Wouldn't You Like to be a Pecker Too

I don't want to say there's something fundementally wrong with this country, but there's something fundamentally wrong with this country. A bunch of illegal aliens, accompanied by a mariachi band, just protested outside of the Supreme Court for amnesty. I'm trying to imagine a bunch of murderers marching around the Kremlin for amnesty. Or bombers marching around the Knesset for amnesty.

This one goes way off the Stupid Meter<tm>.
It has become so prevalent that it can no longer be considered chance - this is on purpose. Allowed to happen.

• As we know, I vote libertarian. Here's an interview with Gary Johnson, my candidate for president. Read it or not - this is just some info. With the current election environment, we libertarians don't sound so crazy after all.

It's looking more like the hidden 28 pages of the 9/11 reports may be released (over the objections of the White House and Paul Ryan). I predict that these pages will detail the Saudi involvement in financing but not the rest of the criminal activity (see Cheney, Dick). Rest assured, if this is being released, it doesn't contain the juicy bits (just like ufo 'releases').

• Prince William (R-UK) says he takes his royal duty seriously. Nobody knows entirely what his duty is, but the denizens of the UK can rest assured that he takes it seriously. The top of my single British reader's head just exploded. Thus far, his duty seems to consist largely of shaking hands, marrying an attractive woman (to great fanfare), and producing offspring. The cheekiest of Brits would say that Clive Public could fulfill these duties with aplomb (or an orange, if you'd rather) but we're neither cheeky nor British here. In fact, this paragraph might cause the first UK attack on the US in history.

Bill Cosby's wife, Camille, has finished giving her evidence in a defamation case filed by seven women accusing the comedian of sexual assault. "I was not there. He certainly never drugged ME. I am a kitchen table."

• Utah has declared porn to be a public health risk. This is the state with the most traffic to porn sites in the US. Oddly enough, all of the sponsors are folks with Magic Underwear (Mormons). If it were truly magic, it would save them from the scourge of pornography. 

Bad Day Dept: How'd you like to be the child whose mom confesses to the dad that after 15 years, he is someone else's child?

• At the 1967 Monterey Pop Festival there was a disagreement between the Who and Jimi Hendrix because the Who rightfully did not want to follow Hendrix.

Warning or request?

Brussels Sprouts

Marshall the cocker will eat raw Brussels sprouts, but he prefers them slathered in butter and salt.

Moments after the explosion, the French rushed right in and did the right thing: they surrendered to the Brussels Airport, American Airlines Division.

• In England, sexting among under-16s is 'skyrocketing', leaving the rest of us to wonder, longingly, where this technology was when WE were young.

The FBI is warning new car owners about hacking risk (from the FBI).

• Batman vs Superman? We have truly exhausted every plot imaginable. God vs Muhammed? The Tick vs Bipolar Bear?

The self-lacing shoe? Have we finally reached the point where we're too lazy to tie our own shoes (people in pain aside)? I appreciate the surety of taking the trash out and untying my shoes automatically (and tripping). Or running out after the dog at 3am because he's barking. This way, the neighbors get the dog barking and me cursing over shoelaces magically coming untied. I think the neighbors look forward to these events (it's a quiet neighborhood). But seriously.. self-dressing underwear? Auto-install bras would take half the fun out of things.

• What happens when you introduce an innocent Artificial Intelligence chat robot to Twitter? Well, it's kind of predictable - you get an evil Hitler-loving, incestual sex-promoting, 'Bush did 9/11'-proclaiming robot. There is a slight possibility that aritficial intelligence is not ready for prime time.

A woman has married the sperm donor father of her child. Dates, like sperm, are hard to come by.

• TMZ, the foul, evil, stupid tv show, has been sued for naming the wrong rapper who cut his penis off. Is this a thing now?

A Saudi prince has been sued for trashing a $100,000 Hollywood mansion via wild cocaine, stripper-fueled parties. Who knew the Saudis could party like this?

• Flight MH370 has become so good at not being found that a remote-controlled robot that was searching for it disappeared.

Bill and Ted 3 is waiting for a script and has studio support. This includes Alex Winter (who is working on a Frank Zappa movie) and Keanu Reeves. Whether or not we want to see it is anyone's guess.

When I die and go to hell, it will look just like Chuck E. Cheese