No Elephant Parking

The president is holding a conference where I work!
I'm sure it has nothing to do with me being asked to take the day off with pay.
There is a poll on how many times he says 'the best xxx'. Another poll on which one of us can get some quality time interviewing Melania. And $1,000 to the person who asks if this is the first set of implants on a First Lady.

We had to cancel the poll about the media treating the First Lady like they did the former First Lady (fashion icon and all around wonderful person) because we couldn't find anyone who thought they would.



Election Overview

The 2020 election will make history.
There are 457 democrats running, Trump, maybe another republican for fun, and one of any number of Clintons. The Libertarians (my people) haven't selected a candidate, the Greens get less press than my people, and the Socialist Party refused to support Bernie because he's too socialist.



Dear lefty:

• Why are there red spots on my wee wee?
• Because you'll nail anything that will stay still for 30 seconds.

Best Headline: "Tornado of poop" hits Massachusetts town after overpressurized sewage line experiences severe blockage.  Everyone wants to be California.

• Debate Season: when you watch these travesties (from any party), listen to the empty promises, some which don't align with reality, and ask yourself what the person has already done about the promise. The answer is nothing.
• Note the naked pandering.
• Remember the last debates. Remember the promises. Do you remember any results?
• Remember the hot air about things getting better when the opposite party gets into office. What happened? What are you being told now? Same thing.
• Our memories are short - about four years. Let's go over the script and decide to do something different. If we don't change our actions, we won't change the endless cycle of the same results.

A political parody, not too far from truth

Recently, Amelia Octavia Complex, democrat and Trump admirer, compared the illegal alien holding facilities to Auschwitz.  Her party did not take the statement lightly but used the opportunity to complain about the facilities. After Trump had them moved, Pelosi and Schumer were apoplectic because the illegals didn't get cable. After Trump gave them each $25,000 out of his own pocket, Pelosi publicly vilified the president for going outside government channels.

Trump put the illegal aliens up in his hotels, which drew the ire of Schumer, because they had a lot of stairs to walk down if the elevators broke, and still no cable. A problem solver, Trump built each of the illegals a house, again out of his pocket. The entire democratic party screamed, "IMPEACH" because the houses weren't in nice enough neighborhoods, and they still had no cable. No sane person should tolerate this. As a final move, the president gave all illegal aliens citizenship, expecting Pelosi would finally be satisfied. Pelosi stammered and shook, saying that illegal aliens should not get instant citizenship; instead, they needed to go through the official immigration process.

• Pro Tip: stay out of the Dominican Republic

Good Morning, Vietnam. Good Night, Georgia

For tax and other reasons, a lot of Hollywood's filming moved from Los Angeles to Georgia. They were doing well. Since Georgia passed the anti-abortion law, many businesses are boycotting, among them, some of the film industry.  It will be very interesting to see the end result of the boycotts. May the bite you take out of your own ass be large and painful, Georgia.

• My carbon footprint is size 11

Let me put your day in perspective

Penny just returned from a chemo treatment.
There was a couple who was looking after their mom's dog while she was in the hospital. They got a call that Mom died. Then a staff member came out to tell them the dog died.

Stay close to your people and pets. Appreciate them every day. You never know...

• Angela Merkel (R-Germany) has been seen with really bad tremors. It was so bad, her assistant mistakenly called her Hillary. The staff said it was hot outside and she was dehydrated. 
• Like you, I've seen a lot of people in hot weather (except my Siberian readers), none with serious body tremors. It was painful to watch.

Politics is Politics:

The British liberal party just accused the conservative party of being the party of antisemitism. Sound familiar?

This shouldn't be a problem in a country where it's against the law to say anything bad about anybody online.

• This week's Word We Can Live Without: staycation

SJW News

Toy Story 4 slammed for 'lack of lead black characters and disablism'

The knitting community is dealing with racism.
While they're at it, they banned pro-Trump content.

• An Alabama Ford dealer offered a free shotgun, bible, and American flag when buying a new vehicle.  The promotion stopped abruptly, when Ford Motor Company asked them to STOP IT.
• It's not like the items aren't going to be in the vehicle the next day anyway..

and Leon's getting larrrrrger!

My Hair Hurts

Theresa May has announced she'll be stepping down as Prime Minister of England. Insiders say that she was unable to get the country to stand by its own vote.

A likely candidate is Boris Johnson. This guy is a shoe-in because his hair looks like he was attacked by a lawnmower: it will bring the UK and the US closer in follicles.

• Trump allows Barr to declassify surveillance documents around the Russia investigation. Perhaps if we send postcards, he'll declassify ufo documents.

Dear lefty:

• Why do I have trouble with relationships?
• You're too clingy. That and your micro-penis.

Making dietary changes is hard. We shouldn't have to do it... it lowers quality of life. Candy and CocaCola is a perfectly nutritious breakfast, but nooooo..... After that special diet most of my life, I had to make sacrifices. People used to tell me that sugar is poison. They don't tell me that anymore because they're afraid of getting hit. Again. They don't understand the sacrifices I've made... Morning coffee is sacred to everyone. I went from three tablespoons of sugar to two teaspoons. I'm still shaking, after a year. Don't let anyone tell you it's easy.

• In Australia, a man was fined at the airport for not declaring his nuts. Perhaps he identifies as female. Regardless - be proud.. show your nuts!

A man allegedly hiding drugs in his rectum accidentally shot himself in the testicles. That's the ugliest case of gender confusion ever.

• Florida (YAY!) banned 'childlike' sex dolls. 
• Florida is God's Waiting Room - what would they do with.... ewwww

The Georgia Supreme Court ruled that the state has no obligation to protect personal information. They did, however, restate that they have an obligation to take your money and fritter it away on any old thing, then raise your taxes.  Privacy - from the people who brought you the DMV.

• ThermionicEmissions applauds Gillette for inclusiveness, in its commercial about a father teaching his trans son to shave. Inclusiveness: what we all want to see.

Through the mid 80s, there were scheduled burns of garbage at Area 51. These were toxic materials from the Stealth program. Employees started developing cancer and demanded information. (Mr.) President Clinton signed an order stating that Area 51 was off-limits for investigations, on national security grounds. People continue to die, but it's a patriotic death - for national security. 

• If you live with someone who has ADD and you're bored, buy a house fan. While putting it together, put the front on upside down, so the logo is upside down. THIS is why I'm going to hell.