Has Anybody Seen My Nose Hair?

 Your love is like  repeated listenings to Yoko Ono

Chris Rock is touring. Tickets are $135. 

$175 if you want to take a shot at him.

Today I identify as  a lesbian

• Drinking coffee may help treat ADHD, study says
• Meh. If that were true, I'd be normal by now.

NFL franchises must appoint 'diverse person' as part of new guidance

Who do they think they are - the president? But they're right - I have yet to see a single Asian person on or off the field.

I get the impression that nobody's watching over the security of power generation, or they're asleep at the wheel. There are a lot of stories about power stations getting hacked. This terrifies me. The industry needs to wake up. Now.

12:00 noon (even in Canada)

My phone is making those ALERT ALERT ALERT noises. Nothing good ever comes from an ALERT noise. I hope it's not an alert about those yellow children - it's such a shame. No, wait, it's a weather ALERT. Considering that our paid forecasters have an accuracy rate of somewhat lower than the odds in Vegas, I don't hold out much hope for the yellows.

So let's see... there's some sort of squall by 1:00. Of course there is - it's (temporarily) bright outside. Plus I'm not sure what a squall is. Is that the little bird people hunt? Why would they need a warning about that? Seems like unfair advantage to the hunters. 

12:30 ALERT ALERT ALERT

Apparently the squalls are running late, owing to a problem on a 737 where some guy doesn't want to wear a mask and keeps referring to the captain as Sissy Bob. This should put the squall overhead by 1:30.

3:30 ALERT ALERT ALERT

Just when I had had it with squalls, it turns out this is a SNOW squall, which might be a white version of the aforementioned bird. Apparently there are so many of them, there will be whiteout conditions (out of the blue). This will happen by 4:30, or until you hear the next ALERT ALERT ALERT.  It's still almost sunny outside, so this is the perfect condition for squalls, snow, sleet, slush, birds, and flying white Lincolns.

GO AHEAD - tell me there are no advantages to being an amateur agoraphobic. I was before the Flying AIDS. I was during the Flying AIDS. And now I was during the Great Squalls of National Women's History Month. 

• If you list your Ebay item with "WOW" in the title, at least one of us is an idiot.

Flying AIDS News

CDC reports fewer COVID-19 pediatric deaths after data correction

March 18, 2022, Reuters

Fauci Was 'Untruthful' to Congress About Wuhan Lab Research, New Documents Appear To Show

September 9, 2021, Newsweek

The C.D.C. Isn’t Publishing Large Portions of the Covid Data It Collects

February 20, 2022, New York Times

Pfizer, Moderna vaccines aren’t the same; study finds antibody differences

With a second booster now authorized for some, the question is when to get it [Updated]

Today I learned:  when you go to someone's house and they're serving you dinner, do not refer to the guacamole as 'frog in a blender.'

Top General Exposes War Corruption, Profiteering

• Twitter user sentenced to 150 hours of community service in UK for posting ‘offensive’ tweet
• They're coming for us too. Just not yet.

UFO Cover-up
Two-Page Summary of the Book Disclosure
Government & Military Witnesses Testify on Major UFO Cover-up

Today's Useless Fact

Less than 1% of the population has violet eyes. At one time, everybody had brown eyes. Color is a function of melanin, with other than brown eyes having less. Out of the other colors, green is the most rare.  Elizabeth Taylor was supposed to have violet eyes, but it was caused by lighting; her eyes were blue.

We have a really large jar of vinegar. I'm not sure why.

You know what's coming, right?

I came down this morning to the smell of....... bleach, and towels on the floor.

As it was explained to me, the dog launched herself into the kitchen, broke the seal on the new, gallon-size vinegar bottle, and knocked it over, spreading it all over the place.

I think the bleach smell was to get rid of the vinegar smell.

Don't ask me - I just live here.

*If you have a battery-operated device and the batteries have leaked, remove them and soak a Q-tip with distilled vinegar. Wipe the battery contacts down. They will come up like new and the device will work with batteries.

So we have the Zombie Dishes, where I wash them and they reappear in the sink, dirty. It's most disconcerting. The other day I noticed something even more strange: Automatic Trashcans. I drag them to the curb, and figured Wife put them back. Today she told me she didn't. Now we're looking at each other strangely (moreso). Zombie Dishes cause more work, but Automatic Trashcans cause less work. We thought it might be our friends, but ours went back hours before theirs. Now we're flummoxed. It's definitely not the dog because she's always with us. I don't hear them moving, which is a little odd. Don't get me wrong - I'm thankful, but I'd like to know who to thank. One doesn't exactly go down the block, bashing pots and pans together, saying "THANK YOU FOR PUTTING THE CANS BACK," like a one-lunatic parade (let's just say that one doesn't do that twice).

Who does one hire to check up on trashcans? Private investigator? Priest? Native American? Out of work circus clowns? Do I put trackers in them? Small video recorders? Can you imagine the call to the police? If the good-doer has a wand and BLIPs them away, I guess the video won't work. I could get a house video system, but I don't want Amazon to know before I do. At very least I want to thank them and maybe ask if they'd trade for mowing season, which is coming up. 

NASA Astronaut Back on Earth After Russia Joked About Leaving Him in Space

Because of Putin's invasion of Ukraine, there were questions about how our astronaut would get back from the Space Station. Russia said they would, under certain considerations:

1. he let everyone call him Stoli
2. he refer to Biden as an idiot (along with the other 74% of the country)
3. he drink the cosmonauts under the table, with something called wodka
4. he wear a diaper on the way down, in that old, rickety Russian ship
5. he only breathe American air, not Russian
6. he start a 'special friendship' with one of the cosmonauts
7. have the landing changed to somewhere easier to spell than Kazakhstan

Be Careful Not to Catch Kubernetes

One of the signs of the end of 'civilization' has arrived: there is an attack for android that uses the accelerometer to 'listen' and transmit the results to an attacker.

Microsoft, Google, and Apple clouds are banned in Germany's schools. They do not satisfy Germany's privacy standards.  Pay close attention to the section on Windows 10 telemetry.  There is also a city government in Germany that jettisoned Windows for linux.

Here's 100 linux command line commands explained, for your linux pleasure. No, linux does not have to be run from the command line - it can look just like Windows or anything else.


You're probably bored with your drone and need a little more excitement. Boy, are you in luck: Throwflame has a drone, complete with flamethrower. 

How about those new USB-C cables? Did you know there are 6 different kinds, that all look the same? My brain hurts.

2300 National Health Service (UK) computers are running Win XP.
I told you socialized medicine is no good.




Say thanks.
Some of the most underappreciated people are those who work at the counter or behind the scenes. People who may know you when you come in to use their services. Some are even downright friendly.

Next time you go to one of these places (vet, doctor's office, etc), bring something along, if you appreciate their service. Nobody else does, and the reaction is open-mouthed surprise. Thank the person who gave you a later appointment when you overslept, or who got something done for you faster than usual. Bring a donut or a dozen. Coffee. Candy. It costs little and means a lot.



Dear lefty

• What is phishing?
• When people who can't spell stick their thing in the water to catch stuff

NATO mistakenly published the location of 150 US nuclear warheads in Europe. Pure genius. Also, the US is reportedly spending up to $10 billion to modernize this arsenal.

1. can I have a few of the old ones?
2. I TOLD YOU about the dangers of Big Government and the Military Industrial Complex. Endless war. Your money is paying for this. Imagine how much more of your own money you'd have if the military were for a strong defense only... you could more than afford ridiculously expensive health insurance.
3. President Eisenhower said this about the Military Industrial Complex

Irony Runs Thick

Bernie Sanders' campaign workers are demanding a $15/hr "living wage" and 100% free healthcare for those earning under $60k.  The campaign has thus far resisted.

UPDATE: unable to take the battering of the Irony Squad, workers were granted $15/hr. And had their hours cut.

• I'm telling you, pick up some YooHoo in juice boxes and put it in the fridge. Your taste buds will thank you.

Coworker Follies

ME: asks can you please see if you can find this for me? I can't find it.
HIM: when is the meeting?
ME: what meeting
HIM: the meeting with Bob's Incorporated
ME: I'm not aware of any meeting
HIM: the one with Bob's
ME: I'm still not aware of any meeting
HIM: you sent me an email, asking me about the meeting
ME: no, I sent you an email, asking you to FIND this in the Bob Box. If it makes you happy, you can meet with Bob's.
HIM: No thank you. I'm confused.
ME: I concur.

There is such a basic level of miscommunication, it sounds like we're married.

• Don't let them hoodwink you and charge you extra: guacamole is frog in a blender.

A woman claims Taco Bell served her a 'doorknob' in her nachos.
The joke's on her - it was the healthiest part of the meal.

• Remember the Mosquito? The device that emits high frequencies that only 20 somethings can hear, but not 30s. It's to repel people, like in riots. Well, it's being used in public parks in Philthydelphia. The city that wants your guns, taxes your sugary beverages, and is proud to be a sanctuary city.
• The city is using a riot tool to keep people out of city parks after dark.

There's some sort of problem with the way humans hear and (hopefully) comprehend. It comes in 2 forms: phone and email. The words in capitals are the words the person hears....

PHONE
Hi - I want to kill your daughters HI BOB - HOW ARE YA?

for some reason, people don't hear the first words you say.


EMAIL
1. DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE REPORTS ARE?
2. Would you like a raise?

you will get an answer to 1 but not a word about 2. This applies to anything you ask for with 2 topics or more.



We always like to think our children are gorgeous and bright. I know mine is gorgeous, but the jury is out on bright. Last night, she somehow managed to get a rear paw nail caught around her ear. Same this morning. We thought maybe she was special.

During her final chemo appointment, they put a bandage around her leg. She was trying to get it off.

Maybe if I hide, no one will see me...

The results are in, and Penny is CANCER FREE!
The vets are happy for us and for themselves, because they want her back every 3 months for Very Expensive Tests.




Florida man arrested for "being awesome" after throwing his son into the ocean to 'teach him to swim'.  The police did not think I was awesome for throwing the neighbor into the ocean.



SJW Antics

The Apollo program was designed by men, for men. If we do not acknowledge the gender bias of the early space program, it becomes difficult to move past it
[New York Times]

The People's Republic of Berkeley, CA, is removing all gendered language from city code. No more He and She - now it's They. Including rest rooms.

Instagram is hiding 'likes' in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, Italy, Japan, and Brazil, in the hope it will make people feel less judged.

Every woman has a right to have her scrotum waxed  [twitter]

Ivanka Trump mocked for giving 'all white' dog to her daughter.  [Newsweek]

Children of color make up more than half the student population—but only 20% of public school teachers are people of color. Our plan will devote $500 million per year to create-world class teacher academies at MSIs and HBCUs, so more students can have teachers who look like them.  [Beto O'Rourke]