Your love is like scrambled eggs and horseradish mustard
Are you a developer of an app you want on the Google Play store? Don't list that your app includes support for the .ASS subtitle format or you'll get rejected faster than you can say, "I disagree with social media's version of the election."
- Vladimir Putin (R-DC) said his first call with President Biden was "business-like and frank." In fact, he kept insisting on calling Biden 'Frank,' and asking for Melania, which slowed things down a bit.
The UK is sending the Columbus Ka-band Terminal to the ISS, to provide faster communications.
10 minutes after it's installed, the Russians will hack it and send racist messages to all the other satellites in orbit.
- I could have been a doctor - I have the handwriting for it. I just can't stand the sight of blood.
- Maybe an aircraft crash investigator - I've seen 20 seasons of Aircraft Crash Investigation. I just can't stand pieces of bodies.
- Perhaps an accountant. I just can't stand the sight of numbers.
Today I identify as a butt pimple. On Sandra Bullock. [reach for the stars]
Chaos is good for you, says first 'state of chaos engineering' report
It sure has worked well here for years and years. In fact, I can't remember a time before chaos.
Chaos engineering is the practice of deliberately injecting faults into a service to test its resilience. AWS is introducing its own version of this, called Fault Injection Service...
Everybody in the house is a trained Fault Injection Service.
In fact, this probably explains the soup packet in the bathroom.
Today the president suggested quadruple-masking for greater protection against the Flying AIDS. He restated his vow to make the USPS fleet electric. When asked for comment, the USPS said, "He mailed us notice but we haven't received it yet."
- 66,000 users' data was left wide open by VIPGames
- nobody wants the data because they're all in their parents' basements, glued to their Gamer Handsets.
- Work hard and you can get here too
- We have a culture of improvement: do what I did but don't get caught
- I've set high bars for your success
- you will address your supervisors as Warden
Mainstream or Pr0n?: Assault Lily BOUQUET, Backstabbing for Beginners
Marc Ginsberg, who oversees Coalition for a Safer Web (CIA), is suing Google for not kicking Telegram off the store. After all, it's a haven for extremists.
Do you see where this is going? If they can't get back doors to your encrypted apps, make the apps hard to find. Oh yeah, who defines extremist?
- Honey, can you come here?
- As soon as I get done checking the tissue for what came out of my nose
Today the Russians put a ton of pr0n on my hard drive. Honey.
The My Pillow guy, Mike Lindell, has been suspended from Twitter for not marching with the party and saying the election was stolen. Lindell wants to run for public office. Thank God we'll still have the My Pillow commercials, with his mind-screwing Minnesota accent. --- I'm not sure I'd be so comfy if I opened my bathroom cabinet to see Mike standing there. By the time the police left, he'd be banned from YouTube and Faceyspaces too, in addition to an operation to remove my toilet from his face.
Hi, I'm that My Pillow guy!
WTF are you doing in my bathroom?
I wanted to tell you about My Pillow.
Tell you what - you keep Your Pillow and I'll keep my pillow.
It's made in America.
Which means nothing if you can't sleep on it.
There's a 2 for 1 sale
Making them just ridiculously overpriced
It's got Head Memory!
I wish my wife did.
Has anybody told you about Jesus?
No 3-ways, sorry.
Can I sell you some sheets - they're 127% cotton.
Mine have to be 128%.
How about a tour of my plant?
How about you GTF out of my bathroom. Do you like looking at naked men? I'm no bible scholar, but I know Jesus didn't like that.
What can I sell you?
Come by for dinner a few nights, until I learn that ridiculous accent. Our treat.
Are you feelin good? I knew you would.
I'll feel a lot better when I know there's no one hiding in my medicine cabinet. Do you have any idea how many years of my wife's therapy you've undone? The dog needs tranquilizers. Although I might have you back the next time we have company... the shrieking will be worth it.
It has come to my attention that I have a problem. No, the other one.
I've noticed I can run a large network or go out into space, but filling out forms is beyond me... they always come back wrong. There is an old Far Side cartoon...
Technically it doesn't have anything to do with IQ. It's ADHD or ADD or VD or something. Women have Blonde Moments. Old people have Senior Moments. I have Adderall Moments<tm>.
My paranoid schizophrenic neighbor is moving. We'll definitely miss him.
I'll have no one to stand outside with me and yell when the black helicopters hover over our houses.
No one to bitch that the motorcycles are running down the street on purpose.
No one to tell me the police captain is a nazi and has it in for him.
No one to ask if that dent was there yesterday.
(It wasn't. You're not paranoid if they are out to get you.)
No one for Mrs lefty to share the voices with.
He's a really good guy who served his country. I hope they're taking care of him.
Sure is gonna be boring around here.
We're discussing what disorder the new neighbor should have...
- Depression is downright boring.
- Bipolar is downright boring and downright exhausting.
- If they're multiple, they'll have someone to play with...
I'm here for you, warts and all....
I saw some flakes on my shirt, just like that stupid commercial.
Asked Wife, who told me it wasn't head dandruff, it was Beard Dandruff.
Beard Dandruff?
Beard Dandruff.
There is such a thing?
Yes there is.
Don't tell me there's a special shampoo.
No, you have to moisturize it.
I have to moisturize my beard?
Yup. And it gets better: you have to moisturize several times a day.
This is all too much. I'm lucky if I eat several times a day. I've spent my entire life being a wash and wear guy. Do I look like I have breasts? Do I look like the kind of guy who has the time and the patience to moisturize my beard skin? Maybe I can pluck my eyebrows and check out different kinds of makeup too. The thing is, I don't have a beard. I shave and it grows quickly. Is this a disease I picked up? I never had this before. And unless I do something about it, it will look like it's snowing on my shirt. Decisions decisions...
I'm starting to appreciate that Wife spends so much time in the bathroom, moisturizing and stuff.
The (alleged) problem with not watching mass media is that I miss stuff. Twitter has been having a blast, suggesting wearing 4 to 12 masks. Only this morning, on the news, do I see an interview with a local surgeon, saying that people should wear 2 masks. I have to remember that social media is half arguing and half parody. I suggest 10 masks. You'll be 100% protected against the Flying AIDS, largely because you can't breathe.
Have we gone way past silly by this point?
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I've got it - I'll just check ThermionicEmissions |
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