Thursday, May 24, 2012

Catching Up Around the Mansion


Remember the Crazy Lady next door?  The one who called the township because we had some plating materials on our lawn?  The county inspector was fairly amused at the entire claim.   Well, he apparently hadn't seen nothing yet because Sparky, the alzheimers-addled old fellow out back, called the township because one of his neighbors `had too many birdhouses in her yard'.  The poor inspector... he has to be wondering what's in the air over our block (nothing but black clouds, of course).



Marshall the cocker is sitting on my lap the other day, content to have his flaps rubbed.  All of the sudden my wife sits down with a bag of Cheesy Poofs.  Marshall's radar clicked on with an audible BANG and his head rotated 180 degrees and kept locked on that bag of Cheesy Poofs.  Whenever the bag moved slightly, the head followed (keeping the proper angle so he could get rubbed also).

Finally he abandoned all pretense of sitting with me and devoted 100% of his attention to the orange bag on Mommy's lap.  Since Mommy was half asleep (Cheesy Poofs - breakfast of champions), she was moving a Cheesy Poof toward her mouth when Marshall intercepted it.  He crunched greedily.

The only thing better than Cheesy Poofs is kettle corn.  And the only thing better than kettle corn is CAT FOOD!

Speaking of which, my wife came downstairs this morning to a heartwarming sight:  Marshall had located the bag of Cheesy Poofs and was in the process of eviscerating it.  But he was sharing with Satan the cat, which is so sweet.  Marshall's method of consumption is akin to a vacuum cleaner.  Satan just sat there, licking one Cheesy Poof busily.

Normally I'd be upset but they're my wacky kids.  Plus there's a hidden agenda...  I only like Bachmann Cheese Jax.  My wife feels the same, however, every time she goes shopping, she seems to forget this and bring home a different brand.  Since I won't eat them, the pets are just doing me a favor: we're just going to need more so another shopping trip is in order.


Just in case there were any doubts, Bill Clinton still has it.  Now let me ask you how many famous people `who should know better' pose for pictures with just anyone?  And why couldn't he display this level of taste while he was in office?


There was encouraging news today from the world of the Great Unwashed.  Americans Idle has dropped thirty percent in the ratings, for its lowest finale ever.


Lastly, I wanted to send everyone some good news for once.  I know this blog sometimes portends doom, whether at my house or in the world in general.  Today I bring you actual good news.

Gridlock is easing up in many metropolitan areas.

I thought to myself `how wonderful' and then wondered how gridlock can ease if there is no additional road surface to contain the volume.  Stupid me, I assumed the volume was constant.  No, the reason there is less gridlock is that the economy is in the toilet and gas gouging is at record levels.

But at least I got to bring you good news for once.

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