Your love is like urethral catheterization
Dutch police have found a way to completely stop hacking before it starts. They're now posting warnings in English and Russian hacker forums not to commit cybercrime because law enforcement is watching them.
Why didn't we think of this?
The European Space Agency (USA) is open to hiring astronauts with a physical disability. They would be Parastronauts. If you think about it, perhaps less than the typical amount of functioning limbs would not be a handicap in zero gravity. Let's not limit this to physical disabilities - let's just open it up!
Migraines would not be helpful, unless a very large pharmaceutical concern wishes to study the effects of zero gravity on migraines. Looking into the future, you don't want to know how much this migraine medicine is going to cost, and it won't be covered by any health insurance known to man.
The USA wants a more diverse crew, as only 1 is a woman. So ladies - ask a friend to break a limb - you're a shoe-in!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say there are no trans astronauts. Guys/ladies/whatever - now's your time.
The USA should also not overlook people with multiple personalities. You can train different alters for different tasks. Just make sure you don't need 2 or more of them at the same time.
I don't know much about space, but I'd give careful thought to the totally paralyzed. A more sophomoric blogger would say something about a window shade, but I will not take that road. Nope.
Do we really need to say to leave the bipolar and depressed behind? Manics can get a lot of stuff done, but you don't want them switching to depressed during the countdown.
If you have a repetitive stress disorder, don't even bother. It's just not diverse enough. Unless you're of a non-binary gender and black to go with it.
Of course by the time this is done, it will be the most diverse crew ever, but no one will be able to fly the damn thing. But it will be the most diverse crew ever, and that's what counts.
Today the president succeeded in getting illegal alien families illegally crossing the border back to pre-Flying AIDS levels. When asked about it, he said he was anxious to watch the ship land on Mars and look for aliens.
- I'm not complaining - I'm just telling you what I like a lot
Japan has made great strides in sexual equality: the LDP party has invited women to meetings, to 'look, not talk.' Women were never invited to meetings before - give them credit. In 2050, Mrs. Tenzi will be heard to sneeze, and no one will give it a thought. This is progress, people. In 2070, Mrs. Fuji will raise her hand to vote. These are the pioneering women of Japanese politics.
I would ask Mrs. lefty to be quiet and walk 6' behind me, but that would leave my back exposed to her.
A priest in Ireland made "takeaway ashes" for parishioners to administer at home, due to the Flying AIDS.
Now I'm not Cat'lik, and I know the Irish are damn serious about their Catholicism, but this seems wrong. The ashes... they don't 'work' if self-applied. They don't activate until one of the guys with the dark frocks installs them. This idea completely negates Mrs. Lefty's childhood, when she'd skip church and self-apply cigarette ashes. If she knew she could self-apply, she'd no longer feel guilty... oh, sorry, I get it. Hey, the ashes come with instructions. I wonder how well that will go over with the "I don't read instructions" set. Old Uncle Charlie wants to take a picture of it and Instagram it to the whole family.
This is causing great consternation round the Vatican, which is making them vibrate and question the very nature of religion-running. One said to the other, "Hey, we cannot allow them to apply their own ashes. First, the ashes won't activate. Second, what other things will they discover can be done without us?" Digital collection plates are nice, but they respond better when you shove the real thing in their faces, then publish the amounts. Next thing you know, they'll be performing their own funerals and bar mitzvahs. They'll randomly be issuing last rites upon anybody who walks by. Pushing people into swimming pools to baptize them. Having Communion at Burger King. People will be saying prayers at home! We cannot allow this to happen. Summon the guy with the little white yamulka and tell him we gotta call this thing off before it spreads. Do you want the laity molesting their own little boys?
It certainly didn't take long... the LAPD used Ring doorbell footage to monitor a demonstration against police brutality. You know... to identify attendees. Please don't make the police work too hard - send them your Ring videos, and any video from inside your house. Patriotic citizens have nothing to hide.
Today I identify as a race car. voom VOOM!
It's snowing.
Again.
Still.
Thursday snow has a much different cadence and feel than Wednesday snow. There's no denying Thursday snow. Out of all snows, Thursday snow is most recent. Wednesday's snow just didn't compare. We were worried that it might not snow Wednesday, but the faithful got their reward.
It's supposed to rain after the snow. In some other months, it would just be Thursday rain. Naturally we're hoping the rain washes away all the snow. It looks pretty bad, though. The guy who runs the plowing company, who's as predictable as air, stayed home. This is not a good portent.
When we point out our misery, some idiot do-gooder always says something like, "But look at Texas - they're a mess. Their supermarket shelves look like yours after the prediction of 1/4" snow." My heart goes out to Texas and all my friends there, but this ain't about Texas - it's about me bitching about precipitation.
I don't remember it being this bad when I was young. I also don't remember what I had for dinner last night and whether or not I shaved recently. My grandfather had a store. I remember sometimes going with him. Every morning, regardless of weather. I wonder what he'd think of working from home. It would definitely cut down on those annoying customers.
I did my penance... 9 months in retail. If that taught me nothing else, it taught me 2 things:
- I hate people
- people are stupid.
According to the most viewable Large Breasted Weather Lady, we're seeing rates of 2" plus. Of course, it's on the I-95 line. I will be forever baffled as to how snow knows which side of the highway it's on. Maybe not... maybe someone from South Philly explained to the storm that if it knows what's good for it, it will keep on the west side of 95. It doesn't want to end up in concrete for new construction, if you know what I mean.
Ooh - freezing rain and ice are the big things to worry about. This is an added treat for Thursday snow. We have gone from a Winter Weather Advisory to a Winter Weather Warning. Nobody can explain what these are, but they sound sufficiently ominous. The added point here is that it's going to be contributing to the Friday snow, which is its own unique precipitation. I'd be happy to have an in-home demonstration from Large (or Small) Breasted Weather Ladies, but Mrs. lefty had bad experiences with Large Breasted and No Breasted Anchorpersons. who literally ran her down to get to a story. I assured her that Weather Ladies are less vicious (to the public), but she's still thinking about it. Let's be honest - the only time Large Breasted Weather Ladies are a danger to the public is if the public believes their forecasts.
There will be no trash pickup today, as the trash trucks are being used for sitting at bars salt distribution.
“And as he drove on, the rainclouds dragged down the sky after him, for, though he did not know it, Rob McKenna was a Rain God. All he knew was that his working days were miserable and he had a succession of lousy holidays. All the clouds knew was that they loved him and wanted to be near him, to cherish him, and to water him.”
-Douglas Adams - So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
* many years ago, a local news team did a story about sanitation trucks and their engineers. They took video of the trucks parked outside bars. After a major internal shakeup, this never happened again (they were ordered to leave the trucks at the yard and take their personal cars to the bar).
- If I had a band today, it would be called Free Covid Shots
Then there's additional snow moving. The new snow has completely covered the old snow, and the old snow was piled up pretty high. By the time the plows come by, sidewalk and drive snow moving operations will have blocked in cars and sidewalks with about 3' of snow. That's [laugh] in Canadian and [OMFG] in Texan. I don't have a snowblower, or rather, *I* am the snow mover. I don't have one because they work great when you buy them, then refuse to start every year after. To prove my point, the Crazy Lady, the 447 year old lady next door, had her small army of minions trying to start it today. As if I had missed the audio portion of this spectacle, the dog is highly agitated by snowblowers, and alerted me at 1 minute intervals.
2 years ago I got into it with neighbors who were taking the snow out of their drive and dumping it on my car, parked in the street. I politely asked them not to do this, and they said it was my fault for parking in the street. Where do these people come from? I refuse to involve the police in something this stupid. Translated, the police don't show up for anything other than someone saying 'gun.' If I called my state rep, he would tax the snow. So I waited a bit and blew all the snow back into their drive. It's their fault for parking in their driveway.
This may or may not have something to do with, after getting Crazy Lady's blower going, 4 houses got their sidewalks cleaned, right up to my property line. What's even weirder is that these people, like most people, like Mrs. lefty. They just really don't like me. That's fine - I really don't like them either. I start off with respect, right up until they prove they don't deserve it. Don't forget - I had to ask the Crazy Lady to remove herself from my property because she was edging my grass, "because I didn't do it right." This wouldn't have been a problem had she mowed too. I'd send monthly fruit baskets. The woman has had her knee replacements replaced. Probably from perching up in her attic, in one of her many forms.
So with 3' of snow to move, my back is going to be a wreck (don't lift things too high or stand over your trunk and lift). Just to add to the Snow Train of Amusement, I was just informed "we have to get salt." Errr.... no. Even though 'we' means 'she', it also means I'll have to unearth the car and drive. This perfectly justifies my request for a tank on the lawn, fitted with a flamethrower. Yet the city will tell me no.
The fat little kids on the block cannot operate a shovel, even if it means they can buy a new gaming console with the proceeds from a single day of shoveling. If it involves snow or grass, you can pretty much name your price with me.
- The Queen (England, Canada) has confirmed Harry and Meghan will not carry out "duties that come with a life of public service"
- they will, however, turn into reptiles when angered
Jimi Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughn, John Bonham, John Lennon, George Harrison, Frank Zappa, all of Badfinger, Billy Preston, Leslie West, most of the Allman Brothers, Leon Russell, Freddie Mercury, Jeff Healey, Joe Cocker, Scott Weiland (STP), Peter Tork, Davy Jones, Gary Moore, Mitch Mitchell, Noel Redding, and Buddy Miles are dead.
Yoko Ono is 88. Happy birthday.
- There was an ugly shooting yesterday. It happened at 3pm, at a large transportation hub. Fortunately it was next to a hospital, which shows either inspired planning on the point of the shooter or just complete idiocy (I'm going for the latter). Something like 11 shots were fired. Idiot Mayor was outraged. The reason I bring this up is because Police Commissioner Outlaw was on tv. I just love saying that.
- When Idiot Mayor goes to sleep at night, he thinks to himself, "I wonder if she knows...."
- there's also someone on the Health Board named Dr. Coffin
The new PA healthcare boss, for some reason born an attractive female, had to come out with an Oops because someone(s) [200,000 doses] gave out Shot #2 instead of Shot #1. She stressed that she's not there to point fingers. Of course she isn't - who points the finger at themself?
It was difficult to see her, to be honest, because her sign language interpreter took up most of the tv screen. The natural progression of this is that there will be a small 8x10 picture of whoever's speaking in the upper right hand corner, and the entire screen will be filled up with the sign language interpreter. It's good to see the captain of this ship is drunk, as usual.
- It's that time again. Time for the Best Places to Work award. This is when we go insane and abandon all logic, while our narcissistic corporations work diligently to see their names in lights. If you have to beat your employees over the head each and every day to fill out the survey, it may not, in fact, be the best place to work.
- or in our case, we just really don't like to reply. Or fill anything out. Or speak.
The Philly school system is going to to hybrid learning. At some point. The teachers say no because they feel it's not healthy. Ignoring that minor point, the school board has purchased a ton of Flying AIDS testing kits. These are the same people who can't get enough books and supplies into classrooms. There will also be shots, but only for the principal and attractive administrative assistants he deems necessary.
- a lot of people say there's not enough good news in the world, let me help: 7,000 Toro Max snowblowers recalled, due to amputation hazard. Apparently the Stop Blades from Rotating lever doesn't always work. Of course if you stick your hands into visibly rotating blades, perhaps you flunked the test to own a snowblower.
- there are only 26 days til Spring. Try not to react violently when your Large Breasted Weather Lady announces this. I mean no disrespect, but until recently, they couldn't pronounce meteorologist, and now they are one.
- weather is getting back to normal: there is no snow. Instead, it will rain all day.
Some confused, overpaid Philly schools employee:
We live in a world where we are no longer color-blind. We should celebrate diversity and learn about all the differences.
-this guy should make up his mind
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