wheel. You spend half your time yelling at the virtual idiots in their virtual cars, and almost got into a virtual fight with some lady with tattoos up and down her huge arms, on a virtual Harley. You make a mental note to purchase a virtual Glock.
So I'm thinking this is a total failure, or at least will take a little while to get used to - say 2051.
Dear lefty
- Who's Marion Robert Morrison?
- John Wayne
- I went to this party and this girl wanted to get wit me, you know?
- where did you not learn to speak English?
- So, like, when I left, she was gettin wit somebody else.
- google translate doesn't understand what language you're speaking
- Do I call her?
- exactly how much of a masochist are you?
- Seriously.
- only for booty. use protection.
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