Yes, Dear

 

Your love is like  blue, fuzzy fruit

Welcome to the 2022 Nude at Work Day (stats)

• Construction: 89% overall accident rate, severed limbs, missing genitals, penises nailed to things
• Music: the usual heavy injuries resulting from guitar players trying to insert themselves into 1/4" jacks, females becoming attached to larger microphones
• Art: c'mon- those people don't put clothes on 
• Newsreaders: they're always naked below the waist anyway
• Firepeople: don't run into a burning building naked, ok?
• Bloggers: we are happy to report not a single injury, maintaining our perfect record. What else do you expect from a group with a single blogging tab and 47 pr0n tabs?

Today I identify as  the guy with the vasectomy and the pregnant wife

$3,374,629,000,000 in federal taxes collected the first eight months of fiscal 2022.

Of course it's the largest figure: we have the largest taxes. The money goes to everything except the debt. Thank President Taxit for the latest rises.

That's an awful lot of money. It sure as hell ain't going to you. We can start with the Military Industrial Complex and go down from there. Or we could scream and riot and vote libertarian. R and D are what got us in this mess in the first place. Talk to your reps in the meantime - this is not acceptable.

The White House is thinking about a federal tax holiday on gas. Don't forget a state tax holiday too. Talk to your reps..... the taxes are out of hand to begin with.

Here It Comes!

Monkeypox outbreak spurs WHO to consider declaring international emergency

but not before they rename the disease because the current name is discriminatory (to monkeys).

• Questionable Phrases: Screwed the pooch
• when I say I'm a dog lover, that's not what I mean 

Ford halts sales of Mustang Mach-Es due to propulsion-loss bug - overheating in the high voltage battery connectors causes inability to start or complete non-propulsion. Asked for comment, Ford said this had absolutely nothing to do with saving millions by firing the Quality Control department.

Author James Patterson:

"I apologise for saying white male writers having trouble finding work is a form of racism," the 75-year-old wrote on Facebook on Tuesday.

"I absolutely do not believe that racism is practiced against white writers.

Black Lives Matter spokespeople said they apologize for saying white people should be shot. They absolutely do not believe that white people should be shot.

• Who besides me is shocked that Ghislane Maxwell is still alive?
• I guess she doesn't have enough to truly embarrass Epstein's clients 

So that's it - Internet Explorer is going away.

It only took about 27 years for us to get our wish.  IE: the 'standards compliant' browser that wasn't. They say the good thing about standards is there are so many of them. I remember doing up a web page and seeing what it looked like in different browsers. It was always far off in IE. It earned the nickname Internet Exploder. The end will come via a Windows 'update', that you naturally will have no control over.

MS is putting its considerable muscle behind Echo, another Chrome knockoff. I use it at work, only because it's the default browser for Windows. I prefer regular old Chrome. Let me say something nice: it's not abjectly horrible.

To keep things simple and end all the in-house arguing, I told the dog that for Fathers Day, a guitar will do. She just looked at me with that 'I don't understand English' face and and went looking for tuna. She understands English when we say "Wanna go outside, Wanna go night-night, and Let's adjust your stock portfolio."

Dear lefty 

• I don't know what to believe: I hear we're in a recession and we have inflation too. Can you help me understand this?
• Well sure I can. I'm Dear lefty after all. First, you cannot have inflation (making things larger) and recession (making things smaller) at the same time, so dismiss those naysayers. There is plenty of money to go around, and if not, the Fed prints more of it. This has no effect on prices of anything or the national debt.  The Debt is more of a sign or a suggestion, and we like to ignore it whenever we can, which is mostly always.
• There is plenty of gold in Fort Knox (I think), but who cares, because, as I said, we just print more whenever we want to. Do NOT try this at home.
• Inflation is when soda costs $5 for a small bottle. This is not to be confused with 'supply chain issues' making a soda cost $5 for a small bottle. Only highly-paid economists, who appear on tv news as 'experts,' can tell the difference. Meanwhile, you're paying $5 for a small bottle of soda, whether you like it or not, regardless of the reason.
• Recession is like when things go to hell, taking your savings and retirement with them. You have no say over this and no recourse, like when The Masked Furry is on.
• Avoiding all of this is simple: be very rich.

I'm not a fan of New York City, because it feels like anarchy is waiting to break out at any second, much like Oprah. One of the things about big cities is that you can count on budgeting an hour or two for a cab ride to the next block. It's an accepted condition, and well-tolerated by travelers, like snow in Minnesota. Philadelphia is full of interstates that were under-capacity on the day they were opened. You can regularly find a traffic jam at 2:00, am or pm. I think we have finally reached the point where we have to budget a ridiculous amount of time to simply travel on these crappy roads. There is simply no way you can compare Philly to New York, unless you count the many parking garages that charge like New York. Philly also has more guns and ATV gangs than New York, making its accent much more feared. In fact, New York taxi drivers, formerly the most feared mammal behind any steering wheel, will pull over when they hear a Philly accent cursing at them.  YO- YOUZE GOTTA MOVE DAFUGOUTTA MY WAY!

• ever wonder who touched themself and thought about you? It's a shame you can't get a report.

Warning! Signs Are Not Enough to Save Beachgoers from Deadly Currents

It's not the signs so much as the people (allegedly) reading them.

• WARNING - THIS SHIT CAUSES CANCER on cigarette boxes
• DO NOT STAB YOURSELF IN THE EYE on forks
• DO NOT STAND ON LAST 2 STEPS on ladder
• DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FLY DOWN STAIRS
• DO NOT OPERATE TESLA FROM REAR SEAT, with or without auto-drive

We're doomed.

1. Some sociologists are going with the theory that this is Darwinism: throwing a little chlorine in the gene pool.
2. Some average Joes are hoping for a bit of Darwinism, then cheering it on.
3. Some sociologists are hoping to get paid as a consultant on stories like this, especially on coveted on-air news programs.
4. Some bloggers, like me, are torn between hysterics and sadness, taking advantage of the headline to show how doomed we are.

Speaking of bloggers, I'm always honest with my readers. I don't consider myself a writer, I don't think I can write the Great American Novel<tm> given a year off and a typewriter. There is no book in me (that would be incredibly painful). I'm barely a blogger. My dog only writes 35% of the content here. I hope you come by/come back because you're entertained. I like Orange Crush but no other orange sodas.

The other day, while driving, I went to put on my sunglasses. They had somehow become way more efficient than before, letting approximately 9% of the light through. A quick visual inspection proved the lenses brown with dirt and crud. It looked like they were tied to the bumper and run through 30 miles of mud from the constant rain here. Curious, I brought them indoors and laid them on a table. Ever considerate, Mrs. lefty moved them so they didn't get broken. I finally made comment about the lenses. She said it was her fault: she attached them to the bumper and ran through 30 miles of mud from the constant rain here. I kept poking at a point, which she failed to get.... if you dragged them through the mud, got chocolate pudding all over them, then wore them for 6 weeks, WHY DIDN'T YOU CLEAN THEM?  We have something of a communication issue in our house.

Researchers believe they have discovered the origins of the Black Death, more than 600 years after it killed tens of millions in Europe, Asia and north Africa.

Lord Fauci has been alerted, resulting in mandates for testing, vaccines, and staying at home. Pharmaceutical companies are working on an incredibly expensive free vaccine that President Taxit will pay for, by shifting the $52 billion he hasn't raised yet to give the semiconductor industry. Small businesses have given up and closed and Jeff Bezos has a hardon that can cut diamonds.

Happy Fathers Day

If this blog is available in the afterlife, you know I'm talking to you (both).

Adam Asked Eve for a New Aardvark

 Your love is like  shingles

My oven is rusting.

This is not a problem I've ever heard before.

But that doesn't keep the oven from sitting there, rusting, on purpose.

From the 32 seconds I spent on auto repair, I remember you have to sand it first, before painting.

Unfortunately it doesn't work that way with ovens. Yes, you have to sand it, but you can't use just any old paint on it. Unless, of course, you want to use it as fireworks on July 4th. This idea is wonderfully appealing to me, but I fear I won't be able to get the necessary permits by then.

Mrs. lefty has never seen an oven rust. Penny has never seen an oven rust, or if she has, she's keeping it a secret. I'm sure I can search for an oven repainter, cuz it would be cool to get rid of the rust and have a purple oven, but I think this operation would cost well over what a new oven would. Plus I hate having to pack up the oven and ship it out for a few weeks.  

Boiling water in the microwave just isn't the same. My mother told me this. My mother also told me water had to be boiled for at least a certain amount of time or 'it isn't right.' When she told me food tasted different on different plates, I should have known something was not right, but I'm a bit obtuse as a rule.

So we need a new oven, unless we'd prefer to watch the existing one disintegrate, eventually to be used as a rusty, grossly inefficient room heater. This is especially inconvenient as we approach summer. The whoopie gee-whiz colors should be interesting. I'm told there's aluminum/graphite,black, cobalt blue, and red. I don't want red because it keeps the groceries hotter than the other colors, and it makes your auto insurance go up.  If I get a sufficiently modern-looking color, things will go bad: all the other appliances will slow down or go on strike. I don't blame them.. modern sticks out like string theory professors at strip clubs. So what goes with old, drab, and dusty? Do they sell ovens with 70s wallpaper on them? Extra dust? I'm not positive, but I think the kitchen's birth certificate is older than mine. This begs the question of which gets the $17,000 - the left handed 1957 Stratocaster or the kitchen? Of course this is a trick question: we don't have $17k for either.

After a brief check, I located several Biggo Stores with ovens. I know the prices have gone off the rails, but you can easily spend $4,000 on a range (they're not called ovens anymore, and 'whorehouse' was taken). Naturally you can get 'connected' whorehouses ovens, whereby people from all over the planet can hack in and play with your oven.

I'm looking for an oven

We have all brands in all ranges.

Good.

We have a bunch that will stop and start on your command, and hook into the internet.

But if it hooks into the internet, people from all over the world can hack into it.

Not these - they're extra secure.

How so?

They plug in with green cables.

Oh.

What were you looking for?

She had her heart set on one that heats up, boils stuff, and bakes cakes.

Hmmm... no... I'm sorry.. we don't have those.

Boil water for tea?

Ah... nope.

Bake cookies?

Not a one.

So I could hand you $4,000 and you'd deliver a stylish box that people from everywhere could hack into, plus it could talk to other connected appliances.

Delivery and setup are extra.

Who's going to bake cakes?

Your wife?

I see. Have a nice day.

My mother called to wish me a happy fathers day. I was a little surprised, but Mrs. lefty said she does it every year, through each of our cockers. Men frequently have wives around for remembering things. Now ask her what she was doing before she told me that....  mind you, I get mothers day cards all the time.

Today I identify as  a non-rusty, level, temperature-correct oven

The Car 

After the 'wholesale alterations to the body,' it went to a collision shop for an estimate. There is a dealership right across the street, so we had to take it a few miles away to a shop. I guess I shouldn't complain - the last car took 7 weeks to get fixed at the dealership. 

I should have known something was up.... I got a few dollars for fathers day.

In the past, both the car and the house had the amazing ability to detect a few disposable dollars, and would break accordingly. I think they took turns...

HOUSE: I saw him get $50 - it's time to go into action!

CAR: Yeah, I want a set of brakes. It's my turn, right?

HOUSE: Yup, I got the roof patch last time

This went on for years.

It calmed down recently.

Uh-oh.

Unlike Dr. Fauci, I'm doing the science. In the past, when I got a few dollars, it sat in the bank. And I got screwed every time. This time I actually got to touch the crisp green bills. The science tells me to just give it up, I will not win.

I need a way to hide discretionary dollars from the house and car.

• If you're looking at a Fire tablet for Prime Day or in general, be aware that while they are android, they technically have to go through the Amazon store to get apps. Last time I checked, you could load regular old android software - if you insist upon getting one, please check this for yourself. Rest assured Amazon will suck up all available information on the tablet.
• I highly recommend not getting a Fire tablet.

We're all launching ourselves into the Future<tm>. Naturally, so is the advertising business.

You can now see all sorts of ads you never saw before in your life. There's the men's underwear, with long shots of men wearing it. Wife and I agree that no part of our lives is improved by looking at men's junk. So naturally, the next commercial is for some shaver that concentrates on men's junky area. The Ball Shaver 2000!  Also nope.

So thus far the Future<tm> is Junk. As a guy, I spend a lot of time thinking about (and with) mine. But there's no desire to see it on tv. If I get bored, I can watch the women's bladder control commercials. They make you feel 'pretty.' If I'm going to wear women's underwear, it ain't gonna be bladder control underwear. If I need bladder control underwear, I'm sure there will be a commercial for it in the next few weeks. 

• You think you've had computer problems... the Hubble Telescope's computer has gone wonky. It's in Safe Mode now. The problem looks to be bad RAM and one was swapped in. Unfortunately it hasn't helped.
• I will never complain about having to remove a computer case again

Salma Hayek is costarring in "The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard," with Ryan Reynolds (owner of some wireless company). The likelihood of me seeing this movie is fairly close to nil, so please send Salma. Thank you.

• a New Joisey water park will have to modify its reopening plans after the 'High Anxiety' waterslide caught fire and burned down.
• water ride caught fire

Carnival Cruise Lines just got hit with a cyber attack.

This is fresh off the news that Carnival will be sailing again after the Shit Attack and the Flying AIDS Attack.

I have less desire to sail on a cruise than to swim in the antarctic.

But if I lost all my memory, personality, decided to get my legs sewn together, and book a cruise, I'd avoid Carnival.

• Next week, several Carnival ships will be hit by lightning, 500 miles from anywhere.
• The week after, cholera.
• For those of you playing along at home, the month of July will be Break a Leg Month, where the lack of ship stability will cause most cruisers to leave with broken bones.
• If you're intrepid, brave, and stupid enough, August will feature random Carnival ships eaten up by random whirlpools and tidal events<tm>.
• In September, planes will fly into some ships, to commemorate 9-11.
• And for the rest of the year, the ship's batteries and generators will fail spectacularly, in an event passengers will mistakenly call fireworks. They will be dead in the water for weeks.

Philly News

A Philadelphia man died from injuries from being struck with a baseball bat.

sports are very violent

It's not that West Philly is tough, but 3 people were taken to the hospital from gunshot wounds suffered at a graduation party.

US Navy uses 40,000lb explosive to test warship in 'Full Ship Shock Trial'

if you're going to blow something up, 40,000lb explosives will get the job done

Swedish government toppled in no-confidence vote

[sigh]

If we turned the tv off for one hour....

Morning People May Be at Lower Risk of Depression Than Night Owls

Also at lower risk..

• people who eat more than 2 cupcakes per week
• people who know what a distributor cap is
• people who never leave the house
• people who get a lot of sex

Captivity - Day 93 Wanna See My 8 track Collection, Baby?

I like to shake things up by releasing these in odd numerical order. That's about all I've got these days.


Happy F Day, to whom it applies.
It's Sunday - why the F are people mowing at 11am?


I looked up my local mall to see if they were open. They seem to have forgotten to update their page. I know this because it said March 3rd. They were kind enough to let us know Sears was open just fine, and Kay Jewelers had curbside service. "Oh, K? I'd like an engagement ring. Could you bring one to the curb?"

Guitar Center emailed to say it's not too late to get Dad a gift card. I should probably forward this to Wife. I feel privileged: she has an email filter specifically for me. I asked if it brought all my emails to the top and she said close; it brings all  my emails to the trash. Perhaps if I print out the email and leave it on top of the shoe store sale flyer....


Mrs lefty said all men want a threesome.
I looked at her incredulously and said, "What - and disappoint 2 women at the same time?"


I always found myself drawn to technology. If I were doing a play, I'd wind up wanting to do sound instead. Nothing has changed... I want to be the guy who wires up the wireless mics to celebrities. "Ms Vergara? I have to snake this small black wire up your shirt and clamp it to your collar for your microphone. Oops."



Mrs lefty asked me to carry a whole lotta stuff out of the back room. I said, "Excuse me? I don't carry boxes - I am a knowledge worker."

So I carried everything.




Joe Rogan is undergoing SJW canceling (whine, never watch again, expect everyone else to not watch again, contact his boss, contact his advertisers) for making a joke about female comics not being allowed onstage until they orally satisfy him.

It's a joke, you socially correct fun-vacuums. They've been around forever.
I used to be a musical comic. At a college (of course), some SJW boy came up and said we were really bashing Jews. We explained to Cindy that many of the group were Jewish and we bashed everyone equally. Keep in mind that all we did  was song parodies. Then he said we were really hard on women.

I did my level best to remain calm and listen to what he had to say. Susie looked at me and told the group I looked like I was ready to kill him. I've never been good at hiding my emotions. This was over 20 years ago and still gets my snot boiling. It was a sign of things to come. We had to stop doing colleges ($$) because the SJWs were infiltrating campuses. And just the other day, students apologized for letting the police use their bathrooms at one of their informal riots.

Where was I?  Oh, jokes.
Back in the Olde Days<tm>, we'd  listen to a comedian and find him funny or not. If funny, we'd watch. If not funny, we wouldn't watch. I hated Pauly Shore, Carrot Top, Elaine Boosler, Jerry Seinfeld, and all the other whiny, neurotic alleged comedians. Did I call the venues, agents, sponsors, bus companies, parents, and keep it mentally stored in case there was ever social media? Apparently I had a life (or something) and this idea would take way too much time. In addition, I wasn't interested in taking away anybody else's enjoyment of the things I didn't like. Are you seeing any similarities to today?

Joe Rogan: after you read this, know that even though I don't watch or listen to you, I'm squarely behind you. In spirit. Because I can't do shit for you. And because you don't read this blog (although you should). And maybe if famous people read this blog, they'd steal my stuff. As if it were worth stealing. I know you're a psyop, but I promise not to tell anyone.


Make sure you read carefully, unlike me, who likes to look at the pitchers.
I saw something called a Cloud Microphone. Whenever I hear 'cloud,' I cringe. Now I'm wondering if the microphone goes to the cloud and comes back down. That would be a hell of a trick, not to mention the delay.


My BFF is a lesbian.
That makes two women I'm not sleeping with.


In fact, I know a lot of ladies, none of whom have expressed the slightest desire to sleep with me.

My wife is amused. And cruel.
One day at work, a very pretty lady walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek, in full view of a few people. She turned around and walked away. I told my wife, who said she probably lost a bet.  I told you she was cruel. Coincidentally, my BFF, the lesbian, was standing right there with me. We'd sit in the office and rate breasts going by.  Speaking of coincidences, Mrs lefty's BFF was a gay guy. THEY would sit there and rate asses. This dipshit had AIDS, pretty much cured, then took too much whatever, and died falling on his face. He was a great dude and we miss him.

Captivity - Day 92 That's NOT My Keys

I'm listening to the scanner, because there's unrest in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
There's unrest all over the place, but at least Tulsa has an accent. Here's a report you probably don't hear often: "Man with an AR-15, white shirt. A group of them, all with body armor."  Now that's a parade!


Mrs lefty, knowing my abject hatred of those masks, bought me a... umm... thing... it's a black stretchy tubey thing that you put your head through. It sits on your neck and you raise it to cover your face and nose. It's black, so it's very nice and warm in the 85 degree weather. When I went to get our malts, other people were wearing their regular Stupid White Masks<tm>. I had my Stupid Black Mouth Rag. It occurred to me that the employees can no longer tell the customers from the robbers. Black Hoodies Matter. Dairy Queen was all set up for the Flying AIDS: only 4 in the store at one time. There were huge red X's on the floor, so we could maintain social distancing. I wanted to puke, but I wanted a malt* more. Around here, you have to belt your drinks in, even with a carrier, because the people on the roads shouldn't be. When you have to brake, the malts will go flying. Nothing screws up a day like a damaged malt.


Earlier this evening, on the longest day of the year, Uranus was in retrograde.
It is always good to know where Uranus has been.


IRS Used Cellphone Location Data to Try to Find Suspects
They failed, fortunately for our rights. "But I have nothing to fear... I don't break the law."  Actually you do: your civil rights are being usurped. You have a right to the pursuit of happiness, speech, assembly, guns, not having your privacy invaded and property stolen, etc. Each time you ignore this, you're that much closer to losing your rights permanently.


These kids today.... they don't even know how to roll down a car window.


Muhammed Ali, Jr, son of his father, says Muhammed Ali would be against Black Lives Matter, calling the movement "racist" and the protesters "devils."

Speaking of BLM: a black preacher informed the crowd that 'Planned Parenthood #1 killer of blacks.'
Never one to avoid non-sequitirs, she continued with, 'The reason blacks don't play golf is the shit those honkies wear.'



The Chinese media proposes Beijing pass 'George Floyd Human Rights Bill.'
Stop it. Stop it.
The problem with Chinese laws is that after an hour, you have to pass another law.
But seriously, folks, America thanks China for the tribute as it passes the 'Victims of Coronavirus Rights Bill.'



Newspapers have crosswords.
Other blogs have great content.
I have... ummm...  a test of perception:

.   .

Above we have 2 periods.
One is a regular period, the other is an italic period. Can you tell me which is which?




* What is a malt? You know those malted milk balls with the chocolate shell? The light part is a powder and it's blended in with a milkshake. It's a delight, and by that, you can tell I'm a real simpleton who doesn't get out much.

we call this piece "How to get your cause ignored"

Note to British Porn Watchers

This is for our British readers (we don't have any - I just like saying it): the Queen has rubberstamped legislation requiring sites to age-verify. If this is not done, and payment providers and third parties will be required to intervene. If this fails, the site can be cut off, even though it's perfectly legal to view it. And speaking of perfectly legal, there will be censorship of 'extreme sex acts'.

Of course there are a whole bunch of improvements listed (it's for the children). Short story: watch your porn through a VPN. Less short story: more intrusive government, in the name of improvement and safety, can watch you watching porn. This is an early volley into controlling what you can see. England should be up in arms, although it's probably wrapped up in something the royals are wearing or the Department of Silly Hats, measuring one of the more fashionable chapeaus, which can range from six to sixty feet tall. You can tell this is a serious item, because the British are my favorite people. I may well be a Brit in the body of an American (trans-continental?).

Oh yeah, there will be social media fines for Terror Content also.

• Something is up again, as in more of the Shadow Broker releases of NSA weapons. Microsoft is releasing a second set of updates for Windows XP, an incredibly long-dead version, as well as Server 2003, a somewhat less-dead version. Regardless, if you run any version of Windows (or anything else), keep up to date. This is not a suggestion.

Someone brought to my attention that this blog has no cat gifs or blinky graphics. That is all.

• Why are lunatics shooting government officials? There has been a lot of noise made about the violent rhetoric of the left, and some of it is disgraceful, but we cannot blame words, as the right claims. This is the result of action by an unstable human, unable to tell right from wrong and clearly a danger to others. This alone is grounds for involuntary commitment (a topic close to my heart).
• After his name was released, the Internet Detectives went into action and located his Faceyspaces page, complete with all sorts of organizations and 'radical' comments. He was a Bernie supporter. It's amazing that, with all this information in the open, he still went right ahead and shot. FB is the front page of the NSA, fer chrissake. Yes, omnipresent government surveillance will keep us all safe.
• The representative's ten year old son was present at the game.
• The local news is running a segment on how to apply a tourniquet. Local news viewers are always so well-prepared.

in China, Kentucky Fried Chicken is using facial recognition software to predict what the customer will order. It is doing so with the Baidu search engine, the Chinese Google. It's faulty, it's privacy invasive, and it's being rolled out to 5,000 restaurants now. They should post pictures and shame everyone who eats there.. maybe a little blackmail as a new earnings strategy.

• We were behind someone in a BMW the other day. While cutting off another driver, he used his turn signal. No, really! Then out of the blue, he used it again to make a turn. He must've been going to the Happy Place. If the police caught him, it would be a beating for sure.

Another van-related incident in London, this time an anti-Muslim attack. A reportedly drunk man ran down some Muslims, on the way out of mosque. This is unacceptable. Common sense laws must be enacted to battle this sort of thing. Did you know anyone can walk into a dealership and leave with a van? In addition, there will obviously be calls for censorship of the internet, banning encryption, and more cameras, perhaps in everyone's houses.

• Happy Fathers Day to all who fit the profile. Marshall looked up at me and wished me one. I also get a lot of points for not reproducing. It fills my heart with joy when I realize what I haven't unleashed on the world.

Apparently some of us were wrong all along: it was not the Russians hacking the election, it was the Moroccans! They attempted to hijack the election via phishing emails at a school and although they were able to deface a website, they failed Hijacking 101. So the next time someone says Russia did it, you can tell them with authority that it was the Moroccans. Mo Rocca not available for comment.

• This is week two of my brand new auto glass, courtesy of Safelite. A bird pooped on it so I had him shot, but Safelite gets an A and a hearty recommendation.

If you use Firefox, make sure the new speed feature is enabled. If you don't use Firefox, pretend you never read this.

• On social media, you have these 'experts' popping up and referring to themselves as Social Media Influencers. Or Social Media Thought Leaders. What a ridiculous set of titles. Because of the way they want to be my friend and follower, my new title is Social Media Influencer Attractor. But wait - we also have the foodies and travel bloggers. Yes, you can now spend your valuable time (stick with me on this) watching others eat and vacation! We live in great times.

Marshall further enhanced my Fathers Day by 'processing' some paperwork for me. Apparently in Pet World, anything on the floor is fair game, so that stack of neatly-arranged paper to file of shred becomes a former pile of widely-spread papers, sometimes shredded, for good measure. This week's special modification involves water.  The neat pile will sit there, minding its own business, when Marshall appears, soaked from head to tail from a dip in his pool. He positions himself right over the pile and plops right down on top of it. At some point in the future, I will wonder why all my paperwork is brown and/or was waterlogged in the past.

Since the weather has been ridiculously bad lately, Marshall's pool hasn't seen a lot of action. Not to be outdone, he will walk to his water bowl, drink a bit, then proceed to take a paw and paw at the water until most of it is on the floor outside of his bowl. Everybody's a critic. Then he comes over to the paperwork and continues the important task of wetting every piece of paper I own.

Normal people, who don't have blogs, might simply decide not to leave paper on the floor. In this house, we have the organizational skills of a room full of five year olds, so this is not even a remote possibility.