Read All About It - Special MAGA Tries to Outclass Congress issue!

Representative democracy took a giant leap forward, and backward, when Trump supporters invaded DC. 

The man who attacked Nancy Pelosi's desk apologized profusely when arrested. He took full blame for misunderstanding Trump's plea for support. "Yes, he said to come to DC and support democracy. For some reason I thought he said to breach Congress and whiz on the Speaker's desk. I am frightfully sorry and will apologize to Speaker Pelosi personally after they use the defibrillator to bring her to life."

Capitol Police, when asked about the ridiculously lax security, said they didn't expect anything to happen. "Besides... we thought everyone was home, fretting over Kim/Kanye...."  When asked why Security was hiding in a closet, they said "They have guns! And besides - we've never had more than 2 people ask to be let in."

During the shameful, destructive display on the floor of Congress, the miscreants got more done than Congress in the last 8 years. Several states are insisting on no prosecution because they haven't seen this level of progress since the Old Days.

BLM and Antifa are wildly jealous, asking why they didn't think of this.

One protester, somewhat disoriented, stole Pence's bible. Another went to do some manual adjustments on McConnell's face, but didn't have the heart, after what someone did to Mitch a few weeks back. Another insisted on riding his tricycle up and down the halls, stopping only to have his diaper changed. A small group stalled when they couldn't spell MAGA.

While performing Congressional Mayhem, some of Congress stopped a few of them to discuss getting a few of their bills through committee. If there's anything the MAGAs know, it's the law. This did not play well with the democrats, who kept shouting they should have their guns confiscated (from behind bulletproof glass, with their armed guards). The MAGoids had to be reminded that just because you hang a few democrats on the wall by their clothes doesn't make it art. Also not art is making fart sounds with your underarms, penis puppets, handing copies of the Constitution to Congress, or asking for naked selfies with the First Lady. Plans for a food fight fell through when the republicans were holding their own and already had the room booked.

For his safety, VP Pence was spirited away to a local vegan restaurant, where no one would ever find him. Congress suggested that the president shelter in Afghanistan.

The mayor ordered the entire invading army arrested for not wearing masks or socially distancing. As they were being hauled off, they became confused, because peaceful protesting was ok when BLM/Antifa did it.

The president posted a video, asking for peace and telling people to go home, but Faceyspaces and Twitter removed it.

Also enraged were the Iranis, who threatened to fly a plane into DC. Their entire threat was overshadowed and they're very mad at Trump's supporters.

My friends call me lefty. You can call me MR. lefty

I have Good News and Bad News

The good news: the monthly blog stats are in
The bad news: the monthly blog stats are in

The good news: we have 4 steady readers
The bad news: half of them are on strike

The good news: no one bothers me about the content
The bad news: because if they did, I'd produce more of it


I have a new page to read. Above the main page, see "It was a short 80 years"



The Car Show

We just got back from our personal car show. I'm not sure why it's our personal car show... perhaps because it's our only car show. With shorts and a clean t-shirt, I felt overdressed. Perhaps I should look into nicer parts of the city - I like it when I'm the ugliest and strangest on the block.

It's always a fun time at the car show, even if you're not a fan of cars. There's all sorts of things to see (mostly cars) and some local businesses. There was a truck selling bbq brisket cheesesteaks. I don't know where you live, but I'm from Philly, the only place on the planet to get cheesesteaks. People know Philly for soft pretzels, cheesesteaks, the Liberty Bell, and as a sanctuary city. Other states have places called 'Philly Cheesesteaks' or claim to make cheesesteaks, but they're pretty weird: they cut up bits of real steak and put it on bread. BBQ brisket cheesesteaks are something that doesn't actually exist in nature. BBQ is the very tasty universal umbrella that covers everything smoked. Brisket is tasty in any of its many forms, including bbq. Cheesesteak? Cheesesteak has absolutely nothing to do with bbq, like truck bumpers have nothing to do with ice cream.  It's physics.  So we looked but didn't try. The name itself, combined with the fact you couldn't smell it coming from the truck discouraged us.

There was funnel cake.
This is another weird food that has absolutely nothing to do with its name (or reality). My wife loves it, but can't eat it anymore, due to PTSD.  No, really. We ordered some at the Jersey Shore and within seconds, an entire squadron of armed flying rats attacked the funnel cake. It was just like Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds, only less funny. Well, it was pretty funny to watch, but that's just me.

There were all sorts of sun-protective tents, under which sat vendors, local folks, and replacement windows (I saw a replacement window stand at a guitar show - these people are really reaching). For my money, the most fun were the politician tents. I don't think there were any actual politicians there, but there were a lot of tents. One had 10 candidate signs, but no political affiliation. Clever (I guess). I was just about to ask when I saw on the table a camo had that said Trump. By Jove, I know which party this is!  They were very nice and accommodating, offering me candy, water, a seat, anything. They didn't blink when I told them I'm a libertarian. They were next to the 6th grade bake sale tent. I'm all for supporting locals, but for some reason I'd rather donate money than purchase 6th grade baked goods. The bump in that icing looked like it was moving.

Speaking of which, we ran into one politician, with whom we are acquainted. Nice lady. Might even have voted for her at some point. I told her I had a great idea for her - since she's running, she can run as a libertarian! She visibly flinched and moved back. "But I'm not a libertarian." I told her that was ok, we just needed to get the name out. In all my years as a libertarian, I've been laughed at, poo-pooed, and blankly stared at, but this was the first visible flinch. She went on to tell us that if she were going to run as an independent, she'd go with the workers party. Never heard of that.... she explains it's actually the Workers Party. They're farther left than the democrats. I couldn't help myself and asked if it's possible to be farther left then the dems. She said absolutely. If she could see inside me, she'd see me internally flinching. I tried with all I had to be socially correct and not be a dick. Wife and many others repeatedly remind me that I have to control myself when they let me outside. This whole social thing reminds me why I blog... it's too much work to be nice and polite.

We bought some bones for Penny from The Dog Bone Guy. Boy, it's a good thing he doesn't sell viagra. He had a small crew of Bernese Mountain Dogs with him, who were overjoyed to see us. I thought they were going to adopt me (I would have been ok with that). Penny went insane for the bone, and sniffed my shirt for a while, smelling OTHER DOGS. Bernese Mountain Dogs (Berners, for short) came from Bernese, where they scale the mountains, looking for lost Saint Bernards. And you believe this because I typed it with authority.

People watching is a hobby. Laughing at people is a way of life. Getting blog material is paramount. We started with our favorite game: Is she pregnant or just fat? We never saw so many ugly critters in one place - and that was just the kids. Unlike the kids, the dogs were well-behaved.

The theme was car show, which is why I haven't said much about it.
We saw lots of 60 year old men, reliving their childhoods through cars they drove to school. We saw lots of 60 year old women, reliving their childhoods with very tight pants and too much makeup. The even older folks were the car owners, some who bought the cars new. I call foul, because if I bought a car in 1957, you would not be able to eat off the engine today. In fact, you'd have a hard time finding the engine. There were some really nice cars, long before my time, which made it confusing when the owners were younger than me. It's some sort of dark magic - like how Jennifer Aniston looks like that at 50. No.

Today all cars have the shifter on the floor. They were on the column at one time, automatic and manual. I saw my first 1970s Chevy with a floor automatic. Going way back in history, the switch for the brights was on the floor, under the emergency brake pedal. Some cars had automatic transmissions operated with buttons on the dash. I really liked the fully restored 50s and 60s cars with cd and mp3 players in the dash. One of the SUVs had a laptop on a stand, like in police cars. The rest of the cars had 8 tracks. <-- that's probably not funny to anyone born after 1980.

If I had lots of discretionary income, after buying most of the expensive lefty guitars on the planet, I'd probably get a late 60s Caprice and drive it daily. We could park another car in the back seat, in case anything happened. Even the smallest cars all had more seat and legroom than anything made today. Some even had bench seats up front (sigh). When you have a dog, you have to have bench seats, so the dog can sit up there with you. This fails miserably with today's single seats (unless you have a rodent breed dog who rides in your pocketbook or cell phone case). There were also two 3-wheel cars, one commercial and one homemade. I understand physics (no I don't) but these things give me the creeps. They look like they're going to roll over as soon as you start them. One had the single wheel in the back, the other in the front. They both looked equally clumsy. I prefer my rides to have a minimum of four wheels. Also a maximum of four wheels.

They had a live band.
The previous sentence is me attempting to be socially acceptable. The old lefty would have written that the alleged band hurt the ears of everybody within 100 yards. The guitar playing just hurt, the singer couldn't, and even if he could, the p.a. was too distorted for anyone to know. But the new lefty just says there was a live band. Look at my muthafunkin progress, yo!

On the way out, I was informed about a group of cheerleaders posing for pics with the cars. Mrs lefty said those two words, designed to chill the very heart of men: Cheerleaders and Fourteen. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I told her I didn't even want to look, because I could probably get arrested for it. I saw them later and thought these girls are going to be popular and make all other girls feel like dirt. Then they'll start on the guys... they will make some guy's life utterly miserable.


I kid... it was fun.
The sad part, as if there could be one, was that it's kind of an end of summer celebration. I dread winter. Never mind that I barely leave the house.. I like to know I could be out in the sun and warmth.


Until next year.....

Frank Zappa, drawn by fan Matt Groening (The Simpsons)

You Da BOMB

In our quest to be relevant (at least to within a few weeks of the event), and in our quest for immediate jokes in questionable taste, we want to get ahead about this letter bomb thing...


Fox news brought out a 'bomb expert' who said "all it takes is one to go off." This guy obviously understands the seriousness of the letter bombs. He described the bombs as 'things you put together to look like a bomb on a tv show.' [100% true, unlike the rest of this.]

CNN brought out their own 'bomb expert,' reporting from Florida, in knee-deep snow.

One envelope was delivered to Joe Biden (D-Disneyland), who tried to eat it. A second one was intercepted at the post office, and Joe ordered it delivered 'because the last one was delicious.'

Florida was misspelled and there was insufficient postage on the envelopes. Ok, I'll say it before anyone else does: with this level of Stupid, it must've been a Trumper.

Speaking of Trump, the left has already blamed him for this.
Personally, I blame him for the cold weather we've been having this October. In other news, the events of December 22, 1963 were JFK's fault.

One envelope was sent to Robert De Niro, who said he was going to punch it.

The Department of Homeland Security was contacted, but they were out on vacation, sharpening their guns for just this kind of terror. The janitor who answered the phone assured everyone that Homeland Security was ready for anything, provided they got written notice from the terrorists 90 days in advance. Later on, a representative from DHS called back, sounding suspiciously like the janitor, and said these bombs were downright explosive and would require several new expensive departments to deal with this kind of fake terror. They added that we should not assume these envelopes were bombs, just because 'this is a bomb' was written on them.

Democrats were quick to say that anthrax envelopes to republicans were fair game, but it wasn't fair when it happened to them.

Republicans said 'democrats just suck' and blamed Trump.



In a strange but unrelated coincidence, midterm elections are two weeks out.





Remember: if this doesn't result in new, restrictive laws, the terrorists win.
Think of the children!

Trump Announces Run for Re-Election in 2020

Donald Trump, otherwise known as The Prez, announced he will be running for re-election in 2020.  For coverage of the reaction, we go to NBC, and our correspondent, Vince Scum. Vince, what do you see?

[nods head, like they all do when going to a remote reporter] Yes, thank you, Bob. Large scale fainting has already been reported in California, which causes concern over the San Andreas Fault. The people who reject reality are updating their "Not My President 2016" signs to "Not My President 2020".  New twitter hashtags are ready (#NotMyPresidentAgain), and neck muscles are being built up for shaking their heads in abject denial. Reached for comment, Nancy Pelosi said, "Peanut Butter."

A huge list of celebrities say if Trump wins (again), they're moving to the moon. This comes on the heels of a huge list of celebrities saying they were going to leave the country if Trump won in 2016. To date, none have kept their promise. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, who was on that list, was not available for comment, but the faint sound of snoring was heard from behind her office door.

Thanks, Bob.
Thank you, Vince.
Now for the reaction on the right, we go to Audi Porsche, from NPR. Audi, what's the word from the right?

[nods head, like they all do when going to a remote reporter] Thank you, Bob. I've been rather upset over this most recent event. We put together a panel of experts to tell you why the president is wrong.

Thank you, Audi. Now let's go over to Vince Snetterton-Lewis, a wombat.

[nods head, like they all do when going to a remote reporter] Sits there, staring at the screen.

Thank  you, Vince.  Little known fact: wombats are members of the refrigerator family.

Wait, I'm hearing we have someone actually on the ground, who's actually going to report on the Right's reaction - we go to Vince Hogg, in Texas. Vince?

[nods head, like they all do when going to a remote reporter] Thank you, Bob. As you can see, I'm here at the future site of Trump Re-election Headquarters, in the parking lot of the NRA, right by Charlton Heston's grave.  The NRA tells us that sales are suddenly in a slump. Barack Obama gave the largest boost to gun sales in the history of the country, and sales were up after the school shooting in Florida, bless the children and their families. The moment Trump announced, people stopped panic-buying.

Can you hear the cheering, Bob? That's the sound of pickup truck dealers all over the country. Just today, pickup sales have gone through the roof. The governor of Texas has announced two new plants are being built to manufacture oversize Merkin flags and bumper stickers, bringing four hundred and one jobs to Houston. Back to you, Bob.

That was Vince Hogg, in Texas. Few people know this, but up until today, Vince was an exotic dancer and part-time spoon at a very prestigious restaurant in Dallas.

As one would expect, social media has been a war zone ever since the announcement. Instagram features selfies with various lawn signs, Faceyspaces is aghast and everyone with an account is forwarding everything to everyone, resulting in another day at Faceyspaces. The largest reaction was on twitter, where a collective aneurysm occurred, then the hashtags started to be slung. Then all was silent except back-slapping and high fives, as twitter management put into effect its surprise new policy, where anybody who says "Trump" or anything negative about liberals is guilty of Hate Speech and thrown off immediately. This isn't too different from twitter's former policy, where conservatives were thrown off for insulting protected minorities. Over at GAB, the free speech network, servers were buckling under the load. People who managed to get in reported whooping and gunshots at the largest celebration they'd ever seen online. Even the actual nazis there were in good humor, although they blamed Trump's previous victory on the Jews who run everything.

At Democratic Headquarters, a look of confusion mixed with horror is the uniform of the day. Democratic leaders say they fully expect to lose win the 2020  election, on the strength of their performance in the 2016 election. The Committee to Blame Another Country for Interfering in the Election is already formed and working feverishly on a hemisphere. The early indication is some place that ends in -stan. Off the table is Israel, which has pictures of all of them at the Donkey Show. Not mentioned are any possible candidates, but rumor has it that the list includes Barbara Streisand, who is also on the list to move to the moon if Trump wins, and the attendees of the Emmy, Grammy, and Tony awards. Speculation is that the field will also include a jellyfish, Barbara Feinstein's cat, several small bits of bellybutton lint, and Chelsea Clinton (who has already been declared the winner).

Things are all atwitter at Libertarian Party Headquarters, where they expect their greatest chance of winning in the history of the party. The thought here is that, judging by their humiliation in the last election and Trump's great momentum, Democrats might vote libertarian. This is because their candidates may not be able to win, even though they have 'friends' in the election business. To further their chances, dems just purchased livertarian.org, hoping nobody will notice the difference. Meanwhile the libertarians, in an official statement, said they expect to have a candidate by 2019 but don't expect to be allowed to debate or get listed at the polls. The candidate will be likeable, mild-mannered, and know exactly where Aleppo is. Unfortunately he won't know where Canada is. In order to avoid the disgusting spectacle of last year's convention, where one delegate appeared in nothing but a left sock, they are hiring Ted Nugent to reprise his old stage bit of wearing a loincloth, swinging from a rope, and shooting flaming arrows at a picture of Hillary Clinton, while simultaneously playing a guitar solo.

Approached for comment on Trump's announcement, the Green Party said, "Who's Trump?"

Perennial candidate Vermin Supreme will be in the running too. He has modified his platform of dental health and a free pony to dental health and free guns, in order to court undecided Second Amendment supporters. The other perennial candidate, Pat Paulsen, has chosen to remain dead.

First to the mic, though, was Bernie Sanders. Bernie wants everybody to know that we all deserve free education. And free houses, with free cars in their free driveways. Unfortunately, he won't be running this year, as Hillary told him not to and bought him another free house, bringing his total to seven.

All is hushed at Trump HQ, while potential running mates are discussed.  On the short list are Eva Braun, Bob Dole's arm, and Jared from Subway - a man who truly represents both parties.

Trump campaign spokesperson, Judge Judy, released a picture of Donald sitting on his golden toilet and smiling that smile.

NOW We're Important

It's tough being libertarian.  Most people look at me like I have three heads (although I suspect they'd look at me that way regardless of political orientation).

It's particularly tough at work, where the Democratic National Committee meets.  Ok, it's not officially the DNC but two people who worked for Obama congregate with all their amateur strategists and plan for the election.  It's upsetting.  I have a little sign that says OBAMA/BIDEN 2012 - because you didn't learn the first time.  It points in that direction.

I've been paying attention to the polls, which I don't generally do.  By all accounts, this race is close.  In fact, the race is so close that libertarians are starting to matter.   And how, you ask, do I know libertarians matter?  Because we're being bashed openly in the press.  Normally we're ignored; now we're being ridiculed.

When libertarians come up, the parties of Greed argue back and forth about who gets stolen from by libertarian votes.

In my state (Pennsylvania), the republican party is very busy with dirty tricks, trying to keep Gary Johnson off the ballot.  They hired private investigators and misrepresented themselves.  Fortunately liberty prevailed and Mr. Johnson is on the ballot.  We can also write-in Ron Paul.

If we don't matter, why are the republicans trying so desperately to remove our candidate?  Oddly enough, the democrats either haven't done anything or haven't been caught yet.

It sure is nice to matter, for once.

In fact, we libertarians should be actively courted.  [evil laughter]


Don't vote for the lesser of two evils.  Vote for someone who represents your ideals.  A vote for the lesser of two evils is a vote wasted.

Bin Laden's Porn Doth Protest Too Much

There are things that are certain in life - generally these are known to be death and taxes.  In my own alleged wisdom, I'd like to add a few more, namely hacks and porn.

Now we all know I'm pretty skeptical about the entire Bin Laden episode (not to mention everything else in life) but for the purposes of this post, I'm going to go with what the press has been told to carry.

Among the goodies found in the compound were flash drives used for a roundabout form of email.  Among the emails was found porn.  The collection was referred to as extensive and modern.

Of course they found porn.  Porn is ubiquitous, like tax increases.  The only thing more sure than porn is porn found on religious icons who are specifically against it.  Where did some of the alleged hijackers spend their last night on Earth?  Getting lap dances.  The more hot air expelled on the topic, the larger (and stranger) the collection of porn.  Think televangelists. Or priests.  Or very pious republicans.

Why would Bin Laden want porn?  Because he's a guy: guys love porn.  Some women love porn.  Men are visually stimulated, women not so much.

Let's take a moment to get serious (I promise - just one moment): porn is part of a very necessary process, a release valve.  When there's no release valve, pressure builds up.  When pressure builds up, bad things can happen (see: priests).

Ok, enough seriousness.  I just wanted to bring you this news.

Simply because it amuses the hell out of me.  Bin Laden had porn - nyah nyah!