I'm holding out for Hitler on Ice, Opera for the Attention Deficited, and Ballet: a brief 10 day course.
In today's IT report, shit got leaked, a credit security company put 1 million records online for anyone, and you have to approve a warning before you use your IoT stove. The stove will stop working if it can't get to the internet and will talk the other appliances into going on strike. So nothing new.
Faceyspaces has long denied shadowbanning.
This makes their new patent for shadowbanning somewhat suspicious.
You should probably wait to buy an oven that you can set to preheat remotely. The June oven has been turning itself on during the night and preheating to 400 for hours, after an update. June promises another update, but says it's a user error, not an oven error.
Need to reset your smart GE light bulb? Find instructions, turn on for 3 seconds, stand on left foot, swear you'll never buy a smart device ever,
- In case you somehow failed to discover it, here's a full list of Monty Python episodes.
Dear lefty
- Everything in the world that's happening has me worried. What do I do?
- Get drunk, mix with pills, drive, and yell at people. You'll feel better and won't remember any of it.
Having a good day today? Let me fix that....
Our good friends at the Army germ lab (Ft. Detrick) have been ordered to shut down research involving dangerous microbes like Ebola by the Centers for Disease Control. Did you ever think you'd see the day when the CDC could shut down the army?
In case you don't remember, Ft. Detrick is where the lab lost, misplaced, or was otherwise found to be short of all sorts of disease samples. These people can't be trusted to secure a cold virus (which is precisely why they work on ebola).
Better now?
But wait - there's more! Hiding in plain sight!
The Pentagon is testing mass surveillance balloons over the US. It's in the actual non-fake news.
Over in New York's Hudson Valley, people are up in arms because the new tenants of a housing development will be Hasidic Jews. Can you imagine the furor that would erupt if the buyers were black and this was said? I'm surprised the Antisemite Squad hasn't been out. There doesn't seem to be any real reason for the uproar presented.... just a few minor complaints. Maybe the Antisemite Squad is right (this one time - don't cry wolf).
- Over at the airlines, support miniature horses are now allowed to fly. This gives me hope for my Emotional Support Elephant.
- A Fresno, California, man, winning a taco-eating contest, died. He choked on a taco. Usually when people die from tacos, it involves Taco Bell.
Joe Biden's (D-Molestia) people are talking about scaling back his appearances to limit gaffes. I say get him more appearances. This is the Joe Biden we know and love. The Joe Biden we expected. He's finally living down to his potential!
Groundbreaking sperm sorting could let parents choose the sex of the baby.
Can you imagine having that job?
What if they want to have a trans baby?
Let's talk pressure cookers, the Manhattan kind.
Mrs lefty said maybe someone got a good deal at a department store.
She's deadly sometimes.
The bomb squad eventually discovered the cookers were harmless.
Obviously this was a tasteless prank (my favorite kind).
We need to have a common sense talk about pressure cooker control.
Nobody needs 2 pressure cookers. Only the government should have pressure cookers.
The Pressure Cooker Pranker was caught, because of way too many video surveillance systems; both city and transit. Yes, you're being video'd - but it's for the children.
Hero of the Stupid
A motorist was visited by the police and found to have EIGHT phones with EIGHT games of Pokemon going at the same time. In his defense, the fellow was pulled off to the side of the road - not driving. The policeman made him put his rig in the back seat before continuing. the picture is priceless.
Bill DeBlasio says he can beat Donald Trump because of his height. "The tall candidate almost always wins."
SJW Stuff
Humanoid robots modeled after white celebrities might be racism, according to a study.
NY university promotes paper comparing cow insemination to 'rape', and milking cows to 'sexual abuse'. Apparently no one told them that calling it rape means they fuck cows.
A student built a 'Cry Closet,' meant to be a safe space for stressed out students.
Katy Perry has been accused of sexual misconduct. "Teenage Dream" costar Josh Kloss said Perry pulled down his pants at a party. Back in the day, this was called funny, hijinks, and Good Clean Fun. Some would give their firstborn to be pantsed by Katy Perry.
