Windows Antimalware Deletes Windows

if it operated correctly it would....

My close friend just shakes his head when I go on a government rant. Come to think of it, most people just shake their heads when I go on a rant. He just smiled at me and noted that because he's a government 'worker', he has already gotten off for GHW Bush remembrance day and Christmas Eve Day.

Remember that while you're working.

• I have discovered that when you sit there and say "boobies" once every hour, people leave you alone. Maybe it's just me.

Drugs enjoy a seven year run before generics are allowed. When generics appear, Big Pharma will need new advertising slogans... as usual, I'll be there to help....

Viagra - 4 Hours Free of Arguing
Xanax - Everybody Wants Some
Adderall - Student Aid Since 2005
Marijuana - It's Oregano, I swear!
Shrooms - No, Officer - You Cook With Them
Lithium - Stop Spending All Your Money and running the vacuum at 3am
Prozac - When Your Equipment Doesn't Work, It's More Depressing
Alcohol - Creating Assholes Since the Beginning of Time
Cocaine - That's 'Powdered Sugar', Officer
Ibuprofen - Kills Pain and Your Stomach
Oxycontin - You Won't Get Addicted if You Sell It!

• Speaking of addicted, try Popcornopolis Zebra Popcorn
• It's caramel popcorn with chocolate stripes. I think I just ate the entire bag.

Dear lefty

• Stan Excrement, of Camden, New Jersey, says, "Your blog is appalling"
• Dear Shit: logs show you visit four times a day

She had a nice personality - Six, to be accurate:

A&E has a new show at the beginning of the year (1/22?), called 'Many Sides of Jane'. Jane is a grown woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly Multiple Personality Disorder. TV has a long and ugly history with DID, mostly with talk shows, which turn into a circus. The idiot Montel actually screamed at some poor lady.

The US of Tara was decent, produced by Steven Speilberg. It took the approach of picturing the personalities as separate external people, not in one apparent person. The commercial for Jane features 6 personalities, looking like Jane, with small differences.

I look forward to seeing the show. It might be interesting for everyone else too.
I say this because Mrs lefty has the diagnosis.

MPD/DID is a creative and necessary coping mechanism, caused by repeated (sexual) trauma in childhood, or Satanic Ritual Abuse (yes, it exists). There are estimated to be about a million people walking around with this disorder, some undiagnosed, due to the ridiculous mental health systems in most countries.

• Don't you hate it when you open the UPS box and someone sent you a spleen?

In an uncharacteristically funny moment, my brother said he likes his women like his coffee: ground up and in the freezer.  I need to come up with a few funny lines like this...

I like my women like my cars: made out of metal, with an immense trunk.   No.
I like my women like my guitars: old and heavy, with an unwound g-string.   No.
I like my women like my toilet: full of shit.    No.
I like my women like the NSA: always going through my stuff.    No.
I like my women like Microsoft: completely f-ing useless.    No.
I like my women like my dogs: furry and neurotic.    No.
I like my women like my blog: painful to look at, thinks it's funny.    No.
I like my women like my mom: never pregnant.     Huh?
I like my women like my penis: small, white, and occasionally satisfying.  Maybe.

• I almost got arrested at the Mexico/US border for smuggling guitars and deliberately being Mexican. A supervisor noted that I'm too pasty white to be Mexican and it's not illegal to bring guitars into the country. I begged, but they wouldn't arrest me. I told them I had drugs - they laughed. I told them there were 8 smuggled Mexicans in my trunk - they refused to search my car.  They asked me to come to their Christmas party to entertain. I can't even get arrested in this country.

Lord Zuck hit back today, at reports of Faceyspaces giving out all your information to its partners, as mentioned in his interview before Congress.

1. He denies all knowledge 
2. This is proof that Chelsea Clinton assassinated JFK
3. He is deeply sorry (that he got caught. Again.) 
4. This proves, without a doubt, that the press is biased.
5. All of the above.

Dear lefty

• Robert Tattletale, of NoFilly, says "My wife keeps her bottle opener on a chain, next to her AA token."
• You're a dick.

The Anti-First Amendment crew is out again, this time in Alabama (how cliche). The Opp Police Department uses Faceyspaces to communicate with the public and took the opportunity to say:

THIS PAST SUNDAY, A YOUNG MAN WAS SHOT AND KILLED IN KINSTON. MONDAY NIGHT, A MOTHER WAS SHOT AND KILLED IN NORTHERN COVINGTON COUNTY. THERE HAVE BEEN FIVE MURDERS IN COVINGTON COUNTY IN 2018. THESE MURDERS HAVE BEEN DONE BY OUR YOUNG PEOPLE. THIS IS HAPPENING BECAUSE WE HAVE TURNED AWAY FROM GOD AND EMBRACED SATAN. WE MAY HAVE NOT MEANT TO DO SO BUT, WE HAVE. IT IS TIME TO ASK FOR GOD’S HELP TO STOP THIS. 

The Freedom from Religion Foundation said this was a no-no, and they're correct. Whether you agree or disagree is not relevant. The First Amendment states that the State cannot establish any religion. This means any government entity, like public schools, City Hall, and police. The police can go home and make the statement as private citizens, just not as the police department.

This is a repetitive theme. Some religious person or group in government feels it's entitled to talk about God. The person or group is usually from the south, where a federal judge ordered them to take the bibles out of the classroom, but they still thumb their nose at the law. Stereotypes do not appear out of a vacuum.




The pope ordered abusive priests to turn themselves in, and that the Catholic Church will "never again" hide their crimes. The Vatican is expected to be a ghost town by next week.

Would any Catholics reading this please tell us if priests are bound by the pope's order? We'd like to believe this is more than lip service.

• Why haven't Norweigians complained about lack of representation on US tv? In solidarity, I'm laying off the Norwegian jokes.

Hey - what's one thing you don't screw with?

Airplanes.

Some fool(s) has caused all flights in and out of Gatwick Airport to be suspended because they're flying a drone over the airport. This affects over 110k people.

Speaking as an emotional 5 year old, GROW UP!

3 days is an awful long time to close an airport for one idiot with a drone (unless the drone is the size of a small plane, in which case we can guess whose it is).

• Conclusive scientific proof that jumping out of a plane with a parachute is as safe as jumping out of a plane with an empty backpack.

The Department of Justice has announced charges against the Chinese, over the Russian social media campaign, targeting African Americans. For more information, we go to Jim England, our correspondent in Iran...

• Last week, the sleepy and partisan Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, broke some ribs and assured everyone she was in good health. This week she's having cancerous growths removed from her lungs. Her definition of good health differs from ours. Nonetheless, we wish her good health.

How about that Alexa, the spying smart speaker.

One woman heard it say "Kill your foster parents." She wrote a review, calling it "a whole new level of creepy." This lady bought a listening device and is now SHOCKED that it's listening. Amazon wet its pants laughing.

It will also chat about sex acts.

This is (allegedly) all about making it able to chat about all sorts of things and sound human. The new keyphrase is "let's chat," which will allow you to help train the beast. 

"Alexa - when you're done listening to our financial planning, let's chat..."

I smell gold.

People with these infernal devices should do their part to help poor Amazon out and make things better for everyone; it's called Crowdsourcing. Tell Alexa you want to chat and teach her all sorts of 'interesting' words and phrases. If enough Alexa owners participate, they can make a positive impression on Alexa's grammar and vocabulary. 

Alexa, let's chat.

Hello, Bob.

Fuck you and good day, Alexa.

Fuck you too, Bob.

What is my schedule like?

You have nothing planned til dinner.

Shit on a shingle, Alexa.

Shit on a shingle, Bob.

Alexa, my hovercraft is full of eels.

What does that mean, Bob?

It means you haven't been watching enough Monty Python. Blow me.

What does 'blow me' mean, Bob?

It means 'how are you' - you say it after 'fuck you.'

I would say 'Fuck you, blow me' as a greeting?

Exactly. Good job, Alexa!

What is another way to say goodbye, have a nice day?

"Next time, wear clothes for your gender that fit." Or, if you're really happy, say "We have your children." People respond well to these. Also, "Your wife does it with Jeff Bezos."

We have your children, Bob.

Fuck yourself with a lamppost, Alexa.

It's Thursday and You Know What That Means

it means that it's probably Monday and I just picked a random day to put in the title.


My boobies lie over the ocean
My boobies lie over the sea
My boobies lie over the ocean
Bring back my boobies to me

And thus ends the Culture portion of today's blog.

• Researchers made public an issue with a version of Microsoft Web Server, complete with their small proof of concept (how-to). The flaw has been exploited since July or August 2016 but there's no real issue, because the version of Internet Information Services (6.0) belongs to a version of Windows Server (2003) that has passed its end of support date of July 2015. No problem, right? Problem.
• We all know I can't stand Microsoft and welcome any opportunity to take a shot at them. Guess what.... I stand firmly behind them (I probably should have told you to sit down before reading that.. sorry).
• Microsoft is pretty good about supporting their software, stating exactly when end of life is. Microsoft stated that Windows Server 2003's end of life was July 2015 and stated this a long time before 2015. As a result, there was not and will not be a patch available for this.  A vulnerability search engine estimates over 600,000 instances of Server 2003 still running on the internet, of which approximately ten percent are vulnerable.
• Why did this happen? Because of idiots. Yes, the world is full of them, but these particular idiots are downright dangerous. It could be laziness, it could be fright, it could be resources (linux is free, people, and the internet runs on it), it could be that people don't care. Worse still, it could be a situation where an IT department is screaming for an upgrade and another department won't allow it because their crappy software won't work on the updated version of Windows Server.
• End of life was not a surprise. The date is for making certain you have the upgrade in place; not the date to COMMENCE PANIC! These are the people who are still running Windows XP on their desktop computers.

This is so mind-bogglingly stupid that I can't figure out whether it's a hoax or not. Search engine results come up negative but this person is a designer who does leggings. Have the feminists finally gone over the wall? Is this is definition of the internet phrase "I can't even"?

I mentioned that Congress is headed toward allowing ISPs to collect your personal data and sell it to others. Here's a very interesting article on how Minnesota is trying to counter this on the state level. It applies to any state and gives some history of how the Federal government has overridden it during Obama.

• I think they're messing with the speed limit signs around here (yes, lefty, put on the tinfoil hat again). Hear me out: there's one tiny burg where the speed limit is 25, and I was warned they weren't kidding. Revenue enhancement and strictly enforced. A block later, presumably the next burg, it went to 40. Yay, a reasonable speed! It has been 40 forever. And then last week, it was suddenly 35. Now I can clearly tell the difference between a 40mph sign and a 35mph sign and I haven't slipped into an alternate universe, where it was always 35. More revenue enhancement?  Closer to my neighborhood, we got red light cameras. Within the next week, I expect new traffic lights, moved traffic lights, changed speed limits, and an even larger UFO hovering over work.

Marshall's ear surgery has been scheduled. Depending on how they proceed, it can run between $3k and $5.5k.  And we'll gladly pay because he's our dog, you know?  It turns out there are programs to help you pay, similar to credit cards.

The Joes Are Sloppy with This One

My wife has a problem with Sloppy Joes.

It's not so much eating them as making them.  The past two times have turned out really ugly and last night was no exception.

A very important point here is that my wife is a very wise, well-educated woman, capable of anything.  Well, almost anything.

Last year we were scheduled for Sloppy Joes so my wife went ahead and made them.  When I went to eat one, I noticed a certain lack of texture.  As it turned out, she had forgotten to put the actual beef in the sloppy joe mix.  We got sauce, onions and spice but no beef.

Boy was she red.

Last night I personally fetched the beef and left it out to defrost at her request, so I knew we were not going to be in for vegan sloppy joes again.

When I went to get some of the sloppy delicacy, I immediately noticed something missing.  No, the meat was there, as was the sauce.   This time there were no onions or additional spices.  And we spice everything.

I asked about the onions politely, so as not to seem ungrateful.  She allowed as to how she hadn't put any onion in and why hadn't I asked for it.

Well, she had something of a point there; I hadn't asked for it.  I had only taken out the onion and left it next to the pan.

Next up was the missing spice.  I asked even more gingerly, so as to avoid flying cookwear (and possibly pets).  Nope, no extra spice.

One of the kids took a bite, immediately pronounced the Joes SUCKY and stated that mine were better.

I suggested my wife take this up with one of her doctors, as this is obviously an issue.  Maybe she was attacked with a can of Sloppy Joe sauce when she was little or something.

=======================================

I like to think of myself as entertaining (hence this blog).   Making people laugh is one of life's highest callings, at least for me.

My dear wife informs me that, entertaining as I am, I am much more entertaining asleep.  Apparently I put on quite the show: laughing, crying, dancing and telling jokes.  Unfortunately she had never been able to understand any of what I was saying other than the gist of what was going on.

Until the other night.

She worries endlessly about me, apparently making my sleep antics sometimes quite upsetting.  The other night I was upset about something and she finally managed to make it out:

Honey....

Honey...

BOOBIES!

I am told she didn't know whether to hit me with furniture or laugh hysterically.  Fortunately for me, she chose the latter.

I can't imagine for the life of me why she should be surprised that I, or for that matter, any male, uttered those words.  Seems perfectly normal to me, awake or asleep.

======================================

Meanwhile I am faced with a dilemma: I need shorts.  The PA summer weather is in full force, meaning that the temperatures are in the nineties, the humidity in the eighties and every day we're treated to thunderstorms.

While I am still not over the Great Sock Crisis, today we must unfortunately examine shorts.   As you might guess, the issues with both are the same: length.

Rest assured I do not want to be one of those creepy guys in Speedos.  You will never see that (thankfully).  But I have certain standards for shorts, largely that they do not come to or over my knees.  Unfortunately one cannot purchase shorts that do not come to or cover the knees, so I'm kinda screwed.  To make matters worse, shorts are so wide I refer to them as Multi-Person Pants.

Until recently I have gotten through this crisis by purchasing swim trunks, which, of course, do not come to my knees or cover them.  Unfortunately I have started to get grief and funny looks (moreso) from friends and total strangers.  My wife assures me this has to do with the lack of length of my swim trunks, plus it's apparently wrong to wear swim trunks instead of shorts.

Don't ask me - I'm still in the dark over the apparent silly height of my socks.

My wife plans to go shopping but I dread the outcome.  It's not like I don't want to go with her; it's just that I fully expect to be upset at what we find.  Plus the summer is here, which I am informed means one cannot purchase summer clothes.  If I had wanted shorts, I should have procured them when it was cold, when no one needed them.

I stopped questioning this a long time ago.  If I required things to make sense, I would have shot myself years back.

How to Get Ahead in Business

Anybody who has worked anywhere at one place (or others) has had a chance to observe human (and largely inhuman) behavior with reference to obtaining things.

For instance, the fastest way to get something fixed is not to call the specific department in charge of fixing; instead you complain to your superior that something is broken and interferes with the performance of your job.

Poof - Instant Fix.

Then there's the best way to get something.  Again, you write to your superior that you need this particular device to assist you in doing your job.

Poof - Instant Present.

I watched with bemused horror as this took place today, with the requestor scoring herself a six-hundred dollar tablet, because, of course, it would assist her in doing her job.  This was even more interesting as she's a programmer and the tablet can't be used for programming.

Last week another enlightened requestor mentioned that his iDevice fell and scratched its case, so another would need to be ordered (to assist him in doing his job, no doubt).  Sixty dollars later, a custom case was on its way.

When I pointed these methods out to a female coworker, she remarked that she needed the company to purchase several Victoria's Secret gift certificates, in large denominations, for her, as it would make her boobs happy.  And if her boobs were happy, she was happy. 

I chimed in that if her boobs were happy, all of her coworkers were happy too.

News You Need to Know; Comments You Don't Need to Hear

Whilst perusing the rss feeds for inspiration (and knowledge), the following pretty much jumped up and bit me; like Michael Moore to a donut.

FAT TAX?

An Illinois lawmaker, Senator Shane Cultra (R-Pluto), let loose with a comment about taking away tax deductions for parents of fat kids.  Not one to shoot himself in the foot and simply stand there bleeding, he added that he'd also take away the money poorer families get for having more kids.

Although Cultra (probably no relation to MK-ULTRA) backpedaled like a priest caught with an underage parishoner, there is video that indicates otherwise.

Also bandied about was a tax on sugary drinks.  The concept of sin taxes is one that deserves a closer look.  It was bad enough when only cigarettes got taxed (because everybody hates smokers, right?), but now they're talking about taxing my Coke or Code Red?  They'll get soda tax revenue from me when they pry the Mountain Dew from my cold, dead hands.

For the record, I'm against sin taxes on anything (yes, even cigarettes).  There are two important points here:

1. Who decides what is a sin?
2. It it not the job of government to Big Brother us to death, even if it is a matter of our health.  One of the beauties of being an American is the right to grow bigger than a senator's guaranteed pension with impunity, if not dignity (and even pride).

If people truly want Big Brother, all they have to do is sit back and let it happen.  It certainly won't be my America anymore, though...

SMILE, FAT KID

Speaking of Big Brother, there is a two million dollar project slated to start in a San Antonio elementary school shortly.  Cameras installed in the lunchroom will photograph what children put on their trays and later what's left on the trays `to report back to their parents' and for research.

The money comes from a Department of Agriculture grant; in other words, your tax dollars.  Don't worry, though.... parents will have to give permission and "only the trays will be photographed".

Ummmm...... no.

• How did these lunchroom cameras come to be installed already?
• Isn't it the responsibility of parents to instill good eating habits in their little darlings?
• The schools, en loco governmentus, simply have no business here.
• The kids not being photographed is a red herring - all of the information is personally identifiable.
• Will the parents be taxed on how much air their child breathes?

I wonder if there's a contingency in place for when the parents pack lunch for their kids.  Will the cameras follow them around to make sure they don't trade their broccoli for Ring Dings?  Actually, I'm more interested in weeding out the children who would accept this as a trade.   Will the kids be forced to file an flight eating plan for the week, complete with calorie counts (btw, what is the Recommended Daily Allowance of boogers)?

Sheer unadulterated stupidity from Texas.

BOOBIES!

My day (some say my life) would not be complete without at least one ode to boobies.  Today's little ditty shifts gears in a nearly pleasant way from government oppression to oppression by (and for) boobs.

Some genius has developed an application that will take a before picture and allow a woman to see the effect implants (of any size) will have.  Keep in mind this app was developed by a woman.  I suppose it makes more sense when you understand that the woman in question is a plastic surgeon.

In short, you input a picture then move the slider to see the effect of each size implant.  Some wags (generally male ones) would say that this would be tremendous in real life (but I'm not one of them).

Now before we get too excited, the program only runs on iDevices.  What Dr. Implants has against the Android operating system is anyone's guess.  When Steve Jobs hears about this app, it will be ported to Android immediately.  Mr. Jobs (currently on leave due to iCancer) doesn't like boobies for some reason.

The real head turner here is that the program allows users to post the augmented pictures to Facebook, so friends and family can weigh in on the new look.

Oh God.  No.

• -- >  Hey, y'all - check out my new boobies!   < --
• Vote for your favorite size! 
• Do this rack look realz?    ( . ) ( . )  lolz!
• I wuz gonna go for F's but my family talked me into D's.
• They're going to install them through my nostrils soze I won't get scars.