Snowmageddon! (March Edition)

Well, it's that time again. Having skirted snow and had many days where a light jacket was ok, it's March and we're through the hard part of winter. Oops, maybe not.  One (very) loyal reader alerted me that my area was about to get some weather. My local forecast said a number of thirty-two degree days, so I said thanks. It took another twenty-four hours until I actually looked at the forecast (I'm pretty quick) and noticed we were in for a little snow (and when I say little, I mean 6-12" or more).

The Philadelphia area is populated, like many cities, by complete idiots, forecasters who cannot forecast, and services that grind to a shrieking halt the moment 1/4" of snow is forecast, no less falls. In recent memory was the day the entire school system was closed and it didn't even bother to snow. Naturally, with the 1/4" of snow is the requisite PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bread and milk disappear from every shelf. Sidewalk salt, shovels, snowblowers, and snails (maybe not) are in short supply. And if history is any indication, Philly will still be digging out next March. This will be mirrored in quite a lot of cities, as this one is supposed to be a whopper. Of course there are a bunch of cities that know how to deal with snow, but they're no fun to write about. This dance is repeated each time it snows, with absolutely nothing learned from any time in the past.

• According to something I read on the internet, world's largest and most factual source of information, Aerosmith is no more. Among reasons mentioned was health, as guitarists Joe Perry had a heart attack onstage with his side band (no word on what effect that had on his playing, but best of health to him). Tony Iommi, lefty guitarist for Black Sabbath, who played the final date of their final tour last week, said it's very bad for one's health to be touring at his age.
• WTF has happened to rock and roll? (it has aged, apparently) - rock stars used to overdose on drugs - now they die of cancer. I hope I die before I get old is now I better cash in on yet another (high quality farewell/comeback) tour. And now bands are calling it quits because they're getting old? Hell, Alice Cooper dyes his hair black and is always in motion. Steven Tyler is unlikely to sit down (ever) and goes to show you what happens to the ADHD kid who can't keep still in class. Jeff Beck is better and busier than ever, in his seventies. Bands are doing comeback tours, with damn near some of the original members. Where was I going with this?

Our good friends at the FBI are dropping all charges* in a child-porn case rather than release the details of how they hacked Tor to get the information. Think about this one for a bit...  *the case is being dismissed without prejudice, meaning they can take it up again later. Meanwhile they can continue to use this hack against anyone, criminal or innocent person.

• Malware was just discovered (pre-installed) on a bunch of android cell phones. What's different here is that the malware was not part of the software sent by the manufacturers. It was installed later. Any guesses? Check the article's list of affected phones. If yours is on the list, scan with a very good scanner (I like Malwarebytes, available free from the Play Store- set it to run weekly). 
• There are also lists of infected files to look for. My phone is listed but passes the scan and doesn't have the infected files. Two of the pieces of malware steal information, display illegitimate ads, and lock all your files for a ransom. 
• The problem here is what to do if you find malware. The article is laughingly free of details as to what to do, just mentioning scanning. My initial recommendation is that if your phone is over a few years old, scrap it and get a new one. If it's more recent, normal humans don't have a lot of remedies, short of contacting the carrier/manufacturer and asking what they're going to do about it.  The more tech-oriented of us can root the device and remove the files. As it is, the phones contain operating and other files that a normal user cannot touch/modify/erase. Root gives you Ultimate User privileges and will allow you a full reign of terror to do what you wish, including possibly turning your phone into a very expensive paperweight. If you're interested in rooting, the best guides are at Android Forums.
• How does anybody at all get hold of phones between the manufacturer and retailers and install malware with root privileges? We know it has already happened before with laptops and networking hardware.

Let me say something nice about Samsung on a very large carrier. Umm... it has a decent coverage area? My wife's phone is a mess, and I say that politely. It started with the contacts getting foobed beyond belief. It scrambled like eggs, mismatching first and last names; I came up as lefty Smith, Smith being one of her doctors. Shortly thereafter, my contact picture came up as that of a third person. So when the phone rings, she's not sure whether it's the person in the picture, the first name, or the last name.  As if Scrambled Contacts is not bad enough, it continues to modify and confuse, in a less than exciting way. 

Not to be outdone, the text messaging sends all texts into the ether, requiring up to three hours to arrive at my phone. This has caused all sorts of 'amusing' situations. A trip to the carrier fixed Something, but Something was a problem that had nothing to do with the carrier. I hate to say it, but either the phone needs to be replaced (the 2nd one so far) or has to be blown out and reset to factory original specs. This will (further) screw up the contacts, requiring a complete descrambling - hours of work. 

• A bill has been introduced to make porn-viewing illegal for federal government workers, because it's a waste of time. Not addressed were the three thousand other ways federal workers waste time. This is an example of knee-jerk piss poor legislation, pandering to a certain population. Isn't it already wrong to waste time, regardless of how?

Words of widsom: if you're having trouble standing, you might want to sit.

• Carleton University (Canada) has removed a weight scale from gym after students call it "triggering". Next up: banning tight outfits, as it makes the fat kids uncomfortable.

It's of No Benefits To All

I changed employers recently. It was a pretty good move... all of the sudden I'm an actually wanted employee, with actual Benefits And Stuff. No more Obamacare!

Yesterday was time to fill in all the electronic paperwork relating to Benefits And Stuff. I enjoy electronic paperwork, largely because if there's paper paperwork, it will force me to write stuff. Since I've been using computers for umpteen years, I haven't been writing much. My handwriting, never really legible for the most part, has gone completely to hell. Moreso. So online works better for me. That is, until I try it.

It was a dark and stormy day. It's usually a dark and stormy day, and you can take it for granted that any day I post a blog entry, it's a dark and stormy day. In fact, when you think of Philthydelphia, your first thought should be 'dark and stormy day.'  This more than adequately sets the tone for any story.

There is nothing quite like the joy that is logging into some random site to purchase something or worse, to perform some job function. The level of stress and agitation approaches knife fighting. My wife and I have had three-day arguments that were much more calm than logging into certain sites. Usually the first issue is that I'm using linux. I am not sure why this is an issue because a browser is a browser, regardless of operating system. Some sites require Internet Explorer, which is heinous in the first place. Even Windows users shouldn't be messing with Internet Explorer. In the early days, Clever Folks found a clever way to run Internet Explorer under linux, but not lately. Speculation runs to these Clever Folks killing themselves in the most frightening and painful ways possible.

Fortunately, Internet Exploder is not a requirement for this site. How do I know this?  Because I could not log into the site, regardless of browser or operating system. When I called the site's 800 number, I was told that I had locked myself out, a handy security feature to keep everyone, including me, out of my account. Mind you, I had locked myself out by trying to log in with the credentials they provided. This is what the very nice customer service lady told me. I asked her if it wouldn't have been nice to indicate that I was locked out, but she said no, it was a safety feature. Well, it certainly kept my account safe from me accessing it. She told me that Internet Explorer didn't behave correctly in certain spots so they recommended something else, like Firefox. Firefox is my favorite browser, so this was good. In fact, Firefox works on most operating systems, including Windows, linux, and android. Not sure about iDevices.

Once logged in, I proceeded to the benefits section. Or rather I tried to proceed to the benefits section. The site told me there was an authentication error. Since I keep Firefox pretty locked down, I tried a different browser. Still the error. At this point, in spite of the dark and stormy day, the neighbor across the street decided to do some minor construction. This inevitably involves cutting things with a Very Loud Electric Saw.  In fact, I don't believe they construct anything; they just like sawing things outside.

I tried four more browsers, including one so wide open it's probably a red flag that says HACK ME. Nothing. No authentication. Cursing the existence of Windows, I fired it up in a virtual machine.

The dog, realizing this is a Very Important Activity, tests us by interrupting in his own delightful way... he walks up to me, puts his snout on my knee, and whines pitifully. If I stop petting him, he turns around, comes back again, and continues the whining. This will go on until I get up. (Foolishly) assuming he needs to go outside, I proceed to the door. Almost as if he's laughing at me, he positions himself next to his food bowl. He's having fun, trying to interrupt and annoy me, seeing if I'll get up and feed him. This normally starts an hour or so after he gets fed.

Using the evil Internet Explorer, I log into the site, only to discover that the same error occurs here.

This seemed as good a time as any for my wife to suspect that the noise she hears is mice. She stands absolutely still, waiting for the noise to occur again. Leaning against something turns out to be not as good an idea as first thought - while quietly waiting, she falls over on top of a pile of something or other. My wife is gifted with the grace of a pregnant hippopotamus (that's ok, she has her charms. I'll let you know what they are when I discover them). This fact is documented in her medical charts and is referred to as Positive Tilt. One day at the doctor, he wanted to test her balance and told her to close her eyes and put her arms out. This happened very quickly so I didn't have the chance to tell him this wasn't a very good idea. I made it out of my seat just in time to catch her as she went over. This seems like a very dangerous test and should only be performed in a hospital setting, where she can stand on a hospital bed so she'll be in great shape when she falls down.

Continuing with mice, this activity is not passive. It requires constant vigilance, in case there is more Mouse Noise. HINT: this will become a recurring theme.

Screaming, clenching my fists, and throttling my accelerating urge to throttle someone or something, I know it's time to call the nice people in Support. Again. This nice lady (they all seem uncommonly nice for some reason), without much interaction from me, proceeds to ask me if I'm getting precisely the same error I'm getting. AHA - a known error!  The nice lady tells me yes, this is known to happen sometimes. So why, I wonder out loud, don't they make some sort of notation that this happens? She does not know, but guides me to an alternate way to get where I want to be. This is also not noted, making the site what web designers call user friendly but I call User Hostile.

So I go forth, again, to sign up for benefits. First up is health insurance. This is very important to me, as it's generally expensive and generally required. We're essentially betting a huge corporation that we won't get sick.  I am presented with a choice of ten insurance options, all of which start with Aetna. I've heard horror stories about Aetna, but I've had good luck in the past. Fortunately in the User Hostile mess is an option to compare plans. This is even more fortunate, given the plans all have coded names, completely impossible to understand by normal humans, no less insurance industry types. AETNA QPS1000 was one, followed by AETNA HMO25.7 - are you seeing where this is heading yet?

I pull up a comparison of four insurances, selected because I like some of the numbers in the title, and start trying to figure out the benefits. I was assisted in this by a screen that told them what was important to me. I unchecked random selections like hysterectomy, birth control pills, and mammogram (because I have external plumbing, as you guessed). Trying to figure out the chart was an interesting exercise, even when I put it on a 26" monitor so we could both see. I went to ask Wife a question when I discovered she wasn't there. She was, however, on Mouse Patrol again. This forced me to ask questions loudly, hoping she'd recognize it was a question, as opposed to me just randomly screaming at something. Mostly she failed. After asking a time or four, I got her attention and her answer was "I don't know." I got through most of the comparison on my own because Mouse Patrol seemed to include stopping at random places and cleaning. Cleaning is wonderful, but not when I need somebody sitting next to me, providing a second brain.

The tv was on, which was a shame as nobody was watching it. As I got to a particularly frustrating question on the form, her phone rang. That was about IT for me and I let loose with a tirade that still scares the dog and the neighbors, after many years in the same house. The ringtone, which is the intro from Aerosmith's Back in the Saddle, thunders out of the phone at a volume that scares the shit out of me and causes the phone to walk itself right off the table. The phone is never with my wife when it goes off; it's always near me, as if to provide comic relief to the universe. She looks at me angrily and demands to know why I'm shouting. Well, it's not like I don't complain about the phone every time it shakes the house. Plus I have attention deficit disorder, which makes too much input VERY frustrating (tv, mouse hunting, power saw, phone ringing, and the internal children watching the tv with their mouth instead of their eyes).

The dog, through repeated experiments, has learned that the "Get Daddy off the couch to feed him more" routine only works two or three times.

Four hours later, with the occasional help of my wife, I have selected health insurance. I expected to feel elated with the accomplishment, but I just felt sad and relieved it was over. And then I saw the NEXT button.

NEXT dealt with life insurance. This is where you bet a huge corporation that you won't die. The joke's on them, as you always die. The joke is also on you, as you always die AND if you do so at an inopportune time, your beneficiary won't get paid. I do not know what happens if your beneficiary kills you, thus it's always better to follow the Eleventh Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Get Caught.

As I'm no longer twenty (physically anyway), life insurance is important. Not for me, but for my wife. Structuring it smartly, I will never be worth more dead than alive. Life insurance comes in many types, with many options and many prices. Never having had life insurance before, every single one of them was foreign to me. There's term life, whole life, half life, and variable universal studios life. Some have premiums that go up. Some can be borrowed against. Some can't be paid out at all. And some allow you to visit Universal Studios at a small discount, in the middle of winter, in years that end with three. I asked my local expert, who, at that moment walked out the door for a smoke break. Unsure how that was going to help, I perused some web links, looking for prices. When there were prices at all, they were for several more types of insurance that I could not understand if I spent my entire life in life insurance. And they were all rated for thirty-year-old non-smoking women, of which I am only non-smoking. The other option was to ask for a quote online, which would no doubt result in constant calls from life insurance salesmen, which is only slightly less annoying than having to use Internet Explorer.

Where was my Subject Matter Expert? Simultaneously cleaning and on Mouse Patrol. I considered myself lucky that she was at least on the same floor as me. If I needed her on an emergent basis, I could always stand near her, gesticulating wildly and screaming at the top of my lungs, in hopes she'd notice me.

As it turns out, you can make your dog sole beneficiary.
If you have any questions, please ask. When she reads this, and she will, I'll be spending a lot of time on the couch, so I will be able to answer inquiries at all hours.

If you get nothing else from this entry, I hope you get a giggle and my single piece of wisdom around insurance: When the going gets tough, quit. It's better for your blood pressure and well-being in general. I did, and survived to write this blog entry. This will no doubt be a problem when I have to log back in (if I can) and re-fill out the same information all over again. I now need to sit with people much smarter than me (football players with traumatic brain injuries and rappers) to figure out which options I need.

Next week I'll tell you about my 401k. I anticipate the experience like I anticipate a dental visit - with me running as fast as I can in the opposite direction. And when I can't come up with any other new material, I'll tell you about the dream I just had. It was kind of like The Bachelor, but with eager women in skimpy black lingerie. Perhaps it was just like The Bachelor.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Remember when signing up for benefits involved someone from Human Resources handing you a pamphlet and forms to sign? I do not want to be accused of being a Luddite, but the electronic way just doesn't work.

Concert Sticker Shock

Like most of us, I grew up going to concerts.  I started on my thirteenth birthday and spent like mad to see all of my favorites.  I even pretended to be older so I could see bands in bars before I was twenty one.  I have seen just about every one of my favorites: Jeff Beck, Frank Zappa, Danny Gatton, ZZ Top,  Peter Frampton, the Allmans, Dickie Betts, Eric Johnson, Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, Larry Carlton, Frank Marino, Aerosmith, Al DiMeola, Jan Hammer, Allan Holdsworth, Dr John, Little Feat, Joe Satriani, Jimmy Bruno, Joe Cocker, Journey, Queen, Randy Hansen, Robin Trower, Santana,  Stevie Ray Vaughan, Stevie Wonder, and countless others (my dim memory isn't speaking to me lately).

I will forever regret not having seen Jimi Hendrix or Led Zeppelin.... I just wasn't old enough.  Also missed were the huge ZZ Top and Tubes tours in the seventies.... those were what rock and roll was all about.

As I get older, I find myself lacking time, money, and opportunity to see my favorites, although I certainly do when I can.   Recently my wife mentioned really wanting to see Aerosmith again.  We went together, almost twenty years ago and had a blast.  I don't think anyone can explain Steven Tyler, at Social Security age, running around like a loon on fire, but no one really has to: he's Steven F-ing Tyler.

I missed the sale date for the tickets and went to Ticketmaster to look.  After a few minutes I nearly passed out.  If I were of a mind to spend $187.50 per ticket, I could locate a few seats but not two together.  If I wanted to sit next to my wife, that privilege started out at $394.50 each.

But wait - there's more!

If I really decided to splurge, say, a Christmas present for my wife, I could get a pair of tickets in the first section for only $1404.50 each.

Seriously?

Apparently I'm not the only one with this reaction.  There's a section where Ticketmaster explains that these tickets are not resale - these are first sale.

Seriously?

And there are VIP packages, where you can get a meet-and-greet with several band members, along with a laminated pass AND a lanyard.

Hold me back.

This goes well beyond sticker shock, not to mention culture shock.  I mentioned going to my first concert at thirteen.  I saw four national acts and it cost me about twelve bucks.

I do not mean to suggest that there is no such thing as inflation, the passage of time, or a fair profit.  This is just insane.  Fourteen hundred bucks for a concert ticket?  I don't care if Steven Tyler offers me sexual favors: I don't make that kind of money.  And even if I did, I couldn't justify throwing it at the band.  I couldn't afford this if Jimi Himself came back from the grave to give me guitar lessons.

Haven't we gone a little nuts here?  Concert tickets have gone up exponentially; moreso than even the amount we're being gouged for gasoline, percentage-wise.

I hung my head in shame at my failure to come up with a blockbuster Xmas present for my wife but the great majority of my guitars haven't cost me fourteen hundred bucks each.  To her credit, my wife agreed wholeheartedly.

In fact, my wife got downright indignant.

"Fourteen hundred dollars per ticket?  Screw you, Tyler.  You don't know me but I know you.  I saw you on every tour through Philthydelphia.  I supported you when you were so wasted you could barely see where you were tripping onstage.  I am a die hard fan.  Is this the way you treat the fans who have been there since the beginning?  I salivate when I see you onstage.  I can even forgive that picture I saw of you on the beach, topless, with your man-boobs hanging out.  I managed to get past my mother seeing you on tv and saying you were cute!   Sorry, dude - can't do."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

I also did a search for ZZ Top tickets.  They're appearing at a small, amazing venue in the area.  I could not locate a single ticket (starting at $79 and up).

I love ZZ Top.  I'm reasonably certain that Joe Perry (Aerosmith) loves the Reverend Billy Gibbons almost as much as I do.  I am a huge fan of the first four albums or so, plus choice bits after.  One of their mottos is `Taste, Tone & Tenacity' and I couldn't agree more.

Unfortunately my wife missed ZZ Top's on-sale date and the concert sold out.

Much like our economy, concert tickets are heading for disaster.

Musical Stuff, Among Other Detritus

ZZ Top's touring!

As is Aerosmith.

Here is a cleaned-up film of a 1959 Fender factory tour.

Animal psychologists (no, really) discover music that pets prefer.
(Marshall likes Jeff Beck and the blues.)  I wonder how Zappa rates across species....

Internet activity 'to be monitored' under new UK laws...

This is ugly.  Once again, the populace willingly trades freedom for security (and gets neither).

US police using phone tracking as routine tool...

England may be a proving ground but the US always drives the point home.  Without oversight or warrants.
They further argue that cell tower data is not private.
Turn off your phones (yes, even while driving).

Ashton Kutcher to play Steve Jobs...

They deserve each other.

REPORT: Fmr. KGB chief commits suicide...

"He shot himself seven times in the head then hid the gun."

Hookers 'cleaned off London's streets' ahead of Olympics...

So much for private enterprise.  Bloody limey elitists.

Dell agrees to buy thin-client company Wyse Technology

You'll get the same Wyse performance with Dell's non-existent sales and service.

Somewhat belated: Will we be ruled by April Fools?