Existence is Futile [Borg updated]

Hey, how bout those Teslas..  The Teslas that every owner just got locked out of, with an "Unknown Error."  Customer Service lines are melting. Nobody knows. Unless you have the key card and fob, you're fsckd.

YouTube will be fined up to $200 million over COPPA investigation.
Staff in an uproar - that's the weekly toilet paper budget for the Executive 
Lavatory.

In a race with the government and Google for most evil, Faceyspaces now has facial recognition for all users. Fuck yourself with a molten ingot.

Headline: Yahoo email users logged in to discover email was broken.
Real Headline: People use Yahoo email.

Google's spellcheck for bloggers is broken. Please excuse any errors (I read the first word or two of every other paragraph, so I'm not much help).


A mid 1800s (People's Republic of) California law criminalized able-bodied people not helping the police when requested. The governor struck down the law.  This goes nicely with the other governor who governed that no one should assist ICE in their sanctuary city. I'm trying to get our governor to decriminalize bank robbing and online bank hacking. And those really interesting adult businesses on the edge of town....

A different governor noted that hurricanes and fires are getting worse, but he's happy with what his party's doing (D - DisneyWorld).  The next presidential debate will note this climate change and officially blame Trump.

• Hurricane Dorian hit Florida. Both were moving at 8mph.

Dear lefty

• What's today's gripe?
• Those guys I hired apparently didn't 'modify' your brake cable

Lefty guitarists, this is your once in a lifetime chance!
For only $399, you can buy a PRS Private Stock.... case.  I love ebay.

• The brave protesters in Hong Kong have won: the extradition bill has been withdrawn. They fought for freedom, using American inspiration and slogans. We fight for more kitty picture on Faceyspaces.

Major automakers have agreed to equip nearly all US vehicles with systems to remind motorists of passengers in the back seat, in an effort to avoid deaths of young children left behind in hot cars.  Congress never met a topic they couldn't 'fix' with legislation. How long til it alerts the authorities?

• Joe Biden had a press op at a Dairy Queen. He ordered a Whopper.

• Seth Ator, the man accused of killing 7 people in Texas, was already barred from purchasing firearms due to mental disability.
• He had also been calling police and the FBI for years, leaving incoherent messages. It's almost as if they weren't doing anything on purpose....

No thank you, I'd rather pull bugs out of my cereal

• Best Tweet: If you think an AR-15 is too dangerous, you should check out the MK-Ultra.  @beinlibertarian

I think one of my credit cards is having a good time at my expense.
They send me ridiculous emails every day, with some magic offers, none of which are relevant, and none I want to receive. To make matters worse, they put stupid little graphics on the subject line. That alone merits punishment. Nobody puts emojis or whatever the hell they are in my email program.

So I showed them. Last week I went to their site and opted out from all their ridiculous emails. Then they showed me, by emailing garbage, as if I hadn't opted out. This morning, furious at the invasion of my mailbox (yes, before I took my meds), I went BACK to the site and again opted out of everything. HA!

When I got back from that, there was another email in my inbox. With an emoji. They have one week to fix this, before I have them strung up for spamming their customers. I will also have their pets adopted out to other families, and replaced with ostriches. Their blenders will all fail, and they'll have nothing but hand mixers. And their internet will all be G-rated. Do not mess with me.

• 20 members of Boris Johnson's Conservative party have voted against him to prevent the UK from leaving the EU without a plan in place. They want a swimming pool.
• Boris' plan to suspend UK Parliament ahead of Brexit is lawful, a judge in Scotland ruled.  Emboldened by the news, Boris will be firing all of his opponents.

Coworker Follies

ME: can you find the Bob List?
HIM: what's a Bob list?
ME: a list with 'Bob' in it. I'm assured it exists.
(5 minutes later)
HIM: found it. Would you like a screenshot or should I share my screen?
ME: (starting to shake head violently) Just tell me where it is, please.
HIM: it's in the Jimmy Box - go here, ask it for everything, and there you go.
ME: How does asking for everything give you the Bob List?
HIM: Ummm.. it just does.
ME: (looks, yells, removes paint from walls) Ok, send me the screenshot.
HIM: Here you go.
ME: Thank you. Now where on this screenshot is the word 'Bob'.
HIM: No, there's no Bob on that list.
ME: THEN WHEN DID I SPEND THE LAST 10 MINUTES OF MY LIFE WITH YOU 'finding' SOMETHING that doesn't show WHAT I ASKED FOR?

At least he's consistent... he consistently aggravates me by consistently answering questions incorrectly.

One hour later....

HIM: Hey - I found the Bob List! It's here. I can get to it.
ME: do you plan on sharing it with me or did you just want me to know you found it?
HIM: It's easy.
ME: I remain in a waiting state. (eyeballs banging into each other)
HIM: hit the arrow button on the top left, next to the logo.
ME: pretty neat - let me give it a shot
ME: (searches around, cannot find an arrow) Ummm sorry, I don't have an arrow
HIM: I'm 5 steps ahead of you. I sent you a screenshot. (nothing if not disorganized).
ME: the arrow up top
HIM: yes!
ME: on the screenshot, you circled the arrow button up top... the BACK button on the browser.
HIM: Yup - it worked.
ME: You're telling me to hit the BACK button to make the Bob List come up.
HIM: Yes!
ME: We used to get vaccines so we didn't have people like you.
(5 minutes later)
HIM: I can't repeat this reliably.


Work is fun... we have these surveys... we are encouraged to fill them out. I enjoy filling out surveys, in the way I enjoy getting getting checked for.. whatever it is they're checking for when the doc puts his finger up your butt. This is made easier by the surveys being voluntary and anonymous. Yup, 100% voluntary. Right up til they notice I haven't filled it in and they contact my boss. Please do not deluge me with requests for job applications.

• The dog has been quiet all morning, in her yard. This is odd. If she barks, she comes inside, so as not to annoy the neighbors.
• Hours later, I go to the bathroom and have a seat.
• BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

Heroes of the Stupid

My behavior in bed is atrocious. Stop - this is G-rated.
According to a reliable source, who isn't the dog, I am quite entertaining. I start with Mattress Dancing, where I twitch, jump, and roll. When the warmup is done, I get to the main show: laughing, cursing, crying, and punching. I am horrified that I punched my wife.  When I wake up, I'm given a review of my performance: "I'll give it two fists, Bob."

No matter when or how I call my wife on the phone, I don't get through. If I text, she texts back, forgetting that it takes from an hour to 3 days for it to reach me. When I mention this, she says "Ida know..."  Reflecting on this, maybe the phone and the punching are subconscious.



SJW Stunts


Kansas university faculty wants Chik-fil-A banned from campus for fears of 'safety' and 'mental well being'. They believe the chain violates "safety and inclusion"  When do these people have time to teach?  Oh.

Council member says cleaning feces off Seattle streets with a power washer is racist.  It's getting worse when these headlines go under SJW and Stupid.

Porsche is making a leather-free version of its new Taycan electric sports car in the latest attempt by a German automaker to play up green credentials as environmental activists lobby for a boycott of the industry.  Then all the SJWs will buy a Porsche!

Well, mine is...

Breathing is Overrated

A Philadelphia Jewish cemetery was vandalized the other day. Because, you know, there's nothing more dangerous than a dead Jew.

• Subway chicken has been revealed to be only 50% chicken - the other 50% is soy filler. Semi-vegetarian chicken!

On today's news: guitar strap pocketbooks. As a guitar player, I have to go and shoot myself now.

• My coworker, who uses very complex equipment, just requested training on the Windows Snipper (screenshot) program. Oh, my head...

I often recommend keeping your passwords in password keepers. Popular password keepers have just been found to be leaking personal information. Read it and weep.  I recommend Keepass, which wasn't studied.

• I don't often touch Hollywood, except for the funniest and most egregious nonsense, but this one really bowls me over: Kaley Cuoco and Big Bang Theory co-stars 'offer to take $100,000 per episode pay cuts so actresses Mayim Bialik and Melissa Rauch can get raises.' 
• Meanwhile, Mrs lefty is annoyed over Kaley's constant calls to me since she got divorced.

Unless someone is doing a monumental job of trolling, there is now a connected CampStove that provides real time data about the strength of your fire. And now, Chinese hackers will be the first to know you've hit 200 degrees! Folks, this will only get more stupid...

• Today is World Book Day. Books were incredibly important to me as a child, as I preferred their company to people. They allowed me to escape whatever I thought my life was and I'd stay up til all hours of the morning escaping. Here are a few favorites:
• Douglas Adams; Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, a 5 book trilogy of hilarious, abstract humor, from a master of the language. Also read his 2 book series, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (there is currently a tv show on BBC America). Douglas (RIP) is my absolute favorite and I'd pay to watch him pace around a stage, saying whatever came to mind.
• Robert A Heinlein: I think I've read every one of his Future History series (with Lazarus Long), as well as everything else science fiction-y that wasn't oriented toward dragons. This man's writing and worlds truly kept me up til strange hours, instead of doing homework or trivial things like sleeping. He had a remarkable sense of the future and a very enlightened attitude towards sex for his time.
• Samuel Shem: House of God is an informative and hilarious story about residents in a New York hospital and their guru. It's difficult to make this sound funny, but read it. There was a sequel and a movie too, although I've never seen them.
• How many of these 20 classics have you read? It's British and I don't agree with every book listed, but I (embarrassingly) come up with two. You?

 Both fascinating and terrifying is a nondeterministic universal Turing machine using DNA molecules, as candidates for future organic computers. They will use DNA instead of silicon. The DNA can replicate itself to perform more calculations as needed.  Mark this date... SkyNet is becoming reality.

• despite Microsoft's touting of its latest OS as its "most secure," Windows 10 had the highest proportion of vulnerabilities of any OS (395), a 46 percent jump from Windows 8 and Windows 8.1 (265 each).

My wife just brought home a package of table grapes. I didn't know these existed and am a little scared to try one.  If possible, I'd prefer couch grapes, as they're much better-suited to my lifestyle.

YAHOO!!!!!

Yahoo, the company to watch for routine security breaches of up to hundreds of  millions of users, in an SEC filing, blamed the 2014 - 500 million account breach on unnamed senior executives and its legal team for failing to properly investigate. This was a state-sponsored attack (in the current climate, we blame Russia for everything, but I'm thinking not). "...certain senior executives did not properly comprehend or investigate...". Further, Security discovered that the attacker had taken copies of the user database backup files with personal data of Yahoo users. This same attacker was busy again in 2015 and 2016 but this was not investigated, resulting in 32 million accounts being exposed.

At this point, if I were a Yahoo user, I'd be screaming, closing accounts, and ceasing all use of Yahoo products. If I were a shareholder, I'd be screaming for the heads of everyone on the board. Speaking of which, the counsel is leaving without severance and the CEO will not receive a cash bonus for 2016 and will forego her 2017 annual equity award (more than $10m). There are 43 consumer class action lawsuits, with possibly more to come.

These guys are truly The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight. You will notice that the senior executives went unnamed and they managed to insert some uncertainty by claiming executives did not understand, slightly tinging the Security team. Other reports indicate the board simply ignored Security.

Hey Dum Dums... security is everybody's business. Companies need to lead in top-down manner, where everybody up TOP practices good security and it gets reflected down, making it part of corporate culture. So long as those up top don't understand and/or care, this is going to be a problem for all companies. Apparently Yahoo is too dim to learn from their multiplicity of mistakes.

Once again, close any Yahoo accounts you have and don't use any of their other products

Shhhhhh... Amazon is Listening

So how about that Amazon Echo? The little log-like device that sits on your table. You talk to it and it can order stuff, turn on lights, change the temperature and put one of your kids up for adoption (that's entirely fabricated). This is an absolute privacy nightmare, which means it's becoming a very popular item. Remember: anything that 'listens', like Echo, Siri, and Google Voice, sends everything you say to central servers. This apparently does nothing to deter people from using or purchasing these devices - my prediction is that it will get an awful lot worse (because people are stupid).

As one should expect, the police are already interested in data from one of these devices, which was in the the house where a crime was committed. According to security expert Bruce Schneier, Echo only listens for its name, so it's not likely anything was even recorded, but Amazon, to its credit, refuses to turn the information over. It's not paranoia if it's really happening. And this technology is going to be in other products soon, like your fridge. Hey, Fridge... order us some hookers.

This technology is right out of a pair of futuristic science fiction novels.... one where you walk into your house and control everything by talking to your Little Black Box. And another where the authorities can hear everything you do and the television watches you, like 1984 but worse. How about a happy medium? Or better yet, a safe one?

• Yahoo hasn't had a major email breach announced in a week or two, so they're overdue. Right on schedule, this August 2013 breach, affecting 500 million accounts, is one of the biggest on record. These guys step right up to the plate, every time, and beat themselves (and their users) over the head with their own bat (forgive the sports metaphor). When did Yahoo turn up this breach? They didn't; it came from law enforcement last November.
• In unrelated news, related to my previous recommendation: Shut. Down. Your. Yahoo. Email. Period.

Hey, straight white guys, here's the latest info: you're generally trash! At least you are according to Teen Vogue 'journalist' Lauren Duca. Dear Ms. Duca had someone banned from Twitter, then made the above wise statement. If your teen daughter reads Teen Vogue, this is what she's getting.

• Here are ten ways to harden your Android phone's security. Simple and common sense.

My coworker is helping to Make America Great Again:

HIM: I have to update the database and move it to the portal.

ME: I thought you already moved it to the portal

HIM: Which database are you using?

ME: I'm using the portal

HIM: I do not see the database on the portal

ME: here's the URL....

HIM: that's the OLD database, not the new one I'm forwarding.

ME: We have a new one?

This goes on daily.

• Word has reached this blog that Madonna has always felt systematically repressed by the omnipresent Patriarchy. I'd like to add that we have always felt systematically oppressed by her 'music'.

Long before I had started my IT Career, such as it is, I was into electronics. Right next to the shop was an elderly lady who the owner befriended. She was hearing beeps and they sent me over to check it out. I had a feeling I knew what it was and I was right - it was the smoke detector, beeping its little heart out at one minute intervals to let the owner knew the battery was running down. I was a hero for the day and she got a new battery.

I mention this stupid story as an intro to Current Day, when I started to hear beeping from across the room.  As there are no smoke detectors in that vicinity, it was a bit confusing. In fact, more than confusing. Actually, it drove two of us up a ($&#ing tree, to be polite. The tree was full of little sticky bits, like thorns on a rose, and we were full of blood. We were also screaming so much, the dog got frightened and ran. It chirped at roughly one minute intervals. I walked to the general area of the noise to locate it. At the general area, the chirping seemed to come from a different general area. I looked like a blind person trying to locate a noise, only blind people can locate noise - I couldn't. Next up came The Wife, who, similarly, could not locate the sound. Wife seemed to hear it coming from the other direction. This caused additional frustration because of the unspoken thought that either the other was deaf or stupid or disagreeing on general principles.

Wife went into Hunt Mode. When this failed, Wife went into Throwing Mode. As it turned out, Throwing Mode was quite successful, in that it stopped the chirping. We still had no idea what caused it, but the blessed relief of no bleeping more than made up for it.

This morning it started up again. No amount of hunting, screaming, or throwing would make the noise cease or reveal its location. Our only salvation was that the noise was weaker, so in theory, the battery was draining and the noise would cease some time after our brains exploded or we had killed each other and only the dog survived. We have taken a ten square foot section of the room down to bare floor with what is referred to in corporate circles as Negative Progress. I think it's one of a small quantity (100 or so) of handheld games my wife doesn't remember she owns.

I was reminded of my otherworldly skill in making things Happen when I turned this way and that, trying to localize the infernal noise. First a series of large trash trucks went down the street. Next a huge plane flew overhead. I am not making this up.

Stay tuned for important updates.

• Love him or hate him, Trumpie is always interesting. Days before officially taking office, CNN and Buzzfeed ran a story, now referred to as Pissgate. The story, as it turns out, was a joke, made up last year by the folks over at 4Chan. In other words, Fake News.  Donald had a press conference and CNN stood up with a question. The president-elect pointed at Mr. CNN and said FAKE NEWS.  The internet was abuzz, some taking him to task over Pissgate (even after it was proven false); some lauding him for telling it like it is; some screaming Freedom of the Press!
• Let's consider that everything we hear from Mainstream Media is determined by six corporate entities - radio, print, and television. Let us also consider that the press overwhelming supported Hillary Clinton for president (proven). Let's consider that Trump is largely bypassing MSM for electronic communications (Twitter, etc). I think the man has a point.
• I didn't vote for him but his achievements thus far have been interesting. This does not mean things can't go downhill, but I'm hoping things turn out well for the country. We need to come together, lest the plan of Divide and Conquer be effective - and it has been incredibly effective to date.
• BRIEF ADDITION: Rudy '911' Giuliani has been named Cyber-Czar. I had no idea Rudy had any security experience at all, but he has an information security consulting firm. The website is run by software that's years out of date and quite hackable. Let's be fair: Rudy didn't put the site up himself, but...

The Consumer Electronics Show (CES) is here. This is a Really Big Deal, as manufacturers flout their wares, showing off their New Stuff. Industry people, news, and Just Plain People get to see what's coming.  This brief overview, by Twitter use Internetofshit, has some spectacular examples. My favorites are the solar charging hat and the bone conduction speaker/personal neurofeedback device. This should explain all those people who hear voices.

• Apparently there is a gender gap in information security. I will pause for a moment, while you figure out which gender is underrepresented... People are working to bridge this gap, including a non-profit called CREST. Because we really don't care about security - we just need more internal plumbing.
• When we are done fixing this problem, perhaps we can convene a worldwide special interest group, that will work to tackle this issue as it pertains to guitar players. The working motto is "We need more vaginas, not more boobs."

Here Comes the Noise Again

I like to tell people we live in a nice, quiet neighborhood, right up until we moved in, but that's not correct. We're pretty quiet too, surprisingly. We only have odd bursts of noise, like the TRASH TRUCKS. There are three of them, plus both sides of the street, so we get treated to six trucks stopping at every house, with all the noise involved, up and down the block, for as long as we can hear them. Plus the lady who blows her #*@&ing horn at 7:05 every morning for no known reason, perhaps rudely picking up some brat or other. And the mailman, who Marshall used to bark at. Marshall's getting older and isn't always aware that his mortal enemy is coming up the steps, but once a day or so, Marshall sits on his own steps and barks at someone or something I can't see.

I love Marshall but...

Speaking of trash, if you care to look, you can tell which neighbors are retired or not working by their Trash Patterns.  What are Trash Patterns, you ask?? Glad you asked. Trash Patterns are when they put the trash cans to the curb and when they move them back to the house.

It is said that good neighbors take care of each other but this was never more apparent than when my wife started to let loose that she knew an awful lot about the comings and goings of the neighbors. The guy across the street must be sick, because he goes to work every morning at 7:17 and his car has been in his garage all week. Next door usually goes to church every morning but hasn't the past two days - I hope she's ok. There's a Monty Python sketch about this (there's a Monty Python sketch about everything, as it should be), with two women running the equivalent of the early 1970's NSA in their apartment, one reporting what she sees and the other bringing it up on one of their monitors. My wife needs no monitors.. she can tell everything from sitting on the step or just looking out the window. She also catalogs the dogs that walk by and sometimes their owners. It's weird but consistent that people always remember the names of the dog but not always their owner.  "Hey, remember Max's mom? She's having surgery this week. I forget her name."

Let me wander back to Trash Patterns. The Crazy Lady, who recently celebrated her 439th birthday, puts her trash out the night before collection. My wife can tell you what time, but no doubt it's militarily consistent. In the span between 6.7 and 9.6 minutes after the trash trucks have left, The Crazy Lady emerges from her hole and drags each humongous can back to the safety of her Can Spot. I know she has a Can Spot but dare not make a note of where. Then there's the old retired dude across the street, who in spring and summer camps out on his lawn with coffee and a lounger, waiting for the trucks to come. As soon as they've driven down the street, he marches out, also with military precision, and puts them perfectly back in their place, because everything has a place to ensure Order. This dude either needs a hobby or is desperate to get away from his wife, thus turning trash into a multi-hour escapade, after which he goes back inside and cleans off his hand tools, that haven't been used since the last time he cleaned them.

But I digress. Always.

• The doctor asked me if I have any trouble sleeping. NOPE. Sleeping is something I'm very good at. No problem there, Doc.

Yahoo announced another breach. This is in addition to the last breach they announced. Just in case, change any Yahoo passwords you have. Better yet, close them. Yahoo needs to get their act together, perhaps starting with some heads rolling.

• In Merry Olde England, a Coca Cola delivery to a theater was canceled after a huge brawl. The truck (lorry in England) pulled up to the theater to deliver his soda and parked. A traffic warden objected to the parking location and let the driver know. The driver protested that he had all his paperwork. The warden said there would be no room for emergency vehicles, at which point the driver let him know that there was enough space on either side of the truck to park a small army. The warden was not impressed and started 'waving a finger with intent to scorn.' I love that phrase. The violence in the waving and scorning is most apparent. After this, the warden's hat was knocked off.
• For some reason known only to the warden, the warden began throwing cans of soda out of the lorry. Within minutes, more wardens arrived. Glass started breaking. Four riot vans arrived. All in all, fourteen people were involved in The Great Soda Riot of 2016. Presumably it was difficult to purchase soda at the theater ($7.95 each) and the had to settle for tea ($6.95).

Continuing our International Flair, the Chileans are in an uproar because a Cabinet minister received a blowup doll as a present. I truly wish this was the United States' biggest issue. Blowup dolls for everyone!

• Police in Mt Laurel, NJ, received a call about four suspicious donkeys behind a house. Apparently this was not a common sight, as the non-specific donkeys don't get reported.

Just in time for Christmas, a Tacoma, WA, elementary school's satan club opened. Naturally there were protests. The best quote from the protesters was, 

“These 5-year-old children are very impressionable; if you have an adult come in and talk about Satan, they’re going to be harmed by that."  

Make no mistake, the First Amendment states that this is a no-no. Period. But some judges decide on a 'compromise,' where all religions are allowed to participate. Lately this pattern ends right after the satanists put on their display. At this point, the Christians decide to tear the satanists' display down when nobody's looking and then reconsider their standpoint on anybody doing this on government grounds.

Hillary

huntin. Yes, women all over the neighborhood are going into the woods, hopeful for a Hillary sighting. Unconfirmed rumors state that the RNC is raising funds to lay bear traps. Here's Freddy, the largest dog in the world. The Great Dane stands 7'1" on his rear paws, which is a really silly way to measure a dog. Aside from being tall, Freddy also went through 23 couches. Although Guinness certifies Freddy as the largest dog, there is no word on whether he has the record for Couch Destruction.

Today's information breach occurred at PayAsUGym, further proving there's absolutely no value to exercise and in most cases, it's dangerous. 300,000 accounts were affected.

Academics at Oxford University are being offered therapy in case they've been disturbed by their research. Perhaps it's time to wall off a section of the blog, to be called The Snowflake Report.

• For those of you considering a vacation this holiday season, here's a bit of text from an FAA.gov summary: Please reboot your Boeing 787 at most, every 21 days. Otherwise it might reboot while in flight. Do not run your plane on Windows.

Pence Leaning on His Kaine

Cruise lines are banning Samsung Note 7s on their ships. Airlines are going there if not already. If I had one, I'd extend this to cars and houses. Probably pants and sidewalks too. Remember: they don't have to be on to catch fire. Kinda heartwarming when you think about it. New horror movie: Samsungs on a Plane.

• Speaking of Things, Animas insulin pumps can be hacked to deliver an overdose, via any of three vulnerabilities.  You have to remember that these devices need to have security built in and it is the responsibility of the consumer to take reasonable steps to secure it from their end. At very least change the default password, search Duckduckgo.com or a lesser search engine for  known vulnerabilities. Interestingly, all of the hacks make use of the unit's wireless capabilities. This can be done anywhere from 1-2KM (.86-1.574 miles) from the unit. In an unusual step, the manufacturer has gone public with the hack and posted a fix.
• Funny cartoon on what happens when you use 'connected' appliances.

If you have a Yahoo email account, know that Yahoo was forced to comply with a FISA court (government) demand to scan all email for a 'terrorist signature'. The order prevented Yahoo from disclosing anything relating to it. I previously recommended changing passwords due to the Yahoo hack. Now I'm recommending that you close your Yahoo account to let them know how you feel about Secret Email Scanning and security vs liberty. I'm closing mine.

• I've recommended the encrypted texting app Signal since I discovered it. I use it as my only chat app. You should too. It is a drop-in replacement for your existing chat and encrypts any text sent to a person also running Signal. If they don't have Signal, it works as normal but isn't encrypted. So install it and tell your friends. There's now a desktop version, although I'm not sure I need to text from my desktop. The app exists as a Chrome plugin, which is a shame, as I primarily use Firefox.  The phone app runs on android and the other operating system that shall not be named. Being a Chrome plugin, it will run on any desktop operating system that has a Chrome or Chrome-based browser.
• Why do I need encrypted texting or browsing, lefty? Certainly not because I'm doing anything wrong but because privacy is a right. If you don't use your rights, you lose them. Plus it's nobody's business what you're doing.

I invented a food. Yes, little old me. We were at a late night dinner after a gig. I got those wide-flat french fries, which are generally tasteless and require salt. The salt was hidden down at the other end of the table, because you don't want to put too much salt on a large table of diners. Fortunately, sitting next to me was a young lady who had ordered a Greek(?) salad. She did not like anchovies, so she left them in a pile next to the plate. Hmmm.... no salt... anchovies... and now we have Anchovy Fries. Since most people tend to hate anchovies, this will be of absolutely no use to them, but I don't care - I invented something. It was borderline clever, like me.

• A new study has linked birth control pills to depression. Is nothing sacred? Think of how depressed you'll be if birth control fails...
• Speaking of depression, a lot of antidepressants have the lovely side effect of sexual dysfunction. This can range from some libido loss to complete libido loss and/or inability to function in males and females. Wanna talk about depression? And btw, these side effects start immediately, where the antidepression effect can take weeks.

You may want to seriously consider who you're burgling.  Two miscreants broke into a house to burgle. What they didn't know is that the house belonged to America's most prolific gay sex predator. I can't read the article but I bet it's full of gay sex predator goodness, complete with picture of the fella, complete with cigar. And when I say cigar.... I mean cigar.

• I'm not sure if this would be called Butt Shaming or not, but a UK student got a vibrator stuck up her bum during sex. She rated her own article (with G-rated pictures) in one of Englands many rags. This may be the difference between the US and the UK. In the US, there would be a lot of whispering among medical people. In the UK, she gets her own story, complete with pictures from the hospital bed. They even have one of the boyfriend. You decide which is the better country.

Amazon, everybody's favorite shop for just about everything, has stopped selling a 'sexy burka' Halloween costume because it's racist. We know it's going to get worse before it goes away somehow. First it was American Indian references, now Muslim garb.  What's next - cowboys? Buzz Lightyear unfair to astronauts? Richard Nixon (and ghosts) unfair to the dead?

• Kazakhstan's president, Nursultan Nazarbayev, is being treated for a cold. Stay tuned - leaders being treated for minor ailments are usually in trouble. I'd include a link but the page is in Kazakhstani. If you can read Kazakstani, let me know. Better yet, don't.

Award for Excellent Corporate Citizen goes to Samsung, which just pulled its fire-prone Note 7 from the market. Several weeks after it started catching fire. Samsung said to turn off original and replacement devices. As reported here, turning them off doesn't make a difference: they catch fire anyway (like the one on the plane). Perhaps the returned units will catch fire in transit, making things just that much more exciting.

• IMPORTANT GOOGLE ACTION REQUIRED: go to this site and tighten up your Google security if you have a Gmail account or deal with Google at all. It's all explained for mortals. Please.

Speaking of Google, Yahoo wants to spy on people through billboards, via microphones and cameras which might be on the sign on in nearby drones. Hell approacheth.

I Debate Your Position(s)

Reminder to change your Yahoo password. If you haven't, everybody else has it now.

• See that debate? Me either.  Useless pageantry. I can't stand the sound of two people lying. IIRC, Kennedy beat Nixon due to smoothness.
• There is a lot of arguing about who won the debate. Know who lost? The American people.

A very discrete, classy man was caught banging his girlfriend on a Greyhound bus. This is kind of the sort of thing one would expect from Greyhound, in addition to riding next to people who think they're Jesus or some other Major Religious Figure. Don't ask how I know. From the article, it's difficult to figure out whether the perceived offense is that he's having boom boom on a bus or that he didn't bother to pull her panties down. If the latter, I would argue that this is a much handier solution for a quickie on a public accommodation (or in someone's house where you shouldn't be). Of course this is all hearsay... I haven't been in this position. In fact, I haven't been in many positions, especially lately.

• The Bill Clinton Correlation: If it moves, nail it. If it doesn't move, nail it. And leave a stain to prove dominance.

Austrian customs officials found human intestines in a woman's luggage. She probably didn't know there were any laws against this sort of thing.

• In what must be a very important study, it was discovered that ants prefer morphine over sugar. As you'd expect, I'd go for sugar every time, as would the wife and dog.

If you us the Opera browser, the latest version includes a VPN.  This is a handy little security feature that will disguise your real IP address and location, as well as block tracking cookies. It can also allow you to get around some of the location-based blocking, such as the BBC allowing only UK to connect.

FINE PRINT: as the article explains, this is a VPN for the browser only. Anything else (email) you send through your connection will not go through the VPN. There's also the little matter of your data going through Opera's servers. I haven't been able to find anything on privacy policy or what/if they're examining anything. I did try it the other day and it works. Just don't go using it thinking you can hack away or Do Dirty Deeds while you're 'hidden'.

FINER PRINT: many browsers these days are based on Chrome (Iron, Chromium, Opera, and something new that begins with V). Chrome has a privacy issue, as it's Google code and it 'phones home'. Most people don't care, but naturally I do. Opera (and I believe the rest) are incredible memory hogs. They start ok then tend to suck up huge amounts of RAM over time. Ymmv but it IS a speedy little browser that accepts all Chrome extensions. I keep Firefox locked down and use Opera in a more open configuration.

• Here are 5 tools to help defend yourself online in terms of privacy. I use some different extensions but this is a great starting point. The EFF is a great resource.

Somehow reproductive scientists made a three-parent baby. What's next - group babies? Four parents and a dog? Giraffe babies bred specifically for basketball?

• Elon Musk, famous for being rich and having a very strange name and accent, announced that he wants to get humans to Mars, evenutally on a six month schedule. Mr Musk, I applaud you and have some suggestions on who to send.

Dancing with the Stars Live! is coming to a venue near me. I hope they have ambulances on hand to get help for the people slitting their own wrists.

• Dubai grounded all flights for half an hour because of unauthorized drone activity. Because it takes a special kind of idiot to fly a drone over an airport. I wonder if the special kind of idiot was us....

HEADLINE OF THE MONTH
An Australian man using a portable toilet on a building site was bitten by a venemous spider on his penis. For the second time. This dude might want to give up construction. Or Australia.

• A British conservationist is making a 4,500 mile paramotor flight following migrating swans. Apparently she has absolutely no life. Or she's married.

I have an adverse relationship with mornings.

• Once again, those wacky far-seeing fiscally responsible folks in Congress passed a spending bill. This last minute effort, as usual, will keep the government 'operating' until December. This is a new low, even for Congress. And, of course, another increase in spending up the debt.

Non-partisan political observation: the democrats are incredibly nervous about Trump and libertarians. They're bringing out the Big Guns - tv 'news', tv, newspapers, and even Mr+Mrs President. My theory is that this is good for the dems but in reality, it's being run by the Powers That Be, who are terrified of a candidate they don't own. Also, when they have to go after libertarians, things must be pretty bad for them. It's also interesting to note that things are roughly tied at this point: the 'standard' candidates can't pull off a lead. People must really be PISSED for this to happen. Regardless of candidates, this situation is good for America. People are waking up.

• Our friends over at Samsung are having a really bad year: as if exploding phones weren't bad enough, there is now a lawsuit over exploding washing machines. Perhaps all of their products should come with a fire extinguisher.

The gay pride rainbow flag has been launched into space 'to spread peace' (perhaps because it has done such a great job on the ground). Perhaps we'd be better served by launching ISIS into space.

• The latest threat facing our country is..... clowns. I am not kidding. Reports of threatening clowns are coming in from all over the country. They're getting arrested by the police. Clownphobics (coulrophobia) rejoice! I'm surprised the politicians aren't getting Tough On Clowns.

if we just change the date, it's Congress!

Let's Play the Loot

Black Lives Matter is protesting a black policewoman shooting a black man by looting a CVS, Walmart, and local businesses. They certainly showed those businesses, which will never shoot a black man again. Also featured in the protest was assault on a member of the press and a shooting. Is this what they call a mixed message?

• It's now Fall. I'm so happy I could just slit my wrists. Well, not exactly my wrists, but somebody's wrists. The good news is that it's going to be 84 today.

As you've probably heard, Yahoo was hacked to the tune of 500 million accounts. If you have a Yahoo account, get over there NOW and change your password. Not that anyone reading this blog would use a password for more than one site, but if you did, it's time to change that password to a unique one for each site. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

The suspicion is that Yahoo was hacked by 'state-sponsored' hackers. In english, this probably means Russia, because the NSA is already in there.

• The good news is that our government is taking notice of voting machine security. One of the critters wants to make voting machines 'critical infrastructure,' meaning that they would be Serious Shit and protected by the Department of Homeland Security. That is Bad News. If DHS 'protected' our voting machines, people would be carrying complete hacking kits into the booth, along with weapons, liquids over 3 ounces, and porn.

Sad news... Terry Jones, of Monty Python, has been diagnosed with dementia. He can no longer perform or give interviews due to speech difficulties.

• 'We', meaning Me, are testing a new feature, called Followers. You can find it on the top right of the page, with a lovely blue button. Please push the button to see what happens (because I sure as hell don't know)

Security researcher Brian Krebs' site has been the target of the largest DOS (Denial of Service) attack ever; twice the size of the most recent largest attack. Brian writes about hacking and hacker groups and tends to raise the ire of said groups, sometimes resulting in SWAT teams sent to his house or packages of drugs delivered to him.  The attack was so bad that his attack-protection service (Akamai) had to drop him. Good Guy Google stepped in to help, with its service designed to protect free speech. Both services were offered free to Mr. Krebs. 

How do these attacks happen? Very poorly protected devices (internet-connected cameras, baby monitors, thermostats, refrigerators) are hacked and grouped into huge attack robots, pointed at one address, like Mr. Krebs'. So much traffic is generated that few, if any, can get through to the site. This is one reason the Internet of Things is going to be a problem. Remember: the first big IoT device, the Nest thermostat, was hacked almost immediately. THINK before you put anything on the internet.

• Archaeology students at a leading London university have been given permission to walk out of classes if they find dealing with some topics too traumatic. Can you imagine walking out of one of your college classes because you were triggered?  We are raising a generation of Snowflakes, unable and unwilling to deal with any sort of conflict or even unpleasant opinions/facts belonging to others. This is starting to become pervasive, leading me to wonder from where it's coming.

Holy Smoking Phone, Batman: a Samsung Galaxy Note 2 caught fire in an overhead airplane bin, terrorizing a flight to India.  This is technically referred to as a 'lithium battery suffering a thermal runaway'. Or 'it flipping blew up'. Here's the story, complete with juicy pictures.

• Forbes magazine came out with a list of the best cities to live in the US. Number 41 is Levittown, PA., the only PA city to make the list. Levittown is a mirror of Levittown, NY, which was a planned community by William Levitt.  I can allow for change but I spent a bit of time in Levittown when I was younger, via playing in their clubs and a girlfriend or two.  While there are many cities in PA that should win an award, Levittown is not one. The phrase Blue Collar Hell comes immediately to mind (as distinguished from Blue Collar).

Apparently there is NO pumpkin in a can of 100% Pumpkin. The USDA is a wonderful thing.

• Tonight is the first debate. I can tell you two things I won't be watching: the debate and football. Still not sure what I am doing. You?

Feel the Johnson

About 200 million Yahoo account credentials were just dumped online. While there is no indication if the theft is fresh, it won't hurt you to change your password. One of my friends got hacked last week.

In fact, it wouldn't hurt you to change any or all of your passwords. Make them secure. If you're not sure what secure is, do a little searching online with your favorite search engine. I use duckduckgo.com, which doesn't track you.

• I don't wanna say I work with some interesting old folks, but the guys in the next cubicle are discussing the need for sheetrock and the fact that one of them had a half sheet that he just threw out. No, wait, he gave it to his son. Then he proceeded to describe it. It's been a year and a half and I still don't understand this place.

More earth-shattering (stupid) news: our friends over at Apple have changed their handgun emoji to a green water-pistol. Hopefully they will not reproduce. Next up: Apple changes phone shape to round, so you can't 'point' it at anyone.

• I think I'm experiencing Political Burnout. Or General Burnout - I can never tell.

ISIS has threatened the Olympics. In Portuguese. Unfortunately the Google Translate results came out like this: "Your mother is a dumptruck. We fuck goats. We will masturbate in stadiums, to images of pork and pork products."

Just in case they're serious, some of the Olympic sports have been 'adjusted':

* The 100 yard run from explosions

* Throw the javelin at the terrorist

* The itsy bitsy, teenie weenie, yellow polka dot pork bikini pageant for women and men

* The 50 foot dive while keeping your AK47 dry

• The World Health Organization has endorsed a 42 second hand-washing method. Compulsive hand-washers all over the planet rejoice.

Non-political message: Trump called Hillary the devil.

Please put your own punchline in a comment. The winning entry will be included in the next post. There will be no monetary compensation but maybe I can manage a candy bar. Probably not.

• A Dutch man waiting for an online girlfriend to show up, spent 10 days in a Chinese airport. Between the 2 of us, I don't think she's coming, Dude.

I know it's early, but can we have a remake of "Suicide Squad" starring Congress?

• This is Bachelor Week at ThermionicEmissions, as Mrs leftystrat is off tending to two sick parents. Rest easy - Marshall and I are ok, except for figuring out how to hide the hookers and blow Marshall ordered while I was at work. The wife is likely to notice the charge on the credit card.
• The Good Neighbor is concerned, as Marshall has spent less time outside, commanding her to bring him food. Speaking of which, he was so hungry the other day, he ate his own food.
• Marshall also turns up his snout at tap water. We have to put it in a spring water bottle and refrigerate it until cold. My relatives went to Disney and brought him back a water bowl that is very difficult to tip over, as he does when it's empty. At least he has something to occupy his creative side. Meanwhile, I take the water bottle out of the fridge and announce "Special Spaniel Water." He runs to his bowl and drinks the water as I pour it from 3 feet up. After he's done drinking, he paws the water out onto the floor. Nobody knows why.
• Are you getting the picture of life in my house yet?

Donald Trump made few friends the other day, when he kicked a baby out of a Virginia rally. I don't know why people are upset: when I go to a restaurant or on a plane, I always ask for the No Screaming Baby section.

• An Australian woman just became a mother at age 63. Has this possibly gone too far? Who does she think she is - Mick Jagger?

A lawsuit has been filed against the makers of Pokemon Go over players trespassing on private property. Unfortunately, you still can't sue for stupidity.

• A leading Irish Archbishop has said he will stop sending his trainee priests to study in the country’s main Catholic college due to allegations of a “gay culture.”  Still no word on the "pedophile culture".

It has already been established that California is the Land of Fruits and Nuts but the Hollywood Set is particularly affected. The following was heard at the DNC:

"Our president is brilliant" - John Legend
"I Love You, Barack Obama" - Alyssa Milano
"I don't expect to feel as proud of a president in my lifetime as I feel about Obama" - Michael Ian Black

They appear to be living in a different universe.

Get the hell out of here before you get me SHOT

He Was Threatening to Hurt Himself So We Shot Him

You will be relieved to know that Pussy Galore is back in a new 007 novel. Or, as it used to be pronounced, Pushy Galore.

• As if the race to the 2016 presidential election weren't hilarious enough, Rick Santorum has thrown his bible into the ring. This embarrassment hails from Pennsylvania, my adopted home state (I'm Martian-American). Santorum, a Christian Conservative, is against abortion, gay marriage and sanity. If you want to keep your woman in the kitchen, vote for Rick.

The North Korean Defense Chief was just exectuted. A lot of people naysay the impact and importance of regular executions.

• Nasa's Messenger spacecraft recently ended its mission by slamming into Mercury. If there is indeed any intelligence watching our planet, they're not getting a good picture of us. Just a few years ago, we bombed our own moon.

Formerly secret Scotland Yard files reveal that the UK police feared that Trekkies could turn on society. Set phasers on stupid, Spock.

• Don't look now but there's a lawsuit against Yahoo for reading email. Surprise surprise... after the news that Google reads your Gmail, now we find out that Yahoo reads not only your Yahoo email, but email sent to Yahoo addresses. Remember: if the service is free, your privacy is the price.

The European Food Safety Authority has decreed that more than five cups of espresso can be dangerous to your health.  I suspect that the danger would result from bouncing off walls. If you drink more than five cups of espresso, you've got bigger problems anyway.

• The other day my ears came alive after I heard my wife say "You're too big - I can't take it all." She was talking to her dinner plate.

I just came across this... great words from Archbishop Desmond Tutu:

It doesn’t matter where we worship or what we call God; there is only one, inter-dependent human family. We are born for goodness, to love – free of prejudice. All of us, without exception. There is greater commonality in our belief systems than we tend to credit, a golden thread expressed in the maxim that one should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.

LISTEN HERE

Joe Walsh is without a doubt the clown prince of rock and roll. Brought in to ease tensions in the Eagles, Joe did that and more. Some of you may remember him from his days in the James Gang, featuring their 1971 hit, Walk Away. Aside from being hysterical, Joe is a great guitar player and has written some rock classics and some softer stuff that rarely sees the light of day.

Famous for his musical antics as well as his substance abuse, Joe recently got clean and has done some good work, notably his latest release, Analog Man. Check out Family.

Here's Joe at the Crossroads Festival, performing his well-known Funk #49. You'll notice that the bass player suspiciously resembles Duck Dunn and the other guitarist looks like Steve Cropper, both of Booker T and the MGs. The beginning of the song is not what you think it is.

One of my many favorite Joe Walsh tunes is At the Station. It's even better with headphones, as you can hear the Leslie whirring from one side to the other. The harmonized guitars make the song. Enjoy!