Captivity - Day 58 Frank - here's your house back

I'm not stupid, but I can do a reasonably good impression, but there are 2 things for which I have to call in the Marines (better known as Mrs lefty). The first is cereal. As a kid, none of us had a problem getting the boxes open, even to the point of taking the treat out before our siblings got it.  We never failed (except for the only children, who got everything they wanted all the time anyway).

The long and short of it is that I open the box - no problem - I open the plastic - no problem - and I pour in in the bowel - problem. If my quantum physics class
finds about this, I'll be the laughingstock of Bob's Basement School of Quantum Physics, plus they won't let me wear the propeller hat for 2 weeks.

Determined to find the solution, I apply brains (hopefully not my own) to the problem. I get either nothing or everything. I tried a very long, very sharp knife, which succeeded in opening the plastic enclosure all the way across. Nothing. I tried pouring with shaking. No luck. I tried jumping up and down. Only a warning from Mrs lefty. Using what was left of my gray matter I finally figured it out: the cereal companies found out they could save $0.004 per box by not gluing the plastic to it. Unless I have the terminal mesh and talc causes cancer lawyers, I will never get the plastic glued to the box.

I know you're bored. Most of the world is bored.
Even the aliens are bored. The secret is that they know what we're up to and the loser had to keep an eye on us before we blow up the neighborhood. We're a danger to most universes.

One thing you can do when your bored is watch the commercial for My Pillow and try to imitate his very silly Minnesota accent.

In addition to my Very Large Problem with getting cereal out of the box, there is one that's even larger, because everybody can see it: putting bags into bags. Although it's possible I was bitten by a bag when I was little, the doctors don't think so. Mrs lefty gives me a small bag and instructs me to put it in the larger trash bag. This is where things start to get ugly. If there are guests, I start to sweat. I hear the voices of my ancestors, laughing and pointing, saying what a dumkopf he is, look at him!. In spite of this positive reinforcement, I put on my Brave Face and have a go at it. Naturally I fail, which is when the laughter starts. I try again: the end of one bag won't go inside the end of the other bag, even though it's 4x as large. Even Mrs lefty laughs at me, while taking the bag back and easily putting it in the larger bag, while I watch, as if it were magic.

The doctors are not concerned about the dream where I wake up with no clothes, addressing Congress.... this is the one they want to discuss...



There's a tv show featuring collectors, with different collections. Today's is a Star Wars collection. The pretty lady next to the collector is not his SO - it's his mom. Mom has bought him all sorts of collector's pieces. He even has a eral-life Spock figure. Little Stanley obviously needs a job. Mom needs to get little Stanley a hooker. Can you say enabler? Little Stanley probably can. He has a billboard. A billboard.


I was out of my mind (further) because Dairy Queen closed early. All I wanted was a malt. Judging by the 32 person socially-distanced line, I wasn't the only one.

Waiting for the Stop Sign to Turn Green

SUPREME IRONY: A UK man who was struck by lightning and died was carrying a selfie stick. Even Mother Nature hates selfie sticks (and selfies).

• Beware, by-the-hour hotel room renters in Zimbabwe: the hotel might be taking video of you and selling it. Nigerians simply can't be trusted, in hotels or spam.

A Seattle Seahawks quarterback said God has spoken to him and he is remaining celibate until marriage to a singer named Ciara.  While I support their right to live any way they please, when most people hear voices, they get Special Medicine. Perhaps the quarterback just needs some Special Medicine. God told him that he needs him to lead Ciara. So let's add delusions of grandeur.

• Yet another Star Wars spinoff will tell the back-story of Han Solo. Disney announced that the next film in the series will follow the wacky adventures of Stan Polo, Han Solo's second shift mechanic in charge of footrests. Also expected in the franchise: Chewbacca's stylist, Arthur Furry, and his story about being Hairdresser to the Empire aboard the ship Millenial Poofter.

Civil rights groups are suing Chicago for more gun control. In related news, the liquor industry is suing automobile manufacturers for drunk driving accidents.

• An illegal alien, deported to Mexico five times, has shot and killed an American woman in San Francisco. Perhaps Trumpie has a point after all.  The 'undocumented' man chose San Francisco because it is a Sanctuary City that ignores Customs requests, so he wouldn't be prosecuted. Incidentally, the gun is registered to a federal agent.
• If the US guarded their borders half as well as Canada, we'd be in pretty good shape. Canada will not admit anyone who can't show they can pay their way or plans to work without proper documentation (so they will not take work from Canadians). Also, they will not admit people with certain criminal records or who are carrying drugs. Can you imagine this on the US/Mexican border? Obama would have a heart attack.

An ex-FIFA official has been banned for life from soccer.  I want this.

• Guitar World magazine has just posted an article on the Ten Best Stage Names of famous guitarists. Here are a couple:

1. Slash: Saul Hudson [Guns N Roses, Velvet Revolver, Snakepit]
2. John Denver: John Deutschendorf
3. Alex Lifeson: Alex Zivojinovich [Rush]
4. Zakk Wylde: Jeff Wielandt [Ozzy, Black Label Society]
5. Yngwie Malmsteen: Lars Johann Yngwie Lannerback [Oy Vay Malmsteen]
6. Steven Tyler: Steven Tallirico [Aerosmith - ok, technically not a guitarist]
7. Tony Curtis: Bernie Schwartz [sorry, couldn't resist]

According to the BBC, Child sexual abuse inquiry 'could last until 2020'. Perhaps they're waiting for all of the living abusers to die. It's not pretty out there, folks. They protect their own.

• It's been a bad year for AC/DC, with guitarist Malcolm Young going demented and drummer Phil Rudd sentenced in New Zealand to eight months of house detention for drug possession and making threats to kill. I wonder if you can play drums with an ankle bracelet.....

A man has been arrested in Curry County, New Mexico in the US after allegedly running around in the nude and stealing a police car. After retrieving the car, the seats were burned.

• It's been a year since Malaysian flight MH17 was shot down over Ukraine. Anybody?

Slap Some Music Upon Us

Today's tittilating treat is Justin Currie, better known as the singer/writer for Del Amitri [at this point, one of my dear readers, and you know who you are, just passed out from excitement]. The Dels are Scottish, making for a hilarious situation when listening to them speak - they almost require subtitles, especially after too much alcohol (Justin, not you).  There's much to like about Del Amitri, from the interesting musical influences (don't ask me what they are) to the writing, singing and playing. Strangely enough, this is not another one of my posts about insanely great guitar players - this is just about the song.

There are many great songs from which to choose, so I'll give you a few favorites: Be My Downfall is a winner. It's a very clever piece about a guy and his girlfriend (and his wife).  One of my favorite deep haunting songs is Sleep Instead of Teardrops. I don't typically memorize or get too into lyrics but this song really intrigues me. It seems to be about serious loss. I'd love to hear about it from Mr. Currie's mouth because it's so serious. When listening, take note of the beautiful instrumentation and production. Also note an attempt to be Paul McCartney (or so I hear). Enjoy the live version of Always the Last to Know. Pay attention to another clever set of lyrics.