Your love is like working in a coal mine
While channel surfing, if you come to a program about a beauty pageant, and all the ladies have really deep voices, MOVE ON.
- didja ever get a work reminder from a colleague, that essentially said, "you're not getting my work done fast enough"?
Today I identify as the dirt that gets on your car immediately after washing it
- It hasn't snowed in 12 hours and I'm nervous
- annnnnnnnd it's snowing
JFC - the storm in Texas killed at least 50 people. Some still have to boil water (those who have it). Some have $10,000 electric bills. Some have extreme food shortages. Some are wandering around, dazed, repeating "winter coats?".
- Those kids on the Shriners Hospital commercials? They're in their 40s.
Today the president declared Texas an emergency. He said he'd like to visit, but it's too early to go to Canada.
Every now and then I skim tv news. This morning it was Fox. One of the things that really bothers me about Fox is the bible classes. The chief mentioner is a very attractive lady. If I weren't married, I'd want to have relations with her, while she recited lines from the bible. My job would be to interrupt her delivery. Is that wrong?
So we have another craft on Mars - the Perseverence Rover. Its helicopter, Ingenuity, will fly over the Rover. It's solar-powered, so it won't work where I live on Earth. It can only fly for 90 seconds at a time, which is a decision worthy of sending the Rover over Niagara. The first image featured writing in the dirt - "Welcome, Earthlings." It got lost at NASA and isn't available. Each day the Martians write something else. When they heard the messages aren't getting to the Earthlings, they got more and more interesting...
- take the elevator down - we're waiting for you!
- Your mother sweeps Mars dirt
- If you bring the Flying AIDS, we'll blow up anything you land here
- Your people have very small penises
- we're all over your planet, you know. lefty was the first.
This is also the 1st time we got to see a spacecraft land. Or rather, the 1st time we were supposed to see it land. For some reason, the cameras all turned back on the craft, started taking selfies, and uploading them to Instagram.
- Daft Punk is splitting up after 28 years
- they were still together? yawn
Hey, do you have migraines? Botox might be right for you.
Yes, the poison that vain people use to temporarily hide aging by freezing their face can also work miracles on your migraine. Possible side effects include:
- inability to move your head
- inability to move parts of your head
- frozen brain
- infertility
- overfertility
- nose hair fallout
- chronic masturbation
- chronic hair-pulling (somebody else's)
- hey, it's better than a migraine, right?
1 of those things you really don't want to see on your airline trip to paradise is the engine on fire and shedding parts. That happened to a United flight the other day, when an engine 'experienced a catastrophic failure', which translates to 'the little f-er exploded.' United canceled their flights and urged other airlines with the same engine (a 1977 Ford Pinto) to do the same. People on the ground got trophies, in the form of engine parts, and the plane landed safely. The National Traffic Safety Board, the stars of the show "Aircraft Crash Investigation," are putting out Big Bucks, because the parts are showing up on Ebay. A piston is going for $15,000 and a wire, any wire, is $2,000. Parts of a passenger are priced accordingly; fortunately there are none.
Boeing says the 777s can keep the 737 MAXs company for a while.
- After 7 years of Mrs. lefty only getting my text messages intermittently, she got a new phone and there has been progress: now she doesn't get my text messages at all.
Are you cable cutters? Have you had it with $200 monthly cable tv bills?
Here are some suggestions:
vaughn.live - a wide, interesting variety and specialties, surf the MISC category only, no commercials
stirr.com - You're going to get hit with commercials, but that's the price of free tv. A wide variety.
A great source of any kind of tv from any country is Kodi. It runs on linux, windows, android, and probably iDevices. You have to be clever with this program and search kodi sites for more 'interesting' content. It comes with free, legal content. Great for a laptop. You can watch tv on your phone while you're out (or sitting).
Got any more? Please leave them in the comments.
Lawmakers ask Big Cable why they let OANN and Newsmax spread disinformation.
Yet another assault. Remember: a vote against the speech you don't like is a vote against your speech (eventually). How can Big Tech be assailed for this when they already own YouTube, Faceyspaces, Twitter, and Reddit?
- Pfizer and BioNTech announced that their Flying AIDS vaccine does not require ultra-cold storage conditions after all.
- aren't you just filled with confidence?
The Duke of Edinburgh is "OK" after spending a 6th night in the hospital, the Duke of Cambridge has said. Prince Philip was admitted to King Edward VII's hospital as a precaution, but against what is Top Secret and you're not allowed to know, which is the Royal nyah nyah. Buckingham Palace said Prince Philip will stay into this week. His son, Prince of Wales, Prince Charles visited Saturday. The hospital in is Marleybone.
Prince Charles wanted Prince to visit, a request fraught with difficulties. The Duke of Prunes was on alert, as was Princess Whatsername, from that town next to Marleybone (Steak-on-Treat?). Prince Harry sent his best, as he was being dragged along shopping by Princess Halfblack, the Princess of the Shopping District of New York. The Queen, a post vacated by Freddie Mercury some years ago, related that the Duke of Edinburgh is 99 and would be getting along soon. She was also not amused.
- If you lose a very large bet, you may somehow come to watch one of those game show networks. Yes, you too can watch an entire network built around game shows. The truly fun part is that they're the all original game shows, from the 70s and 80s. There's very little to do for enjoyment, other than decide whether the host and contestants are dead or not. Or you can look at the appliances and cars as presents and laugh your asses off.
SJW Slaughter
Streaming 18 episodes on Disney plus, the Muppets got a content warning over 'negative stereotypes'.
"This programme includes negative depictions and/or mistreatment of people or cultures," it reads.
"These stereotypes were wrong then and are wrong now."
"Rather than remove this content, we want to acknowledge its harmful impact, learn from it and spark conversation to create a more inclusive future together."
The Simpsons: Kevin Michael Richardson replaces Harry Shearer as Dr Hibbert
The Simpsons actor Harry Shearer is to be replaced as the voice of Dr Hibbert, after the show said white cast members would stop portraying characters from other ethnic backgrounds.
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