Showing posts with label bill clinton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bill clinton. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Let's Vote! and other stuff...

Today we vote.  Or rather we should vote.

I have seen articles stating why your vote doesn't matter and theories about why it might.  I even wrote here, stating that we third party voters are pretty popular these days.  Most of the polls show the Evil Twins<tm> Romney and Obama neck and neck.  My boss, the portable democratic strategist, states that we are going to see a rerun of the 2000 elections, where it will be decided in the courts.

I am going to vote my conscience.  A vote for the lesser evil is a vote wasted.

Before you pull the lever or write in a name, I want you to ponder these events past:


  • the Patriot Act
  • the auto `bailout'
  • the banker `bailout'
  • the NDAA (your president can order you dead with no process)
  • Free Speech Zones
  • rapidly expanding government, in size and scope
  • even more `spreading democracy' (our troops in foreign lands)

The Evil Twins are in close agreement on the above.   Where does this leave us?

Do what you must.


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Now that the expected unpleasantness is through, I wanted to bring you the best of today's news.


Things are in bad shape in New Jersey and New York.  On Craigslist you can now find people trading gas for sex.  My Hotness Level would be through the roof if I had a few spare gallons.....


Staten Island wants to thank you for your generous donations of clothes.  In fact, they don't need more clothes; they need underwear.


A Des Moines, Iowa store has a message for the Secret Service.


An observable miracle in modern jurisprudence was observed recently in Cleveland.  A woman who drove on the sidewalk to get around a school bus must stand on the corner wearing a sign that says 
"Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus."
I suspect if more cases were decided this way, there would be more people with signs and less idiots behind the wheel.  In fact, this might actually eliminate traffic jams!


And lastly, Bill Clinton asks, "Who wants a president who will lie to you?"

Right on, Bill.  Presidents only lie when their lips are moving.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Catching Up Around the Mansion

NEIGHBORS - WE HAVE NEIGHBORS

Remember the Crazy Lady next door?  The one who called the township because we had some plating materials on our lawn?  The county inspector was fairly amused at the entire claim.   Well, he apparently hadn't seen nothing yet because Sparky, the alzheimers-addled old fellow out back, called the township because one of his neighbors `had too many birdhouses in her yard'.  The poor inspector... he has to be wondering what's in the air over our block (nothing but black clouds, of course).


SO, WHAT ARE THE PETS INTO TODAY?

Everything.

Marshall the cocker is sitting on my lap the other day, content to have his flaps rubbed.  All of the sudden my wife sits down with a bag of Cheesy Poofs.  Marshall's radar clicked on with an audible BANG and his head rotated 180 degrees and kept locked on that bag of Cheesy Poofs.  Whenever the bag moved slightly, the head followed (keeping the proper angle so he could get rubbed also).

Finally he abandoned all pretense of sitting with me and devoted 100% of his attention to the orange bag on Mommy's lap.  Since Mommy was half asleep (Cheesy Poofs - breakfast of champions), she was moving a Cheesy Poof toward her mouth when Marshall intercepted it.  He crunched greedily.

The only thing better than Cheesy Poofs is kettle corn.  And the only thing better than kettle corn is CAT FOOD!

Speaking of which, my wife came downstairs this morning to a heartwarming sight:  Marshall had located the bag of Cheesy Poofs and was in the process of eviscerating it.  But he was sharing with Satan the cat, which is so sweet.  Marshall's method of consumption is akin to a vacuum cleaner.  Satan just sat there, licking one Cheesy Poof busily.

Normally I'd be upset but they're my wacky kids.  Plus there's a hidden agenda...  I only like Bachmann Cheese Jax.  My wife feels the same, however, every time she goes shopping, she seems to forget this and bring home a different brand.  Since I won't eat them, the pets are just doing me a favor: we're just going to need more so another shopping trip is in order.

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Just in case there were any doubts, Bill Clinton still has it.  Now let me ask you how many famous people `who should know better' pose for pictures with just anyone?  And why couldn't he display this level of taste while he was in office?

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There was encouraging news today from the world of the Great Unwashed.  Americans Idle has dropped thirty percent in the ratings, for its lowest finale ever.

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Lastly, I wanted to send everyone some good news for once.  I know this blog sometimes portends doom, whether at my house or in the world in general.  Today I bring you actual good news.

Gridlock is easing up in many metropolitan areas.

I thought to myself `how wonderful' and then wondered how gridlock can ease if there is no additional road surface to contain the volume.  Stupid me, I assumed the volume was constant.  No, the reason there is less gridlock is that the economy is in the toilet and gas gouging is at record levels.

But at least I got to bring you good news for once.