Who Came Up With Anal Sex?

Apologies from the staff of ThermionicEmissions.

For reasons not known even by Google (blogspot owner), they changed the blogging interface that I see. This made it confusing as to what was and wasn't published. It also introduced change just for the sake of change - there were no improvements. So things might be out of order here and there. I'll try to keep things straight manually.  

-thanks

Anal Sex
Think about it.
Modern caveman?
Modern Frenchman?
Modern homosexual?
Hey, this feels great....  What if I put my..  I wonder if that feels great.
OWWWWWWWWWWWWW
It does. At least for me.


Your love is like  eating an ironing board


I'm sick.
No, not that way.
I'm at work and noticed the room spinning more than normal.
Men aren't sick until a woman tells them, so I asked Wife, who said I'm burning up. Alright then...  I'm sick.
Do I take the nighttime cold remedy or the daytime cold remedy? Do I even have a cold? Aside from spinning and fever, there are no symptoms. Spinning and fever are more than enough, though.

Feed a cold, starve a fever?
Starve a cold, feed a fever?
Whatever it is, give it chocolate. This is a solid concept.

I'm perfectly clear in the head, so why not, while the room is spinning, pick up the soldering iron? Maybe a blowtorch or sawzall? Maybe a long sit on a long couch. Yeah, that's it. I tried playing the guitar, but we were both spinning in different directions. This might be ok for hit music, but I have my standards.

What I've found that helps is zinc, vitamin c, and echinacea. I'm taking so many pills I don't have to eat. I want to read what's in the nighttime medicine, but even the ants have to put on glasses. Mrs lefty just announced she feels sick. She always copies off me. Can't I just be sick for a very short while before she gets sick? On the bright side, my napping has gone nuclear.

I believe in sitting and resting while sick, which feeds right into my love of sitting and resting in general. When Mrs lefty is sick. I tell her not to run around. She says, "I'm not running." A man's gotta know his limitations.

Whatever I had enjoyed messing with me.
I said that I'd like at least one day of my 3 day weekend free, and I could feel it saying, "Well, that's not totally unreasonable" and moving away. Next morning, I was as bad as the first day. Now it's Back to Work, with the Industrial strength vise (mostly) unclamped from my skull. No, it wasn't the Flying AIDS, sorry.

I called my doctor. They asked me if I ever did telemedicine. Unfortunately. The doctor doesn't want me coming to the office because I'm sick. 2020 is weirder than I thought.

While relaying this to Mrs lefty, one of the kids popped out and asked, "Who's going to take care of me if you die?" Apparently I'm good for something.

• It's been a year since my dad died.  
• Sonofabitch. 
• He had a lot of nerve having all that cancer.

Russian interference in the upcoming election continues, when Irina Teplitzki asked her friend how hard it is to speak English.

• Colin Kaepernick calls for abolishing police and prisons in new essay series
• Colin Kaepernick can spell 'essay'? 

Archbishop Burns Altar ... After Priest Has Sex in Church

Pope in TED talk: Earth cannot be squeezed ‘like an orange'

Still no word on child molesting



Today I identify as  a KitchenAid mixer



Today President Trump received the endorsement of the Taleban.

"We hope he will win the election" and withdraw U.S. troops

Ever think you'd be agreeing with the Taleban?





Dear lefty

• You like boobies, right?
• It's my main area of focus 
• Do I ask my date if I can touch them?
• Are you on any lists or anything?

There's a hair loss commercial, wherein you put on a cap full of LEDs that brings your hair back. It's only $800. No. I've worn hats all my life and lost my hair. I hear it runs on your mother's side, so I'm suing her. So does alzheimer's disease. This suit will be unprecedented.



Coinbase has had it: I posted before that they were giving up on politics, and if any employee, didn't like that, they were free to leave, with some sort of severance packet. 5% left. The best part of this were the screeching, fainting commentators.

• Since Silicon Valley leans left, you're saying, "It's not ok to lean left."
• “When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.”

Do they sit up at night and think this shit up? Does it flow naturally, with all the rest of the noise excreted from their oral cavity? I've been working for quite a long time and never once was I given leave to go support a social cause. You wanna talk privilege? These whining children, who think 'work' is just an extension of 'home' for their cause, whatever their cause is.

I think Coinbase is well within their rights to want a dollar's work for a dollar's pay. Deal with your personal social causes on your personal social time. Imagine a company not wanting to be involved in any of this, then taking crap for it.

• Have you noticed that the newspapers crowing that Lord Zuck finally removed Holocaust deniers are the same ones who had a fit when Faceyspaces wasn't 100% free speech?

Happys

Paul Simon - Art Garfunkel's pal
Sammy Hagar
John Denver
Daryl Hall - John Oates' pal

Memo to Tzipi's Alligator

Your love is like pulling out nose hairs



Dear lefty

• Do I curtsy upon meeting the Queen?
• sure - make sure you wear your fanciest dress, Bob. They love that shit in England.

No Good Deed Ever Goes Unpunished
Police are looking for man handing out free heroin; multiple overdoses connected.

• San Francisco may allow 16/17 year olds to vote 
• I'm against this: many 30 year-olds shouldn't be allowed to vote.

Russian election interference continues, unstopped: Ivanovich says Biden is ahead in some polls, but then again, Putin was behind in some polls.


Over the weekend, we were not allowed into a very popular guitar chain, because my service elephant was not wearing a mask. They're already on the verge of bankruptcy; wait til I get done suing them. Americans with Disabilities Act, animal cruelty, the court of the internet, and the court of ThermionicEmissions (which acts like a dictatorship, with a semi-benign dictator).



Major league sports is having a problem. Their fans desperately want to get back to major league sports, but they can't get into the stadiums in significant numbers. They're also very unhappy about non-sports activities, booing the players' SJW shows. I think the fans are going to give up after their teams start to play horribly, because they spent so much time arguing and choreographing their protest rituals, they forgot to practice their actual sport.

We refuse to practice as long as people of color are arrested.
Ok, but we still have to not take the field during the national anthem.
But how can we take a knee if we're not on the field during the national anthem?
COACH!
Yes?
Smith wants to stay off the field during the national anthem, but Babbit wants everyone to take a knee during the national anthem.
Hmmm... well, how about not taking the field during the national anthem, but coming out on the field afterward, then taking a knee?
Oh...   Coach, you're the best.

Coach?
Yes?
In solidarity with Black Lives Matter, I won't be catching any balls.
Humphries, the entire point of the sport is to catch the balls.
See? People will notice better when I stand on my head when the ball goes by.
Look, I don't mind you protesting, but what's the point of putting you out there?
So I can show solidarity with... umm.. .BLM.
OK, Schmitt - you back Humphries up.
Can't, Coach.
Why not?
I can't touch any balls touched by white people, in solidarity with the Palestinians.
Schmitt, the Palestinians are white.
But.... but...  My wife is feeding me stuff again. Don't I look the fool?

Coach?
Yes, DeLance?
In solidarity with the rest of the team's solidarity, I won't be coming out of the locker room.
DeLance, the team spent thousands on therapy because you wouldn't come out of the locker room - don't blame it on solidarity. It's called a relapse. Call your doctor.

Coach?
What now, George?
I... I... I want to come out of the locker.
Is it too crowded with DeLance there?
I'm trans.
I see. Keep the new boobs well-protected.

[ring]
Coach, it's for you.
Yes. Yes. I see. Yes, thank you.

Ok, guys (and soon to be girl), that was the general manager. You're going to be docked for each minute you're not on the field, playing.

TEAM: What time do you want us on the field, Coach?

• Is there a sign somewhere outside the house that says Fun Time for Birds? There's another one flying around.... every door and window is shut. Thus far, the Great Hunter hasn't moved from her perch to dispatch the intruder.
• Great hunter woke up: I don't think barking and whining at prey helped catch it. Does evolution laugh at the spaniel that catches birds and sleeps in the bed, on Mommy's legs?

Unrelated:
The NFL would like to introduce its new general manager, Colin Kaepernick.
Kaepernick welcomes the chance to have the NFL serve him and to steer the League into a more socially-acceptable role. He stated that after a few years, they might even play a little football, but for now they have a lot of battles to fight, off the field.

• Scientists discover area of brain that controls sexual desire in men
• it's a very wide swath, roughly from the front to the rear 

The grandson of former president Warren G Harding wants to have his remains exhumed to prove a DNA match. The grandchildren of former vice president Spiro Agnew want to have his remains exhumed, so people will say Spiro Agnew again.



At least 1 humpback whale remains in an Australian river after making a wrong turn and getting lost. Hollywood has postponed its Affirmative Action Runup to the Oscars and is on its new campaign: GPSes for the Whales! Gwyneth Paltrow and Bette Midler almost drowned, when the whale failed to recognize them.

• A dear departed coworker said I hate the sound of laughter. She's wrong: you need to see the Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2020 contenders.

Alleged computer hacker Lauri Love: Living with my autism.

Hacker Gary McKinnon: I'm autistic, you can't extradite me.

Me: I can't hack - I'm not autistic enough.

• Oregon's Firefighting Helicopters Are Deployed in Afghanistan as the State Burns
• yes, but... but... they're fighting for our freedoms!!! 

Please don't use Internet Explorer. It's got more holes than Swiss cheese; like Windows, but worse. It's time to drag yourself into the 90s and find something else. I mention this because of an expanding malvertising issue (an ad injects Bad Stuff into your browser). A newer browser will allow you to install an ad blocker, so you won't have to deal with malvertising and you won't have to deal with advertising at all. I'll tell you how well they work: I don't see ads. When I look at someone's computer without an ad blocker, I'm astounded at the number and intrusiveness of ads. I recommend Firefox. While Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi will work, they're all Chrome knockoffs and may phone home to Google. Iridium is built on Chrome but de-Googled. Firefox has never failed me. Install the Ublock addon and no ads. No junk. Very simple. Also go to this site and follow the directions to install a new HOSTS file. The 2 suggestions will help you a lot.

• The system the pr0n industry uses to track HIV works so well, experts are considering it for the Flying AIDS.
• Once again, pr0n saves the day