Oh The Outrage

Gone viral is the story of a Philadelphia-ish area woman with an autistic child who was asked to leave Friendlys (an ice cream chain). The child was screaming and crying loudly. The mother, who is pushing this as a Huge Story, freely admits that the child is 'a bit of a brat' and 'loud'.

Rather than taking the child for a walk, she was 'afraid' to leave her other child at the table. Rather than simply taking the child out of the restaurant, like one would with any screaming child. The mother states this is 'intolerant', although she does not like the word tolerant. Just for fun, the show asked the child's older brother (approximately 10) what he thought of it, who referred to hate and anger. This poor child will always be secondary to his brother. The autistic child ran around and screamed in the studio.

In a statement, Friendlies states that they are "Confident that dialog is taking place."

C'mon, Mom.. you freely admit everything about your son that states he should have left the restaurant. Stop milking this, crying autism. A letter from another parent with autistic children states that she will leave an establishment when her child/children act out. Mom poo-pooed it.

• NYPD is planning to switch to Windows 10 Mobile. This is what we call a Dunderhead Move. Not because I hate Windows (well, not entirely) but because the platform is almost dead. Plus they must love pain. NYPD is already using Win 10 on their mobile phones, with the plan being to 'upgrade' them to Win 10 mobile. The reasoning is the security of the platform(!) and the mobile device management capabilities (which every other platform has too). Not only is this a stupid move, it's apparent that someone in the NYPD is either getting a kickback or is just incredibly friendly with a vendor. This isn't the first time this has happened.. many cities have selected statewide radio systems for police and fire that have been borderline useless. These people know nothing and rely on salespeople, who we know always tell the truth.

I prefer to let anatomy (especially blood) remain where it is, secure in the knowledge that it's doing what it's supposed to do, or at very least, I don't need to be looking there and passing out (possibly dying a rock star's death by choking on my own vomit). The other night we were catching up on Bones episodes. I remember them as intelligent and well-written, with funny and relatable characters and not a ridiculous amount of gore.  Apparently the focus changed while we weren't watching it. There were all sorts of hideous sights.. I can't and won't try to describe them, as I spent a good portion of the episodes looking at my computer instead of the tv. One particular delicacy involved a mostly eaten body with a carnivorous fish embedded inside what was left of it. Even the wife, a nurse, thought it was pretty gross. So Bones has changed a bit.

In addition to those bodily functions, there's one that of which I was never aware: the switch in my ass. Before your mind wanders too far, there's a switch in my butt that activates the dog whenever I sit. It lets him know it's a great time to do something that involves notifying me in an urgent manner and tone. This can be one of three things: I need food, I need to go outside, or I need water. He never asks for two at the same time, preferring to nudge me for them individually when the switch activates. As parents of bipeds, I suspect you know of this switch. Thus concludes your hidden anatomy lesson for the day (hopefully the year).

• Over 50 parents in England were furious when their children were left stranded on a bus because their Muslim driver stopped on a main road and knelt down to pray. I'm thinking that if your religion is going to interfere with doing your job that much, perhaps you need a different job. Imagine if other religions practiced during their work time...
• Islamists would park the bus across traffic, hoping cars and trucks would kill the kids
• Christians would sacrifice the children to God, while the Catholics would make them feel guilty for it
• Jews would take the kids out for a nice corned beef special, requesting the early-bird and group discounts
• Buddhists would have the children visualize going to school
• Atheist drivers would insist there are no schools and drop the kids back home

Friend to all, the IRS paid $12 million for Microsoft software it doesn't use. Not that anyone should use Microsoft software, but this is yet another example of government waste. But let's keep it between us, or else The Audits Will Begin.

• In today's Internet of Things update, Philips has pushed a firmware update that "accidentally" caused all 3rd party bulbs to stop working. In Plain English, the Philips bulbs are internet-connected. Philips sent/forced an update that makes other connected bulbs stop working. Not only will your house get hacked from outside, your appliances will fight each other for dominance. The fridge will not only refuse to tell you what's inside, it will keep trying to stop the oven from working. The oven, in retaliation, will send the fridge's password to anyone who asks, resulting in it divulging its contents and people ordering food that can't fit into it. Your heater will experience sibling rivalry with the air conditioner, causing hourly changes in house temperature, similar to changes in season. Your sleep (and sex life) will be completely ruined by hackers inflating and deflating your sleep number mattress while you're in bed.

The internet and the local Fox morning show have been awash with multiple segments about Beyonce's bleeding ear. One report had fans ripping out their own earrings. Still no word about her fans' eardrums.

• According to a Men's Health magazine poll on Faceyspaces, which might explain it, half of men shave or trim their leg hair. I find this almost as perplexing as this election.

As we can all agree, this election has been a Class A Shitshow. A dumpster fire extraordinaire. The Dirty Tricks Squad<tm> has been out in force. To give you an idea of what's been happening behind the scenes, check out this video on the Clinton campaign's Agitator Program<tm>.  Be certain that this happens on both sides of the alleged aisle. And it's only going to get dirtier from here.

• In Germany, a man turned himself in to the police, admitting that he put his baby up for sale on Ebay, but it was a joke. Apparently one cannot sell a baby on Ebay - who knew? Oh yeah, the police are only referring to the family as 'refugees'.

PornHub wants everyone to know that after the scary clown sightings, searches for clown porn went through the roof. This has been a public service announcement.

• After having won the Nobel Prize for Literature, the committee cannot reach Bob to work out details. This may be the coolest thing to happen since John Lennon returned his MBE to the Queen.

I'm not sure but it's possible Samsung has declared war on China. It seems Samsung did not include China in its initial recall of its fire-prone devices.

• Chinese media says emojis should be regulated. I agree but think they should be terminated with extreme prejudice

At a recent Amy Schumer appearance, some audience members walked out over her Trump-bashing. While I believe no one should have Amy inflicted upon them, they did pay for the tickets. Would you walk out on a comic for something like this?

• Lest we think my technical criticisms of the presidential candidates is one-sided, it has been discovered that Trump's organization is using the Windows Server 2003 operating system. Again, my love for Windows aside, Microsoft discontinued support for Server 2003 last year. This is inexcusable.
• Speaking of which, my digestion has been interrupted by news that Hillary considered Bill or Melinda Gates as VP candidates. The Official Campaign Move would be Kill Bill. Bill Clinton reported to be nervous. Truly the Axis if Evil.

Hack Hack Hacking a Lung

A UK woman, for some reason a model, wants to be so fat she can't move. No, really. He boyfriend, a feeder, is feeding her obsession. She currently weighs 50 stone, which, according to an online converter, is 700 pounds. Regardless of conversion accuracy, she's a flipping disaster. Her plan is to reach 1000 pounds. This is a sexual fantasy, people.  I figure she must have some interesting life insurance and the boyfriend is gonna get his jollies then she's going to die in short order. Apparently nobody told them it's dangerous to be to fat.

Oh yeah.. don't say anything bad or you'll be fat-shaming.

• Apparently fax machines can be radicalized. Yes, binLaden figured out a way to turn your machine against you. If you still have one, keep an eye on it. You never know what it will get up to. The real problem is not the fax machine - the real problem is that the government is getting involved to help us. (article is from 2015)

There is now a petition on Change.org to End Discrimination of Young Women by the Boy Scouts of America. I don't know where these miniature Einsteins come up with this stuff, but it looks like they're serious. It also looks like they're not aware of the Girl Scouts and Brownies. Until the Girl Scouts are petitioned to end discrimination against young men, I'm not signing. The good news is that gays can now join Boy Scouts but atheists are still persona non grata.

• Senate democrats are holding up a Zika funding bill over language inserted by republicans relating to Planned Parenthood. This sounds like a perfect time to enact my One Topic Rule: all legislation will be restricted to one topic only. No inserts or backdoors. One topic.

Amy Schumer says that anyone who isn't a feminist is insane. Amy is a Subject Matter Expert (SME).

• A potential entry for Best Headline: Fish Fraud is Absolutely Rampant. In a recent study, one in five samples was mislabeled. Next time your order flounder, remember that in reality, you could be eating the bumper of a 1975 Pinto.

In a very alarming trend, HSBC bank has become the latest financial institution to allow selfies as a form of identification. This must certainly be the final horseman of the apocalypse.

• Londoners were urged to look out for and report brothels so the government could watch for sexual exploitation. It's for the children. In other news, the IRS has urged Americans to report businesses and people not charging income tax, so the government coud look out for sexual exploitation. Tax cheating is the gateway drug to sex-trafficking.

According to just-released research, over half of 18-24 year old female students experience sexual harassment. one in seven males too. Just short of half 18-24 year old female students and six in seven male students are protesting for the right to be harassed too.

• My best friend got dragged to a Springsteen concert. It was only fair - he drags his wife to his concerts (although his concerts are naturally lots better).  This morning he sent me a link to an article noting that Bruce just broke the record for longest concert held at that venue. It's like being 'volunteered' for the Afghani army. The torture never stops.

My company has done a tremendously safe thing and outlawed Firefox from its desktops. In fact, the system is so safe that even its own administrators cannot install Firefox to the desktops, despite incredibly expensive software and systems designed for just this purpose. Although I require Firefox to perform my duties and have Supervisor Permission, nobody in the entire corporation can install the program.  Just between us, I installed Firefox when I first arrived. The other day I was using it and POOF, it completely disappeared. Uninstalled by itself, by the same system that cannot install it. The institutional incompetence is mind-boggling.

• A woman has been accused of setting fire to a blanket and a control panel on a jetBlue flight. We're sure glad the TSA has protected us against this sort of thing. Good thing she didn't have a box cutter, eh?  Did we have this level of Crazy before 9-11, which went unreported?

In another bold move for equality, Brown University will be making tampons available in men's restrooms. No word yet on where men are going to put them...

• Mark the date: September 8th is National Ampersand Day. Because we've run out of all other days. Well.. maybe National Twig Day. National Belly Lint Day. National Termite Day. National Mother-In-Law Day (although that's going too far).

I know you're asking yourself how to generate a good, safe password. While you're waiting for an answer, here are the top 40 passwords - please don't use any of these:

Think it can't happen to you?

I strongly urge you, if you haven't already, to get your affairs in order. Life insurance for those who will be left behind, will, power of attorney, advanced directive, burial wishes and payment, disposition of your Stuff, etc. Please do this before it's needed. Save those left behind a lot of additional grief and assure your wishes are enforced.

Happy 15th Anniversary